Author’s POV

The sun shone brilliantly in the clear, blue sky. White, fluffy clouds drifted across the clear blue sky. It was a bright and sunny day.

The beach on a sunny day is a sight to behold. Blazing sun casts its blaring rays on the smooth but weathered rocks by the seaside. Sea charges onto the rocks rattling the tiny pebbles, and nudging them along like a gust of wind. Soft seaweed bathes in pale blue sear waters, rocking back and forth along with the everlasting movement of waves. Warm, baking sand covers you like  a soft blanket allowing eternal warmth to radiate through people's bodies.

Sam looked down at his feet realising the sand between his feet, standing on a coarse cloud that he could just seep into. The water teasing his toes and running back into hiding. Repeating the cycle getting closer and closer each time until he felt the rush of current under him and the sand being pulled out from between his toes back into the ocean.

The ocean looked like an enormous pool of wonder. It was exceptionally blue that day with a slight green undertone. The surface looked as though it was covered with millions of diamonds crashing with the waves and kissing the sand.

Sam was gazing at the long and crashing waves in front of him. The sound of rumbling surf made his heart catch the rhythm as he sat under the cloudless sky letting his skin get tanned willingly.

It’s Wednesday and he left his pending work behind only to spend a few hours on the beach to get rid of his mental stress. After attending back to back meetings and conferences all he needed was a few hours on the beach to recharge himself. Diving in deep water of ocean is the best thing that he loves to do it over again and again. He’s so fond of water and beaches that whenever he gets a chance he takes that without letting it slip out of his hands. And for a reason he never brings any of his friends with him to beach, it’s simply that he loves his ‘me time in beach’ and getting his friends with him to the beach will snatch his space totally. Well, beach is the only space he spends without any of his friends with him.

He was sitting with his both hands entangled with each other on his knees. There were womens in bikinis and swimsuits, surfing and swimming in deep water but his eyes got glued to a man who was walking out of water letting his bare body shine out of sunlight and his boxer hanging on his lower stomach showcasing his thick V line perfectly.

Sam’s gaze stayed on him for a longer moment before he realised it and looked away not wanting to get caught gawking at him.

Keeping away his attraction for men is hard for him, especially when he’s alone and mostly surrounded by almost naked or bare upper body mens walking and swimming around him.

He was twelve when he started to get conscious about his attraction for men more than women. But at that age, he really didn’t thought that this would mean being a gay. He grew up with his grandfather as his parents would always be out of town for their business meetings and events. No doubt they loved him, but not in a way he  wanted them to.

Sam’s parents hardly would stay with him for a week or couple of days,and the  rest of year they would be roaming around countries to establish their business. Of course they used to bring expensive toys and gadgets for him but those costly stuffs couldn’t feed the hunger of a child who only wanted his parents affection and attention not those expensive toys. Nevertheless his parents failed to notice the glumness on his face when they left him with his Grandfather.

Sam’s Grandfather was a sweet person who tried his best to love him enough so that he would never feel his parents' absence but yet somewhere he lacked and Sam knew it’s not his fault. During the schooling He befriended with Jenny, who

At the age of twelve he began to realise his attraction for mens, and had thought that it would slowly fade away when he grew up. Not having enough maturity and knowledge about sexuality and genders he assumed that with passing time he will began to like woman instead of mans. Well, his attraction for women never developed, instead he began to feel a strong liking towards men. However when he was in his early eighteen, he met a girl the same age as him and they both liked each other A LOT.

They used to spend so much  time together, late at night listening to music, going to the library and suggesting books to each other, and waited for each  other in the canteen and college. Takes long walks with  each, discusses some random topics, celebrates each other’s birthday as if it were their own, shares a lot of gifts and creates memories that  can never be forgotten. They both were virgins and she  was clearly head over heels for him and he was also falling in love with her as well. The problem was, he didn’t felt any attraction or lust for her. She was cute, beautiful very  understanding. In such a short span of time she filled the gap inside him left by  his parents. She was so affectionate and caring towards him that he felt alive. But at that age he knew he wanted to be with man. He had realised that long ago when  he was bored watching man-woman porns and wantedly browsed a gay porns videos. He knew what he wanted at that time but yet he was in denial and kept burying his thoughts inside him deep down.

One night they  both smoked a little reefer which  she  stole from his dad’s drawer as she  just wanted to try  how that  feels. After smoking that things become physical between them and they both lost their virginity  to each other. He  was hell nervouse because  he knew he  was reall doing something that he didv’t wanted to, but  he did it anyway hoping that maybe  he  will like it besides she  was  so cool and they  wanted to explore this plesure process called ‘sex’.

But after that night he had to accept to himself that  all these years he was in denial about his sexuallity  even though he  liked to chat with men online but was too scared to meet them. Neverthless the sex with  his girlfriend helped him to came out of himself and accept what he is, so he went ahead and met one of the gay man he  was chatting for long. The first  date went well and he  was excited for the second date with that gay man, he couldn’t belive he actually had sex with another man which surelly felt better and more plesrable than what he did

with his girlfriend. The kink and desires kicked in and the one time dating turned into  a relationship as he did not want that pleasure to end. So he kept his relationship a secret of course, and for a year he kept lying and pretending to be not the one cheating on his girlfriend.

Six more months passed and he couldn’t cheat  her anymore, the guilt and regret every time he met his gay  partner began to eat him and his peace. During the one and half year of his gay relationship he alaways wanted to tell his girlfriend that  he has been cheating behind her back but the fear and insecurity  never let him. Besides, he didn’t feel horrible about hurting her with  his truth but hiding it from her felt even more terrible. So one day he decided to disclose the truth to her, who had been thinking that her boyfriend loves her so much  that he would never think of any other woman. Of course he  wouldn’t !

It was hard, humiliating and risky  for him but he chose to go with his decision by revealing the  truth to her . He stepped ahead and revealed to her about his sexuallity and told her that he is in a relationship with another Man.

She was heartbroken, she cried and cried louder. Then she cursed him and called him names before leaving. Her anger was valid till point, as he knew about his sexuallity yet fooled around her. And the cheating part was the most painful thing for her to tolerate.

But eventually she dealt with it and got over With her heart break and met him after three months only to say that she wouldn’t be hating him if only he had said told her truth way before. He knew she had a point. With a tight hug of assurity alone with goodbye she walked out, from his life not wanting to burden him anymore. They could have remained as friends but he  knows that  would be unfair to her, cause she loved him more than he loved her.

It was hard for him to lose the only soul who really cared about him and his feelings after his grandfather. And yet he had to let  her go in order  to free her from that meaningless relationship.

Slowly he began to embrace himself with all his flaws and with  each passing day he filled his soul with self confidence. After joining the college he met Jenny, the instat spark and vibes matched as they became best friends from classmates. Life seemed more fair and fun to him with his friend Jenny and his caring grandfather beside him. Though he never stopped dating gay mans, he never told this to Jenny or his Grandfather. But little did he know that they already knew about it.

After completing his degree, Jenny and him joined masters and there they met Maya. who was their Senior and yet her friendly nature brought all of these together as a best friends squad. And till now they’re maintaining the same bond even though all of these three are busy with their respective careers and jobs.

Apart from his friends, he doesn’t have anyone who really cares for him. Because his grandfather passed away just  a year ago, he was totally broken. But again, he knew how to handle himself and he did.It was hard for him but he had to accept that fate and move on. In that  same year he also had break up with his gay partner with whom he was in relationship for five years.

Adding more memory in his already drained out soul, on a random day  his parents finally decided to stop roaming around counties and let their son handle their business but the harsh reality hit them when their son showd nointrest in their business and spat at them with anger and hate that he doesn’t wants them nor their hard built business. He was fed up with their ignorant behaviour towards him, whenever he needed them the most, they were not here for him and now when finally they’re aged and realised  that  they need support they run back to their son. Nevertheless he lashed out on them expressing all the anger, disappointment and unfulfilled expectations and depressive childhood.

He had come through  such  a long way, and life had been never fair to him yet he founds a way to enjoy the life to the fullest. His friends are most important part of his life, and all he wants is their friendship remaining the same for forever. He can’t afford to lose his friends, because after his grandfather  they’re the only souls who keep checking on him and  making sure he’s safe and fine. As he abandoned his parents long ago, he doesn’t have any contact with them.

Starting up with his career he’s doing all fine professionally,yet he knows this is not enough for his soul. His soul wants an emotional, intimate and intense connection, which is nowhere to be found.

The loud roaring of people broke his chain of thoughts as he looked around in amusement and found a few people surfing on the highest waves that  looked cool and dangerous as well.

He smiled, recalling how life showed him the highest and lowest waves of pleasure and distress at a time. It’s not like he’s unhappy with his current  life, it’s just at the end of the  day  he  wants  to lay  down and cuddle with his partner, and wants to get assured and validated by his partner with  love  and affection.

Leaving a long sigh he got up and walked towards the seashore getting  himself prepared for another round of swimming. That is the only way to reduce his stress, and  relax his muscles along with  cleansing his aura.

He loves to be on the beach.

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A/N

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