I remember days where I would do nothing but sit on my bed. Numb. Confused. Thinking: Why me? Why do I have to live?

I ran home and ran straight to my room and shut the door. Still breathing heavily, I peel my hoodie off and sit on the edge of my bed breaking into loud sobs. No one was home to hear, even though Gavin had moved in with us, he was at work.

I screamed and threw shoes and pillows at the door, tossed in my backpack too.

"WHYYY!" I screamed and fell to the floor in heavy sobs. I punch the pillows with all my might and then burry my face in them.

Why me? I just want a happy life...I just want my momma home...my father nice...my memories happy...my ex boyfriend to look at me with something other then hurt and sadness in his eyes...the bullies so stop calling me names and beating me up.

"I want life" I stare at the wall and whisper. "I just want to feel something again."

My heart was broken...in literal holes and pieces thumping around in my chest. I had scars everywhere...wrists...arms...hips...thighs...but only I could see them.

As I sat there on my bed I thought about what those girls said...I thought about God...I cryed.

"If there's a God out there, please hear my prayer. I'm lost and I'm scared and I have no where else to go. I've come a long, long way, and I'm not sure I can make it much farther. So if you're listening, could you give a helping hand, to your daughter?" I whisper and stare out my window at the clouds.

I got lost in my thoughts and cried silently. I was so lost that I didn't hear Gavin come home and I didn't hear him open my door. I looked over at him.

"Noel..." he looks at my scars and cuts and then looks into my eyes with tears brimming them.

This is the second time in my life I had ever seen a man cry so I was shocked with emotions again and I just looked back at him...

Why do I make men cry?

"Noel...honey...oh my God." He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. "What happened?"