~

A few hours of useless searching past me, I had begged almost every man in this village, and no one seemed to care for my urgency. I dragged my wobbly feet once again in search, which seems to be extremely unsuccessful, to find someone, anyone.

At the start of my journey in heading back to HQ, I hadn't considered anything else but a ride back on a horse driven carriage. Though now the idea of walking back, though still quite impossible, seemed a bit too likely. I stopped suddenly, feeling as if I was about to faint. There was no if. I was going to faint if I didn't find someone soon.

My eyes scanned my surroundings. Women ran the food stalls while the men delivered their supplies. I walked past another horse stable, the third one so far. There were two men, the older man looked in his early sixties, his stubble showed glimpses of white hairs matching the hair on his head. I inhaled a sharp breath before walking over.

"Hello sir? Excuse me?" He heard me though he didn't move to acknowledge me, my fists clenched. "I'm sorry to bother you, but are you heading to the south by any chance? I'm desperately in need for a ride." I say trying not to sound annoyed. The man grunted.

"What, let me guess, you need a ride because your mother is dying? Or your father? Please I've heard it all before. You want to steal my merchandise. Get lost!" The urge to stab this old man with the dagger I swore was only for protection. Instead, I nodded then turned over towards the other man.

He was younger, he looked my age. His dirty blonde hair tied up in a bun, as I got closer, I could see he was pretty tall. I swallowed my pride before speaking. "Hey um, sorry sir?" His head turned at my voice. His gaze looked curiously at me, his hazel green eyes studying me. I continued. "Are you headed to the south? I really need a ride."

He studied me some more before talking. "Are you from around there?" I nodded, which led him into his thoughts. He kept quiet for a while which only made my hope fade further.

"It's ok if you're not." I say with slight tiredness. He stared at me; he could tell how exhausted I was. His head turned back to the boxes he had been loading up in the back of the carriage. I sigh realising that his answer was a no. I turned ready to walk my way home.

"If you want a ride help me load up." I turn back as he grinned at me. A smile creeped onto my lip's relief washing over me.

"Thank you." I say simply not wanting to annoy him further and change his mind. I turn to the remainder of the boxes and start to load up. A few boxes later and I was in the back of the carriage while, William, was already driving the carriage out of town.

"Why are you so desperate to get to the south?" He questioned looking over his shoulder to me, I was leaning up against a box staring back at him.

"My family is there. They haven't seen me in a while and I'm surprising them." I say and he nodded. Hours past and at some point, I had fallen asleep and when the carriage came to a sudden stop, I jolted awake. My eyes scanned my surroundings, William was staring down at me with a smile.

"Had a good nap?" I nodded slowly straightening myself up to see where we were. Children ran past the carriage stopping to wave at William then running off, mothers hurrying them inside as the sun weakened. "We are in the last town I have deliveries to."

I watch around the familiar houses, the cafe I had once sat at, the streets I walked through. We were in the town below HQ. "I hope this is ok. I can't take you any further than this. I'm sorry." I turn my attention back to him slightly holding back tears.

"Thank you, this is perfect. Thank you really this means a lot." I smiled and he nodded, making my way out of the carriage and around to where he was now standing pulling out the small bag of coins the doctor had given me. "Here, thank you." His fingers wrapped around it as he untied it looking inside.

"No, I can't take this all." He shook his head bringing his hand up trying to hand me back the bag.

"No, please take it. You helped me and this isn't even enough to repay you. But it's all I have so please." He looked at me shocked by what I was saying. William couldn't find his voice, so I took this as the opportunity to get going, turning on my heal and heading home.

Home.

I walked for a while; the sun slowly starting to set behind the trees. I walked up the hill to HQ feeling my anxiety slowly bubbling inside me, but the excitement of seeing everyone kept me going.

I pictured their faces: my mother's smile and her tears, Hange's grin and their laugh, Erwin's relieved face but with a clear scowl. And Levi's eyes, his touch, his lips, his voice. I pictured how he would spin me in his arms his grip tight as he swore to never let go, my voice telling him that I loved him and his eyes drowning me with his affection.

My feet dragging me up the hill, only a few more steps. I put another shaky foot down, my limbs throbbing with fear. A few more steps and now I was standing at the top, a clear view of the HQ building staring down at me, welcoming me home.

Everyone was gathered around lit fires; it was Sunday which meant everyone was outside gathered in circles around open fires. Some cadets were drinking while others played board games, a faint smile grew on my lips as I took in the emotions that hung in the air. My eyes traveled to the front of HQ.

Hange and my mother talking as Erwin watched them, Levi in the middle of the chatter looking exhausted. My heart raced and the doubts were sinking in. What if they don't want me to come back? What if they have excepted my 'death' and they no longer need me? I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

I watched how Hange laughed at something Erwin said while my mother rolled her eyes, then her eyes fell on me, and I could see her heart break then pull itself back together. Her mouth opened like she was yelling but no sound seemed to come through.

Hange noticed her sudden distraction and shock, turning their gaze to me. Their eyes wide, then closed, then wide again. They seemed quite doubtful of my existence. In a few seconds my mother had shot up running at me with Hange and Erwin right behind her.

They all took me into a hug, I could feel their skin on mine through my thin clothes, I could feel their heavy breaths on my skin as tears soaked my shirt. My mother's arms tightened around me as she trembled. Her whole body shaking. "Never again." She whispered a promise, the same promise I've heard before.

Erwin was the first to let go stepping back a little to make sure this moment was real. My mother only tightened her arms around me which had started to hurt. "Mom... it hurts." I let out in a wince; her arms unravelled though her fingers intertwined with mine. She made sure to have physical contact with me. "Thank you." I smiled but her tears only streamed down her face in return.

"How... I swear..." Hange tried to muster up. I could see the disbelief on their faces. "I saw you... in Levi's arms..." they stared blankly at me as their mind replayed the past. Their eyes on me as if I were a ghost.

"It's a long story.. but I kind of need to clean myself up.." I point at my bandages that were now all dusty from the journey. They all nodded not saying another word and started to walk me back inside. Cadets watched as the doors closed, they couldn't believe it either.

I sat down on the bed in the infirmary as Hange gathered everything to help me clean myself up. I smiled as they sat in front of me, starting to take off my dirty bandages. I looked around the room, my mother sat on the other side of me still holding onto my arm while Erwin stood by the wall watching me.

They were all here. Almost all. Why did Levi disappear like that? Did he not want to see me? Had he actually accepted my death and he no longer loved me? Was that why he didn't even want to lay his eyes on me..

"How.." Hange began again now their hands cleaning the wounds on my arm. "You died.. I mean that's what I thought. And I left you there.. I told Levi to leave you. I left you. I could have saved you..." Hange began to shake with self-hatred. "I left you to die.."

I knew what Hange must have felt, the rush to save Levi and themselves, the fear and pain they felt when they saw my lifeless body. "No Hange. You did the right thing." I tried to comfort them. Their eyes shot to mine taken aback by my words.

"What do you mean?! I left you! How was that the right thing? Don't you hate me for that? You could have come back!" Their voice raised with every word.

"I would have died if you hadn't left me. The doctor that took care of me told me it was a miracle I had woken up.. if you had taken me back here, I probably would've died on the way back. You saved Levi and yourself. Thank you." Tears streamed down their cheeks and so did on mine.

"I'm sorry." They said looking down at my arm.

"No, I am. I shouldn't have left to fight Adwir by myself." My mothers hand tightened as his name left my lips.

"If you are here.. is he.."

"Dead. He is dead." I said cutting her off.

"Are you sure?" Erwin spoke up. My eyes darted to his.

"Xenos made sure he was dead." Erwin's eyes widened. "He was the one who took me out of there and brought me to the doctor. He saved me. And he promised to stay away."

"How do you know you can trust him." My mother said her voice bitter.

"I don't. But there's no reason for him to come back. Adwir is dead along with everyone from the Red Screams. There's nothing for him to gain by going back on his word." Though it was clear my mother wasn't satisfied she didn't pressure me further.

After Hange re-bandaged me, we headed to the dinner hall where my mother made something for me to eat. No one had really noticed Levi's absence, or perhaps they had but couldn't bring themselves to point it out. It hurt, knowing he wasn't here. Knowing that perhaps he in fact did not want to see me at all.

To him, I was still dead.

________________________________________

[time skip]

I found myself in front of his door, the door I was so familiar to. Light crawled out from underneath over my boots. I could hear the faint touch of his pen on the paper, his heavy breaths, the smell of him dug through the door.

I held my breath unable to move. Perhaps I shouldn't have come here, he may be too tired to see me, or maybe he doesn't want to see me all together. I could come back in the morning.

My head turned looking around the hallway, no one. Right when I had decided to abandon his door, my arm came up to the doorknob as if it had a mind of its own and suddenly, I was standing on the other side facing Levi.

He doesn't look up.

I took a deep breath, then another, until my voice spilled out. "Levi.." I say his name, wanting him to look at me, to acknowledge me in any way. But he doesn't. "Levi please look at me." I plead. I needed to see his face, I needed to know what he was thinking. If he hated me. "Please Levi..." my voice shattered, creaking like a broken door.

His head shot up. My eyes widen as my gaze landed on his, the air caught in my lungs, my heart stopped all together. Tears rolled down his cheeks. I was shaking. Pain reflected in his eyes. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but someone must have ripped out my vocal cords.

"You died." He spoke, his voice like thorns on my skin. "You left me. You told me you loved me and left me!" The sound of his voice getting louder with every word, but I found it impossible to pick them up. "You said you wouldn't leave! AND YOU DID!" His voice echoed through the room. His tears falling from his eyes and slamming down on the paper. "You broke your promise." His lip quivered and it finally hit me.

I felt a wave wash over me. Everything replayed in my head. I told him I loved him and died. I remember. "I'm sorry." I let out. He hates me and for good reason, I took a step back and then another and another until my back was to the door. I stare down at my hands, shaking with self-hatred.

Silence.

"No." He said clearing the air with only a two-letter word. "I broke my promise." I lift my head to look at him, his head hung low, ashamed. "I promised to keep you safe and failed."

I shook my head, over and over and over again. "No. No. No." he looked up at me. "I shouldn't have gone by myself. I should've waited for you." I let out. "I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen, I never wanted to hurt you. I just... I wanted for the hell to end." The words raced out.

I look back at my hands, suddenly blood was running down my arms and dripping onto the wooden floor. I remember my brothers face, the hatred, the envy. Tears pour down my cheeks again like a broken fountain. My knees gave in and I'm suddenly on the floor trembling, crying, surrounded by his blood, by his peoples blood.

Desperately and hopelessly drowning by the memories, fire surrounded me again, I could hear their screams.

His yells. His threats. His bullet.

Fingers wrapped around my hands. Levi pulled me in his arms firmly but also so gently, so carefully, touching me as if I'm made of porcelain and I want to shatter. He traces his fingers over my back, and I can finally breathe again. My hands come to grip his shirt with a firm grip. "I love you too." He whispered in my ear making sure I was the only one to hear it.

In that moment, despite all that had happened, I felt full again, my heart, my soul. I had finally found the missing piece I had been searching for so many years. In this moment I had never felt more human. More than human. His touch, his breath on my skin, his soft whispers, his tears still rolling down his face soaking my shirt. All of this made me feel alive again. He made me feel alive.

I pull away after a decade to look in his eyes. His face had finally relaxed as his eyes settled on my face, my hand cupping his cheek. His eyes had never been clearer. The waters still, the storm diminishing all the terrors. His lips tugged a smile as I leaned in to peck them.

Our bodies connected, still on the floor. I placed my forehead on his chest wrapping my arms around him and closing my eyes. I would do anything to let this moment last forever.

________

He carried me into his room bridal style, his arms snaked around me as he shared his warmth. He closed the door with his foot as he made his way to the bed, spreading me across it. He stood in front of me admiring what was in front of him.

His gaze moved over my body slowly and carefully, not leaving anything left unseen. He leaned down his lips finally meeting mine, this kiss was different from the last.

I had imagined our first kiss every second of every day since I had woken up, the uncertainty, the fear our first kiss held. The true raw emotion that we had no idea what it was. Though this time his lips were full of determination, longing, love and desire.

His touch no longer shaky but now confident and careful. I could feel him everywhere, his hands working their way up and down my body as if mapping out the things he had planned. My insides melted as his touch left tingles behind. His lips moved from mine to my neck, every inch he touched erupted in flames.

His hand moved to my side with a firm grip as he pulled me closer trying to get more of me if that was even possible. A sudden burst of stabbing pain hit me, and it felt as if my guts were being ripped out from my side.

I wince out a painful breath as he moved my hips, out of reflex I flinched and squirmed to curl into a position where the pain could be more bearable. "Ah fuck" I cry out curling into myself from the stabbing pain. I could feel his panicked eyes on me.

"Are you okay?" His words rushed out, fearful. I open my eyes to make eye contact with him.

"Yeah, my wound isn't fully healed yet. Just give me a minute." I give him a weak reassuring smile then squeeze my eyes shut again trying to ease the throbbing pain. I felt his body shift as he stood up moving around the room.

My eyes peek a look at him, he stood in front of his dresser taking off his uniform and changing into pyjamas. I found it slightly adorable that he wore pyjamas to bed, though a slight panic overcame me as I realised what this meant.

"Wait Levi!" I say louder than I intended "what are you doing?" My voice rushed out the words as I shot up, the pain making me wince back slightly. His head turned slightly his eyes landing on me for a second then moving his gaze back as if he knew the consequences if he stared longer.

"Getting ready for bed." He pulled up his pyjama bottoms then walked to the bathroom to wash his face.

"Wait but, I thought, we were... we were about to.. do you not want to...?" I felt desperate. Despite that my body may not have been in the right state for what I hoped was about to happen, I still felt so desperate for him, I wanted him even if my body couldn't take him yet. "I want to!"

He emerged from the bathroom again his skin damp, small droplets of water dripping down his forehead from his baby hairs, he looked like a fairytale. "So do I." His words full of desire, but his body unmoving.

"Then.. why?" I say unsure if he was telling me the truth.

"I have so many things I want to do with you, I've been wanting to touch you for so many years. It drives me crazy even thinking about the things I would like to do to you. You drive me crazy." His voice sincere though his body firm as a wall.

He lets out a heavy breath that feels up the whole room. "But despite it, I will never do anything if you are not ready." His voice firm and serious, and I was suddenly choking back tears. "I don't doubt that you don't want to, but your body isn't ready, and I would rather be trampled by a thousand titans than hurt you."

My breath catches in my throat, and I know my eyes are glossy with tears. No one had ever said anything like this to me, I never mattered enough to anyone for them to say anything like that.

I look away, trying to keep myself together. "But.. when I'm healed up.. then will you?" I whisper slightly hoping he couldn't hear me, my face a bright red.

Levi smirks making his way to me, his legs come into view. His finger rests on my chin forcing my eyes to his. "Yes." He smiled, a genuine smile that filled me up with all sorts of butterflies. My heart full of him and only him.

He leaned forward, landing a kiss on my forehead. "For now, I think you should get some rest, my love." The nickname shot tingles all over me, but all I could do is only nod. He walked over to his dresser picking a shirt and placing it on the bed next to me.

He bent down as he started to untie my shoelaces slipping my right boot off then the left, taking my socks and placing them inside my boot before sliding them under the bed out of the way. I unbuckled my jeans, and he helped me slide them down, I slowly began to undo the bottoms of my shirt when I noticed his sudden stop.

I look up curious with the sudden change. He was looking away and I grinned. "You are allowed to look." I say quietly then going back to undoing the last two buttons before slipping his shirt over my head. His attention coming back to me, his face slightly flushed.

Cute.

All of a sudden, his arms were around me again and I was up off the bed and being carried into the bathroom. "I can walk you know." I say laughing at his sudden overprotectiveness, he placed me down onto the bathroom counter next to the sink. His hand searched through a basket of clean cloths pulling out a f/c one, I went to grab it, but his hand jolted back.

"Really?" I look at him slightly amused. He said nothing and proceeded to wet the cloth; with one hand he held my chin while with the other he rubbed the cloth over my skin. The cool and damp fabric leaving a clean feeling on my flesh.

Once he finished he picked me up again moving me back to the bed. "I could have done that by myself you know." I rolled my eyes with amusement as he placed me back on the bed, I start to tuck myself in next to the wall.

"I liked that better." I scoff at his response. His body moving in the dim light, he searched for something in his bedside table before pulling out the small lavender oil bottle from the drawer. He nodded at me, and I pulled out my pointer finger, he placed a few drops on it then on his own finger.

He rubbed the oil under his nose as I mirrored, he placed the bottle back in its spot before climbing into the bed with me pulling me close to him. His hand slipped under my shirt as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you, Levi." I say closing my eyes, the sent of lavender and him filling up my senses leaving a relaxed and safe feeling bubbling up in my stomach.

His grip tightened around me, his finger drawing lines down my spine. "I love you too, Y/n." A smile settled on my lips, and I would have done anything to stay like this forever.

~Levi's pov~

"I love you too, Y/n." Soft words slipped out, so strange on his tongue but so perfect at the same time. You nuzzled yourself into his chest, your gentle movements sending sparks down his whole body.

He felt your body fall asleep under his touch, the tension in his own body eased as he got closer to you. Your warmth filling up every inch of his being, your soft skin under his fingertips, your gentle breaths brushing against his shirt, the feeling of your body rising with every breath then slowly falling back into place in his arms.

He watched you, your hair falling against your face so majestically. The way your skin glowed in the moonlight, the way you curled into his chest seemed so natural. He couldn't get you off his mind. You were so perfect in his eyes. He wanted you and you alone, no one else, just you forever. He was drowning with the feeling of you, everything about you overwhelmed his being.

He had never felt anything like this, the fear of losing you drove him mad, the idea of never seeing you again made him not want to live anymore. But when he saw you again, he almost doubted himself, he couldn't believe it was you. Anger had filled him, not at you but at him for leaving, for letting you die.

For wanting himself to die.

He hated himself for feeling angry at you for abandoning him even if it was for a split second, guilt drowned him the moment he saw you. Since you came back, he had tried to bring himself to come to you, to say that he loved you, that he wanted you, but he couldn't. The hatred he felt for himself the selfishness of him couldn't bring himself to see you.

Though in that moment he realised that this feeling was more than love, though he was unfamiliar with everything about it, he knew one thing. That he wanted to spend the rest of his dreadful life with you. He wanted you, all of you for eternity.

I love you.

________________________________________

[time skip]

My body stirred as soft light hit my face, warmth and comfort still full inside me, a smile forming on my lips. I turn, eyes still closed, searching for him. My eyes shot open.

He's gone.

A small frown replaces the smile as I stare out into the room. The light from outside gentle on the floor. His boots were gone and so were the clothes off his reading chair, leaving mine all alone. I let out a heavy breath shifting onto my back.

I remembered last night like it all happened a second ago, his touch, his concern, his overprotectiveness, him taking care of me. I had never really seen that side of Levi before.

Sure he had treated me differently even before the whole chaos began, but the way he touched me, the way his words reassured me that I will always be safe with him. Even though I haven't been very familiar with this Levi, I love it.

I want to see all Levi's.

The door slowly creaked open, my head turning, the smile returning this time ten million times bigger. "Oh, you're awake." His voice filled the room again, just like the night before. I search him, he was only wearing half of his uniform, his jacket was missing.

His arms were bent out with a wooden tray in his hands, I could see a few plates and cups. I raised an eyebrow as I stood upright. "Good morning, what is this?" I question confused, he closed the door with his foot again, moving across the room towards me, then placing the tray down on my lap.

I gasp, the sight taking me off guard. "It's breakfast." His soft words made this moment even sweeter. Three plates: two full of fruit cut up and placed into colour order, while the other held a stack of pancakes, next to them all were two cups of tea. Levi's hands came into view snatching the cups away and placing them onto the nightstand so they wouldn't spill.

"Levi." I let out his name as my head shot up to look at him, my heart melting. "You did this for me? Why? And since when do we have fresh fruit and so many of it?" I look back and forth between the tray and him.

"We don't. I woke up early and had time to kill so I went down to the markets." He spoke his face slightly flushed. The town was an hour away on horseback. I look at his face for maybe a second too long, but I don't care. My smile so wide my cheeks began to ache, but this moment made it all worth it.

"Levi.." my voice full of joy. "You woke up early to do this for me?" I tilt my head at him better, his eyes darted to my tray his cheeks gaining more pinks to them.

"Just eat it already. And don't get any crumbs on my bed, brat." I chuckle at the name calling. Without a second thought I did exactly that. I was on my last few strawberries and pancake when the door swung open. My head turned to see Hange in the doorway.

"Hello my favourite girly!" Their voice echoed loudly throughout the room.

"Boots off!" Levi spoke loud and firm. Hange frowned but did so, leaving them on the mat next to the door. They hurried inside with their usual miss matching socks.

They stopped right in front of the bed leaning down and grabbing my face in their hands and smushing my cheeks together. "How are you, my darling?~" they sang with a smile, their usual self-filling me up with a warm feeling.

"I'm ok." They nodded with more enthusiasm I've ever seen anyone have. They let go of my face, placing their hands on their hips.

"Great! What are your plans for today?" They questioned. I look at them a bit confused.

"Well, first I have to change maybe shower. It's Monday so I have to go train the cadets, then I'll do some paperwork-" I listed everything but soon was cut off by someone.

"That will not be the case." A low voice sprung from the door. I look back to see Erwin and my mother in the doorway. I furrow my eyebrows at his statement. "You will be resting for the remaining of this week. We have to make sure you are mostly fully healed before putting you back to work."

My eyes widen at his words, I look around, but no one seemed to be surprised. "What? But I have a lot of work I have to catch up with. I need to get back to it!" My voice heavy. I turn to Levi, looking for support. "Levi tell him I need to get back to work!" I plead.

His head turned to me, his face firm but his eyes soft. "I'm sorry Y/n, eyebrows has a good point. You need to be careful and to make sure you're ready before going back to normal." I narrowed my eyes at him. He hated when people slacked off, for any reason. Why was he agreeing with Erwin?

"But I am ready. I've been resting for the past month." I say turning back to Erwin trying to reason with him.

"My word is final; this is an order. M/n will be here with you, so you don't have to worry." My mother made her way towards me with a soft smile.

"It's ok, we'll have lots of fun." She tried to reassure me. I stayed quiet not wanting to argue longer as I realised that I had no way to change Erwin's mind. Erwin turned back on his heal heading out, Hange pulling away my empty tray and following suit.

"I'll be in my office." Levi said leaning down to kiss my forehead before leaving as well. As the door closed behind him, I collapsed back down on the pillow, pulling the covers back up over my head.

"Is hanging out with your old mom that bad?" My mother spoke as she sat down next to me rubbing my back.

"No ma, it's just.. I want to help." I say with a heavy breath.

"Oh baby, you are helping. You're taking care of yourself so when you're ready you can work your ass off. I'm sure Erwin will work the fuck out of you." I sigh again at her response. I knew she was right, but I still wanted to do something, anything.

"I just feel useless here, I want to do something." She gave me a warm smile.

"You're doing exactly what Erwin has ordered you to do. That's perfect." I smiled at her, she truly was the best mother out there. Her words may not have changed my mind, but they meant something.

___________

It's been two hours of catching up, playing cards, reading, laughing. It felt good spending time with my mother like this, it reminded me of the few moments from when I was little.

My eyes scan the page over, I was reading some random book my mother had found in the library. My gaze shifted past the pages toward my mother, her body laying on its side the book flat on the bed while her eyes close and her breathing even.

I smile at the sight, she must have not been able to rest for the past few weeks because of me. I look around the room my eyes fixing on the clock, 10:03. The cadets were all training by now, I sigh. I felt so useless locked up in Levi's room, on Levi's bed.

My hands clap the covers of the book shut, I had to find a way into Levi's office to get some paperwork. I slowly swing my legs over the bed, the cold floor sending tingles up my back as I stood up, I move around collecting my belongings. My eyes land back on my mother's sleeping state.

She needs to know I'm safe.

I searched for a piece of paper and pencil, once I found them, I wrote a little note and placed it onto the side table next to my empty tea cup.'Just going out for fresh air don't worry.'

I smiled down at my mother once more before making my way out the room and sprinting down to my own room. Once inside I let out the breath, I hadn't noticed I was holding. My eyes land on the room, nothing had changed, well at least nothing of mine had changed, mothers' bed and belongings were no longer here. The room was tidied from the mess Adwir had left behind.

I took a second before moving over to the bathroom so I could wash myself, placing my dirty clothes in my basket of laundry then hoping into the bath trying not to get my wound wet as I showered.

I got out after a few minutes, wrapping a new pair of bandages over my waist and arm, then walking out of the bathroom as I began to rummage for some new clothes. I picked out the usual white jeans and cream shirt, Erwin had sent word for a knew Scouts jacket to be made for me as mine was demolished. 

I finally look myself in the mirror after a month of avoiding any reflected surfaces, the person looking back at me looked slightly unfamiliar, scratches took over most of my arms and face. I turn away from myself and head for the door.

I moved along the empty corridors heading for Levi's office, I tried to think of a plan of getting him out of his office if he was in there. I was hoping he would be with Erwin or something once I got there.

As I turned the corner my body collided with another, at first panic overtook me as I slowly looked up fully expecting Erwin to be looking down at me. But to my surprise and relief, Alden was staring down at me.

His eyes also shocked but full of joy at the sight of me. "Y/n!" He said as he pulled me in, his arms wrapped around my waist and mine wrapped around his neck. "What are you doing here? The Commander said you were resting for the rest of the week." He spoke as he pulled me away to look at my face.

"Well, that was his plan, but I can't just sit in bed while everyone is working." His eyebrow raised.

"That doesn't sound like the Y/n I know, you would have killed to just laze around all day a few weeks ago." He said scoffing. He was right, old me would have died to just sit in bed and do absolutely nothing.

"Yeah, but this is different. I need to help. I owe it to everyone. Plus, it makes me feel useless if I don't." I look away from him, but I can feel his soft stare and warm smile on me.

"Well, that's fair." He sighed, "but if Erwin still thinks you're in bed how are you planning to help?" I turn my gaze back to his with a wide grin.

"Maybe you could help me?" I smirk. His face goes wide, and he looks terrified.

"How would I do that? I'm supposed to be heading back to the training grounds." He spoke as if he wanted to do that, I look at him with a pleading gaze.

"Please do this for me." I clap my hands together as I stare up at him. He rolled his eyes, and my grin came back. "Thank you!"

"So, what am I doing?" He sighed looking back at me. I thought for a second before speaking.

"Is Levi in his office?" I question and he nods.

"He hasn't left that office since they all got back, we were all surprised he took this morning off to go down in town." He stated which made my heart hurt and flutter at the same time.

"Well then, you distract him for a few minutes while I sneak in and grab a few of the paperwork. I'm sure there's at least five piles of paperwork on my desk." I say, I knew nothing had moved from his office as I dropped by my old room yesterday and it was still empty.

"No." I looked terrified again. "Absolutely not. There's no way I'm doing that." he said about to turn away from me when I grabbed his arm pulling him back.

"Please, you don't even need to say much. I just need five minutes I swear!" I insist and he looks down at me. He hesitates for what it seemed like a year before sighing.

"Fine." I smile thanking him. We made our way to Levi's office, the hauls still abandoned as we walked through them.

Alden moved in front of Levi's door as I stayed back hiding behind some potted plants. Alden glanced back at me one more time before knocking. I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying but soon the door opened revealing Levi, Alden gestured to the opposite direction of me, and they began to walk away.

Five minutes.

I rushed down and into his room and the sight kind of took me back. Everything that I presumed was assigned to me was on Levi's desk while mine had seemed untouched from the past month.

I hurried over to Levi's desk after a second, finding my paperwork and taking a large stack and placing it on one of the chairs in front of his desk. I rushed over to my own desk, opening the biggest drawer and pulling out a stack of plain paper.

Turning back and placing them under the remaining papers to look as if they were untouched. Grabbing the pile I had placed on the chair and quickly hurried out.

~Levi's pov~

Alden guided Levi down the hallway, turning a corner, then another. Levi folded his arms once Alden stopped in front of the door to a storage room. "This." Alden spoke hesitantly.

"The storage door." Levi's cold tone sending shivers down Alden spine. Alden turned towards the door opening it, silently staring trying to figure out something to say, his finger pointing to something inside.

"There's um... something," Levi's eyebrow raised as Alden gaze shifted toward him, "well um.. the supplies... they need to be organised!" Alden turned to Levi once more now figuring out what he said. "Yes, the supplies need to be organised."

Levi let out a heavy breath. "Alden." He twitched at the sound of his name. "I will give you 5 seconds to get out of my sight before I kill you." Alden only nodded in return, twisting in place, and sprinting down the corridor.

Levi raised his fingers to the bridge of his nose, sighing, then turning back to his office. Once back in the room he made his way towards his desk, flopping down on his chair, his gaze landing on your desk. A soft smile carved his face as he let out a sigh, he wondered what you were doing, if you had eaten, what you had done with your mother.

She's probably sleeping.

His attention coming back to his papers. Hours flow by, every so often his gaze shifted towards your desk and for the first time in a while his heart wasn't so heavy, a slight smile hinted on his lips.

His hand reached out for the pile of papers pulling one in front of him, his pen hovering over the paper as he looked down.

... blank page?

His eyebrows twitch, he glanced at the pile he had just pulled the paper from, another empty page. He picked another up, blank, then another, blank again. He reached the bottom and, as it turned out, they were all plain pieces of paper.

He stood upright taking a few of them, making his way towards Erwin's office and slamming the door open.

"Levi you know you still have to knock." Erwin sighed tilting his head to the closing door. Levi walked up to his desk and placing the empty papers in front of him. "Thanks for the.. plain paper?" Erwin's eyebrows rose.

"You fucked up my paperwork eyebrows." Levi spoke annoyed. He wanted to finish soon so he could see you, but Erwin's mess up was ruining his plans.

"I did not. I tripled checked before sending them out and-" the door slammed open again. "-for walls sake!"

M/n rushed in holding a piece of paper, without saying a word she placed the note in front of Erwin. He let out a scoff as he read it. "I think I know who messed up your papers." Erwin tossed the note to Levi shaking his head with amusement and announce.

"Fucks sakes Y/n." Levi let out with a heavy sigh; he did have a feeling you weren't gonna give up so easily from your reaction this morning. "I'll go look for her." Levi turned to the door; M/n echoed with a 'me too' before leaving Erwin to his own papers.

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~Y/n's pov~

I had found a somewhat hidden away and quiet place, a corner in the back of the library. I was sat down on the floor, knees close as I rested a book on them to support the singular piece of paper, with two piles on either side of me.

I had been working for around an hour and I was almost done only having five pages to get through. My hand swiftly moving over the page, as my gaze scanned the words, my foot tapping a rhythm on the wooden board as my focus fixed.

It might have been two or three pages more when a pair of black boots joined the view, my eyes widened as my hand froze over the paper. The air stuck in my lungs as I slowly moved my gaze up to see who's they belonged to.

An entire ocean of grey looked down over me, it's storms threatening to break, it's irritation swarming with the wind against the provoked waters. I swallowed hard as his gazed fixed on me, his eyes narrow and firm.

My arms attempted to cover the words on my lap, but he had already seen them. "Levi! Oh, hey how are ya? I thought you were working, haha." I let out a nervous laugh.

"Y/n." His voice cold and stern. Shit. "What do you think you're doing." A knife stabbing my ears as his voice filled the little empty space.

"Um-" I look down shoving the paper away and opening the book off my lap. "-reading! I was reading." I say hoping, just hoping, he wouldn't beat the shit out of me for going back on his word.

"I know you're lying, brat." I look away from him finally accepting my unfortunate doom. "Why are you not in bed." It wasn't a question.

"Well.." I begin but I had no other excuses. "I just.. I felt so useless sat in there while you were doing my work. I needed to help!" I turn my head back to his; our gazes meeting again, though this time his eyes were softer, kinder.

"Darling, you need to rest." His voice no longer a dagger.

"I feel bad. You were given all my paperwork. I just wanted to help out." He somehow scoffed and my eyes widen at his reaction. "What's so funny?" I frown at him.

"A few months ago you would have done anything to do everything else but work." He was looking at me again and now I was melting under his gaze. "Come on." He said picking up the papers off the floor. "You can help by giving me your irritating company."

I smile, almost immediately shooting up to my feet but not for long as my knees gave in. "Shit my legs are numb." I was back on the floor, needles taking over the feeling in my legs. Well, that's what I get for sitting like that for over an hour.

Levi bent down handing me the papers he was holding, and before I could question him, he had picked me up again and we were already walking out of the library.

I didn't protest this time, I let him take me into his office and placing me gently on his red couch before snatching the papers from my hands. Without a word he was sat down in his chair to complete the work I had stolen.

I watched him, as his gaze slowly moved over the words I had written checking them. As his hand held the pen in his right hand so flawlessly, as his hair fell on his forehead in the most mesmerising way.

The soft evening sun hitting his back, shaping his face with perfect shadows. His nose, his lips, his eyebrows, his eyes, all so perfectly placed on his face. My heart felt heavy, but not from guilt or hate or sorrow. It felt warm like a cup of tea on a rainy day or sitting by the fire in winter.

This feeling had overwhelmed my being. His gaze found me, his eyes locking with mine for only a second. But that second felt like an eternity, I had found myself lost in them and despite many I never wanted to leave.

This feeling, this love was more than the word that was thrown around aimlessly, used too much, the word that had lost its meaning in my heart. This love, this feeling every time I met his eyes was bigger than any other love that had ever existed.

"Your eyes are beautiful, my love."

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End

[Authors note]

And here it is, the end of this fanfic. Thank all for reading along and being patient with me, I've said this before, but I really never thought my work would get this much attention, so thank you:))).

This chp is really long but I thought you all deserved it in one go since I've kept you all waiting for so long💃.

If there are any mistakes I'm truly sorry.
Thank you for reading.
Credits to me for the fan art🤭🤭.

Vote plz.