GUYS, this chapter is steamy so if you're a youth I'm not going to tell you how to live your life but don't blame me I warned you.

Cole awoke to the sound of gentle sobs. When he eased his eyes open, he saw that it was Lionel. He lurched upright. "Are you ok? I can-"

Lionel grabbed him and pulled him back down on the bed. He shook his head. "I'm ok," Lionel said. "Don't wake him up."

Cole was confused for a second. But then he realized that Albert was unconscious, wedged in the little gap between their bodies. "Oh," Cole said, closing his eyes in relief. "I can't believe I fell asleep. I wanted to stay awake in case you had a bad dream, but I guess I was too tired."

Lionel didn't say anything. Cole opened his eyes and looked at his mate. Lionel was staring. "What?"

"I don't know," Lionel said. He continued staring. Cole felt his face heat up.

"Stop staring at me," Cole said. He wanted to look away and hide his blush, but he couldn't. He'd missed Lionel's eyes so much. He didn't want to tear his gaze away anymore.

"I can't," Lionel said. His eyes got a little bit glassy. "You know how sometimes you just can't wrap your head around something? Something happens or you feel something, and it's impossibly true. It's too big and life-changing and important. You just can't believe that reality is real."

"I think so," Cole answered. "It's like looking at the sky and realizing that it goes on forever. Or it's like staring at your hand and remembering that it's made of atoms."

"Miracles are only so amazing because they're so impossible," Lionel said quietly. "That's how I feel about you."

"You wh-"

"I was just thinking about stuff. Honestly, I don't know what would've happened over the past week if you hadn't been there for me. I might have lost my mind," Lionel said. "Well, I sort of did. I had a breakdown so I guess I'm crazy now."

"You're not crazy. You were under an insane amount of stress for a long time," Cole said. He was frustrated.

"Ok, I'm not crazy. But I would have been if you hadn't kept visiting me," Lionel said.

Cole looked surprised. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lionel smiled and rested his head on the pillow beside Cole's. "I could hear you when you visited me. It was strange because...I didn't remember you. In there, I had no idea who you were. I was a scared kid again..." Lionel looked weak and afraid. "I love you so much, but I kept asking you who you were when you spoke to me. I knew you, but I hadn't met you yet."

Cole's heart was being torn apart. He was terrified of the idea. He hadn't realized it, but losing Lionel was probably the scariest thing that could happen to him. And when had that become the case? The reality was, though, that Lionel was just as important to him as Kaia was. Maybe more so...

Without Lionel, Cole would be alone. Lionel's love would leave this gaping, cavernous hole in his heart. He could shout into it, screaming Lionel's name over and over again. But all he would hear would be an echo of his own voice, Lionel's name shouted back at him. He'd never hear his own name coming from Lionel's lips again.

Cole gasped as if the knife of realization had plunged into his heart and he was suddenly bleeding out how much he had to lose. It had been under his skin the whole time, flowing in and out of his heart...but he hadn't realized it until he saw it now. If he lost Lionel, it would feel like everything. Everything would be gone. He'd be irreparable like his very lifeblood had vanished.

He eagerly kissed Lionel, whose lips tasted salty. He was crying. Cole had never felt Lionel's stubble when they kissed. He was always clean-shaven, but no one had shaved him while he slept. Is this what Lionel feels every time?

He felt their bond like the base in a song. It thrummed in him, shaking his heart in his ribcage. For the first time since he'd thought he'd lost Lionel, he really felt it. Cole exhaled. "You're here." 

"I'm here," Lionel said. They grew quiet. 

"I'm..." Cole was a little nervous. "I'm sorry I couldn't-" 

"You did, Cole. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You did help me," Lionel said. "I want to tell you not to feel guilty, but I don't think you have that in you." 

Cole scoffed. "You're probably right." 

"I understand," Lionel said quietly. He was barely speaking now. "I feel guilty, too. It's like I know it's not my fault, but I still feel it. Logic isn't enough." 

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" Cole sat up, suddenly on edge. He had a feeling he was missing something. Had he made a mistake? Albert stirred at the sudden movement but didn't wake up. 

Lionel stayed lying down. He looked away. "My mom."

"Lion," Cole reproved. 

"I know it's not my fault. I didn't want her to die, but-" 

"Lion," Cole said gently. He lay back down and pulled Lionel closer to him. Lionel curled up tightly against Cole's chest. "Your mom made a decision. She died to protect you because she loved you." 

"But I put her in that position. I murdered Bram." 

Cole caressed Lionel's hair and tucked Lionel's head under his chest. He circled Lionel with his arms. "She's the one that brought the gun." 

The words echoed around the otherwise still room, stirring up memories as they went. "She brought the gun," Lionel repeated. He was silently crying again. 

"You love someone that much...you'd do anything for them," Cole said. "You'd do the same for her. So, it's true that things could have gone differently, but I think your mom would be at peace if she saw you now." Cole's voice hushed as he realized something. "I think mine would be, too."

Cole kissed the top of Lionel's head. His mate seemed so small and vulnerable, and for some reason, Cole was glad. Lionel had let down his guard. He'd been honest. He'd paused for a minute and embraced the wounded child he'd carried around with him since he'd lost his mother. 

Now...it was Cole's turn. 

He remembered something Lionel had once said. It doesn't really help to keep quiet. No matter how close you get to people, there will always be a gap between you and the rest of the world. 

☾

"Hello, handsome!" Lionel beamed. He was sitting up in bed. He'd insisted at Jaeger's last check-up that he was fine to be up and around the Mansion. Cole still didn't trust that, though. Still, the guy did seem energetic. 

After he'd told Cole the truth and revealed how he really felt about what happened all that time ago...he'd been different somehow. He seemed more open. He seemed lighter. Cole sort of envied him for it. 

"Hi," Cole said, shutting the door behind him. 

"Come to pay me a visit?" Lionel said with a coy smile. 

Cole raised an eyebrow. "Why are you making those eyes at me?"

"No reason," Lionel said, batting his lashes comically and dragging his lower lips with one finger. 

Well, Cole understood that. He walked slowly across the room, deciding to torture Lionel a little bit. He would play this little game. "What? You're being weird," Cole said, pretending like he had no idea what was going on. 

"I'm not," Lionel replied. He smiled a little. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Cole approached the bed. Lionel naturally reached out to him, but Cole stopped just short of Lionel's range. Lionel's arm dropped. He scowled.

Cole's eyebrow went up again. It was his turn to smile. "Did you want something?" 

"Oh, will you just get the hell over here already?" Lionel grumbled. 

Cole chuckled, clearly having won. He leaned down over Lionel immediately and crushed his lips to Lionel's. Yeah...he liked Lion's face smooth. 

Lionel's hands were on Cole's shoulders, clutching his shirt and pulling him closer. Cole tumbled onto the bed beside Lionel, laughing. Lionel jumped on top of him immediately. He looked down at Cole and ran his fingertips across Cole's jaw. "How are you doing?" 

Cole rested his hands on Lionel's thighs. He sighed. "Are you worried about me?" 

"A little bit," Lionel said. Then he shook his head. "That's a lie. It's a lot, but that's just because I'm always thinking about you. I can't help it." 

Cole smiled and leaned forward, gently kissing Lionel's neck. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm tough." This was the perfect opportunity to talk about it. But Cole was scared. He wasn't ready. He didn't have any idea how to say what he needed to say without sounding selfish and immature. 

"You're much braver than I am, Cole," Lionel said. He swept Cole's wild curls away from his face. "But you're not invincible. I'm constantly watching you. I can't take my eyes off of you." Cole smiled softly and closed his eyes, enjoying the peace the washed over him as Lionel ran a hand through his hair. "Which means that I've noticed that you've been upset for a long time."

Cole's eyes opened. "I'm not-" 

"Something's bothering you, and I think I know what it is," Lionel continued. "But I don't want to make you tell me anything before you're ready." 

Cole bit his lip. He wanted to tell Lionel now. Before, he hadn't. He'd felt rushed. He'd felt pressured. But Lionel just knew what he had to hear. 

Cole hugged Lionel's body closer to his until their chest were pressed together. He inhaled Lionel's scent and tightened his arms. Lionel didn't say anything. He just let Cole hold him. "I'm not going to run." 

He reached up and traced Lionel's shoulder blade with his fingertips. "I'm not going to run, so just listen," Cole said. He counted the notches on Lionel's spine. Lionel squirmed a little bit, holding Cole tighter. His hand paused for a moment. "I'm just a human." 

Lionel reeled backward so that he could see Cole's face. "You're-" 

"Shut up," Cole said, pulling Lionel back into their embrace. Lionel resisted at first, but Cole slid his hand under Lionel's shirt and all rebellion flickered out. Lionel's skin was so soft. Cole slid his hand along Lionel's spine. "I said I wouldn't run, so don't panic." 

Cole slid another hand under Lionel's shirt, caressing the smooth skin over his ribs. "I'm not panicking," Lionel gasped. 

Cole smiled and kissed Lionel's neck. His words were fragile now, thinly laced over the tension he was creating. "I'm always watching you, too, but it feels like I'm watching from a distance. Because I'm human, I feel like I'm robbing something from you." Cole nipped Lionel's ear slightly. So close, Cole could hear Lionel's uneven breaths. 

"It's scary," Cole said, "because I'm not the mate you were expecting." Cole slowly eased Lionel's shirt up, staring at Lionel's stomach as more and more of the fabric melted away. The smooth lines made Cole's throat tighten and his lips part. Lionel didn't say anything. Cole had made sure that he was helpless. He was starting to understand how much power his touch had over Lionel. 

"I've always wanted to live up to other people's expectations," Cole said against Lionel's skin. Lionel raised his arms obediently as the shirt got to his shoulders. Cole still didn't meet his eyes, instead staring at Lionel's chest. Lionel's arms rested on Cole's shoulders. "I resent what I am because it means we can't have...we're not the same." 

It was starting to affect Cole now. He wanted to be in control, but watching Lionel's muscles shift as he eased closer was too much. He was so beautiful. Cole wanted to draw the curves of Lionel's body just the way nature had so perfectly created them. 

"What's wrong with being different?" Lionel finally whispered. Cole met Lionel's intense blue eyes. They were overflowing with longing. "If you can answer me, I'll stop." 

Lionel leaned forward and tugged the collar of Cole's shirt down. He kissed Cole's exposed collarbone. Cole groaned. He should answer. He should make sure Lionel knew what was wrong with being different. Because it was wrong...right? Or...

Lionel's lips were distracting. Worse, his hips were starting to move. They eased forward and back again, so slow Cole hadn't noticed it at first. But now that he'd realized it, it was all he could think about. 

"Can't think of anything?" Lionel said. His voice was breathy. Lionel's chest expanded and collapsed without each heavy breath. 

"I can't...think," Cole said. 

"Because this isn't wrong," Lionel whispered. 

Cole's muscles tensed. He grabbed Lionel's wrists. He stopped moving, breathing heavily and staring at Cole. "You don't understand. If only I could be like-" 

"You don't want this, Cole," Lionel said harshly. Cole's heart skipped a beat. His voice softened immediately, and regret filled his eyes. He hadn't meant to raise his voice. "I'm the one who wishes I could be like you. Being a lycanthrope is a curse." 

Cole's heart twisted. He wrapped his arms around Lionel's rib cage and clung to him. He rested his face against Lionel's chest. "I would live a cursed life if it meant that I was what you wanted." 

"And I would leave my Pack behind, try to be human to be with you if I had no choice. But that's just not how it is, is it? The only person who ever thought I needed a lycanthrope to be happy is you." 

Cole's eyes were watery now. "But that is how it is. I can't live here because I'm just me. Everyone's-" 

Lionel's eyes sparked in frustration before he leaned forward and kissed Cole to shut him up. Cole's mind cleared again. The tears stopped before they fell. "What were you saying?" 

Cole kissed Lionel again, invading Lionel's mouth with his tongue. The inside of Lionel's mouth was so sweet and soft. "I don't know," Cole said into Lionel's lips. 

"I don't know what I did to deserve it," Lionel said as he rocked his body forward. He held Cole's face, tilting his head as he kissed Cole's soft lips again and again. "But 'just you' is..." A little moan interrupted Lionel's words as Cole's hand finally grasped his ass. "...Better than anything I was expecting." 

"You didn't change properly back then. What if you live in pain because of me? And my dad..." Cole said, but he was staring at Lionel's lips the entire time. 

"You're really talking to me about your dad right now?" Lionel growled, stealing his mouth away. 

Cole shook his head desperately. "Not anymore."

"Good," Lionel said, letting Cole kiss him again. "Do you feel the cold, Cole?"

Cole shook his head, a little bit drunk on the feeling of Lionel's skin. "No, I'm really hot." He said it like he was confused at how his body was reacting to being touched. Lionel chuckled. Cole really was a virgin. 

"No, I meant outside," Lionel said. Cole tried to lean in for another kiss, but Lionel ducked away. "Answer me." 

Cole paused and squinted. He was trying desperately to clear away the fog Lionel had kissed him into. "No, I...I don't?"

Lionel exhaled. He leaned devastatingly close to Cole. "Once mated, we don't feel the cold." Cole nuzzled Lionel's jaw. "Forget your differences, Cole. Give it time. Give yourself a chance. Because you don't feel the cold anymore."

Lionel's lips grazed Cole's ear as he whispered. "But damn are you going to feel this." 

A shot of anticipation pierced Cole. Feel what? He wanted to know. He wanted to feel it. All of it. But Cole had no idea what he was asking for. 

At first, it was just Lionel's warm lips on Cole's neck. But then...

Cole's body exploded in sensation. He cried out, initially wanting to jerk away from what was happening. It was too much. It was overwhelming. 

But Lionel held onto him, pressing Cole's back into the headboard of the bed. Cole choked as his head slammed against the wood. "Lion," he begged. 

But Lionel didn't say anything. He couldn't. His teeth were still on Cole's skin. And Cole could barely breathe. His head got a little dizzy for a second, but when the dizziness passed...he felt different. 

What had once been a blinding sun was now setting, and the sunset was beautiful. 

Cole moaned. He felt pleasure building in his stomach. His muscles felt deliciously weak. He reached out to Lionel now, pulling him closer. "What is-" Lionel's jaw tightened, and Cole couldn't even talk anymore. His lips hung open. He clutched the sheets until his knuckles turned white. 

Lionel's hips started moving again. Even over his clothes, that was almost enough for Cole to lose it. When Lionel removed his teeth, Cole's neck still throbbed. Pulses of pleasure were coursing through his body from the one spot right on his collarbone. 

"Open your mouth," Lionel ordered. 

Cole didn't argue. As soon as he did, Lionel's tongue was on his. It moved with Lionel's hips, fast enough to coax lust out of Cole like he'd never felt before but slow enough not to allow him any release. Cole just hung there, torturously, delightfully suspended where Lionel wanted him. 

Lionel shook his head. "I'll stop." But he didn't. "I'll stop," he repeated. "I want you to be ready." 

Cole pushed Lionel down and stripped his shirt off. He leaned down and ran his tongue along Lionel's chest. Lionel's hips rose slightly as he did. And it wasn't Cole, but Lionel who reached down and started tugging the rest of his clothes off. Cole felt Lionel against him, warm and throbbing. 

"Let me have you," Cole said huskily. 

The rest of the world fell away. For Cole, there was only Lionel. There were his moans, his thighs pulling Cole in, his arms twisting around Cole's neck, his fingers weaving into Cole's hair. His chest rose and his back arched. His teeth grazed the spot on Cole's neck. His sweat made his skin shine. 

Being inside of Lionel was Cole's liberation, his catharsis, his reincarnation. 

Moving together, breathing together, being together...it was the most beautiful art Cole had ever seen.

Hope you beauties enjoyed. And hey, I did warn you (but also felt like this was a long time coming...lol sex pun). Phew. Leave me your love.