Rick

I decided to end the conversation as that is taking an emotional toll on her, she is talking to me that itself a big progress. I have to take baby steps, Jen's psychiatrist said she couldn't help her much because Jen never opened up about her real issues, she kept those ghosts of her past in a dark place, she couldn't trust anybody to open her heart out. She has been holding and bottling up everything inside. She has been suffering so much from guilt and traumatic grief that she has completely shut herself off. Until she pours her heart out, we couldn't understand the reason for her trauma, the fear which constantly killing her, medicine won't help.

Jen lay with her back to me, pretending to fast asleep, I could feel her body's rigidness and reluctances, giving her space I remained distant and silent like I always do. I knew the moment she actually fell asleep by the way her body and her breathing relaxed, slowly her breathing became deep and even. I am dying to hold her in my arms for forever. I watch her sleeping, I always do, and I couldn't seem to help myself. She is all my heart desires and worships for. I don't know what will happen once this month gets over, I am sure this time I wouldn't survive without her, but if Jen wants this, I would do it without any question.

The curtain has not been drawn, and the light of a full moon stream into the room, I crave to turn her to me, so I can see her beautiful face but I restrain myself. My heart is content to have her near me. I move from the bed and walk to the balcony to light my smoke. The moment I left the bed, Jen stir in bed, she seems restless and fidgety in her sleep. She turned at my side like she wants to ensure my presence beside her. I feel a sting in my chest, witnessing how fragile she is, her face paled and my heart swells with the possessiveness. I want to protect her, even with her damn nightmare. Throwing cigarette out of the balcony, I rushed to bed. I quietly got into the bed and laid facing her closely. Her hair falling over her shoulder and her dark eyelashes resting on her cheek. Her head leaned near to my shoulder, her mouth is very close to mine. I feel her breath on my face and it only ignites the flame which devoured me. Her body again relaxed and a sigh of relief escaped from me. God, I must have done something good to have this glowing treasure in my arms, my heart swelled with rapture as I wrap my arms around her and a happy smile played on my lips.

The whole night I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, my sleep disappeared from my eyes as they are busy devouring this immaculate beauty.

As soon as the first rays of the morning came through the window, Jen starts waking up, I closed my eyes instantly before removing my arm from her. Do not want her to start a day with any reprimand. I felt her smoothing my hair away from my eyes, then immediately I missed her touch, she couldn't touch me even for a few seconds, realization hurt my guts. I can feel her eyes on me, her body stills, our bodies are barely touching, yet it seems I could feel her heart beating as if it's my own. The magic of her closeness is like electricity running lightly and thrillingly all through my body and soul. To my dislike, this moment break and she got out of bed. Jen, thank you for bringing some life to this dead soul.

The day is like usual, we made coffee and breakfast together without exchanging any word. I hate it when she goes back to her shell, when her silence started getting into my nerve, I broke it with a sly comment.

"Done with your let's play friend act?" Our eyes locked, with her brown eyes she is staring wide at me.

"What, you look surprised?" My jerkiness coming out.

"I thought it's you, who is avoiding me" she replied with an accusing tone.

"Really?" I cocked my brow at her.

"You didn't say a single word to me since morning, I thought you wanted to avoid me like you used to do in the past after our every emotional counter" Jen is right, I used to do a lot in the past because of my guilt.

"No. ummm.. I thought last night must have overwhelmed you, so I wanted to give you a space to settle down" I said softly in my defense.

After staring at each other in amusement for some time, we shared an awkward and knowing smile. I brush my hair avoiding her eyes, she fixes her eyes on her plate.

"Let's go out today for grocery shopping" Jen looks at me with disbelief.

"Is there any problem, Jen?" I ask disappointed with her lack of interest.

"Staying home seems good to me" I don't like her response.

"Luckily, I don't settle for just good, get ready in 5 minutes." Not giving chance for any discussion, I left the table after announcing my wish. A cute frown appears on her face, I do want to kiss those pouty lips.

Exactly within few minutes, Jen comes out looking breathtakingly beautiful, she has not even applied any makeup yet she looks gorgeous.

We stopped by a shop and bought all the essentials. Jen helped me with the purchase, I was elated with a thought, that for once we were acting like a couple. It's afternoon, I insisted Jen to stop for a lunch before returning home. A little persuasion and she agreed.

"What would you like to have?" I asked her politely when the waitress passed me the menu.

"I don't know, anything" She is not comfortable at all, I understand she doesn't like this intimacy. This is strange in its way.

"Is anything on your list?" To ease the tension, I asked humorously to the blushing waitress.

"I'm afraid not, if you want, I can suggest you some" blinking her eyes flirtingly, she replied in a seductive voice. Holly shit, my gaze halt on Jen's face, looking for any reaction. Jen seems least interested in our conversation, while she is busy enjoying the Hotel's view. She used to hate when someone flirts with me. A cocky smile burst onto my lips, recalling those few incidents where Jen had completely lost her cool.

"Thank you but we are good." I dismissed her advance. Jen is quiet and played ignorant. I ordered sandwiches and coffee.

"The place seems different since my last visit" Taking the help of an irrelevant topic, I tried to start the conversation.

"It looks same to me, same situation and same flirtatious waitress" I glance at her with a lopsided grin.

"If I wouldn't know you better, I must have assumed you are jealous." Her eyes snap at me, she did catch my smirk.

"Don't flatter yourself, you are free to go and do whatever you want with her, it doesn't bother me at all." She knows how to stab and crack my heart into two without using any weapon, her cold words are enough.

"If I want, can prove in few minutes how empty those words are" Man, need to say something to serve my ego. Jen stares at me with disgust.

Thank God, the waitress came with food before this conversation could take an ugly direction. It pisses me off, how stupidly this waitress looking at me with awe. Isn't she did enough already?

"Thanks" taking cutlery from her hand, I gestured her to go. Very rude of me, what should I do? Desperate time.

"Hey, you don't need to be Jerk, you scared her" Oh, I can't understand woman, she was sulking a moment ago because of her and now she decided to take a stand in her defense. Crazy.

"Trust me, I helped her, if she would have continued to stare at me for a few more minutes, you could have made a scene of her by throwing coffee or sandwich" Jen's mouth agape in surprise, can't help it, I wink at her with a smug smile.

"You are delusional" Her face reddens and the fury is visible in her eyes.

"Am I?" I ask her again.

"I am a grown-up woman now than just a stupid girl" Suddenly the shadow of hurt clouded her eyes, it burns me with a pang of guilt.

"You were never stupid, Jen" I said in a low voice, after drawing a long, deep sigh.

"Bite me" she spat in anger.

"I am saying it with all my honesty" Her eyes immediately spark with frustrated furious tears.

"Shut the fuck up, Rick. I know, I was damn stupid, I believed in love, I believed in you even after you announced your betrayal for revenge. How could I have looked past all your hurtful things, especially that videotape? Do you remember which you made it for a fun" Throwing the napkin on my face, she got up from her seat and starts walking out of the restaurant. By now, we earned good audiences, paying the bill on the table, I followed her.

Instead of waiting near the car, she keeps walking on the road.

"Jen, stop" I yell, sprinting toward her. Not heeding to my warning, she keeps walking. She left me no choice, I clutched her arm, stopping her and forcing her to look at me. I pull her closer to me entwining her waist by my arms.

"Leave me, you moron" Fighting with fierceness to get off from my hold, she squeals while a torrent of tears rolls over her cheeks.

"Shhh" I tried to calm her.

"don't shush on me" she retorts.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Jen" She laughs at me, a very bitter laugh.

"But, you did, you always seek to hurt me" That was a hard punch on my chest, I felt chock suddenly.

"Believe what you want, I won't stop you. But, I still stand for my words." She stares at me like I am inhuman. Wetting my lips, I cup her face between my hands. This time she doesn't try to move, as if her body gave up the fight.

"You were never stupid but brave." She shook her head in disbelief.

"Believing in love was the most courageous thing you did, despite witnessing a failing marriage of your parents. You forgave me for all my wrongs and accepted me with all of your heart, it takes lots of guts to let go, not an easy thing." My voice thickened with emotions, my tears threatening to lose control.

"You were brave enough to fight against the odds and dared to see our future together, it was me who was coward. I didn't take a stand on time to save us. I was an idiot, who let you go, not tried enough to express my love to you, to tell you that I will die without you. My ego played me, and I stood there holding the grudges." My tears betrayed me, I could taste them on my lips.

"I never knew how to express feelings, and I don't know how to show love, in my lifetime I have only known anger and hatred as emotion. I failed you time on time, so yeah, I am the stupid one." The truth is very painful, the regret has worn me out. No more words left for me, I feel terrible. I caused all the misery and pain to Jen. The guilt empowered me, I couldn't meet her innocent eyes, so I averted my eyes, taking my hands off from her. I didn't expect when Jen to hold my hand and lean her head on my shoulder. She silently cried while her tears wet my shirt. Sometimes I don't understand if this pain will let us heal or will completely destroy us. We are lost souls, grieving alone. Will normality ever come into our lives?

Hello, lovelies!

Hoping and praying that you are doing good.

Thanks to my wonderful readers for your love & beautiful comments. I owe you.

Enjoy the new update and please drop your comment or feedback on this chapter. Any suggestion and criticism are welcome, it helps me to enhance my imaginations.

How do you feel about Rick's emotions?

Is he deserves a second chance in love?

Awaiting eagerly for your response.

Keep family and yourself safe and healthy.

Love, love and loads of love to you!