a/n: dedicated to deidra a.k.a. nightclubs for being a perfect human specimen please read her works she is incredible.

also, your response to the last chapter blew me away, i did not expect y'all to read it lmao, but i'm so glad you did! hope you enjoy this chapter :)

c h a p t e r 2 : there is approximately one chicken for every human being in the world

"I knew this would happen," I mutter angrily, slamming Theo's Rubik's cube against the lunch table.

"What is that?" Valerie asks curiously. Despite her worldliness, she's a real sweetheart and I quite like her. I'm also almost positive she has a crush on Lorelai, which, I believe, is the reason why she suddenly decided a couple weeks ago to eat lunch with us and Emoni, who's Lorelai's twin. 

"It's a Rubik's cube," I say, sliding onto the bench across from her. I twirl the toy between my fingers and pout childishly. In my seventeen years of living, I've never solved a Rubik's cube. To be fair, I've never found myself particularly inclined to learning, but still. It's quite sad.

Lorelai arrives, a tray of tater tots and a sad looking sandwich in her hands. She sees the Rubik's cube and raises her eyebrows. "I can't assume anything, I don't have enough information," she says. "Is the fact that you have that good or bad?"

"Bad," I say glumly, still feeling annoyed at what Theo said and did. Ibn kalb. Son of a bitch.

I take one of her tater tots and pop it in my mouth, but immediately regret it when I realise how slimy and undercooked it is. Maybe if I tell Baba, he'll sue the school for wasting his taxes on inedible food and new paint instead of, I don't know, our education.

"What happened? Oh, hey, Val." Valerie's eyes twinkle at Lorelai's greeting, but Lorelai, being Lorelai, doesn't notice.

I rest my chin on the table and stare at Theo's Rubik's cube. It's nothing special - it's a piece of garbage, actually. Scuffed and scratched and peeling. I should do us all a favour and just chuck it, but I can't for some reason. "What are the chances he'll burn down the school when he realises he doesn't have it?" I ask.

Lorelai smirks. "To that, I'd say you better give it back before we have an arsonist on our hands."

I groan and whack my head against the table, completely forgetting I have glasses on my face. "Perfect," I say, when I realise one of the nose pads fell off. Then, as if that's not enough, I sneeze, causing me to accidentally knock the nose pad away. I growl deep in my throat, which causes Valerie to look a little uneasy and scoot closer to Lorelai.

Lorelai, meanwhile, is guffawing at my misfortune. Where is Emoni when I need her to forcefully silence her? "What happened?" she finally chokes out.

I push my glasses up to the top of my head, even though that's not a good idea since I'm basically half blind without them. Lorelai continues laughing, and I can't help but grin because her stupid laugh is contagious. "He said he didn't need my help, then ran away like a little mouse," I say. "And he dropped his dumb toy, that's how fast he ran away. Am I really that awful?"

Lorelai pats my arm with a faux-apologetic look. "I have some bad news for you - yes."

"Well, you're not wrong," I agree. "Anyways, since it was your bright idea to talk to him, now you can tell me how to fix it."

"Fix what?" Emoni slides in beside me with her own tray, except she has a wilted salad and a plastic carton of something that smells like she shouldn't be eating it. "Hola, bitches."

"I'm supposed to tutor Theo Badem," I explain, ignoring her greeting, "but he refused my help and ran away."

Emoni snorts. "What are you supposed to fix? Sounds like he's the one who should be coming to you."

"That is true," I say, tapping my nose, my expression brightening. "You're right. Except Caruso might murder me if I don't try, and I doubt he'll apologise or ask for help or whatever."

"Who cares," she mutters. "Val, you gonna eat that?" She points at Valerie's japchae, which I'll admit, in my extreme hunger, looks so good. Valerie pauses, looking uncertain, but pushes the box towards Emoni.

Lorelai snatches it back before the food can disappear down Emoni's gullet. "Stop trying to take her food, idiot," Lorelai says. Valerie looks touched, and it's enough to make me grin at how cute she is.

Emoni sticks her tongue at her sister. "Fine, but you're inviting us over so your mum can make some of this for us, right, Val?" Valerie nods frantically, which is enough to satisfy Emoni, who starts eating what I presume could be chicken teriyaki, but could also be dog food.

"You know," I say to Emoni. "There is one chicken for every human being on the planet, so you could potentially be eating the chicken counterpart to your human self."

Emoni stares at me, mouth half-full. "You counting all the mechanically separated chicks too?"

I scratch my head, unperturbed. "Perhaps."

"Are you gonna keep that?" Lorelai nods at the Rubik's cube that's still in my grasp.

"I guess, until he talks to me," I say.

For a minute, I watch as Lorelai and Emoni shovel their disgusting school lunches into their mouths, and as Valerie more delicately nibbles the food dangling from her chopsticks. My tummy grumbles embarrassingly loud, but in the thunder of the cafeteria, none of them hear.

I pout. I didn't eat breakfast in the morning, and I'm so hungry. All I want is to go home and eat the leftover fattoush in the fridge, even though I'm sure Hudaifa, my little brother, probably already ate it just to taunt me.

"I'm going to go get a burrito," I say finally. There's a little shack of a restaurant nearby campus, family-owned, that makes incredible, authentic Mexican food. Being so close to the border, I probably could've just hopped on over, but I also don't want to get racially profiled by the police that patrol the area. I'm Lebanese, but hell if those idiots can tell the difference.

"Fuck," Emoni groans. "I should've done that instead of buying this, you clever bastard."

I smile and stand up. "See you guys later."

"If you make any progress with Theo, call us!" Lorelai says.

I wave goodbye to the three of them and stroll on over to the back of the school. Technically we're not supposed to leave school premises, but I'm pals with the campus monitor, so as long as I promise to come back before class starts again, I'm good.

I'm not paying much attention as I whistle through my teeth. I can't see very far ahead of me since I'm not wearing my glasses, but as I approach the exit, my ears pick up the sound of struggling very clearly. Then, as I'm right in front of the gate, I hear a low groan, and a familiar voice mutters, "God. Not you."

My eyes widen, and I quickly pull my glasses down to peer through them, and what I see before me is enough for me to collapse in a fit of giggles. It takes me ages to calm down, and poor Theo has to sit through it, stuck in his position.

"It's funny," I say, an amused smirk curling at the corners of my mouth. "It's funny how your head's so big despite there being nothing inside of it."

"Hey, you know what my name is backwards?" Theo's voice comes out muffled, but there is no mistaking his furious tone. It simply delights me, considering the circumstances of our last meeting.

I cross my arms and lean against the gate beside him. "Idiot?" I guess.

"No, it's fuck you," he spits.

I click my tongue. "I wouldn't be rude if I were you. You're the one who's stuck in a fence."

Yes, dear readers. The majestic Theodore Badem, the beautiful American-Maldivian boy with a bad attitude, is stuck in the school's exit fence, of which he probably has been trying to escape through. I giggle into my palm. He looks so stupid with half of his bum sticking out and his legs crouched awkwardly.

"You know what, Zunaira? Just fuck off."

"Oh, sure thing, babe," I say playfully. "I'll leave you here and go get Fitch so he can pull your stupid ass out, and then maybe suspend you for sneaking out while he's at it!" I laugh and turn on my heel. Marcus Fitch, the campus monitor for this area of the school, is a big, burly man, and he acts like the scariest thing alive to most people, when he's really a cool guy.

"You are so evil!" Theo screams.

"That's not the magic word," I sing. In case you can't tell, I love it when I can hold something over Theodore Badem's head. He pissed me off, and now he gets to sit through my annoying behaviour, until I get what I want.

"Zunaira!"

"Yes?" I bend at the waist so that I'm eye-level with the moron. His two different eyes glare at me challengingly.

He doesn't seem nearly as intimidating stuck in a fence as he did back in the building, but the fact that he's trying is so cute. His anger makes me grin, which in turn ticks him off even more. "Get me out of here," he says gruffly.

My grin widens. "What? I didn't hear you, habibi. Speak up."

"You're such an evil witch."

"And you have a big ass, Kardashian." I raise an eyebrow. "Now, maybe you'd like to rephrase what you just said? I mean, it's either me or Fitch."

"And neither is a pleasant choice," he mutters.

I scoff. "What was that?"

"Well, it's not like you're helping me out very much, either!"

I roll my eyes and with one quick jerk of my hand, Theo flies out of the fence and lands on his bum. He grimaces in pain, and I grin again. "There're the cheeks I much prefer to see," I say, patting his face. "Maybe cut down on the Twinkies though, your hips are getting kind of big."

Theo scowls and stands up. I've almost forgotten how much he towers over me when standing, considering how I've been staring at his bent-over body for the past few minutes. "I don't like you," he says.

"I'm hoping that's 'thank you very much, most gracious and beautiful Zunaira' in your language."

He stares at me, his eye twitching. "It's not."

I frown mockingly. "Pity. It is in mine." I reach up to pat his cheek again. Ungrateful bastard didn't even say thanks. "Have a nice life, assbutt."

"Ass and butt are the same thing," is all he can manage through his clenched teeth.

I fight back a laugh. "Don't worry, sweet cheeks, I've got a whole list that I could go through!"

"I really don't like you."

My grin drops, and my expression morphs into an utterly serious look. It takes all the self-control I have not to laugh at his confusion about my change of mood. "I have a question for you, Theodore," I say.

"What?" he asks gruffly.

I quirk up an eyebrow and smile. "Do you not like me?" I ask in a teasing voice. I laugh delightedly. He's about to walk away again, completely and totally done with my behaviour, when I think of an idea. "Wait!"

"What?"

"I have something you want," I say, pulling his Rubik's cube from my pocket.

When he sees it, his eyes widen and his hands fly to his jeans, patting down every inch of his body. I smile, amused. What is he looking for, when it's clearly in my hand? "Give it back," he snaps, striding over to me.

I jump back, startled, shoving the toy down my bra and raising a hand to push his chest back. "Ah, ah, ah," I scold, wagging my finger. It's an inappropriate thought at the moment, but in the back of my mind, I realise why Theo doesn't like me.

"Where'd you put it?" he asks, fists clenched. "Give it back!"

"No can do, habibi," I say firmly. "I'm not gonna let grumpy little prissies order me around." Is this stupid thing really that important to him? Because he's breathing like he just ran a marathon, and his fucking hands are twitching. I'm worried that he's going to try and strangle me.

Theo exhales. "Then what the fuck do you want?"

I purse my lips. I want him to ask me to tutor him so that Mrs. Caruso won't absolutely destroy me, but I also don't feel like I want to help him. I sigh. "I'm going to get a burrito, do you wanna come?"

His eyebrows fairly disappear into his hairline, and for a moment, he forgets to glare at me. "What? You want me to go on a date with you?" The disgust in his voice is clear, and that offends me. What have I ever done to him? Annoy him a little, sure, but enough to warrant him being so rude?

"First of all," I say, affronted, "would that really be so bad? And second of all, no, you fucking doughnut, not everybody wants to have a piece of you. I'm hungry, I want a burrito, and while I eat I'm going to decide how to torture you, so come or not, but stop being such a piece of shit."

He's quiet for a moment, and this time, I'm the one scowling at him. "Aren't you worried we'll get in trouble?" he asks, furtively looking around for Fitch.

I spot Fitch loitering around a few feet away, and I wave. He salutes me with two fingers, which is the sign that we can leave. "Nah, we're good," I say.

Theo, having watched the exchange between me and Fitch, rolls his eyes. "Of fucking course," he mutters. "Of course you have Fitch on your side."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, Bitter Becky. There's only twenty minutes of lunch left, and I'm not letting you take up any more of my time. You coming or not?"

A pause. "I'm coming."