< --  thirteen  -- >

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'Wake up.'

Jolting upright I looked around for Cas. His voice. I heard it. I heard his voice.

Wiping sleep from my eyes pushing the disheveled hair from my face I squinted at the ocean. With the sun just breaking the sky I stood from the bench stretching my tense limbs. Needing to make my way back home I checked my cell seeing it was a little after five thirty in the morning before my phone beeped from low battery then died.

Shit

Feeling the uncomfortable pressure on my bladder I used the beach's facilities then began a light jog for home.

Pacing myself while breathing in the crisp cool air I thought about my fake girlfriend and the past only she knew of. Remembering the necklace from her car I couldn't shake the feeling of seeing the other half that was missing.

Jogging past our security guard we poliety waved to each other. Making it to the driveway my side and thighs burned intensely. Mouth dry from open mouth breathing I raised both hands putting them behind my head when the dull ache in my side began.

Needing to quickly get in the house to take the prosthetic off and clean it, I walked around to the side of the house that my bedroom was on. Looking up  my window was still open and the room was dark like the rest of the house. Sizing the tree I jumped from earlier I wasn't sure how successful climbing up would be. Going down was one thing but lifting my weight was something else entirely.

Shaking out the rest of my limbs I counted to three . . . then counted again to five . . . then once more to ten before running up to the tree jumping up on faith that I would catch a branch.

With no time for my prosthetic to tighten around the branch my left hand slipped leaving me dangling by my right. "Shit shit shit shit shit. Oh shit." Looking at the ground below I wasn't too high up and luckily there was a small branch I could step on to lift me up.

Swinging gently the tip of my toe tapped the branch. Swinging again I was able to get a footing on the branch reaching up to grab again with my prosthetic hand. Securely around the branch above I swung my leg over grunting as I pulled myself up.

I definitely needed to work on my upper body strength.

Climbing up a few more branches my window was finally eye level. Peeking inside it was still the same way that I left it. Bed still made with my backpack on top. None of the drawers or closet door were left open. Nothing on my desk was scattered and the socks that I tossed towards the laundry basket and missed were still on the floor.

Jumping to the roof I slipped back in my room freezing to listen for any noise that someone was coming to check. Pulling my hoodie and shirt off I tossed them on the floor falling face first into my fluffy pillow.

Inhaling my own scent I rolled over to plug in my phone before removing the prosthetic. Taking off the arm and sock that protected my skin I closed my eyes needing a few days of sleep when a light knock sounded on my door.

Opening one eye hoping that I didn't hear it I stared at the door when the knock sounded again and the door cracked just enough for a ginger head to pop through. "You're here!" Eloise whispered excitedly closing the door softly behind her.

"I told you I would be. What are you doing up so early?"

Her brown eyes fell to the floor as she picked at her fingers, "I couldn't sleep. I was worried that you alone somewhere."

There were times when my little sister drove me crazy but the sweet moments like these overruled how bratty she could be. Pulling back the comforter I laid on, I tapped the mattress offering my bed to her for a few hours. "Come on." I mumbled mouth halfway covered by the pillow.

Seeing Eloise face brighten she ran to my bed brushing away her fallen hair once she was next to my shoulder. Fixing the covers over her back and shoulders she closed her eyes without a word breathing quietly until they evened out into a light snore.

Watching my ten year old sister sleep against my shoulder my thoughts went back to the nights I would sleep on Cas' floor after staying up all night watching movies. Cas never wanted to share his bed even though it was large enough to fit our entire family. I always had to sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag dad bought on a whim and a pillow from my room but it was still perfect.

"Ellie? Ellie are you in here - oh."

Blinking a few times glancing over to the door my mom stood dressed in scrubs with a smile on her face. Moving to sit up the surprise weight on my stomach made me look down to Eloise laying out like a starfish. Covers underneath her calves, her mouth wide open, pieces of hair sticking to the line of drool running down her jaw, she slept comfortably.

"I didn't realize you were home." Her eyes drifted to the window then my prosthetic on the nightstand. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"No."

Walking around to the other side of the bed she sat on the corner of the mattress. Her dark hair with a few silver strands pulled back into a low bun. Her large and expensive wedding ring was now replaced with a Qualo ring that could fit comfortably in a latex glove. Her hazel eyes held sadness and exhaustion that I knew was a reflection of last night.

Reaching over she brushed Eloise's spit covered hair from her mouth smiling in a motherly way as she did so, "I'm always afraid that if she finds out that she's adopted she'll resent me for not telling her but I'm also scared that if I tell her she will feel like was an unwanted and unloved child that we brought home. I never felt like she needed to know that she was adopted because I didn't want her relationship to change with her siblings. I don't want her to feel like her life has been a lie and that we are all some strangers." She raised her eyes to me. "I want her to love you and remember Cas as her brothers and her protectors, forever. I want her to be able to go to you when she's mad at me or your dad or because she likes a little boy."

"Not gonna happen."

"Right." Mom nodded with a smile. "I just want you to continue to be there and keep that promise you made when we brought her home. Do you remember the promise?"

Of course I remembered the promise I made to Eloise when mom and dad brought her home. It was an hour after dinner, Cas and I were trying to find things to do so time would fly. We were anxious to meet our new sibling. My thoughts were everywhere trying to imagine what she would look like. If she would have freckles or two different eye colors like me. Would she have dark hair like us or blonde or black hair? I wondered if she would like the orange and crème color her room was painted. I wondered what she would smell like and if she would cry all night long. Then the car headlights shone through the window. Cas and I ran to the front door bouncing on our toes giddy to see our baby sister.

Mom and dad brought in a car seat covered with a white blanket because it was cold outside just two weeks into December. They walked over to the couch, told Cas and I to both to wash our hands and sit down before revealing this tiny human wrapped in a soft blanket. They asked us who wanted to hold her first and my hand shot up before they could finish their sentence.

It was like looking at the baby dolls I would see on tv. Everything about her was so small. Her lips were two tiny lines. Dark lashes cover her eyes that moved even though she was asleep. Picking her closed fist up I rubbed over her knuckles gently asking mom if I could see her hair.

With permission I slid my finger under the bottom of her hat easing it off of head showing a head full of ginger hair. Pressing my nose to her scalp I breathed in her scent that reminded me of summer and mom's hugs. Looking at her tiny ears I leaned in and what I thought was a whisper, told her that I would watch over her and love her until my heart stopped beating.

"I remember."

"And you have been keeping your word but she will need you more now than ever."

I wanted to sit up to better prepare myself for the bomb she was going to drop but I didn't want to wake Eloise up so I stayed put. "What's going on?"

"You're almost and adult so I won't sugarcoat it." Mom removed her hand from Eloise's face. "After the funeral your father and I were no longer seeing eye to eye on things. We would argue more often than not and when we weren't arguing it was because we were giving each other the silent treatment, as childish as that sounds."

"Things like what?"

"Things that you don't need to know Sweetheart."

"Like me killing him." Closing my eyes I covered them with my arm feeling the tears slip from the corners.

"Lars -"

"You don't have to lie or sugarcoat it to spare my feelings mom. I know what I did. I know it's my fault. I know -"

"Lars." My arm was yanked from my face. "I will tell you like I've told your father, it was not your fault. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you lying to me like everyone else. Dad is the only one who can -"

"Your father and I are separating Lars."

The words now caught in my throat I looked at my mom confused. Her and dad were separating? My parents were splitting . . . because of me. Because my dad knew I was a murder and my mom refused to see it.

Great job Lars. Tearing your family apart even more.

"Don't do this mom. Don't do this because of me. I will turn myself in and make them believe me. I will make up a story if I have to! I deserve to go to prison!" Eloise stirred on my stomach turning on her side facing me. Her lids fluttering a little but her snoring continued.

"You are not to blame Lars and I will say it until you believe it."

"Mom -"

"No." She cut me off. "Now you listen and you listen good. I love you and I see your pain that you try to keep bottled up inside but you cannot fool me Lars. You cannot fool the one that brought you into this world and kissed you boo boos while you cried. I -" A beeping blared from her pocket waking Eloise. Checking her pager with an exhale mom turned it off looking back to me before smiling to Ellie.

"Hi Mommy." Eloise rubbed her eyes wiping her mouth with her pajama sleeve.

"Good morning honey. I have a surgery to get to but I will call you when I get out." Mom leaned over placing a kiss on her forehead. "Lars, you're still on punishment so don't get any ideas about leaving this house. I told Lacey's mom that she could come over so she'll be here around lunch. Make sure to feed the children and we'll talk more when I get home."

What was I supposed to say when Eloise asked about dad? Where was dad? In some hotel? In his office here in the house or at work? Were they going to live in separate houses? Were they going to separate Ellie and I?

"Lar? Lars!"

"Huh - yeah. Yes?"

Mom looked at me probably seeing my thoughts regretting that she ever told me but I preferred to be treated like an adult and now I just need time to process it all. "I have to go but we'll talk, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." She turned to Eloise. "It's still early Ellie, you can go back to sleep." Scratching her shoulder Ellie nodded falling on the pillow next to mine. "I love you both."

Hearing the front door close I eased out of the bed going to my parents room. Opening my dad's closet I looked inside exhaling in relief that his clothes were still there. Nothing seemed amiss in the large closet but he had so many clothes that an overnight bag wouldn't even make a dent.

Six hours later I somehow found myself in the middle of a who is the cuter celebrity. The argument was between Harry Styles, Zayn, Shawn Mendes, Nick Jonas, and some other older guys that I didn't care to hear about how cute they were when they use the puppy filter. All I wanted to do was watch tv. Shutting them up with pizza was the best idea I had and even that would take another fifteen minutes.

"I like your arm."

"Lacey!" Eloise looked at her friend with wide eyes. "Sorry Lars."

"It's okay." Looking at my crossed arms I wore a short sleeve again trying to feel more comfortable in my own . . . metal. "Thanks Lacey." I smiled politely.

"You're welcome." Her cheeks blushed.

Oh no

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