XVII
u n r e v i s e d
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My heart was pounding against my chest at a rapid pace. Oh gosh...

He closed his eyes resting his forehead on mine while his hands still held onto my cheeks. I looked up at him through my eyelashes, seeing him take deep breaths that I could feel.. On my lips! I was so nervous, was he gonna kiss me or did he just need a place to rest his forehead?

As if he read my mind, he breathed out "I wanna kiss you."

I licked my lips, staying silent and waiting in anticipation. He shook his head slowly. "But I can't.. I can't do that to you." He whispered, pulling away from me and taking a step back. I tried covering up my disappointment but did a terrible job. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I can't do that to you, Iris. It would be wrong."

I felt a lump in my throat.

Was I the problem? Is that why it would be wrong? Because I'm not the right girl? Why does that thought hurt me so much?

I let out a long sigh before looking down at my lap. "Can you take me home please?"

I heard him take a couple of steps closer to me before I felt him place two fingers under my chin, tilting my head up. He frowned, "Why do you wanna go home?"

I shrugged "don't really see myself enjoying the rest of the evening."

He bit his lip, running his thumb over my cheek. "I don't want tonight to end just yet."

I stared at him, feeling myself begin to get annoyed with his mind games. What the heck? He doesn't wanna kiss me but he wants to spend time with me? He says he likes me but it would be 'wrong' if he kisses me? What kind of game is this he's playing? I pulled my cheek away from his touch and narrowed my eyes at him. "I said I wanna go home, Jason."

He frowned, "Princess, what's wrong?"

I rolled my eyes, jumping off of his hood. "Don't call me that anymore."

He grabbed my arm. "Hey, hey, hey. What's the matter?"

I looked at him and scoffed, "Why don't you tell me, Jason? You tell me you like me, you bring me here on a date then you make me think that you're gonna kiss me but you don't!" I licked my lips, my eyes stinging with tears. "Is it because I'm not pretty enough?"

He seems to be taken back by my words a little bit and he furrowed his eyebrows. "What? No, no of course not. Iris, I told you, you're beautiful." He grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to him. He licked his lips, staring down at me. "You don't understand, Iris. There's so much you need to know about me. I assumed that if I kissed you tonight, it would have been your first kiss?"

I bit my lip, nodding my head and he sighed. "I don't want you to regret your first kiss. There's a lot about me that I haven't told you, a lot of bad things Iris." His eyes gloss over and they quickly become dark. A chill runs down my spine as the emotion around us becomes tense and his eyes turn cold. "You should know what you're getting yourself into..."

"What is it then? Tell me."

He shook his head "No, I can't... Maybe I should just take you home." He let go of my hand and motioned to the car "Come on."

I rolled my eyes, frustrated at his secrecy before I got into the car.

...

I stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind me without saying goodbye to him. I walked around the car and saw him get out. As I walked up the front path, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him, my back against his chest as he leaned against the car.

"Sweetheart, please don't be mad?" He whispered in my ear, giving me chills down my spine and an unfamiliar swooping sensation in my stomach. He took my hand and turned me around, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Look at me." He demanded softly, turning my head so I'd look at him. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear "I don't want you to be mad."

I shrugged, staying silent. He groaned. "Oh come on, why are you being so stubborn?"

I glared at him "Because! You're a jerk! You make me feel all weird and happy and excited inside, you call me these cute little pet names and you make me wanna kiss you! I'm being stubborn because you're just so frustrating! I wish I knew what you were thinking but I don't because you're such a m-" I was cut off by his lips being placed on mine. He cupped the back of my head with his hand so I wouldn't pull away. I stood still for a second, not knowing what to do before I slowly started moving my lips with his. It felt weird but... A good weird.

I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat that was almost as quick as mine. His lips were so soft and warm. My stomach felt like Jurassic park and my heart was practically shattering my rib cage with its insane beating pace. After a few AMAZING moments, which felt like hours to me, he pulled away, leaving me out of breath and craving more. His breathing was just as fast as mine as he placed his forehead on top of mine.

"You said this was your first time*?" He asked out of breath, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips. I giggled.

"Yeah."

He sighed, his smile disappearing. "See, this is what I was afraid of."

I frowned, "What?"

He shook his head, pulling his head back from me and loosening his grip around my waist. "Iris, I... I'm not who you think I am.."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion "What?"

He sighed, licking his lips "Have you ever heard of Alex and Jason McCann?"

I shook my head slowly, maintaining out eye contact. "No.."

He bit his lip, "How about a gang called 'Il Diavolo'?"

My eyes widened and I nodded my head, "Yes, they're like the most dangerous gang in the world, especially their leader, they say he's ruthless." I furrowed my eyebrows, "But what does that have to do with anything?"

He gulped, looking away from me, "I'm the leader."

I chuckled "Ha ha. Really funny, Jason."

He stared at me, his facial expression serious and that's when I realized it wasn't a joke. My mouth went dry and I shook my head, taking a step back from him "No, no Jason that can't be true."

He bit his lip "I'm sorry, Iris."

I felt my eyes fill up with tears and I stomped my foot on the ground. "No, this is so unfair!" I looked at him, wiping the tears running down my cheeks. "You're a gang leader? Oh my gosh... Jason we can't...... We could never. I'm the priest's daughter, my father would never..." I shook my head, feeling my heart clench at the fact that we could never be together, we couldn't even be friends. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyes sad.

"I know..." He whispered, "I'm sorry that I am who I am.. I wish I wasn't, just so that you and I could be together.. I understand that you don't wanna cause trouble and that's all I am -trouble." He took a step closer to me, leaning down and kissing my cheek, "I'Il stay away from you, Iris... But I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me and if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to, I'm here."

I stayed still, not being able to speak. He wiped away my tears before kissing my forehead, then he turned around, got in his car and drove off. Leaving me in front of my home alone, sad, confused and heartbroken.

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* see what I did there, it's from Justin's song, Confident.

"She said it's her first time, I think she mighta lied...
Feel so good, yeah, and I don't know why..."
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- Sam (05.12.22)