Filhaal Toh Yun Hain Ke Kuch Kar Nahi Sakte,
(The current circumstances are; that we both are helpless.)

Tere Bin Hi Marna Hoga Saath Mar Nahi Sakte,
(I will have to die without you, as we are not destined to unite in this life.)

Sookhe Se Patte Hain Ek Tehni Pe Lage,
(Our current situation is like some dead leaves which are still attached to their branch.)

Qismat Toh Dekho Ke Jhad Nahi Sakte,
(And the fate is, we're not allowed to fall at all.)

Filhall Toh Yun Hain Ke Kuch Kar Nahi Sakte,
(Our situation is like dead leaves which are still attached to their branch.)

Jahan

" Ugh-"

The woman voiced as she rolled her butterscotch eyes. Her hand covering her forehead as she glanced at the clock across from us.

" What is it? Are you hungry?"

I asked leaning towards her plastic chair. Her sharp eyes snapped to mine and she gave me a sweet fake smile.

" Well didn't I miss my breakfast because you dragged me to the hospital the first thing in the morning after I opened my eyes. "

Saboohi complained making me bite back the chuckle. She looked like a twelve year old sulking before the doctor's office. This woman was nowhere near to be a twenty four year old. She grounded her teeth together.

" Do you even see, I am still wearing my night shirt." She whisper yelled.

I ran my eyes down her attire, her white cotton shirt had black stars all over it and the last minute before leaving the house she had pulled on a pair of jeans. She looked just fine with her hair in a pony tail.

" You look fine. The doctor wouldn't know if that's the shirt you slept in."

I shrugged my shoulder making the woman turn her face away.

" So you're back. As the number changes on the screen you two can go inside."

The nurse said as she pointed to the door. I tried to smile politely at the nurse but she shook her head and averted her eyes. Saboohi sat up in the chair as I leaned towards her so that my words were only for her ears.

" What's her problem with me?"

" Why don't you go ask her." She suggested giggling in her hands making me sigh out. The digital screen changed the number and we stood up to meet the doctor. The nurse lead us to the room. The chilling room welcomed us as we walked in. A tall and broad doctor standing to greet us. She grinned at Saboohi and beckoned us to sit.

We took the comfortable seats before the desk as doctor Zeba sat behind. Her sweet face wrinkling in a soft smile. Saboohi looked nervous as her hand found mine under the table.

" Doctor, is there a policy in your hospital for a routine check of your staff and nurses to check that their are psychologically well for appearing before the patient and their attendee because the nurse outside-"

Saboohi shoved my arm making me tear my eyes from the baffled doctor to the door seeing the nurse stand and glare at me. My eyes rounded in surprise and I turned my face to the doctor. The nurse came in and banged the glass of water politely on the desk. Before leaving.

" Um so-"

The doctor smiled yet again and turned to Saboohi.

" Hi. I hope you are doing well."

" Yes, thank you."

Saboohi answered in a shaky and small voice. Sliding up the glasses doctor Zeba continued.

" What did you have for breakfast today, Saboohi?"

Saboohi snapped her eyes to me and the butterscotch in them scowled at me.

" I had eggs and apple juice."

" Very good. Any dizziness you felt after you were discharge. Nausea or anything seemingly of the same category?"

" I did feel a little dizzy but I was fine after that."

" Oh okay. And any nightmares. I mean do you ever have trouble sleeping?"

" Um not really, I guess."

Doctor Zeba sighed. Before she folded her arms.

" Why don't you go Saboohi and grab us some tea and then we'll chat."

She asked politely. I looked at Saboohi, seeing the woman glance at me before she smiled and stood up to leave. When the door closed behind her, doctor Zeba opened a file and mumbled under her breath as she read before she looked up. The smiling washing away from her face and seriousness coating it now.

" It was actually you, who I wanted to meet Jahan. I've been briefed on Saboohi's case by Zaeem Haider and looking through her history and her previous records, it occurs that she had been in rehab sessions for a while and then she didn't need any."

I nodded, focusing my solely attention on what she was informing.

" Her previous history and from whatever I could gather is that she has attempted self harm twenty times in a span of two years, aged between seventeen till nineteen. And it doesn't includes suiciding right away, it includes cutting, burning and eating wrong unprescribed pills. You know seventeen and nineteen is a very crucial age, even breakup causes teenagers to cut and harm their own selves in depression. And- after that there is no record but the scarring I've seen on her arms isn't that old. She must've attempted something a few months back as well or a year or two before. And now this was after years that she gulped an overdose of pills. Um- how many years have you been married for-?"

I clenched my hands together. The question and the cooling in the room, freezing my fingers. My mind calculated

" for twelve days only."

" Twelve days?"

The doctor looked shocked. Before she composed as I nodded my head and cleared my throat.

" Well because of her amnesia she doesn't remember her abduction, so the cause of her self harm is obviously not that. It's something else. Her very recent attempt must be because of some trigger. And as you guys are so newly wed-"

She paused and leaned with her elbows on the table. Her fascial muscles contracting as she narrowed her eyes.

" Did you try to force her? Deny her on anything. Did she see you with another woman? Or perhaps you hit her? Insulted her? Hurt her?"

My eyes widened on her mind boggling suggestions and I shook my head.

" No doctor Zeba. But a night before we did have an argument and I thought that things would settle down."

I spoke.

" Hmm. Okay. So I already came up with a plan and that is to make her comfortable with the people she is living with. It includes you, the family. Are you getting what I am trying to say Jahan?"

" Um not really!"

I spoke confused at her comfortable part. Saboohi seemed way more than comfortable invading my personal space. How in any way was she not comfortable with me.

" Jahan, the formula is that you might see her being comfortable around you. She's sitting with you, she stays with you, you guys share the bed. But after an argument she did try to take her life and that means she isn't very comfortable with you. We'll take baby steps and try to bring her back to life. And the first step is that she becomes comfortable with you so that she tells you everything, when she's happy, when sad or upset. You're trying to understand where I am coming from."

I nodded my head.

" I don't want her to come to my office everyday for an hour while I tell her everyday that she has so many things to live for. Instead you would gain her confidence and show her that she has many things to live for. You'll have to be very careful and discreet as to not trigger something that might upset her and she takes a childish step. Coax things out of her brain, her heart. Try to know what she is thinking. Try to know her. You have to do is limit her chances of ending her life. You understand."

" Yes I do." I nodded.

" And Jahan. Give her some free space. Show her that she is loved and wanted. Women especially those who once try to end their lives become very sensitive. I've seen patients with absolute zero hope. They feel so low about themselves that they become hard on one thing that is; not to survive. Saboohi is a fighter, I see the potential in her. She'll be okay if you show her that there is hope and she is great. You see she is not a patient, she's just a normal person. It's just that as an addition she has a mental condition. But there are hopes it can be controlled."

I nodded. Building up the hope to fulfill the expectations she was threading towards me.

•

" What?"

Saboohi asked as I dumped the paint brushes over the island the next morning as the woman sat, sipping her chocolate milk.

" Paint something."

I said as I easily slipped on the couch in the lounge. Saboohi laughed. Before making her way towards me with her hands on her hips.

" And why? Would you frame it on the wall over here."

She walked to the spot where once my frame was until she decided to break it. She made the ninety degree angles with her forefinger and thumb as she pretended to frame something on the wall. I switched on the t.v before turning to answer her.

" If it's good enough then maybe I would."

" Hmm really?" She quirked a brow.

" Yes Saboohi. Now go paint."

I brushed her off, flickering my eyes to the television and the woman stormed away. Painting was a part of her therapy, as per doctor Zeba, it would allow Saboohi to extract out whatever was in her brain on the paper. And it would be more easy to figure the woman out, as per my assumption.

Minutes passed before Saboohi called out.

" What now?" I asked.

" Can go paint in the gallery, you know for inspiration-"

I sat up before opening the front door. She couldn't be left without supervision in the gallery, I did not trust her that much. She walked out with the canvas and paints and I helped her with the stand. She set her things down on the side which showed the car spot. Luckily I had an old table there making it easy for her to manage things.

" I am just gonna go and grab a stool and my laptop." I said taking small steps back hearing the woman say.

" I am not a small kid you have to look after. Your mother said something about babysitting you and not me."

I chuckled. Saboohi would be Saboohi.

I walked back out and sat in the warm sun with cold swishing wind as the woman painted a few feet away from me. Farzan had gathered up some stuff that needed my attention and so I checked it through peacefully until a crumbled paper hit my nose making a small sound of protest to leave my lips.

I flickered my eyes up seeing many other crumbled papers decorated the gallery narrow now. Saboohi standing before the stand as she did something on a nice white sheet, completely oblivious of what her crumbled ball had done to me. Without complaining, I let her focus on her work and did mine until something struck me.

Saboohi did come before my car, almost throwing me and mom into an accident. Was that an attempt of her to get rid of life. It could be. My mind was spiraling. The new thought clogging my mind. What if, I couldn't have controlled the steering and had made Saboohi successful in what she was trying to do. I would have become a part of it, unintentionally. And that would've-

" I am done."

Saboohi sang and I broke my chain and devastating thoughts and looked up at her. She wasn't at the stand instead she was kneeling by the old table with her paper on it, giving the final touches.

" Okay. Let's see what you made." I closed the flip and stood up, making my way over to her.

I didn't expect her to grin as she grinned at me, when I took her paper. My own eyes crinkling as I saw what she painted. She had painted a green monster that had sharp teeth and red eyes. He even had spikes on his head as well, as she had used black paint for it. He had a big buffy body and had orange shorts on with a black t-shirt that awfully looked similiar to mine.

" You painted this in two hours?"

I asked surprised as she looked at me with large eyes.

" Yes, I painted YOU!"

I chuckled as she stood up and ran a hand over her nose smearing some red paint over it. Her white shirt had blotches of paint too. I frowned but not with disappointment.

" You think of me as a monster?"

I asked softly.

What if she replied with a yes?

Saboohi leaned against the wooden rails around the gallery and squinted her eyes up at the sky. As if she was thinking of something.

" Moma used to say that I'll get married to a monster. The one who'll- "

She sighed sadly and my heart flipped.

" Who'll accept me."

I noticed how her eyes brimmed with tears and the butterscotch turned glassy. Why would her mother ever say something like that to her.

I examined the painted paper again. Doctor Zeba's words rolling in my mind easily. And so I moved towards her, until I was besides her. And leaned my face towards her. My lips trembled and I sucked in a breath. Her cheeks were turning pink as I moved my face more closer. My heart already lurching in my throat.

Jahan it's okay, it'll be a small peck. Come on.

She looked at me with the corner of her eyes and I could sense her halted breaths as I hovered over her. My lips touched the outlines of her cheek as I planted them over her skin. My hand cupping her other cheek. Closing my eyes, I gave her a quick kiss and pulled away. Straightening, I held the paper up. And moved away.

" This deserved to be framed."

I walked inside too afraid that I might burst with anxiety infront if her. Soon Saboohi followed in. And for the rest of the day we kept our eyes and words to ourselves.

Night fell over us and we had dinner before retiring for the night. When I stepped inside the room, I saw Saboohi on video call with someone. Her earphones plugged in, my presence oblivious to her.

" Yes he helps in cooking as well. No no it's fine."

I frowned. No I don't help in cooking.

" Yes. I am telling you, he even washed the dishes. He's a great help."

Who? Me?

She laughed then.

" I give you the credit aunty, you've raised an excellent boy. Yes sure. No we are just gonna sleep. Yeah okay. Okay bye."

She waved away before noticing my figure. Staring at her.

" Mom knows I don't do any of it." I stated before plugging in the laptop.

" Really? She seemed convinced but." Saboohi said with her lips pouting.

" She probably was seeming convinced to make you happy." I switched on the nightstand lamps before switching off the lights.

" Hmm that means she knew I was lying."

I nodded seeing the woman lie back down against the pillows, yawning. I sat on the bed with the laptop. And started with my work. It was minutes later that Saboohi started to shuffle against the sheets.

" I cannot sleep."

She sighed. I flickered my gaze to her.

" Should I switch off the lamps?" I asked reaching for their switch.

" No, no not the lamps. I just cannot sleep generally." She sighed yet again.

" Um, is there anything I could do to-"

" Would you please read me a story?"

She said sitting up, her eyes lighting up with hope. I scratched my neck, tensing up. Keeping the laptop aside, I closed the flip and turned to her.

" Yeah I would. You do have a book or I have to make up one?"

Her smile grew small as she nodded and mumbled something under her breath before crossing my eyes and slipping down the bed. I looked with curious eyes as she opened up our wardrobe and searched through the clothes. Seconds later she turned, hiding something behind her back. With slow steps she walked to me and I pulled my knees underneath me.

" What is it?" I whispered.

She forwarded the burnt book to me, making my eyes grow large. I snatched it away from her.

" Where did you get it from Saboohi? Where did you find it?"

My voice rose octaves as I held Ronaq's diary. Saboohi flinched on my change in behavior and pointed to the wardrobe. Before speaking in a low voice.

" I found it in your suitcase while setting up your clothes."

Her honest answer did nothing to suffice the tension in my muscles. I remember dumping the clothes carelessly in the suitcase. I groaned before rolling myself on the pillow. Holding the diary protectively in my arms.

" I did not read it. Nor open it. But I knew it was her diary. Your names are engraved over it."

She sat on the edge of the bed.

" Saboohi I won't read anything to you from this."

" Please."

" No."

" Please please."

" No Saboohi."

" I promise never to act suicidal before Iffat. Now please."

I glared at the woman.

" I am serious Saboohi. And so should you be."

" I am serious as well. No scratch that I was joking but please- at least give me one reason why you won't."

Her eyes were pleading as she moved closer and sat cross legged besides me. I sat up and pulled the covers over my legs.

" The last time I discussed her, you did such an irrational thing I am not risking your life."

She huffed before reaching for my hand.

" I won't Jahan." She promised.

I was still skeptical about reading the diary, anything could trigger her. And moreover Ronaq wasn't to be shared. And so were you, Jahan. My mind mocked and defeated before the woman I opened a random page.

Saboohi squealed before cupping her face, her attention on me as I read aloud.

" His jealousy heavier than his punch."

I loved how she had titles for every page she wrote and this particular one I had never read before. My heart thudded as I read word after word. And I found myself reminiscing every detail of her memory.

•

He didn't want to go. I knew the minute I spoke about it. He was bad at greeting people and worse at accepting people greeting me.

" Ronaq, we could stay home and watch a nice movie. Any cliche one you say."

Jahan said from the bedroom as I hooked the last of my accessories in place. It was a bracelet he had gotten me. Exceptionally close to me.

" Jahan, it's the last party we would be attending in university. Last time we'd be seeing so many of our classmates. And last time I'd enjoy with my friends because you don't let me do that in normal days."

I said with the most softest and convincing voice. I walked out seeing the man still splayed on the bed. His eyes convincing me otherwise.

" We would get late, please hurry up." I said giving him the most love filled eyes. Knowing the trick would work and so did it. He sighed before crumbling the pillows under his weight and stomping to the bathroom. I squealed knowing that I would get a night filled with enjoyment and what not.

Minutes later he walked out, showered and dressed in his black suit. He never missed to spike my heart beats and I found myself staring at him openly. His messed up hair and how his stubble had grown into a beard. His white dress shirt hugged his chest perfectly making me jealous how smug it felt against him. And his amber eyes were just over the board. I could live and die for them.
He looked at me, the creases on his forehead washing away as he felt my gaze over him. He casted me a glance before winking my way. Making me turn my back to him and blush.

Wasn't he the sweetest thing in my life.

I moved to the mirror and accessed myself seeing the black maxi dress look great against my figure. I ran a hand over my necklace feeling it very loose. I slid my hair over my shoulder, before asking for my husband's help.

" Jahan could you please tighten it."

The man walked over to me and took the ends of the neck piece.

" Is it fine now?" He asked.

I looked in the mirror before shaking my head, it still didn't look good.

" No, hook it in the last clip."

" Okaaay." He sang before doing as I said so.

" Yes it looks perfect now."

I said, a small smile playing on my lips as I fixed my hair. The man wound his arms around me.

" You look perfect." He said keeping his chin over my shoulder.

" Only with you." I said turning my face to meet his cheek.

It wasn't very late when we were entered the university's auditorium. The place had changed into a exquisite party place. Soft music was playing in the background as we found our friends in the sea of people. The girls were squealing and giggling upon my arrival, they weren't sure if Jahan would be bringing me but they knew not that Jahan would never say no to me.

Jahan wound his arm around my waist as he introduced me to his friends. Farzan was the only one I knew from quiet before. As the men indulged in their conversation and I glanced at my friends, pleading with my eyes.

" Um Ronaq, we are going to have some juice, would you like to come?" My friend asked smiling and I looked up at Jahan. Seeing the man's eyes already on me.

" Jahan. Can I go?"

I asked pointing to the counter not very far from us. He smiled.

" Go but come back here. I'll just be here with the boys."

I nodded and left with my friends. As we occupied the stool on the counter. The girls were bombarding me with questions and their talks.

" He treats you like a princess."

" Why don't we get you see you anymore?"

" Where did you guys go for honeymoon?"

" How does it feels like to be married to the live of your life?"

" Did he fufill his promises?"

" Are you coming back for masters?"

" What are your plans now?"

" Shush. What is with you guys. Leave me and fill me up with what's going on your lives." I grinned at them.

I swirled my stool, my eyes clashed with the amber brown ones from across the room making me almost lose my balance on the stool. My heart warming up. Without the girls noticing I swirled my stool back.

" Meesha is getting married to someone in her sister's in laws." I nodded grinning at Meesha as she shied away.

" And I am planning to come back for masters." Another one said.

" Hey Ronaq."

Another voice interjected and I turned my face seeing Khawar stand there and wave at me. I offered a smile as he made his way over to me. Khawar was my class fellow and apparently the girls always said that he had a huge crush on me. However if he had, he was brave to have it because all the other boys kept away from me because of fear of Jahan.

My over protective husband.

" I haven't seen you since I don't know when. You got married and I never got the invitation."

He said standing besides me. I rubbed my arms feeling an intensive gaze bore holes in my back.

" Yeah everything just happened in a span of a week. I couldn't invite anyone."

The truth is; we didn't want to invite anyone.

" Oh, how long have you been married for?"

He asked making me answer in a blink of eye as I went back to sipping my juice.

" Three months."

" Oh so Jahan didn't come tonight?"

The man looked around me and I smiled yet again.

" Yeah he is-"

" Mind if I take a picture. It'll be in my memories."

I hesitated before giving in. Beckoning my girls to join in as well. Khawar took out his phone and slipped in besides me. He opened the camera and just before he could click he placed his arm around my shoulder, I stiffened.

" Khawar it's better you-"

I never got the chance to complete as the man was ripped away from me and was being punched by a very furious Jahan. I yelled for them to stop as they held each other's collar.

" Jahan stop. Please." I cried out as everyone stopped to look at the show. The music stopping and silence sweeping in. I pushed Jahan away as he threw Khawar on the ground, the man moaning in pain as his nose bled.

" No one touches my girl." Jahan warned before he held my hand and pulled me away from the party. I sat with my arms crossed all the way back to home. My nose flaring seeing the man's jaw ticked.

" What was this behavior Jahan? You could've politely intruded." I said as I slammed the car door. The guards looking with wide eyes. Ignoring the man I walked up the patio.

" My Ronaq he was becoming intolerable for me."

" Okay Jahan."

I sang, my mood turning off. The man caught my arm and pulled me back.

" I am sorry but I cannot see any other man's arm around you." His eyes were glimmering with unshed tears as he said. Melting away my heart in a shattering second. He wrapped his arms around me, his nose nuzzling my hair. Making me wrap my arms around him and laugh as I said.

" Your jealousy is heavier than your punch, Jahan."

•

So a late update! But still a lengthy one.

I was writing Ronaq and Jahan's past in the end of the chapter and suddenly the next song in my playlist started to play; Dil Ka Darya Behhe Gaya and I went likeeee aweeeeeee!!!! 😭😭😭😭

Do leave your comments and the very precious votes.

Till then<

Love,
_Hafsa♥