18— An unforeseen talk with Sabba!

“Knowledge comes with a prize that not each one of us is willing to pay as it takes courage to change the perspective one has known since it has been born and brought into the world with morals varying from society to society.”

— Saumya Tripathi 

“How can I just accept it? Trust him? Hm?” With sadness in my eyes and a clog in my throat, I mustered up the courage to ask the question myself loudly. I was terrified. “Why wouldn't I be?” Recalling his words as he uttered in his deep, throaty voice about the past that I had no memory of. I shuddered. "You had an accident when you were little causing the memories to be interlocked in a certain part of your brain letting you form a wall over it," I could still remember him saying to me. 

“We had a bond.”

The hauntingly certain confidence in his tone had me blanketed in goosebumps and chills. The way the truth appeared to have swirled in the large orbs when his piercing gaze met my eyes made my heart race with anticipation. I couldn't find any malice in his eyes or his voice. 

The thin film of tears blurred my vivid memory of him telling me about the past I had; our past, with him in it that we supposedly had shared. “How could it possibly be true?” His supposed truth inflicted more pain and wounds than I could count on in my mind. It inflicted deep gushes over my conscience about not remembering any of the things he had declared to me. About my past. 

The settlement of the emotion was slow at first but then all came eventually. The feeling was torturous knowing fully well that I had known him somewhere in the past and that I was finding it hard to believe the words he had enunciated, each word spoken slowly to me. Those unspoken emotions churned mutely inside me, not even realising how to process everything I had been told to believe by him. 

Unknowingly, he had caught me off guard almost about everything since he had entered my life creating nothing but havoc in the path. I did not get time to process the already happening mishaps when he bombarded me with more anguish and more misdeed than enough that I could take. 

Terror was what I had always been feeling since the day my parents left me. And I could have done nothing but accept the fact I was totally alone with the conscience of taking care of my own little brother who knew nothing about what had been happening. 

“Only God knows what has been stored for us,” I closed my eyes sensing the impending danger which was yet to come. I was trying to brace myself for what was coming up next or how long I would be able to bear whatever had been stored for me. Or us. I took a shaky breath. 

A loud knock had me coming out of my inward reverie. My eyes veered in that direction, instantly.

Who could it be? On cue, it was answered as the question came into my mind. 

"It's Sabba, Radhika. Can I come in?" The voice I now knew very well asked.

I said nothing.

How could I?

A movement later, the door opened itself.

Sighing, she came inside with an odd expression of guilt written all over her face.

"How are you doing, Radhika?" I grimaced at her without saying anything.

"I am sorry, my dear!" Taking my hand from my side, she pressed it lightly. "I don't want to beat around the bush, but I really want to know: Why did you leave, Radhika?" She inquired, blinking twice. Almost sounding unsecured. "We would not have ever thought you could do it— t-this! It was so unforeseen. What if you both have gotten hurt or more than just getting hurt what if you both were—" she stopped, her eyes appearing to have enlarged at the certain thought. “Why will you do something like that, Radhika?” her voice turned soft at the end. “We were so scared,” she shuddered. “I was so afraid for you,” she breathed.  "We have to stay in the confines of security. Why do you think there are more bodyguards in the patrols than our own family members? Our family has rivalries not just in the city we are living in but everywhere. From where we've lived in the past to where we will be going to stay. They all want something in return,” shuddering, she tried to sound calm. “They all are the bad guys as you can say,” she deflated as she told me. "I won't disclose more than I already had, but trust me, Radhika, staying here is for your own good and his," she smiled softly, rubbing her thumb over my hand as she nodded at my brother. As I stared at her numbly knowing not how and what to reply to that. Was she serious? 

“If your family had bad guys upon you trying to hurt you all, why are we getting punished by being taken here?” my voice was so low but a single gasp made me know she heard me. “What is our fault, Sabba? Why are we here when it is so dangerous to be here?” I turned my face away from her. Blinking for the prickling tears in my eyes to go away. “I-i want to go home, Sabba.”

She paused and we sat in silence after then, staring at everything other than each other until she broke it, “Please don't say that,” her hands tightened around mine when she kept on saying, “For all I know, this place is only where you are the safest. You both are. Because this way you have people protecting you. Don't you see it, Radhika?” she uttered with a soft tone. "We were so traumatised when we got to know you- you and Shaurya weren't just in the room," she shuddered at the end with a tint of quiver in her voice. "I was your friend, wasn't I? You should have asked me prior to taking such a risk of your own, Radhika, I was so petrified," she exhaled. “We all were.” Sniffling through her nose, she stated: "Uzair bhai was the only one who was calm and solemn like he knew you'd do this or like it would happen, somehow. And as if somewhere he'd known you could never have done this on your own, but with someone's help," she disclosed. “Was there someone who helped you, Radhika?” She paused trying to read my expression. Maybe she did because in the second she said something that had me tense. “There was someone. Wasn't it?”

I said nothing other than stare at her. Face emotionless and blank. Or I thought it was. But only my heart knew what I was feeling from inside. Heart aching, I found myself unable to keep up my passive face. I never wanted Fatima to face any problems because of me. But she did and now it seemed she was caught in the middle of something which I had no control over. However, it wasn't her fault. She was just trying to help me out. Taking a deep breath, she got going again when she got no answer from me: 

"I know whatever this is happening is taking an emotional toll on you. You feel suffocated and frustrated, and more of all— confused and furious. I know that. But, do you, Radhika believe: that everything happens for a reason? I wish I knew that certain reason too so that I could have let you know. But I am as unbeknownst as you,” she completed. “But one thing I am sure of— you both will never be hurt in this family.” I blinked at that. “There are reasons which I don't know of,” she justified, “but one of which being— keeping you both here is for safety purposes. I wish I had known to tell you,” she regretted not knowing the facts. “But I don't. I am not aware of any of it other than what I already said.”

Keeping me here? What reasons might that be? I thought. 

“Keeping us safe from what exactly?”

She blinked at me. 

“I want to know. Will you tell me, Sabba?” my voice quivered. “I am so tired of knowing the half-truths. I don't want to be in a dark place anymore!” 

Despite my protest of not being touched, she hugged me tightly. “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry,” as I let my tears fall on her shoulder I realised how much heavier it was making me feel. With her worries and continuous sorries in my ear, I held her tightly too. 

Seconds turned into minutes..

I didn't know how long I had cried, considering the fact that she never once complained about it.

I sniffed at last having no tears to spill anymore. 

“Radhika, are you okay?”

I nodded. Untangling myself from her. We sat in complete silence. None said a word. Yet, I saw her wiping the corner of her eyes, indicating she was crying with me. I quickly looked away. I knew if I looked at her I would see her as my friend. That was what she wasn't. Not anymore. If she were, she would have been the one helping me out of there and not Fatima. 

Squeezing my hand once again with both of hers, she alleged: "Uzair bhai is a very good person, once you come to know him. He—" she got cut off by the sudden sound of the door opening. We both jumped at the unexpectedness of it. 

"Sabba, Shreyanz Bhai is asking for you," said an unidentified person from the door. She seemed quite young. I twisted my face away at the person: to see. She seemed to be a child at the look of it. 

"I will be in a bit, Yasmina," she said, nodding.

"Think about it, Radhika, this place isn't as bad as you have already presumed it to be," said Sabba, standing up to leave. "And Shreyanz Bhai is our older brother. The big brother of our house,” she said, emphasising. “Once you meet him, you will know how good of a person he is. He is basically the head of the family. However, he is more protective over each of us than anyone I know!” She slightly cracked up. “He's more of a father figure than our brother. You will love him,” she smiled softly. “Because I know he loves you already,” she lightly muttered but I heard her. 

I once again said nothing. Merely stared out the window at the enchanting lawn which helped calm me, inadvertently. The door snapped shut again with the sound of a lock rumbling close. As she left. The door was locked again. Wasn't it? A fresh set of tears were present inside my eyes knowing how like an animal we were locked inside.  

She left. With my mind illustrating all the scenarios, I sat there unmoved for quite a movement before standing up. I wanted to go home where the memories of my parents resided all around the place. 

Though, we won't get what we want every time we wish it to. Would we?  

Later on, I went to my sleeping brother. Sitting beside him, I stared at his small innocent baby face that had so much innocence and unawareness of the situation we were in. Blinking, I stroked his fluffy light red cheek lovingly.

"Wake up, Shaur. How much will you sleep, baby," taking his small form on my lap, I croaked, massaging his dark brown hair gently, I kissed him softly to annoy him enough for him to wake up. 

He pouted even in his sleep. I smiled in spite of my sadness and insecurities.

“Shaur, this feels like a movie. Don't you think that too? Like it is being replayed along with us in it,” I asked him. My mind replayed the scenario. Eyes dampest. “Do you think we will get to go home anytime soon?” The answer remained unresolved. “I thought as such.” 

Uzair.

I tasted his name: to recall; to remember precisely: the past of me or us having together. If we had any, that was. Was he telling me the truth? What if he was just letting me know to manipulate me the way he wanted to? Thinking hard, I tried to recall but nothing. I got nothing in return for any reminder of my past with him if I had any with him. Or along with him. None. 

How could I trust this stranger? My mind seemed to concur. Staying in here, all alone at the stranger's house? Was it even modest?' My mind marched in yet again. What should I do now? With the new question beginning to swirl I couldn't help but be suspicious about anything and everything laid before me. Do I wait for something to miraculously happen to us or must I do something to get out of their hold? I questioned myself. Perhaps I can talk him out this time. What if I didn't succeed the first time? Maybe this time I could be lucky enough to make him understand. I nodded, determined. Or I could ask for help from the head of the family who was more like a father figure to everyone here. Perhaps he could understand me and let us leave after knowing how much of a monster of a brother he had. 

This time I could be successful. Who knows.

“I won't lose hope.” 

I was determined. 

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