Ryan's POV

" Ryan, you should at least give it a try," said Natasha leaning forward as she placed the fork on the plate and waited for my response.

Leaving a long sigh I leaned back on my chair muttering " now I regret telling you about it "

And instantly earned a slap on my forearm from her.

" Don't be mousy... Just got it " she asserted.

" Easy for you to say " I breathed out while looking around.

As it was almost lunchtime now I could see more people gathering around the French-Kott restaurant which is near Natasha's office.

It was brunch time when I got a call from her asking me to meet her at a French-Kitt restaurant near her office during lunchtime.

I was relieved to see her after a long time, since the time she went on a business trip I wasn't able to contact her cause mostly her phone would be out of reach or I was too busy to attend her call.

But thankfully she returned earlier this morning and called me to meet her.

And I am a messed up shit who needed a sane person's advice to help my goofed-up mind after getting a reply from Jenny last night.

After having dinner with my mom who kept apologising for the judgement she passed on me a few hours ago, I went upstairs after wishing her goodnight. Whatever she did was unacceptable but I couldn't be mad at her for long because she is the only person I have as a family. 

I finished some pending mail checking and went to bed. But for some reason, I couldn't sleep because my heart was rapidly thumping against my chest so loud that the sound of my heart beating reached up to my ear, keeping me awake all night.

I was highly strung with the thought of thinking about the non-planned Fake date that I made up with Jenny to prank her but later I realized that I fucked up myself.

Tension made its way inside me when I got a reply from Jenny late at night saying " OKAY : ) "

that's what she sent, and after reading that I was barely breathing.

Fuck, she was already convinced that she might have planned the date in her drunken state and never thought to ask me out if it was real. What surprised me more is, not even for once she tried to confirm before blindly trusting my word and agreeing to the Date which she never asked me for.

Now I feel unsure about wanting to know her because her being the dumb person kind of turned off my interest in her. But wait, what if she has some other reasons to trust my words?

The whole night I kept staring at the message she sent because I had no idea what to do with it.

For a moment I thought to call her and confess the mess I made but I couldn't act on my thoughts. But again, I didn't want to spoil the newly building bond with her. Apart from the attraction we share, there's an invisible connection between us that keeps me on edge to know her and be with her in any way and means. Adding to that, she is one hell of a woman who makes me want her. 

Besides everything, I still wanted to act along and go on a date with her. I hate myself for this but still, I would like to date her even if it's a one-time thing. I can't lose the one pretty opportunity to be with her more, to be near her and able to talk to her, to know her more and spend time with her more, to do nothing but just sit there and keep looking at her, to just let myself free from the griefs and sorrows be a normal person with her even if it's meant only for a couple of minutes.

Nevertheless, I knew the serious shit I was getting myself into, but I'm helpless. It's Jennifer and she is making me feel things that I never felt from day one of seeing her.

It's a freaking DATE, which means many more things other than just sitting with her and keep looking at her.

I'm still vulnerable to letting anyone know what I've been through all these years, no matter how strong and intimidating I appear nevertheless the inner child in me is still scared to face the darkness.

" Penny for your thoughts"

I snapped out of my thoughts as Natasha waved her palms in front of my eyes.

Coming back to the present I drank the ice water which was kept in front of me on the table.

" Easy....easy...." Said Natasha, who was fully focused on her lunch.

" I'm not fooling her anymore, " I muttered.

Maybe it was a silly prank at the beginning but after receiving her response which had no question but only an answer that screwed me up I don't think I should take it anymore.

This is ridiculous, I mean it is supposed to be a prank not a fucking Date. Why didn't cross-check about what she might have done and said being drunk like the previous time she did?

If I let this happen, it would be the biggest absurdity I had ever done.

" Ryan, you're overreacting.  " She snickered fucking her hair behind her ear and continued " look, all you need to do is not tell her the part of the Prank Date you made up, and everything will be fine."

Scoffing at her clever suggestion of carrying on with the Date by hiding the truth from Jenny.

" You're the worst person to seek sensible advice from " I spoke with a chuckle.

Even though I know whatever she is trying to emphasise to me is part of her concern and care for me, following her ideas means digging my own grave.

" C'mon, you said you like her....then why are you hesitating Ryan? " She asked directly, looking at me while she gulped down the food she was chewing.

" Correction, I didn't say I like her...I said she is a genuine person " I remarked

" You said she is stunning and she has been staying in your mind rent-free since the day you saw her....so summing up everything you said I could notice how much you like her " Natasha had this proud smirk on her face when she said that.

Now I regret sharing everything about Jenny with her. Right, it's my fault that I talked a little bit more about Jennifer and how radiating her soul feels when I'm around her. I had no control over my mouth while talking about Jennifer, it was like I would burst if I didn't talk about every single detail about her which makes her Jennifer. After an hour of blabbing I realised that I revealed a lot more than should have thus I kept mum right after Natasha smirked at me with a look of * already crazy over her? *.

From the moment I saw Natasha in person I crushed her in a tight hug and can say she did the same.

We talked about how our days went and she wished me luck with the new project and award, but that's not the interesting part yet.

When I told her about the misery I put myself into, that's the interesting part because Natasha was laughing her heart out when I told her how my idea of pranking Jenny with a fake Date led me to a real date with her.

I was waiting for Natasha to say something that could help me out of this mess I created for myself But telling her everything only got me worse

I regretted it and realised that she isn't the right person to discuss this with as she started to persuade me to take this opportunity and Date Jenny for real.

The moment I told her about Jennifer and the casual dinner night following the prank Date I made, she has been nagging me to give it a try and Date Jenny.

Being a confused dick I was expecting some sensible advice from her as I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Right this moment I cursed myself for not making enough friends who could throw the variety of ideas and suggestions on my face when I seriously needed one.

Anyway, since I got myself into this mess I had to get myself out of this too.

" I don't want to be in a relationship Nandy, which part of the sentence you're not understanding? " I bawled at her because she wasn't trying to think of my shoes at all.

I know I never told her about my phobia and traumas that hunts me down, but can't she at least take a No as a No? Can't she understand that if in saying I'm not ready for a relationship then there must be a reason for that?

" What? Just going on a Date for the first time with someone doesn't mean being in a Relationship...." She spoke a little louder than I expected her to.

Looking around I made sure we didn't pull anyone's attention on us and resumed talking to her " but going on a date with her means and conveys that I've something for Jenny..."

" Tell me what kind of drug are you on? " She responded with a frown.

Arching my right eyebrow at her I kept silent.

" Cause you're behaving like one Ryan, chill man... it's a Date and unless you don't tell her about " she winked playfully while stuffing another piece of meat inside her mouth.

This argument is getting worse, it seems like she came here with all her points and words prepared unlike me.

" Ryan, life is a one-time thing...... do it now or else never. So put all your worries away for a moment and think about your heart that pumps even faster when you see her, which means there's something inside you that wants her so badly yet It's just you....who keeps denying your own feelings man. "

" But still I feel like this is so soon to decide it's just a few days and I ........." I was about to say something but she stopped me

" Look Ryan, it's just a Date, not a big deal... If you don't want to be a serious commitment then it's fine.... either way it's your choice but if you ask me I would say give it a try before you deny your feelings. From the way you talked about Jenny, I could sense how much you like her.... don't try to lie about it... I've seen your eyes sparkle when you mentioned her." She threatened with her big-big eyes.

I remained silent since her words were making sense now, or It was just me who began to make sense of whatever she was trying to convey.

" Just give it a try, who knows this one Date could change something in you....or something about you that stays away from the brighter side of life....." she said, reaching out for my hands.

" But what if it didn't work and ruined everything I've? " I asked with seriousness, handling my insecurities is one big job I got. Whenever I try to be positive and think about moving on, something from the past ruins the positivity I have and leaves me in insecurities that I could never get over.

Above all these plights, my phobia makes me want to stay away from Jenny as much as possible. because I can't bear her touch if it's sexual intimating. I can't.

Would I ever be able to get over my phobia and live a life as I want? I don't know, honestly.

She chuckled and replied " what if it works out in the best way possible? What if you end up finding your closure and solace in her? What if she replaces the emptiness of your heart with love and hope? " She said without blinking for a few seconds, as she held her eyes on me that twinkled with Hope.

I didn't argue anymore, maybe I heard what I wanted to hear.

Musing on what she said I mode at her and sat there silently while she had her lunch in complete mute mode.

What if I try one more time before giving up?

What if Jenny's brighter side makes the darkness around me disappear ?