╰─➤ so alive, your touch is like the daylight,
                  burning on my skin, it turns me on again

➳༻❀⏳❀༺➳

the next tale was as bittersweet as the last. jisung had barely been settled before the next doll's arrival knocked upon the harem's door. it promised as much excitement as always, as many tears, as many laughs.

zhong chenle hadn't always known how to smile.

from the beginning of what had seemed like a waste of a life, he had been subjected to the whim of anyone with more power than himself — which was everyone. at four he had been left alone in a park, abandoned with nothing to his name by parents who couldn't keep him. at seven he'd been roped into drug smuggling for lesser gangs with less exciting names than gemstones. and by ten what little hope the child had for clawing his way out of the mess he'd been left in was gone. authority made him weak, and money forced him to comply.

now sixteen, emaciated, and supposedly beyond redemption, chenle was kept in a sterile, white room. his hair was so long and matted it brushed his shoulders but could've reached further had someone combed it. his eyes were blood-shot and red around the edges, but it wasn't from tears. and his ribs were prominent, muscles degraded and voice nearly gone forever.

chenle was dying.

"...yes, i heard someone was coming," voices whispered from beyond his door. the teen barley moved an inch, but he didn't stop himself from eavesdropping.

"did you hear who?"

"nah, just that it was someone important. one of those fancy gangs, y'know the ones?"

chenle forced himself to exhale even when it hurt his nose. his chest rattled these days from the effort of breathing and he counted each breath, as well as each day, and kept a mental tally to see which would stop first.

"what? he wants to see the progress?" one of the voices suddenly spoke louder, and this time the boy forced his chin up to stare at the door through the hair in his eyes. he couldn't help but wonder if they were hanging around out there because he was due another session or if it was to chat and slack off. regardless, it was starting to piss him off.

the muttering died down eventually and chenle rested his head back against the wall. the lights were so bright and blinding he had to shield his eyes, dropping his hand after only a moment when his strength ran out. any day now, he told himself, keeping that tally in the forefront of his mind. not long now—

more voices cropped up again and this time got louder as footsteps drew closer to the door.

"i'm taking him to the third lab," a 'doctor', as they described themselves, said to someone else before unlocking chenle's door and wandering in to retrieve him. "bright-eyed, aren't we?" he smirked and pulled the boy up by his elbow, supporting him as they left together and started walking with great haste down the hallway. "you're about to be part of something big, one-oh-seven," he spoke excitedly while chenle felt his bones ache with such quick movements. "best behaviour."

if the teen had any semblance of power to speak, he wouldn't have even bothered to do it in this moment. he'd have hacked up a nice big mouth of saliva and spit on this guy's face if he were to react at all. he didn't, of course, but he imagined how amazing it would've been.

once they reached the door to lab three, the doctor scanned his card and let them in, escorting chenle to sit on a white table he knew all too well.

a double sided mirror faced him from where he sat. although he could only see his own, disgusting reflection looking back at him, he knew someone was probably out there seeing the same thing. did they cringe? was he hard to look at? a small, vile smile spread across his cracked lips and caused a cut. he hoped he was.

"now then, sir," the doctor said to the mirror and held up a syringe of clear liquid. "this is the finished product we've been working on for the past year. pure and concentrated."

chenle looked at it too and recognised it. that stuff made him uncomfortable, for once it was injected he would feel a sudden high so powerful he could jump off an building and fly...but the crash was just as hard. he had been sick for days after the first test.

"ready, one-oh-seven?" the man hummed without expecting an answer. he took chenle's thin bicep and lined the needle up with his skin. he had long since been desensitised to this feeling, but the worry of what was to come never really did go away.

it stung for a moment. the doctor had pressed it harder than usual into his muscle and he winced, withdrawing and sliding a little further down the table. "ow."

"it speaks," he chuckled.

"oh it does. i can teach you words that'd make your mama cry," chenle seethed and pressed his hand to his arm to alleviate the sting. he ignored what went on after, focusing solely on the immediate effects that started to take place inside him.

his heart sped up to a terrifying degree. he felt like he'd just ran for miles without a break, and his eyes got a bit blurry. some of these things hadn't happened in the other trial runs.

"how are we feeling?" the man pressed, jumping back a bit when chenle leapt up to his feet and paced for a bit. "one-oh-seven, explain the sensations to our guest."

"what have you done to me?!" the teen hissed, feeling sick but alive, winded but on cloud-nine. his chest felt as though it might've cracked open down the middle with the rate at which his heart was hammering.

"explain!" the doctor demanded again. "you know the drill."

chenle felt woozy. the room was bending in the corners and stretching on forever in some places. he didn't think this was what the drug was supposed to do. or, perhaps, he was no longer an acceptable test subject now that his body was so far gone.

he heaved, stumbling to right himself against the mirror and trying to keep it down. he didn't get fed enough in the first place to waste it all throwing up. his muscles tensed up and relaxed at different times and in different areas. was this what death felt like?

a few taps against the glass in front of him made him snap his head up, searching his reflection for something more.

nothing.

he snarled, enraged that these psychos were even asking about how he felt when this was so clearly not the desired result. "you want answers, huh?" he rasped, his throat sore from disuse. "imagine half of your body dipped in glacial water and then the other half thrown into a hot spring. imagine a thousand injections at the same time all over your skin. imagine—" he coughed, buckling to a crouch and trying to withstand the feverish onslaught of emotions and pain.

he was a sweating, trembling mess as the doctor dragged him back to his feet, kicking and screaming. his skin hurt to touch, his head was swimming, and he was so angry.

"i would unhand him, if i were you," an unfamiliar voice cut through his tantrum and silenced both him and the irritated doctor. "haven't you seen wildcats in documentaries?"

there was a blonde boy at the door, leaning against the frame with his arms folded and a sickeningly sweet smile plastered to one of the prettiest faces chenle had ever seen. he forgot he was pissed off for a moment.

"ah, sir, you really shouldn't come in here—"

"i said put him down."

the doctor hesitated, his grip tightening on chenle's arms for a beat before they loosened and he took a step back. the teen shivered against the rush of cold he felt, eyeing this youth in front of him like a strange fish in an aquarium.

"thank you. now," he grinned and wandered in slowly while taking in the lab curiously, "i'm not a fan of human testing, i must admit. it's grotesque, but i'm not the right advocate to do much about it. this little wildcat, however," he motioned to chenle with a wave, "is too cute to be a pin cushion."

the doctor audibly gritted his teeth. "sir, this kid is indebted to pearl. his life is the compensation for a contract."

chenle sniffed indignantly and backed away from both of them. "who're you calling cute?"

"ugh, contracts this, compensation that," the blonde waved them off and looked up expectantly to the mirror beside him. he leaned against it casually and knocked twice, "what do you think, love? you know how to terminate a good contract."

the teen was surprised there was still someone there. he'd assumed this guy was the fancy mafia leader, and it brought him peace to know he wasn't. the world was well and truly fucked if kids like him were running gangs. the sound of heavy footsteps, possibly from boots, resonated through the space beyond the lab door and after a moment another man appeared.

chenle reassessed his previous notion.

"surely it hasn't been long enough to start adopting another doll," a boy around his own age with blue hair sighed. he too was utterly gorgeous, but still not old enough to be a boss. chenle was incredibly confused, and the image of them under these lights was still foggy and moving.

"but he's cute!"

"everyone's cute to you, jaem. what will jisung think?"

"he'll have a new bestie when i'm busy."

the doctor beside chenle seemed equally stone-still. they weren't privy to this conversation but they couldn't exactly leave. the teen cleared his throat to make the pain stop, but didn't work and only drew the attention of the two gang members. or leaders. this was yet to be confirmed.

"well, wildcat. wanna come home with me?" this 'jaem' character blinked hopefully, but the whole thing felt stupid and chenle crouched down again as his stomach roiled.

"fuck off."

"ouch."

"he is contractually obligated to stay here," the man beside him insisted. "to sever this contract, you'll have to take it up with ms. go narae."

"the spicy lady," jaemin smirked and started walking back towards the door where his companion stood. "think she'll hear us out?"

"narae? yeah, probably."

chenle wasn't sure what he was listening to anymore, and a lot of it started feel a bit dream-like. so much so, even, that when the doctor took him by his shoulder again and tried to lead him to his room, he blacked out and couldn't recall a thing from between the blonde's offer and their departure.

>>>>>

for better or worse, the beta teen's life moved from one piece of paper to another. he didn't know the conditions, and still didn't know them to this day, but lee jeno of garnet had saved his life without even really knowing it.

chenle had spent the first two weeks of his new life in bed, semi-lucid. he'd have fitful dreams, panic attacks, cold sweats and hot flushes and, of course, withdrawals. his body was addicted to drugs of all kinds and while he was sleeping, someone was administering controlled dosages.

he hated this already.

not only was he subjected to people touching him constantly — feeling his degenerating muscles, his organs under his skin, his scars covering his body from neck to knees — but he had four men poking around his room all the time, under some elaborate guise of 'caring'.

"come in here one more time and i'm biting you," chenle warned, wild eyes following jisung who ignored him and sat by his bedside. he was too weak to move, so the threats were empty (they'd always been empty) and jisung had learned from experience that even though some people insisted on being left to die, they didn't always mean it. chenle definitely didn't mean it from the bottom of his heart.

"you haven't eaten," the younger boy stated, holding up a smoothie, "or had a drink, i suppose. you're missing out, y'know? hard food is good."

"you think i've never eaten whole food before? do i look like i've lived under a rock?!"

"sungchan says your stomach has been unable to handle tough digestion for years. don't you miss meat? and potatoes."

"potatoes?" the elder stared at him in disbelief. if he had been able to move, he'd have strangled this boy. "get out. i'm not drinking that."

"you have to."

"ji, stop annoying him," mark spoke up from the doorway and appeared with damp hair and a towel around his neck. "i was wondering where you'd gone. we take our eyes off you for two seconds and you're bothering chenle again."

"i wasn't bothering him," the teen retorted.

"you were, though," chenle scowled and shooed him away with what little energy he had to move. his body was in constant pain and every time he woke up was not something he looked forward to.

jisung dejectedly left the beige-looking smoothie on the bedside table and got up to join mark at the door. the eldest of the boys remained calm and collected when he was faced with the unruly kid they'd taken in, but his patience drew thin when chenle hurt everyone's feelings.

"you're dying, you know," he said casually, pulling the towel up to keep ruffling his hair. "at the rate you're going, you won't see another year."

"good," chenle turned his nose up and tried to bury himself under the blankets.

"i don't believe for a second you're impressed with this fact," mark arched his brow. "in fact, i'm sure you're scared under all that rage and hair. jaemin's convinced you're just a tough exterior with a very soft and pretty interior, but i'm not seeing the vision."

"did i ask?" he mumbled under the duvet.

jisung touched mark's arm and shook his head. he hated when the older boy goaded their newest addition like this because it always ended in a bitch fight. chenle couldn't even move but somehow he sunk his claws deep into the boys like a vicious animal and left them sore after every encounter. the raven-haired doll shook his head at his lover and kept prodding. "when are you going to let me cut that hair, by the way? that style's been outdated for years."

chenle didn't even deign to respond to that. 

jisung spoke then after, "i really do think you should try to drink more of that...stuff. it'll help with the withdrawal pain. mark can vouch for it—"

"listen!" chenle snapped and sat up suddenly, visibly recoiling from the movement and resting defeatedly against the headboard, "i didn't ask for this. for any of it. i would be more grateful if you left me in a ditch to die in nature than stitch me up and clean me like some sort of doll. cutting my hair, correcting my drug addiction, putting me into fancy clothes. i don't want it!"

"and why is that?" mark scoffed. "to me, you look like one proud bastard biting the hand that's feeding him. you're in pain, like i was, and you need help and therapy and someone to fucking talk to but you're too hung up on the little facts to let someone in!" he slammed a fist against the frame beside him. "shit, you think none of us know how tempting dying sounds when you're at literal rock bottom? i was an addict too, wasn't i? but i've gotten a second fucking chance and so have you. if you waste something this good because you think mafias are worse than death, then i'll haunt your ass in every future life."

jisung flinched and laced his hands together awkwardly. "as stupid as it sounds, the world does keep spinning after all of it. the getting better part is the hardest thing you'll ever go through...but the getting stronger and smarter part makes it all worth it in the end."

"nice one, coach, i'll keep all of that in mind when i'm pushing up daisies," chenle rolled his eyes and lay back down. the two boys staring at him had lost yet another battle and were beginning to wonder if they'd even win this war at all. it had never been simple, integrating a new doll...but somehow chenle made it feel so hard.

the time it took the wild teen to sleep seemed to get worse and worse. he could he unconscious for up to fourteen hour stretches and sungchan was concerned his body wasn't adapting to the new routines.

"he's rejecting all the treatment we try or suggest," the doctor sighed and massaged his temples while he read over the patient's file on the computer in his office. jeno and the three dolls were having their weekly check in on the situation and the news always sounded dire.

"why is he doing this?" jaemin groaned. "we've literally saved his life. why is he throwing it away?"

"not everyone wants to be saved," jisung hummed quietly and seemed to think about this a lot. for some reason or another, their youngest was the most fascinated with chenle and spent an awful lot of time near or in the room with him, even if he was asleep. he claimed it had something to do with his own recent recovery and recognising similar pain.

"is there any way we can force him to undergo treatment?" jeno enquired.

"not really. he's often asleep now, as you can see, and his body is slowing down with this rest all the time. he's cold as well."

"what about drips and pipes? you know, the ones that pump food into the stomach," jaemin suggested.

"he'll rip those out," mark rolled his eyes. they were at an impasse for what to do with this predicament. chenle was dying, and he wanted to. but he was taking the slowest way possible out rather than being crazy about it. the harem were only too glad he hadn't attempted to speed the process up with a weapon yet, and shuddered to imagine if he ever did.

"i'll go talk to the little twerp," jeno gushed and stretched his hands over his head to crack them out. "a bit of a heart-to-heart should do the trick."

"maybe don't send him to an early grave," jaemin pleaded and took the man's forearm. "seriously, i do have hope for him. he's depressed, and we all know what kind of place that's like to be in. it's...we can't leave him there. he can't die there."

"i agree," mark nodded his assent. "i was nearly the exact same a year and a half ago. he can be saved...we just need to crack the tough exterior."

"how?" jisung huffed, "he's always calling me mean names."

"his vocabulary is colourful for such a quiet kid, that's for sure," jeno stared off into space as he thought about him...and he smiled. "let me go see him."

"you sure?" jaemin cringed.

"i'm a mafia leader, baby, not a demon." somehow demons didn't feel like as much of a threat when compared to lee jeno. at least demons weren't hot.

the room was quiet when the blue-haired boy wandered up to it, and he peeped his head around the door frame to spy the sleeping wildcat. he knocked out of curtesy, smirking when he saw chenle flinch but not answer. "good evening, crazy boy. i heard you called jisung a fucktard today and i'm here to address that language of yours."

"hard not to point out what's in front of you," chenle's voice came through muffled beneath the sheets.

"any colourful names for me?" the leader taunted, pulling the chair beside the bed around and sitting on it backwards with the backrest between his legs. "hit me, i'm so curious."

the teen slowly pulled the duvet down and revealed his gaunt face under a mop of dark hair. luckily, when he'd been nearly comatose at the beginning, a few of the gang members had managed to drag combs through it to detangle the nest, but it was bunching up again now that he was awake and terrifying. jeno could see nothing but glowing potential in this boy.

"how about a troll?" chenle rasped, his vocal chords sore. "like one of those hideous melted troll dolls."

"clever. the blue hair is all you can see?"

"it's a choice."

jeno felt a little miffed but let it slide. he'd asked for it, after all. "but your nickname is so cute. don't you know it?"

"what?"

"we call you 'the ring' like that chick with the hair in the—"

"shut the fuck up, you do not!" chenle hissed and emerged further from his blankets. jeno felt a thread of victory from this improvement.

"no, we don't. we do, however, call you the wildcat."

"that one i've heard. don't play with me with all that 'ring' bullshit."

"it's not nice, is it? someone pointing out all your little insecurities with one lazy name..." the elder smirked. "so i'm going to say this now; if you call jisung slow for repeating himself, mark bossy for caring or jaemin a poser when he wears nice things one more time, you really will have tubes hanging out of your body like a freak experiment, but it won't be for your own good." his smile was soft and disarming and yet his eyes promised a fate far worse than death. "zhong chenle, i believe we've started off on the wrong foot and i've been a little too lenient and absent. shall we start over?" he extended his hand.

the bedridden patient looked somewhat nervously from jeno's face to his hand and considered the possibility of outrunning him in this state. the odds were not in his favour. and so he took the outreached palm and shook it shakily. he wouldn't fall for the mister nice guy act for a second.

the grip was very, very tight. he winced.

"it's so nice to meet you," jeno hummed and took it back to fold his arms over the backrest of the chair at his chest. "it's a shame i can't see that face of yours very well."

"i've been told i'm not much to look at..." chenle mumbled and forced himself to sit upright once and for all. his shirt hung on him like a toga and his collarbones could've cut someone they were so sharp. "but by all means, take a picture. it'll last longer."

jeno's lip twitched from all this snark. never in all his life had someone had such balls. such audacity towards him. he rather liked it and appreciated that every time he initiated a new doll the results would be different. already he'd been stabbed and now he was getting sassed.

"do you like games, chenle?"

the boy seemed to consider this question and turn the words over in his head to inspect them for any deeper meaning. his lips pursed bitterly and he forced himself to answer. "maybe. what kind of games?"

"word games. questions games," jeno replied while feigning an air of indifference. in his strategy, the less he appeared to care about chenle's condition and answers, the more the boy might cough up. he didn't seem to like attention or neediness, and jeno was many things, but not needy.

"huh..." chenle narrowed his gaze until it looked like he was trying to vaporise the gang leader with his eyes. "let me guess; twenty-one questions? ah, and a prediction," he smirked, "what happened to me?"

jeno gritted his teeth and continued to play coy. he didn't like people reading him and especially not the clever likes of chenle. "that's no fun. and maybe i don't care what happened to you. maybe i want different answers."

"how nosy," chenle tsked, but he got more comfortable and seemed to accept that when faced with a man like jeno, it was only right to play his games. "i'll go first then, shall i?"

the alpha nodded tightly, preparing himself for what might come his way.

"alright, lee jeno of garnet. why in the ever loving fuck are you and your—" he hesitated, wanting to use something coarse but remembering how this guy's grip could well have snapped his wrist with one squeeze if he'd wanted to. "your boys trying to keep me here. alive. i'm quite confused."

"interesting first question, but boring nonetheless," the elder sighed and rested his cheek against his hand. "simple answer, too. my dolls see something in you that i, quite frankly, am searching for and failing to find. to them you're a geode of sorts, an unremarkable rock on the outside with gems in the middle. you see?"

"doesn't quite answer my question."

"i'm weak where it matters," jeno sniffed and looked at the window to avoid the intense gaze burning him. "those three mean everything to me, and what they want they get. though i will throw you a bone," he smiled and looked back at him carefully, "you've got all that it takes to reach their level. you're tall and pretty under that hair. you hate everyone and everything and i think if it came down to it, you could kill a man. am i wrong?"

"hah," the beta looked away quickly. "killing is easier than people make it out to be. if i had a knife, a better body and ten minutes, pearl would be on its knees."

jeno wanted to grin. he wanted to tell him to prove it and just get up and do something. but he refrained, because this kid needed baby steps. "i'll hold you to that one of these days. if i said i could provide you with ten minutes and a knife, would you let your body get better?"

chenle closed in on himself again and said nothing for a beat. then he reluctantly muttered, "was that your question?"

jeno pouted and tried to back track to that passion he saw for a brief second in the boy's eyes. "no. in fact, this game isn't entertaining because you have to expect the truth and there's no risk. can i propose another?"

"i want to sleep."

"and i'm just getting started. give me two lies and one truth. i'll guess which one is the truth, obviously, and that way you can yield the information you want without encouragement. deal?"

chenle grimaced as he shifted against the headboard and held his stomach to ease the pain. jeno noticed and said nothing. "fine. it's your loss when i say useless things."

"i'll accept that loss."

he humphed and prepared some facts and lies. "let's see. i'm twenty years old. i love smoking. i got into a fistfight with a doctor last year."

jeno laced his fingers together and rested his chin against them, "you're actually sixteen. you've never had a cigarette in your life, i'm willing to bet, and yes, i suppose those scars everywhere are from fights."

"what a detective you are."

"my turn. i've never taken drugs. i killed my brother to claim garnet. i met jaemin when we were babies."

chenle finally wore an expression that exceeded his usual disgust, rage and unimpressed. he looked unsure and totally curious. "surely you've taken drugs."

"correct."

he kept the knowledge and thought a little more. "i can't believe one of the other two is the truth. they're both...unbelievable."

"try," jeno encouraged and leaned forward a bit subconsciously. "guess."

he seemed hesitant and clutched his stomach harder. "did you really kill your brother?"

a silence lapsed between them. the pair stared at each other, both with a little surprise and when the thought process dawned on jeno, he couldn't help but start to laugh. he clapped his hands and shook his head, genuinely laughing.

"i'm not sure what's funnier," he managed to say between bouts of giggles, "the fact that you seemed concerned that i killed my own brother, or that it was more plausible than being raised with jaemin."

"well did you?" chenle insisted. "jaemin, no offence, does not look like a mafia kid. you do, and i do...but not him."

"good, it means my brother and i did a great job."

the beta widened his eyes in surprise and looked down at the blanket around him to process this. "that's insane. he's such a—"

"careful."

he huffed, "i was going to say he's such an energetic person. as someone who's been influenced by gangs and shit all my life, i fail to see what there is to be so happy about."

"well if you'd let him, he'd show you." jeno started to tap his foot against the floor and couldn't help but look at the way chenle was nursing his tummy. he didn't want to bring it up, but it was so obvious the kid was hungry. "garnet isn't pearl."

"and i'm no fool."

they were back to square one. although even after all was said and done, jeno was certain he'd made progress today. however tiny.

>>>>>

it seemed like chenle would be sick forever. even when he talked a little more and slept just a little less, his body got no better and the dolls were at a loss for what to do. he simply would not help himself.

he wouldn't open up to them about the depth of his trauma either. he listened attentively to those stories of the other three, and passed no comment on them, but wouldn't add his to the record. jaemin was growing desperate as he watched the boy fade away even slower than if he'd been in the hands of pearl still. the quick and easy reprieve of death that drug testing would've granted him seemed kinder than the 'saving' that garnet were trying to do.

jeno, sleep-deprived and having worked for three days straight to prepare a meeting with three other gangs, wasn't handling the extra stress well. sungchan telling him his potential harem member was still knocking on death's door frustrated him more than words could say, because trying to pry someone open who didn't want you to see what they were made of was quite soul-destroying.

"jen, hey," mark power-walked to keep up with him while the young adult stalked down the halls towards chenle's room. the other two were quickly keeping up behind, trying not to bump into people on their way. "what are you planning, here? yelling isn't going to make him like us any better."

"who said anything about yelling?"

mark paused, catching his breath and tilting his head. "saying mean things in an even tone isn't going to make him like us any better."

jeno nearly laughed at his concern, and what his boys thought he resorted to when he had no other plans. but he wasn't as ill-tempered as people made him out to be, and his chats with chenle over the last couple of weeks had carved a small, dark recess in his heart for the kid.

he entered without knocking for once and finally the harem backed away when they all filtered in, waiting to see how this would go. chenle was half-asleep, breathing deeply and painfully with sweat plastering his hair to his face.

"wakey wakey, wildcat. it's time you stood up for once," jeno cracked out his hands and elicited a lot of begging from the other three who were incredibly dubious. chenle didn't answer, but it was possibly because he couldn't more than he wouldn't. so the young alpha carefully and methodically peeled the sheets off him and exposed his frail body dressed in pyjamas way too loose on him and gently picked him up.

"watch out!" jisung hissed.

chenle came to in a daze, resting his head against jeno's chest and weakly clutching onto his shirt. "what are you doing?"

"if you're so keen on dying, or if it's the help you don't want, this is my last offer before we let you have things exactly as you'd like them."

"what?" jaemin gushed into his hands, watching wide-eyed as his master carried the teenager out of the room and down the hall. once again they were practically jogging to keep up.

nobody said a word as they went down two flights of stairs and headed towards the front door. jeno paused in front of it, motioning for one of the others to open it. "what are we doing?" mark enquired, pulling it open regardless and stepping aside to let them through. "i'm lost."

the alpha carried the beta out into the sunlight and breathed in the crisp air of early autumn. the leaves were wilting and the gardeners were preparing the place for the new season. "can you feel that, wildcat?"

"feel what?" chenle croaked, barely conscious as he rested against the warm chest and arms supporting him.

"the sun. when's the last time you saw it?"

the beta dreaded to think about it. much longer than he'd have liked to admit. "why are we out here?"

jeno steeled himself against the voices in his head telling him the boy was too weak and that this wasn't going to solve the root of the issue. but really, if chenle couldn't overcome whatever was decaying his emotions, then he'd never make it no matter what they tried. so he slowly lowered him down and took a final crack at getting him to see reason.

"ah, hey!" he rasped, his bare feet touching the pavement. "i don't want to do this. take me back inside."

"so you can stare at the ceiling and keep that tally counting?"

chenle seemed to perk up at this and wanted to ask him how he knew he was keeping a mental tally, but he blamed it on keen intuition and instead focused on holding onto him as his knees straightened and tried to support him. the ground was cold, something was tickling his feet, and a gentle breeze was pulling his hair off his face.

"all good?" jaemin asked, terrible at pretending to be indifferent now. he was all over the pair, watchful and restless. the other two were no better.

"if i let go of you, you have to stand," jeno told the beta.

"no. don't let go."

"three, two..."

"lee jeno!" he yelled louder than anyone had ever heard him speak and he faltered when the blue-haired boy stepped away. he kept his hand out in case, but chenle's lips parted in awe when he was completely left alone to handle his own weight.

"look at that. more energy than you thought you had," jisung praised his effort.

chenle wobbled, stepping one foot out and then the other to assume a balanced pose. "i've done it. i'm standing. now take me back inside."

"nah, i think you can walk your ass inside," jeno smirked cunningly. "i mean, what you'll do when you get to those two flights of stairs, i have no idea. i guess i could carry you..." he trailed off and pretended to think about it, "but i was hoping to catch some air for half an hour out here. i've been working an awful lot lately."

"you prick! i can't stand that long!"

"why not?"

"i'm—" chenle paused, gritting his teeth and sending a scathing glare at all four of them. "i'm hungry."

jaemin tried not to jump for joy. "sorry, you're what?"

"pissed off!" chenle corrected himself and tried to walk forward, but his stomach lurched and his knees felt as weak as twigs from laying around for weeks. "take me upstairs."

"in half an hour," jeno shot back and folded his arms in that way he did when he planned to negotiate. "or, we can have a compromise. if you have one of those smoothies now, we'll escort you up, no questions asked. or, try to walk for five minutes and make an effort. three options, my dear, and they're all yours."

"you're terrible at treating people who can't fight back," the beta glowered. "you think you'll always win, but someday someone you can't control will come your way, and a part of me is loathed to miss that."

"then don't," jeno smiled meanly. "stick around, let's see if you're right." it was clear he couldn't foresee donghyuck in their near future.

chenle nearly bit his tongue he was grinding his teeth so hard. his fists were balled by his sides and he tried not to look like he'd lost. "get me one of those awful drinks then. fuck me, if it takes getting better to wrap my hands around your damn neck then maybe it'll be worth it."

"ah, a murder fantasy. you're so perfect, wildcat," the leader taunted and didn't expect chenle to leap at him with the last energy he had to pound a weak fist against his chest and then hold onto him like he'd fall otherwise.

"you're horrible. i hate you." but he was weak. he couldn't even cry. jeno wrapped his arms around his legs and hiked up him to carry him. the height difference surprised him for a moment.

"hate me as much as you want. make voodoo dolls and chant incantations to have me dead. i'd sooner see your hatred while you're alive and passionate than your bitter eyes when you're bed ridden and dying."

>>>>>

chenle managed to turn his weak constitution around nearly miraculously after only four months. the first day he ate a solid food after all the therapy (he stole jisung's chocolate), the harem were overjoyed.

"i'm not a kid! get your nasty hands off me," he tried to edge out of jaemin's crushing hug when he also landed his first hit in the arena. he was still worryingly thin and didn't eat enough, but he was building up strength slowly and the dolls trained him accordingly.

"but you're so gifted," the blonde cooed and played with chenle's rough bun tied with half his hair. he still hadn't cut it and the others weren't sure when to bring it up. when the beta was in a relatively forgiving mood, he even let jaemin braid it like he did with jisung's fringe.

"how long do you think it will take for me to be strong enough to stab jeno?"

the elder blinked at the question and tried not to laugh at the hilarity of it. "that's a...that's a great question."

"you don't think i could do it," chenle snipped and shrugged the boy off. "whatever. you're in love with that psycho. you wouldn't understand."

jaemin watched as he took off out of the arena and disappeared from sight. for all chenle was letting them get a little closer and talked a little more, it was still like living with a wild tiger and there was always the possibility they would rub him the wrong way. he lashed out when his feelings were hurt and stormed off when he couldn't express himself. but, even though he believed nobody could tell, he quietly preened under recognition for his talents and compliments. jaemin just wanted him to understand that they didn't have to be enemies, that there was more to life than survival of the fittest.

the signs were minuscule and easy to miss at first. the signs that chenle was falling in love.

it took him over half a year of training in close quarters with them, of eating with them and celebrating wins with them. of bickering with jeno until the sun went down and sleeping on those arguments, barely resting with how much he wanted to go again. the alpha mentally stimulated him the most.

jaemin kept him on his toes during sparring and he respected him and his skills, and the most beautiful way he could move his body to mesmerise and to kill. he was a lethal weapon, and one chenle was sure people would've chosen to die by.

jisung played with him. games, puzzles, even hide and seek if they were bored enough. he found, when he wasn't being so intentionally horrible to the younger boy, that he was excellent company to kill time with. jisung could talk for hours. once you got him going about something, he wouldn't stop, and chenle wouldn't stop, and so they bonded over their similar age and the parts of growing up they weren't so sure about. chenle had never wanted to kiss someone while they spoke so much. it made him anxious.

and of course mark managed to wrap around him and encompass him like a python. chenle never even noticed for the longest time until he realised it all, and didn't want to be saved. their dancing sessions left him breathless and revitalised, longing to go again and again even if it was just to feel someone touch him without flinching away. nobody came near him like that, not like mark when they had music. it burned in his core and made him embarrassed he was so thin and bony. did mark notice? did he wish chenle had wider hips? more chest? he wanted to fix it just so the dances could go on.

they didn't share a room, and the disconnect was palpable...at least to chenle.

when they parted company at night, after a late game of chess with jisung, or an exhilarating, heated argument with jeno, the beta felt an unwelcome loneliness sink its claws into him, and he ignored it with all he had. his unapproachable persona was all he possessed to protect himself and these feelings he'd never had or identified before were making him sick. he wanted to purge them and rid them from his system so at least his dream of strangling his gang leader could keep feeding him with purpose.

but that desire wasn't so strong anymore. his fantasies about closing his hands around jeno's neck got weirder everytime he tried to envision them. he'd be undressed. they'd be breathless. jeno's hips would arch up under his own body and he could feel him between his legs.

he hated it and loved it and wanted to ask jisung if this was normal...but he was terrified it was. he'd rather be a freak than like the four of them with their crazy sexual relationships. if he took part in any of that, who would he be on the other side?

"le, focus," mark hummed as he spun chenle out of a daydream and into his arms. "that was sloppy. keep the movements tighter, or else you'll stumble. when there are bodies all around you, you need to—" blah blah blah, has his hair always looked so fluffy and soft? what does it feel like to touch it? do the others run their hands through it? how would he react if i did?

"hey, i'm losing you again," the older beta sighed and parted from him to walk across the ballroom to a chair with a bottle of water on it. "you've been so distracted the past couple of weeks. and you were such a quick learner..." he unscrewed the cap, "what a pity."

the real pity was that chenle had never been given the talk in his sixteen years of life and his hormones were making him feel insane and being the only virgin amidst sex-addicts was creating moral turmoil in his head. he wanted to just ask about it already, but he was too proud.

can i sleep in the same bed with you yet?

what's it like to have sex?

why won't you make me a doll already?

he could've cried from frustration, but he kept it all inside. he was their wildcat, and they enjoyed that about him. he couldn't allow himself to be tamed now or they'd grow bored of him.

"let's go again. one more time," he suddenly pleaded.

"you're barely with it today. there's no point—"

"mark, please. i'll do better this time. i'm okay."

the elder eyed him suspiciously and returned to the dance floor with an outstretched hand. "whatever you say. step on my foot one more time though, and i'll have to take action."

chenle accepted his hand and breathed through the way his body heat made him feel. "what kind of action?"

the other snickered, starting the music and yanking him in close to whisper against his ear. "what kind of action do you want, chenle?"

>>>>>

"three, two, one," snip. the scissors hacked the first lock of dark hair off and it fell to the floor at chenle's feet. his eyes flicked up and met those of jeno's. the concentration he saw was making his tummy churn.

"wow, looks way better already," jisung lied through his teeth. "almost like a professional! speaking of professionals—"

"i don't want to see a barber," chenle growled at him again. "i know you guys hate my hair, so do what you want with it. what you like."

"that's not really..." jaemin sighed, "i mean, jeno has no idea what he's doing."

"cutting hair is like..." jeno began, trying to come up with a comparison as he attempted to snip another part away to form a fringe. "it's like bowling. aim and hope it goes right."

"oh for the love of—" mark groaned and turned away. "i can't look."

"is it bad?" chenle murmured quietly to the man in front of him. their breaths were mingling with the proximity and it was taking all his resolve and mental strength not to just lean up and close the distance. was jeno thinking the same thing? did he even see chenle the same way? was he so unappealing?

"no, it's hard to make a pretty boy look bad," the alpha flirted in his casual way. it would make any man or woman drop their pants, and chenle was no exception anymore. "in fact, your face is so much fuller and healthier now it's nearly impossible to link you to the ghastly kid dying on a bed a few months ago."

"thanks..."

"always a pleasure, wildcat." jeno continued to snip away until the beta was left with a relatively safe haircut that wasn't in fashion but certainly wasn't anything to cry about.

"please, le, let me take you to a barber to shave your sides or something. you look like a picture from the sixties," jaemin pleaded. "i'll tell them what to do and everything. you'll be an eleven out of ten."

"you calling me ugly now?"

"i'm afraid he has a point," mark added. "you're stunning, to be sure, but actually shaping your hair will bring it all together."

"i agree," jisung beamed.

jeno looked bitter and stood back to inspect his handy work. "it's fine the way it is, but i'd recommend a professional touch. it's up to you who touches you though, wildcat. if you don't want a stranger at your hair, then..."

"it's fine. i'll go," he agreed and felt the lightness of his new cut all the same. the way his fingers ran straight through it and felt no tangles, no dryness. he smiled a little.

>>>>>

the night chenle dared to enter their room was a night he couldn't take anymore of the aching loneliness that perpetually lingered on his body and in his mind. he couldn't sleep without fantasies plaguing him and couldn't very well lay awake to make them up himself.

he caved and wandered down the hallway to find them. he'd been in there a couple of times before during the day when jisung wanted to read, or when jaemin wanted company while he cleaned up. the smells, he remembered, were of their body sprays and slightly of their sheets. he couldn't detect pheromones, but if he could, he wondered if jeno's were as irresistible as he imagined.

knocking twice, he waited patiently for an answer. there was movement on the other side, and he heard voices. suddenly rather embarrassed to have come, he played with his new fringe again and sometimes forgot everything had been styled a week prior. he hardly recognised himself in the mirror and had to agree he was pretty good looking when looked after...but was he enough?

the door swung open at last and jisung answered in just a t-shirt and boxers. he seemed a bit stressed. "le? hi. come in, we're just trying to help nana at the moment."

chenle curiously stepped inside with him and closed the door behind himself. jaemin, he could hear, and he presumed jeno were in the bathroom and mark was rummaging through drawers. "what's wrong?"

"jaem's a bit sick. probably after dinner," mark responded absentmindedly and managed to retrieve a t-shirt from the pile. "all good. he's fine, really. what brings you here?"

the beta choked on his words, not actually having prepared for a question like that. he'd been so taken with the idea of boldly just showing up and hoping for the best that he'd forgotten they treated him like a child. he folded his arms around his small waist and shrugged. "couldn't sleep. i was bored...so."

"aaaw, does the wildcat want cuddles?" he teased and walked over to the en suite to call out to jaemin. "here, nana, change into this. also, le wants to stay with us tonight."

"i didn't say that!" chenle hissed.

"but you implied it," jisung chuckled and crawled up onto the excessively huge bed. he patted the space beside him, "come lay down."

jeno and jaemin emerged from the bathroom and closed the door to the sound of the toilet flushing. "hello, kitty, welcome to the club," jeno smiled pleasantly but was more focused on helping jaemin to bed. "tell me if you don't feel well again. i've got medicine and whatnot for this."

"ugh, don't bother. it was just an upset stomach," jaemin insisted and crashed down beside jisung. "lele, give me cuddles."

"ew, no."

"rude," mark scoffed and took the place instead, huddled between jeno and jaemin who was laying against jisung's side. chenle suddenly felt like an outsider again and wished he hadn't tried to do something he simply wasn't capable of doing.

"i'll just—" he began before a hand latched around his wrist and pulled him down against a hard chest. "oomph," he mumbled, rising slightly to meet jeno's face directly in front of his own. "oh, it's you."

"try not to sound so disappointed, hm? who would you rather it was?" they were so close chenle was sure he'd get caught this time. his body reacted all on its own and his cheeks burned so hot he was certain he resembled a tomato.

"who says i would rather anyone?" he didn't mean for it to sound the way it did.

"so i'm okay, then? you don't want to stab me anymore?"

the beta swallowed thickly and remained stock still. if jeno hadn't noticed his rebellious body's excitement against his leg, then he would very soon. "i'll still stab you. you're crazy—" he was cut off when two hands slid down to his ass and a nose pressed against his own. his heart slid up to his throat.

"zhong chenle, this game you've gotten so good at the past few weeks is growing difficult and tiring. just admit defeat and kiss us already."

"w-what?"

"you think we can't see a crush when it's in front of us?" jaemin teased.

"or a hot daydream," mark added which made chenle want to slap him. he thought he'd been subtle enough about it.

"you stare at what you want a lot," jisung grinned and touched his lips as he said so. "why not just do what you want? holding back only brings grief."

chenle was so embarrassed he could die. he tried to wriggle free from jeno's grip but couldn't, and when the man took hold of both his wrists, flipped them around and pinned his arms above his head, he almost let out a scream. "get off! i'm leaving!"

"to go where? back to your room to think about us again?" jeno quirked his lip. "darling, you're years too early if you think rough kids like us can't read an innocent child like you."

"i'm nearly the same age!"

"physically. but up here," he used his free hand to caress chenle's forehead, "you're still a little boy doing whatever he can to see tomorrow. but the battle is over now, wildcat. you can breathe."

the beta didn't know what to say. he was nervous and agitated and felt like a transparent shell that anyone could see into. "if you knew what i was feeling, then why wait? isn't this what you wanted? you've won. you tamed the wildcat..."

"you've never truly tamed a cat until it willingly comes back to you for a cuddle," jeno explained. "and you, my darling kitty," he released his wrists and pulled his waist up to meet his own where he too could be felt through his pants, "have come for cuddles at last."

"ngh." chenle winced at the sound he just made. mark took his chin and guided his attention to him.

"brace yourself, we don't go easy."

"huh—?" he gulped before his lips were stolen for his first kiss. and how incredibly hot, and desperate, and anticipated it was. mark took him through all the rules first hand for kissing while the others made quick work of his clothes. jeno leaned over him, reaching in to whisper warmly against his ear.

"you can stop hating now. there's no time for it anymore." and then he was pressing kisses to his cheek, his neck, his collarbones. chenle felt his brain melt and reform over and over again in a dazed cycle as the four of them divided and conquered what roles they would teach him.

he'd never felt so warm before in his life.

➳༻❀⌛️❀༺➳

to be continued...

welcome to the longest chapter i've ever written before in my life 😭 9100 words
this is what happens when you don't plan a character properly kids, don't follow in my footsteps

all the same i hope it was good? a bit messy but the point got across

love you all lots!
— lily