Rick

Of course Daniel, always Daniel! Lifting the stopper from the bottle top, I swung that out of my way. Bringing the bottle up to my mouth, I took a long drink without stopping to breathe, needing the heat to numb the pain but it's not enough. I want something strong to escape this pain, the pain of hollowness and loneliness. Rick Adam, you are a curse my dear. You deserve nothing, you don't have lovely growing memories, you never got the tenderness and motherly care from your mother and certainly, you will never going to have another chance with the love of your life. You should have known by now, you are not meant for any happiness, you can only have bitterness, emptiness and vengeance. That's your fate.

I wonder sometimes, why I am still breathing? I closed my eyes shut for a moment, slow inhale, slow exhale, hold to give my brain a moment to think, the beautiful image of smiling Jen appears, tears sting my eyes, but I squeeze them away, refusing to let them fall over. Jen....Even thinking of her name makes my heart twinge. You are only the reason I am still alive Jen but trust me I am dying thousands of deaths every day seeing your loveless eyes. Strangely, you are so close to me, yet miles away from me. Sometimes, I wonder whether I should celebrate you being near to me or cry to see you so aloof. What should I do to break that huge wall which you have bounded around your heart?

"Do you think drinking will help?" Not even bothering to turn my head towards the lady, I gulp my drink in one breath.

"Woah, hold your horses man, you have no idea with whom you are fighting, he is brutal" I just wanted to laugh at her, does she know my fight is not with anyone but with myself. One more fight, a fight with life and death, if not death then let this body get one more punishment and let my soul be numb for a while. That only peace I can rejoice.

Jen

Standing up, I walked over to the window one more time, waiting for the man who has turned my life upside down. He is the reason for this insomnia I am suffering with, I couldn't take a deep breath without it hurting. Outside, everything is still, as if petrified, and overpowering silence reigned. This stillness makes my heart race with panic. This feels different, it feels real, certainly I am left all alone in this whole world. I feel like giving up, to escape this agony, be a coward and end this torment. Is there any point in fighting this darkness? Why I am holding it? Sometimes, I wonder, I am living the same fate as my mom. I always accused her of not fighting harder for us, but now I could understand this feeling of worthless. Ending my life seems very fascinating, but I always pushed that thought Deep down into the recesses of my mind. Rick, where the hell are you?

I know you want to punish me for pushing you away and I hate you for this. Hoping to quell my anxiety attack, I start looking for my tablets one more time, but once again no luck. How stupid or pathetic it may sound, but I shamelessly admit that I am desperately hoping for Rick to come back and hold me in his arms. Near him, I feel safe, away from the horrible dream and away from those dangerous accusing blooded eyes.

Just the noise of tyres on the gravel has raced my heart. I ran to the front door and regret my action immediately.

"Who are you?" a girl, I must say a very pretty girl asked me with a puzzled look, I am too shocked to answer.

"Move" Rick's hard voice startle me, I was too engrossed with the sudden appearance of that girl that I didn't notice Rick. My heart sank seeing him covered in bruises, and his shirt was stained with..oh my god... is that blood? and my whole body went rigid. All I could think of is run from there and hide behind the closed door. Panic hit me hard.

"Fuck me" I saw him mouth my name, but I couldn't hear him. I am so dumbfounded and so confused and so petrified.

Stumbling on his feet, he walks towards me, and remotely I took two steps back. He sighed disappointedly. My eyes are still fixed on his blood-stained shirt, before I could lose my sanity, Rick called that girl and whispered something into her ears. Though I am not in the right frame of mind, yet his little intimacy with that girl caused aching in my heart.

Rick and the girl walked past me, I watch them like a hawk. Rick slowly raised his hand and that girl helped him to get out of that dirty shirt. I seriously don't know whether I should feel relieved with his action, or should I snap at him for doing it right in front of my eyes. His skin is lacerated in many places, the flesh of his jaw is torn from his bone, but he looks calm and no hint of any pain over his face. My body tensed, my nails digging into the flesh of my arms, my breathing became erratic and I braced myself for the worst panic attack. Rick plastered a confident smile on his face as he walks towards me, his intense gaze compelled me not to lose eye contact. My breath ragged as he stops very close to me. I look away, tried to look past his left shoulder, avoiding intimacy.

"Look up, keep your eyes on my eyes." Like a puppet, I responded unknowingly.

"Now breathe slowly" Rick said softly. He doesn't touch me, but his dark eyes held me, his intense gaze keeping me there.

"One, Two" He is counting for me, as my psychiatrist suggested in such attacks. I inhale slowly, Rick smile warmly and encouraged me.

"Good" He counted till five and slowly my breathing became normal again. I have gone too far and lost in his blue depth. We stand there staring into each other's eyes, time stand still and the rest of the world fades away.

"The first aid kit should be in your room, right?" That girl interrupted and our moment broke. It seems like me Rick also forgot we have a company. Immediately his face changed, the tenderness of his features disappeared. The soft look of his face disappeared.

"yeah" he said after a long while.

"Give me a minute, I will tend your wounds" Her voice is irritating me, why is she so excited to nurse him.

"I can take care of it" Rick muttered in his hard tone, without even glancing at that girl. Her face dropped, she recovered quickly and smile back at him sweetly.

Rick caught me in my weakest moment again and now watching him with a pretty girl makes me squirm, a million emotions flash in front of me, as I try to sort them out. Anger, sadness, stress, confusion, hurt and anxiety only to name a few. These emotions weren't completely gone but definitely numbed to a great extent.

I almost hold my gasp when that girl droops over his shoulder to comfort him.

"You need to take a rest Rick, can I take you to your room?" My body tensed, my inside knotted up, I swallowed, but the gnarled feeling doesn't go away.

My eyes are downcast, but I could feel his eyes on me like he is enjoying my dismay. Grip yourself Jen, Rick with a girl doesn't faze you a bit. Walk away from them, just walk away with a high head. That's what I tried, but the problem is Rick stopped me.

"Jen can walk me to my room" And that pissed me off like anything, is he making fun of me.

I turned my angry glare on him. Hating him passionately, he held his hand "My bad" He winks at me, he is definitely high on something. When he tried to walk a straight line, he almost fell but Megan caught him on time. He shoved her hands away, giving her watch it look, timidly she back off. Megan stared back at me, too offended and hurt with Rick's rejection, she left without saying a word.

I somehow relaxed with her exist, but now the biggest problem is Rick, who is struggling on stairs. Well, it appears I have no choice, he is already in bad shape. I hold his arms and helped him to walk.

"I am fine, I can walk" Rick proudly announced but he didn't push my hands away.

"Right you can go ahead," I told him sternly.

"Nah, I like your attention." Rick flashed a charming smile, my heart skips a beat!

Instantly I moved back, doesn't like this familiarity. Rick caught my hand and pulled me back to him, effectively closing the space between us. The warmth from his bare chest radiated off of him and engulfed me. Damn!

His hand gently takes my chin, guiding my face up, forcing me to look at him in the eye. He studies my expression, never letting go of my face with his firm hand.

"Please hold me before I fall miserably" For a moment, he looked like a little kid who's pleading to save him. His eyes clouded over with ever-increasing pain, his words contain all the anguish he felt and that breaks my heart.

"Rick" I couldn't fathom another word other than his name. Rick smiles, making my heart flutter.

"That's right, my name" I can clearly see the hurt in his blue eyes, he is still so much affected from the morning incident.

"My name on your lips" Rick traces my lips gently and they parted under his touch while his eyes bore into mine. "This sounds so right" He leaned forward, but I turn my face before he could kiss. Taking a deep sigh, he put his head on my shoulder. I could feel the weight of his sadness, yet I couldn't feel sorry for him. All of this is his doing, he made me this way, heartless.

Hello my lovelies!

How are you all?  Missed me? I know you all have, because I missed you too 😘😘

I went to my native place for a short break, disconnected my self from everything for sometime, this works positively on you. Try it.. 

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