Author’s POV

Sweat buds formed on his forehead when he saw darkness surrounding him as he opened his eyes from the long slumber he was lost in.

Darkness was all he could see and  feel around him, gulping his saliva down to the dry throat he looked around, there was no one except him.

Putting a step forward he looked down to make sure that he’s on solid land that wouldn’t swallow him or draw him in water like he saw in some creepy ghost movies long back. The silence was spread throughout the whole area, he could hear his own heart beats along with the sound of moving winds and his footsteps.

He has no idea how he landed in such a deserted place that he has never seen before. The last thing he remembers is he came back home and slept on his bed after spending an exhausting day in the office.

The place and darkness present there creeped him out. He looked around to find a way out but couldn’t figure anything since the peach darkness didn’t help much to see anything clearly.

Not having any choice he decided to rescue himself without wasting any time waiting for someone else. He started to walk, keeping himself focused on his front.

It had been only two minutes of him walking when he heard the sound of another footstep along with him. He stopped walking and looked around, but  couldn’t see anything or feel any presence so he resumed walking inorder to reach anywhere he could but not this place.

Again, the footsteps followed him when he walked. Turning back he threw his arms in the air and waved repeatedly to feel anyone’s body if there was someone. But he failed, for a moment he convinced himself that he must be hallucinating and began to walk.

But his breath hitched and eyes widened when he heard a faint voice of someone he knows and hates. Not wanting to get drawn into the fear, he shook his head and paced fast and with him the footstep also picked a speed.

He was breathless and scared to look back again, because he just knows that if this time he turned back he might just find someone standing right behind him. Holding his breath he kept running not knowing where to go and how to go. All he knew was, run before the darkest fear of him catches him in its clutch.

After a few minutes of breathless run he finally stopped and looked around the place he was standing. It wasn’t covered in darkness. He was about to see the moon and stars that provide a little brightness that is all he wanted.

It was a desolate place, he was standing and gazing around if he could find any people who would help him.

“ Ryan…”

A voice reached his ear making it twitch in fear.

His body stiffed, as he stood still.

“ Ryaaan…….look at me “

Now, the voice was clear and sharp as if it came from just behind him.

He didn't want to turn back, he knew who it could be and the mere thought scared him to shit.

Goosbumps arrived on his skin when he felt the warm breath falling in the back of his neck following the voice.

He wanted to scream, run away and never look back.

But he couldn’t, his whole body froze refusing to move as per his brain instruction. The eyeballs were the only part of his body that could move. But he still felt his body, his skin so he was believed that he is still alive, just not able to move or speak

A shiver ran through his spine memorising the owner of the voice that rang behind him. A wind passed through him shaking his soul out as he realised that now he was movable and could speak.

“ you know right, there would be consequences if you don’t look at me “

“ da… ..’ed…” he whispered while turning around with horror registered in his eyes.

It was his father, standing right behind him.

“ Good boy, “ he smiled while bringing his hand close to Ryan’s cheek. Ryan stepped back in an instant , not letting his dad touch his face.

“ No..please…..don’t…..” he was hardly able to speak these words, looking down as he couldn’t look into his dad’s eyes that shined with a vice of lechery.

“ Look up, at me Ryan “ his father's voice was firm, alerting Ryan about his anger.

A lone tear slipped down as Ryan lifted his face and looked at his father with fright “ please…..don’t touch  me “ he muttered knowing that his pleadings will not reach the deaf ear of his ruthless father who wouldn’t show any mercy on him.

Putting on step ahead his father husked with  a devilish smile playing around the corner of his lips “ shhhh, don’t speak….just  feel “

“ No please….don’t ….it hurts” he cried out in trepidation of the dreadful things his father would bring to him.

But the creepy smile of his father made his stomach churn as he  screamed.

“ nooo…please….”

“ don’t “

“ noooo….” he screamed on top of his lungs clutching the bedsheets right in his fists.

Ryan’s eyes jerked open as he sat  straight and caught some breaths to calm his heart that  was thumping against his chest.

Looking around in daze he found himself in his bedroom. With his hand shaking Ryan reached to the water jug on the table beside his bed. Gulping down the water in one go, he glanced at the wall clock which was stuck on 5:23 AM.

Few seconds passed as his heart beat became normal and whipped the sweat off his face in frustration.

It was still gloomy out there, but not dark that brought relief in him. It took a few seconds for  him to realise that it was a nightmare and now he’s no more a part of that nightmare.

Removing the sheets from his body Ryan was about to step down but stopped and looked down at his body  that was covered in sweat as if he came out bathing without drying himself.

He looked around for nth time to make sure that he’s awake from the nightmare before stepping down and walking towards the bathroom. His knees felt weak, and his hand was still shivering.

Getting inside the bathroom he  stood straight looking into himself through the bathroom mirror. Sweat dripped down  from the side of his neck, lines of distress formed on his forehead and  eyes reflecting fear, disgust  and anguish that was planted by his father and watered by the nightmares.

He wanted to close his eyes and take deep breaths for a few minutes to calm himself, but closing his eyes for a few minutes would drag the image of his father in front of him, he feared to see him even though the picture of imagining his face didn’t settle well with him at this moment.

He was vulnerable and he hates that in him.

His face was pale, emotionless and blank.

“ everytime…..every single time…when i finally feel like i’m putting all broken pieces of mine together and think that i’m going to be okay soon…….you …..you find some way to destroy that little hope in me…..you keep coming back to me even though i’m trying to get rid of you …..why…..why…..”

He whispered looking at the mirror, into his eyes that were glossy and may overflow with  tears anytime.

Ryan felt too enervated to voice out anymore. He was exhausted mentally, dealing with his emotions and nightmares that never let him live peacefully. A lot of things were going inside his mind. He was scared, he was angry, he  was disgusted by the sight of himself.

Nightmares, he sees them everytime when  he sleeps with  a hope of waking as the Ryan who’s not afraid of darkness, who’s not scared of nightmares, who’s not pretending to be a happy person, whose guilt free and not vulnerable, who’s not alone and dead from the inside, who’s not stuck in his childhood horrors that hunts him till this date.

But every time his hope will be crushed badly so that the next time he won't be able to gather courage to hope for something good.

He just  wants a simple life, like every normal person would ask for. Nevertheless he isn’t able to build a normal life around him when there’s a whole tsunami of emotions stuck inside him. His traumatic memories need to be let go of , but his vulnerability is holding onto it. He doesn’t want to be like this.

He hates the person he is seeing in the mirror right now. Clenching his jaw Ryan closed his eyes for a second to relieve the anger that was building inside him blocking his mind from thinking  straight. Suddenly he was fuming, his face took a shade of red as his blood boiled in anger.

He badly needed a release of anger, the  pictures of his father kept flashing inside his brain making him ferocious about his own existence. He was repulsive and disgusting to even mention an abuser as his father.

“ I hate you ” gritting these words looking deep down into his eyes, Ryan found the shadows of his father still left in him. Not able to control his emotions anymore he let out a loud shrink of pain before he thumped the mirror with his hand breaking the mirror into pieces.

The loud noise of mirror breaking brought him back to reality and he fell on his knee letting the blood bleed out of his knuckles.

His hand was bleeding as the mirror pieces pierced his skin, it pained him but right now what he’s going through is much more painful than any physical pain. He is wounded, again and again.

His wounds need to be cured before he begins to find his solace in the pain.