< -- twelve -- >

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"Lars! Come down for dinner!" I heard my mother's voice after a light tap on my bedroom door. Pressing send to Ethan telling him how watching the band practice went, I opened my drawer of shirts ready to grab a long sleeve out of habit but paused.

Preferring to keep my prosthetic hidden even in the house the longsleeve was somewhat safe for me. I've caught my own sister staring at it making me uncomfortable. Dad never looked at it and mom acted as if nothing had changed aside from her oldest being stripped from this world by her middle child.

"Hurry up Lars, I'm hungry!" Eloise yelled.

Closing the drawer I pulled out the next drawer it looking at the short sleeve shirts I haven't seen in what felt like ages. Grabbing one from the top I pulled it over my head hurrying down the stairs to wash my hand and wipe off my prosthetic before taking my place across from Ellie at the dinner table.

There were pros and cons of having surgeons as parents, at least my parents. My mom is cardiothoracic surgeon that loves to try out vegan recipes while dad is a urologist that will eat whatever mom puts on the table to make her happy.

We used to be what one would call a perfect family from the outside. My parents never argued in front of us. They showed up to every baseball game near or far and made us go all go - as a family, to Ellie's gymnastic tournaments.

As siblings we fought and argued, more Cas and I over Ellie and I. Cas and I got in trouble for roughhousing in the house. We had to play with Ellie and her barbies or dress up at least once a week, each. Our parents worked long hours leaving Cas in charge and I of course felt that it was unfair for him to be in charge when I was just as capable.

On weekends that were free Cas hungout with his friends and I hung out with their younger siblings or played at the field. We were rewarded, we were scolded, we were a family of five that loved each other.

Now we were a family of four that didn't know how to talk about the one that was no longer with us. His bedroom door stayed closed. His favorite movies never touched. The songs he would blast from his room would immediately get switched when it came on the radio. His favorite dessert was never made and when his birthday came I felt the worst of the worst.

"So how was school Ellie?" Blinking back into reality I grabbed my fork twisting it around in the spicy noodle dish mom made.

"It was fun. Lacey and I sat next to each other at lunch and we planned out our entire summer. Can Lacey come with us when we go on vacation?" She gave her puppy dog eyes

"Woah," I cut in, "I thought it was a family vacation. No extra people."

"That's not fair!" She pouted looking between our parents. "His friend Ethan spent the entire time with us last year!"

"Ethan was there on vacation with his own family at the time." Mom replied in my defense.

"Mhm." I nodded chewing on some noodles and peppers. "What mom said."

"This is so unfair! Dad!"

Pausing midchew dad looked at Ellie then mom. "Sure honey."

"Yes."

"David!"

"I ran into your baseball coach today." He looked at me.

Thankful that my mouth was full of food I looked at mom then back to him. The discussion of me not wanting to play next year has finally came and the sudden urge to take a dump settled in.

"Before we talk about the seriousness of baseball," Mom interrupted, "I want to talk about your punishment Lars."

Hopefully some good news like getting my car back tonight.

Placing her fork down on the side of her plate she laced her fingers together as I mentally rolled my eyes already knowing that special move. It meant I wasn't quite off the hook. "In regards to the phone call we received about your absence from your last four classes of the day, your punishment will continue until next Saturday morning."

"Mom -"

"In two days you can have the keys to your car." Dad picked up where she left off. "You are to take your sister to her gymnastics practice and stay the entire time. You are to come straight home after school unless it has to do with baseball and if you can do as your told you'll be ungrounded next Saturday. That means no going to Ethan's house or having him over here."

"And no girlfriend." Eloise mocked sticking her tounge out at me.

"Girlfriend?" Dad asked with raised brows. "What girlfriend?"

"So you two are official?" My mom gushed with pride.

"What girlfriend?" Dad repeated. "Lars, you don't have time for a girlfriend."

"He has plenty of time David and she's so pretty."

"They were kissing on the front porch!"

I was going to kill Ellie. I wonder if it's too late to send her back to the agency.

"We weren't kissing Eloise." I spat through grit teeth at the sad truth.

"You were too!"

"So what's her name again?" Mom asked moving her plate aside resting her elbow on the table placing her chin in her hands. Oh no.

"Since you're so willing to share Eloise, why don't you tell mom and dad about William?"

Ellie's jaw dropped. The corners of her ears began to turn red much like her cheeks. "You promised you wouldn't tell!" She all but cried running out of the room. So dramatic.

"Who's William?" Dad asked still confused.

"I'll tell you later." Mom hushed him standing up. "I'm going to check on Ellie." Excusing herself from the table I continued to eat my spicy noodle dish as dad tried to mentally figure out if his daughter had a boyfriend or just a little crush.

Chewing on the last bite I took two gulps of water standing up to excuse myself to my room and to freedom, dad motioned for me to stay with his fork. Lowering myself back into my chair I prepared myself for the long speech he was about to give . The questions he was going to ask but wouldn't give me enough time to answer and the possible dish throwing that could happen.

"So who's this girl everyone knows about but me?"

"No one." I shrugged as if she didn't mean anything.

"She's someone if you're kissing her on my front porch."

"We weren't kissing dad."

"So your sister is lying?" Exhaling loudly my hands itched to cut Eloise's hair off. "Am I annoying you with my questions?" His voice deepened.

Looking up to his narrowed eyes I tried to deflate the conversation not wanting this to blow up. "No dad I just . . ." picking at the napkin I decided to tell somewhat of the truth, "I just find her fascinating but it's nothing more than -"

"Since when do you have time for girlfriends?"

"Dad, she's not -"

Slamming his fists on the table making the dishes rattle my muscles tightened forcing myself to not jump and show fear. The pulsing vein in his forehead stood out on his strawberry face. "She is someone that is making you second guess playing baseball for Coach Henson."

That lying son of a -

"You made a promise to your Coach, to your school, to your mother and I that you would play all four years. You don't understand how much money we spent on you to play -"

"I didn't ask you to." I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I didn't ask you to." I said more clearly. "I'm not as good as Cas was -"

"Don't you dare bring him up."

"Why not? He's still apart of this family! He was your first born! He -" Grabbing what I thought was a glass full of water he launching it my my head.

Dodging it last minute it shattered behind me. Watching the clear liquid and shattered glass slide down our beige walls I turned back to my father only to be grabbed by my collar and slammed against the wall. A stabbing pain at the back of my head began to throb from one of mom's favorite family pictures.

Seething with rage the man that helped make me held the collar of my shirt surely splitting the threads, "And now he's dead thanks to you!"

"David!" We both looked over to mom as Ellie tightly wrapped her arms around her waist tears falling to her sleeve.

Releasing me from his clutches I pushed him back, "Watch yourself boy."

On my way to move past mom and Ellie, mom placed her hand on my chest, "Lars." She looked at me with watery eyes.

"I'm fine." I lied trying to keep her from crying. "I'm going to go out and cool off."

"Lars," Ellie let go of mom's waist wrapping her arms around me, "don't go."

"You're not going anywhere! You're still grounded!" Dad yelled from behind me making Ellie squeeze my waist tighter.

Bending down I picked her up brushing her hair away to kiss her cheek. Remembering the times I held her after dad's temper got the best of him when I came home late after curfew, I rubbed her back gently, "Don't cry Ellie. I'll be back."

"When I wake up?"

Not wanting to ever return I reluctantly agreed needing her tears to dry. "When you wake up." Kissing her again I put her down heading for the door.

"David, leave him alone!" I heard mom yell after me. Picking up speed I ran to my room instead locking the door behind me. Hearing my dad bang on the door yelling for me to open up I grabbed my hoodie, house keys, and cell phone opening my bedroom window. Mentally counting to three my door shook on the hendges.

"Get your ass out here Lars! This discussion is not over!"

Crawling out on the roof I looked down to the grass below hoping that if I fell it would be to my death. Jumping for the tree I grabbed the branch exhaling as I made it over safely.

Climbing down the tree cautiously yet swiftly, I dropped to the ground making a run for it. Ethan's house would have been my only choice to crash for the night but I didn't want mom to call his mom and then everyone would worry. Dad needed a few hours to calm down so I would give him that. I also made a promise to Eloise that I would be there when she woke up and I would. Walking past the guard having seen him just a few hours ago he nodded back to me before going back to his handheld game.

Crossing the street I took a left heading for the beach instead of the plaza. Of course the walk would be longer on a pair of legs but I wasn't prepared to still be on my journey after an hour had past. Almost ready to just call quits and sit on the curb I remembered that the plans I wanted to have with Neema tomorrow and the rest of the week were canceled.

Exhaling with disappointment I pulled up Neema's contact pressing the phone icon. Ringing until it went to voicemail I hung up before the automated voicemail picked up. Sending her a text that plans had changed for tomorrow I asked her to text me back when she had time.

Just as I was pocketing my phone I felt it vibrate in my hand. Looking down at the default image for her contact I still smirked at her saved number. "Hey."

"Hey." I heard ruffling from her side. "Sorry I missed your call. Hold on a second so I can read your text . . . Is everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing really. My punishment has been extended, that's all."

"It's because of me isn't it? Because we skipped school? Oh my -"

"Isn't not because of you Neema." I cut her self blaming short, "It's because . . ." Because your father hates you? Because he sees you for the killer that you are? Because he knows that you are the one that killed his son? Because - "because I didn't do some stuff around the house and he's sick of my shit." More like sick of my existence.

Carefully holding the phone in my prosthetic hand I pushed my hair back shaking out the glass from the cracked picture frame. Feeling moisture I looked at the blood from what felt like a small cut at the back of my head. Good ole dad.

"I'm sorry Lars."

"I figured you would be elated that I can't ask you about our past."

"I'm not elated about it, I just don't see how it will change what little friendship we have in the making right now."

"It might but it might not. Regardless, I would like to know. I think I have a right to know about my past, don't you?"

"You . . . You do Lars and I will tell you. When is your punishment over?"

"A week from tomorrow."

"Damn."

"Yeah but I still get to keep my phone so I expect goodnight and good morning text from my girlfriend." Successfully making her laugh and lightening the mood she promised to text me before bed and after waking up in the morning. "And don't forget to add some emjoi's as well. I don't want to see a dry ass good morning when I first wake up, okay?"

"Why don't you text me then?"

Finally with the beach in sight I made my way over to a bench that was still on the sidewalk. "Say that I'm the best boyfriend you ever had and I will."

Neema laughed making my smile as well, "I don't know about that. You made me wear these ridiculous glasses through the drive through and you took my picture."

"But I also treated you to a smoothie - by the way, I found that five dollar bill in my pocket. Care to explain?"

"You mean the five dollars that I owed you?"

"You never owed me any money Neema."

"Agree to disagree but I have to go help my little sister with her leotard. I guess I'll see you Monday?"

"See you Monday."

Ending the call I pulled on my hoodie looking out to the beach to watch the waves crash on shore. Listening to the beat of my own heart as it cried for my brother I closed my eyes wishing that it was me instead of him. Wishing that for once, I would've just listened to him when he said keep my eyes on the road.

Why did I always have to prove him wrong? Why couldn't I just listened to my big brother so we could make it back home safely? Why wasn't I the one taken from this world instead of him? I know my father wouldn't blame Cas if I died. He would say that I would take the responsibility in causing my own death.

Cas was the fun one. He should have lived for our parents. For Eloise. He should have lived to go to college and become a baseball player. To live in a gigantic mansion and have parties every weekend. He should have lived and maybe dad's temper wouldn't have gotten so bad.

I didn't blame dad for wishing it was me instead of Cas. Hell, I wish it was me too. Killing myself seemed like a simple plan. OD on some drugs they sell down by Harbour Street. Take one of our chef knives and slit my wrist but then I thought about Ellie.

What if she was the one to find me? After losing her oldest brother she would have to bury the only brother she had left. Death changes a person and I never wanted Ellie to become a hollow soul like her big brother. Never in a million years, so I would carry Cas' death on my shoulders until I was six feet under as well. It was my fault and I would never let anyone else take the blame.

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