Jen

While dinner, I could feel Rick's eyes on me the whole time, whenever I look back at him, he averts his eyes immediately. And it makes me restless and awkward. I know he is trying to figure out the reason behind my mood's change, like me he also couldn't trust me fully. Whom to blame for it?

After dinner, Rick helped me for cleaning the table and washing the utensils. Surprisingly, we both did our chores in a peaceful silence but there's the moment we stole few glances at each other, making my heart race rapidly.

Glad, it's bedtime, I walked to my door and got shocked to see Rick following me behind.

"What?" I asked in perplex which earned me his sly expression.

"What?" he mimicked me raising his brow.

"Rick, why are you following me? Do you need anything?" holding the doorknob, I asked him with a tired look.

"You seem to forget that we are sharing the same room" he announced smugly as his eye flashes with wickedness.

"Oh, right we have a purpose to serve" I sarcastically replied with a tight smile, shaking his head, he ignored my comment. Stretching his arm, he presses his hand over mine which is still holding the doorknob. Instantly, I could feel my skin burn by his touch and my heart accelerates. My eyes direct towards him, but he seems unaffected. In a swift of a moment, he opens the door and extended his hand like a gentleman.

"Ladies first" I am still not immune to his touch, disappointment washed over me, I quickly removed my hand from his and walked ahead.

Not even glancing back, I rush to the bathroom for a bath. My mind is racing and my heart is pounding. I feel sweaty, I don't understand the conflicts in my head. Rick has done something special for me that I had never expected. I thought whatever we had, was nothing but all of his skilled act. Yet, what I witnessed in a church has changed my view of him. He had paid attention to all of my nonstop chants, even I noticed he still remember my favorite food and place. I couldn't deny that he cares for me, he took the bullet for saving me. I tried to restrain my heart and be difficult around him as much as I could, I fled away for him when he was in the hospital. I did everything to wipe him off from my life and acted ignorant to all of his efforts. Can't even count, how many times I rejected his feelings and hurt him. However, Rick never gave up and kept trying to mend my heart until he discovered my abortion report. His bitterness and anger are justified, yeah, I did kill his baby. He would never forgive me for that, his family is everything for him, and knowing his child been abandoned by his mother brutally would only make him hate me passionately. This is his way of punishing me, he wants me to bear his kid in my womb so he can snatch it from me cruelly.

Licking a stray tear that rolled down my cheek and onto my lips, I covered my face with my hands to ease the growing pain inside me. Still, I want to give a chance to Rick, not for him but for my own good. I need closure of this draining relat... I don't know what I should call it, but I want to put a stop to this strange feeling which is very much connecting me to Rick. The inevitable end. At the same time, I feel that I would lose everything in the process, once again. Desperately, I need my pills to numb my world.

After taking the longest shower I stepped out, Rick is lying down on the bed, he stretches himself, changing the positions, while his muscle tightens and a tick appears in his jaw.

"You look worn out" Rick sighed petulantly, pressing back his shoulders as if they are aching.

"Being smashed at the fight last night and then driving the fucking car for the whole day, what could it make you? Yes, I am exhausted." Rick replied somewhat crudely, I am in no mood to be tampered with.

"I didn't ask you to go and get your ass beat, neither I asked you to go on search of me, so please spare me with your fucking attitude, vent out your frustration on somebody else, not me" I squealed, shrugging my shoulders in irritation.

I expected a rude comeback from Rick, instead, he smiled, damn frustrating lunatic.

"You are full of surprises today" He chuckles, now facing me, "cooking dinner for me and then now swearing at me" I flushed at his reply, I failed to control my emotions. Watching him smile with eyes, melts my heart.

"Why your eyes are red?" Rick's smile stops as his eyes are concernedly fixed on me.

"Side effects of a long bath, I guess" I answered him, my eyes downcast.

"I thought from now on we will be honest to each other" Eyeing me shrewdly from across the bed, he said in a disappointed tone. I dare to meet his eyes and instantly regret it.

Swallowing a lump forming in my throat, I tried to flip the topic "You don't stock up painkillers, I mean that could have helped you to relax" Rick's face turns serious.

"Painkillers can only numb the pain for some time, that won't help, it's better to keep them away before they become your addiction," He said straight looking into my eyes, making his point, realization hit me, he is not talking about only painkillers, right?

"You hide my pills, isn't it?" I snapped, in a more accusatory tone.

"Well," he begins, clearing his throat. "I don't understand what are you talking about? Pills, which pills Jen?" I know he is playing with my mind.

"Never mind" I stop myself from humiliation, I don't want to show him how badly I needed those pills, it will give him an upper hand. Rick frown quizzically like he was expecting me to take this topic further.

"We are doing a wonderful job, yeah?" he asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Gets started, one answer for one question, my turn first" I proclaimed, Rick is taken aback for a moment then he composed himself with a tight smile.

"Let's see how it works" folding my arms on my chest, I stare at him coldly.

"You tried everything to get us back, if you were so adamant about having me in your life, why didn't you choose me when I have asked to?" I know the answer of this, foolish on my part, yet I presumed, I wanted to know his reason for approaching me back, he didn't do it when I gave him a chance.

"Jen" He stammers, running his fingers through his hair. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what he's about to say. "Come here" Signaling on the bed, he almost pleaded with his eyes.

"My body is dead and I can't talk to you like this" What? "Please come, we can talk this out like we promised earlier" he states, looking remorseful. I nod my head in response, leading my way to bed, making a good distance from him, I settle on the bed.

"Say, whatever you want to say, the truth all I expect" I sounded all business, no emotion, poker as always.

For staring at me for few seconds, he fixes his gaze on the front wall. Taking a painful sigh, he continued.

"I have seen my mom's deepening pain and struggle with PTSD. She didn't know how to cope with her trauma, still, she doesn't know. Since I was a kid, I didn't understand her behavior, she became unpredictable. When.." I can see the raw emotions behind his words, his struggle with himself, his voice thickens.

"When I buried Emily and dad, I came back to her expecting a comfort, love but she welcomed me with a slap. She accused me of their death, she profounds her disappointment for my cowardness for keeping the truth of Emily from them. I thought mom was in shock, I let her deal with the pain in her way. But, little did I know, it was just a start. She became more violent day by day, her slaps were not hurtful as much as her words. When I witnessed for the first time her attempt to take her life, I learned she was not mourning, actually she was desperately screaming for help. I was not having money for the treatment, we were barely surviving by selling the left pieces of jewelry of moms." his eyes mist with rueful tears, my own eyes well up with his unbearable pain.

"I am sorry" that only I can utter, his eyes met mine, his lips curl up into a sad smile.

"I often haunted by the question whether my mother really loves me or not, if she cared at all for me as her son and this sentiment is a major source of the internal burden I carried for so many years, although, the truth is I couldn't help her at right time and her situation got worse. I could never leave her behind for my mere happiness, if I would have chosen you, it could have shattered her completely, and she would have never forgiven me for it." He delivered the truth, taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for the next question.

"Then why did you try afterwords, I am sure your mom's hatred for me doesn't change."

"One answer for one question, that's the rule" Even at this very moment, when my heart is suffering the most excruciating anguish, he is damn watchful about the rule. My jaw dropped.

"As I am feeling more kind today, will answer your second question" he replies with a smug.

"Simple, I discovered in that painful year that I couldn't leave without you" He answered with a smile, staring deep into my eyes. Extending his hand, he reaches to my face, he firmly caresses my cheek with his thumb and this gesture ignited an unknown feeling which I buried deep, deep, very deep inside my heart.

"Did you ever miss me, Jen? At least for a few seconds," His sad eyes transfixed on me and my heart sits down with a cry of pain. My brain echoed in my head to lie....

Avoiding his eye, I look down while I nod my head to his question. I felt his lips touch my forehead, so suddenly that I am taken by surprise, yet I didn't try to move away with his affectionate touch. His chest heave against mine, he brushes my hair back with one hand and trail soft kisses along my brow and cheek. He pulls my face closer to him as if he needs me closer than physically possible before pressing his forehead against mine.

"Good night, Jen" he whispers hoarsely into my ears. Not even blinking his eyes from me, he tucks me in the cover, kissing me one more time on my head, he lays down beside me. I had a strong urge to crawl into his arms and rest my head on his chest to sleep while listening to his heartbeats but I refused to give in to my urge and turning back from him, I closed my eyes in an attempt to sleep. I doubt it's happening any time soon as Rick is stuck in my head and I can feel a few butterflies down in my stomach. 

Hello, lovelies!!

How you all are doing?

Covid is spreading rapidly again, please take all the precautionery measures and be safe. 

Hope you will enjoy this chapter, slowly they are coming to the terms, slowly opening up to each other. 

Eagerly waiting for your response on this chapter.

Last but not the least, i want to thank all of my lovely reader who tried to encourage me by dropping wonderful comment on last chapter. I want you to know that i truely appreciate your love and support.

A big thank you! 

Love, love and loads of love to you....