Wohi shaks mere lashkar se bagawat kargaya,
Jeet kar sultanat jiske naam karni thy.

Jahan

" He's waiting for you downstairs."

My voice boomed softly against the wood walls and the woman swirled around to look at me. Her silver earrings dangling in her ears as her lips curved up in an unnoticeable smile. Her eyes staring at me longer than usual as I averted my eyes and silently kept my white hoodie on the bed. My eyes flickered everywhere near her but not her.

I turned around, the door knob cool against my hand as I closed the door behind me. Sighing in a deep breath, I walked downstairs.

Alamdar was sprawled on the couch, watching television as I stepped down. His large hood over his brushed up hair. And he sprang to his feet, a grin flashed across his face. I folded my arms across my chest and stared at the man. Leaning myself before the marble counters.

" I think you shouldn't take her out. It's cold."

I found myself speaking seeing him tilt his head before he took slow steps towards me. His posture oozing of confidence. He shook his head and spoke.

" The cold outside won't stop us."

I gave a curt nod. If he wasn't going to be convinced the easy way then he awaited the hard one. I sighed out and looked him square in the eyes. Stating firmly.

" Saboohi won't go with you."

The man threw his head back and laughed. I frowned, my finger tips shaking with anger. He took a step forward and ran his thumb down his jaw before smirking. His dark eyes staring right through mine.

" Really? Who'll stop her?"

He asked raising his brows. And then he continued.

" She will go, you know why? Because I make her happy more than you'll ever make her. You're just keeping her locked in here. And who would stop her, you?"

His dark eyes held challenge. They were warning me that war was on. And my heart flipped as my hand dropped to my sides and I clenched them. Seeing the daring man, raise his eyebrow.

" She's not yours to keep Jahan. She belongs to someone else."

His voice had dropped octaves and I let my eyes trail onto him as he took a step forward. Standing straight on my face.

" She'll want a man who'd give her love. Which you cannot!"

" Saboohi would not go."

I growled. The blood in my veins and arteries gushing with such a flow, I feared I'd have some medical complication. His eyes and actions only provoking me further for something I was restraining myself from. Alamdar's smirk returned as he whispered.

" Stop her. Lets see."

" I don't need-"

" Let's go Saboohi."

Soft footsteps descended the stairs as the man called out moving away from me. I heard the footsteps but couldn't turn to look at her. My fingers clenching and unclenching to ease the anger and tension off.

He was here to take Saboohi.

From me.

He was here to take her.

From me.

The front door opened and I saw her shadow fall besides me. Making my eyes flicker to her. Her soft butterscotch eyes met mine and my heart trembled seeing her smile less face. Her eyebrows contouring into a frown as her eyes ran over my features. Saboohi reached her warm hand to my arm and spoke softly.

" Are you okay, Jahan?"

She asked and I stared at her.

How could she be so naive and innocent. Could she not see what her cousin was doing. Could she not see that if she went with him what would it leave behind for us. Could she not see where our relationship was leading to.

My eyes fell to her shirt seeing her sport my hoodie. It was large but still looked so good on her. Alamdar's edgy voice made me snap my eyes to him.

" He has headache, Saboohi."

The woman reached her hand up and placed it against my forehead. Her face tilting before me as she spoke softly. Her bag landing on the counter behind us.

" You have a fever, let me get you some medicine."

Her fingers curled around mine and she moved away but her cousin stepped in. Catching her wrist in his hand as he draped her handbag over her shoulder once again.

" Birdie, Jahan is no baby. He'll take care of his medicine-"

His voice became an echo and I stared at Saboohi seeing the woman do the same. Her eyes were saying so much but I couldn't decipher anything in haze. In betrayal.

Alamdar wasn't the man I had welcomed the first day in my house instead he was a manipulative fucker. His deamanor was completely changed from what he was a few moments ago. And I was hating it, seeing Saboohi being pulled to it.

Her hand was still in mine, but hers was in Alamdar's.

" - the decorators would leave if we don't reach on time."

My eyes snapped to the man seeing him flash a smile as he pulled my wife away. Saboohi had her eyebrows knitted together, putting piece by piece together. She was sensing the tension between me and her cousin.

When Alamdar pulled her away, her fingers trailed mine slowly before they lost contact and her large eyes clashed with mine. Her hand raised as she looked at me. And it took all in me to step forward and pull her back. But I didn't. I just couldn't.

Her eyes remained on me until the front door closed behind them. Silence casted it's spell all around. Marring my kingdom. And I heaved breaths in and out. Feeling my body heat up. And in the deadliest of moments when silence coiled around my neck, I wished for so many things.

The front door opened and my eyes looked up seeing Saboohi stand there. Tears brimming her eyes as she ran in. And clung to my neck. Her soft cries filling my ears and she kept changing something incoherent. And I didn't care for the fucking world because I was so absorbed in her arms around me. I clutched her to my chest and she spoke softly.

" I don't want to be with Alamdar. Keep me here, Jahan."

I wished for it. And wishes don't come true.

My eyes flickered to the closed front door knowing she wasn't going to return soon. And my chest filled with oxygen as I turned around and wiped my hands over the counter. Making all the glasses to come falling on the floor. A beastly growl left from between my teeth as I reached for the cup stand before sputtering it over the floor as well. They turned into piece all across the floor. Their hitting the floor and breaking making the clashing sound pierce the  silence. But it wasn't the sound of glass breaking.

It was the sound of my heart.

It was my heart that tore apart and broke. It was my damaged heart, I had bandaged and finally allowed to be used. It was that part which was broken again.

I stumbled my way over to the stairs and up to the bedroom. Her soft floral perfume wafted past my nostrils and I inhaled. My knees weakening as my body temperature rose. The anger, it was so livid inside of me that I wanted to crash everything but I restrained myself. A fear had bloomed inside of me.

What if Saboohi did choose Alamdar over me? What criteria would she chose upon? Had I ever done anything to show her that I actually wanted her in my life?

Alamdar would easily win if compared. He had everything on his fingertips. He'd give her love-

She'd want a man who'd love her. Which you cannot.

Alamdar's words rang loudly in my ears as I fell against the mattress. And my eyes burned. If he was in for war then war would await him. I was married to Saboohi, she was mine until I let her go. And I wouldn't let her go. And if this meant winning her over then I was going to compete. I wouldn't let Alamdar win. I had to compete. Because no matter how much I denied, I was getting used to her presence in my life. And I wanted her for a longer time.

My head throbbed and I pressed my eyes closed. Letting the warm tears to slide down my temples and absorb in the pillow. I couldn't tell what hurt more; my heart or head.

It was all so new for me. I never had to struggle with Ronaq. From the moment I realized I loved her; she was mine. I never had to deal with shit. But my fairytale had ended and reality had slapped me.

The coldness started to seep inside my bones and I brushed away my tears. My thoughts empowering me. But one of them was now blazing and blaring on my mind.

If Saboohi wanted love,

Then love was what I'll give her.

•

Saboohi

I could make out Alamdar's figure as he talked to the painter but I couldn't focus on anything. Restlessness had nestled its way inside of me again. And I couldn't help but shiver. Jahan's amber brown eyes- I just couldn't erase them from my mind as they charged over and over again.

Don't go Saboohi.

Don't go.

But I couldn't win over Alamdar's persistent self. It wasn't entirely my fault but. Jahan could've said it. If he didn't want me going out then he should have said it for once and I would have complied without question. At least he would have showed me a signal and I would've stopped. But he didn't. He didn't.

I ran my hands over his hoodie, feeling it provide me the warmth that I needed. I sniffed it, it smelled of him and I clutched the hem tightly as Alamdar returned. His curved lips flashing me a smile.

" I want to go back."

I stated, turning to open my side of the door. Dark eyes snapped to mine and the man raised his hand, showing me his wrist watch.

" Why what happened? It's only been an hour."

I shrugged.

" I don't feel well. It's really cold-"

" Here have my jacket-"

He offered, already pulling off his jacket but I shook my head. Cutting him off like he had done.

" Can you please drop me home, Alamdar."

The man's jaw twitched as he tightened it. His eyes turning cold and icy before he curled his lips into a smile.

" Yeah sure, get in."

The ride back was silent and icy. And my heart kept thudding in my chest. I could feel Alamdar's eyes on me as he reached for my hand on my lap. And I met his gaze as he asked.

" Are you okay? We could grab some tea if you want."

I shook my head and pressed my quivering lips together. Before removing my hand from under his and opening my purse. Pulling out my phone, I kept myself busy as the man pulled his hand back. My heart kept praying for the ride to just be over. And distance seemed prolonging only.

It was minutes later that he turned towards the familiar cabin and my lips turned upwards into a smile. Alamdar stopped the car before the patio and I turned to him, my hand already on the door handle.

" I wish we hand lunch together."

He expressed and I offered him a polite smile.

" I am not a trouble for you, am I?"

He leaned forwards and my breath hitched as I backed away unnoticeably.

" Thank you for the ride Alamdar, bye."

I said before smiling again and getting out. He waved at me as he reversed and hit the road. My anxious self looked at the front door and I rubbed my hands together but going upto knock on the door. My knuckles met the rough wood as I knocked waiting for the door to be opened from the inside. Cold wind breezed past me and I shivered moving closer to the door.

My fingers turned cold as I knocked hardly this time, getting agitated seeing no response from the other end.

" Where are you, Jahan?"

I mumbled. Before a thought crossed my mind. I did have the key. Opening my bag, I fumbled with the things inside. The keychain shined from among my other things and I sighed out in relief. Putting the key in the lock, I turned before opening the door. I stepped in feeling warmth envelope me instantly.

My eyes casted around the silent house and my heart fell. My brown eyes landing on the broken glass on the floor. My brain went frantic as I walked closer to it.

" Oh shit! Jahan!"

I shrieked. My bag dropped on the floor as I looked at the empty lounge area before I ran upstairs. My hands were clammy as I opened our bedroom door. My heart lurching in my oesophagus as my eyes fell on the figure of the sleeping man. Something twisted within me and I felt so weak in the moment. Seeing Jahan sleep with the pillows clutched under his arms. 

My nerves calmed for a fraction of minute as I walked closer to the bed and sat down on his side. My fingers shook as I raised them to his forehead, feeling them warm my skin. My lips pursed as I ran my hand through his hair. Not able to contain myself, I stood up before closing the door behind me.

I found the dustpan and a broom in the store room and cleaned the mess the man had made. As I worked around, my tears streamed down my face. I didn't know why I was crying? Maybe because I felt myself cheating on him? Maybe because I made Jahan feel awful? But I couldn't stop my tears. They just slid down my cheeks as I swept my jeans with loose platted pants, leaving his hoodie on. And I sniffed as I turned on the stove and started with the chicken soup for him.

My heart felt so heavy, that I clutched my chest as I sat on the stool and chugged some water down. I felt anxious and nervous and bad all over. I returned working in the kitchen and made some lunch for us. First I thought of making biryani but thought against it. Jahan had fever and maybe he would like to eat something light and so I switched my mind.

Once I was done with lunch, I braced myself to go upstairs. Jahan was still asleep as I sat on the bed. I sighed in and carefully pulled the pillows from under his arms and instead slid in replacement. I felt overwhelmed finding myself first time on the same planet as his. Sharing the same pillow as his. Sharing the same planet as his.
His arms were strong and warm and he pulled me more closer. And I clamped my lips close to stifle the gasp as his palms pressed against my hips. My breaths hitched inside my chest as his breath hit my cheek softly. I trailed my hand up and placed it against his arms that were locked around me. He inhaled loudly before his leg trespassed mine and my eyes widened.

His legs rubbed against mine and his eyes wrinkled before he opened his large eyes.

" Hi."

I breathed fearing if I even whispered he'd push me away. His eyes studied me and I tensed feeling as he'd snap or move away but he didn't. Instead he kept staring. His arms only tightening around me. I gulped as he asked.

" You returned?"

" Jahan, it was so cold outside. The clouds- the clouds were almost touching my hair and you know the fog was started to grow. I felt as if it would rain any minute now-"

" Alamdar didn't keep you warm?"

His soft untamed words did something to my heart as he slid his face closer to mine. His nose tip grazing mine and I gulped seeing his intense eyes warm my blood more. And I felt heat rushing all over my body. His palm slid upto my spine and I averted my eyes from his and his hand stopped at my upper back.

" I made some soup and chicken and cheese macronies for you."

I said softly letting go of the breath I was holding. His eyes darkened. And one second he was holding me and the next second he was off the bed and into the bathroom. Disappearing from my eyes as if he was never there. I exhaled out. My tense muscles only relaxing and I felt breathless and boneless as he left me.

My flustered self slowly set up before I slid off the bed and gripped my hair in between my fingers. Hearing the shower run on the bathroom. I slid off the bed before making my way downstairs.

It was minutes later that Jahan came downstairs. His hair damp from the shower and he sat on the dining table chair as I set up the lunch. We began to eat and silence filled us. It was so thick that it pushed us more apart. He gulped a tablet and two before going upto the bedroom again whist I cleaned up. My heart shattering again and again thinking that maybe I had pushed him away. Maybe I had done this to ourselves. He did give me a warning I should be stopped but he never said anything after that. Maybe I pushed him too far off.

Evening fell over us and after I prayed maghrib we had early dinner. Jahan was watching the television and I found some time to think for myself. Reaching the bedroom I closed the door and paced before the large glass wall. I was confused. Alamdar showed he loved me or at least wanted me in his life whilst on the other Jahan showed nothing. It was as if we were both the sailors of the same boats.

I was never loved and I had never loved, I was simply confused.

In my haste and pacing, my eyes fell over the familiar diary and I reached to Jahan's side. It was kept upside down, a book mark in the page. I let my hands hold it as my eyes ran over the context and my heart shivered as I read what Ronaq had written.

Love isn't only love, sweetheart. It's hard work and trust, and tears, and even with a few glimpses of devastation. But at the end of each day, if you still can look at the person at your side and can't imagine anyone else you'd rather have there, the pain and heartache and the ups and downs of love are worth it.

And you know what honey,

Soulmates will always end up together. No matter how much love got lost. No matter how much distance parts them away. You lose each other to find each other again, right! That's what's its like when someone is meant for you. If they leave, they'll return and stay forever.

I wiped the tears that slid down my cheek and onto her diary and kept it away again on his side. As if was before.

Her words replaying in my mind. Could I want to imagine a day without Jahan in it? Could I go on and live my life without having him in it? Who was I giving my chance to? To Alamdar?

My hands reached my mobile and I picked it up. Scrolling to the contacts, my eyes searched for the person who could help me right now and ease my tension. And free me off the tension.

" Assalam O Alaikum, how are you Saboohi?"

Afaaf greeted and I didn't know what came over me as my tears burst through my eyes, clenching my heart. I told her everything. Skipping out my suicidal parts and she listened to everything, trying to calm me. Ease me. She didn't judge me. Instead kept encouraging the words out of me.

Once silence fell over us and I closed my eyes, she spoke.

" Saboohi- if you have to choose between Jahan and Alamdar, who would it be?"

I kept silent and then heard her sigh before I disconnected the call. The dark was darkening and the hours were growing. Jahan would be in bed by this time and I stood up, ready to check up on him. My feet led me downstairs and I saw the dim lightening illuminate the house.

My heart fell in the pit of my stomach and my feet gave out as I sat down on the last step. Seeing Jahan asleep on the couch.

He didn't want to share the same bed as me, tonight. And my heart clenched painfully.

What have I done Jahan?

•

Hi birdies!!

So what do you think? What will happen next?

And how was the song? 🙈💜

Drop down your comments as I love to read them!! ❤❤❤

Till then<

Love,
_Hafsa♥