Behind my smile is a breaking heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart, behind my eyes are tears at night, behind my body is a soul trying to fight.

Mae

I heard the slam of a door, and I sat up paranoid, thinking it was my door. My sleep was never comfortable. The only reason I had slept now was because my father had left the house, but I knew he had come home, and I hoped he wouldn't come into my room. I heard another door slam and knew he was going into Zach's room. Zach always got angry with me when I tried to interfere, whenever I tried to protect him from Mitch.

I knew he took the beatings without letting me know his true pain because he didn't want me to worry. He tried playing it off. He didn't want me interfering because he was the brother. He wanted to protect me like my father should have. He wanted to set a good role on how a real man should be like. It was why he was always respectful toward women. He wanted to show me that there are good men like him in the world and not all of them are like Mitch.

I heard shouting, and I could hear the sound of Mitch's fist coming into contact with Zach's body. Loud thuds filled my ears, and I wanted it to stop. Please, please stop, I'll do anything! I covered my ears to muffle the sound of my brother getting beaten on.

A loud bone-crunching sound erupted, and I clutched my chest as I could feel Zach's pain from my room. Mitch broke one of his ribs. The sound of Mitch's fist hammering Zach's body stopped, but I didn't hear Zach's cries. He was silent, and my body froze. 

Please let Zach be alive.

I heard Mitch's footsteps approaching and silent tears fell from my eyes as I knew what was going to happen next. I shook my head, not wanting him to come in here. Please, please just one night! Please! I'll be good, I promise.

My body flooded with terror, and I screamed silently before he came into my room, releasing what I had wanted to out loud. I tried pretending to be asleep when my door creaked open, bringing the light from the hall into my room, hoping that any god in the world would spare me.

They did nothing for me as Mitch came in. There was no god for me, no savor that would rescue me.

Mitch didn't care if I was sleeping, he would wake me up no matter what. He left the door open, walking to my bed, and I slowly slipped under my blanket, trying to hide but failed.

"Get up!" He roared, and I flinched as I started getting up. I was scared, so I moved with caution but that only angered him. He had said I moved too slow and started hitting me, over and over again. I cried when the pain was becoming unbearable. He was angry as he was all the time, and he took that anger out on me, hitting me, pain flaring, and burning everywhere he had hit. The fiery pain started to spread out of my chest, making my heart feel like it was quivering, and at that moment, I prayed for my heart to give out. The pain started to become too much, and I started crying louder. "Shut up!"

"Please, please, dad, it hurts." I cried, hoping that me calling him dad would put some emotion in him and make him remember who I was to him, but he punched me harder, emotionless. I didn't deserve these beatings; I never spoke enough to talk back. "I'll be good, I promise." He swung his arm back, ready punch me again but stopped.

"You promise?" He sneered, disgusted as if that was the best I could come up with. He stood, and I thought that would be the last of it, but he picked up his foot and stomped on my stomach. My stomach churned, but I closed my throat to stop anything from coming up. He walked away, and I heard his room door close.

Despite all of my weakness, I went on my knees, my stomach flaring in pain, and got up. I almost fell over but used my bed for support. I found the strength to walk into Zach's room and saw his body on the floor, stopping my heart.

I squinted through my blurry vision as my body froze. I watched his stomach, waiting for it to rise from his intake of oxygen, showing if he was alive. I waited, and it finally rose. I felt relief wash over me as I knew he was alive. I walked next to him, lying down on my back, looking at the ceiling, and letting unconsciousness take over, hoping it was my death.

I inhaled a sharp breath as I opened my eyes, seeing sticker stars stuck on the ceiling, but I was confused. I didn't have those on my ceiling, I must have not been in my room. The more I started to wake up, the more I noticed my surroundings. I wasn't lying on my bed, I was lying on the wooden floor and the sound of soft breathing filled my ears. I sat up, looking around, and noticed that I was in Zach's room, lying on his floor.

I looked at the spot I was lying in and noticed it was the same one from my memory, I had slept walked here. I got up, my back stiff from lying on the ground, and looked at Zach. I waited for his body to rise with the intake of oxygen and once it did, I relaxed. I watched more just in case my mind was playing tricks on me and waited, making sure he was actually alive.

He looked peaceful as he slept, I had never seen him sleep this peacefully before. He, too, had always watched over himself when he slept, knowing that Mitch could have come home at any moment. He didn't have to watch over himself anymore. He finally slept the way he always should have.

I felt tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision as I watched my peaceful brother alive and healthy. He wasn't suffering anymore and that made me happy. The tears fell, clearing my vision, and I saw as his eyes fluttered. When he saw my figure, he jumped up, sitting straight and wide-eyed. He let a breath out, sounding relieved.

"Mae," he said, sleep in his voice, but his voice sounded alert. His eyes watered as stressed filled his face. He looked scared as he shook his head. I went to him, but he kept shaking his head, almost as is he was trying hard to convince himself that something he was believing wasn't true. "Was it a dream? Is he still here? We're not free?" His voice broke as he spoke.

I realized then that he must have thought Mitch was alive and that's why I was crying, standing in his room. He must have thought this was me waking him up because Mitch was here to give us another beating.

I went to Zach, but he flinched when I started to approach him. He backed away from me, and I was scared that he thought I was Mitch. He rubbed his eyes, clearing his vision, and looked at me. An apologetic expression took over his face.

"Zach," I whispered so low only the ending of his name was heard.

"I-I thought," he whispered, shaking his head, and I nodded, understanding who he thought I was. He wiped his eyes again and brought himself to the edge of the bed. "Is he...," he trailed off.

"He's gone," I confirmed, and he finally started breathing.

"Mae, I don't want to live like this," he said, anguish filling his eyes and voice. It was painful to see my brother this way. I had wanted to believe that he wouldn't suffer anymore but even that was a lie too good to be true. "I don't want to constantly live in fear. I want a normal life. One where I don't wake up sweating or crying because of the nightmares that always come. There's no escaping them, Mae." He looked defeated as his shoulder went slump, tired from the endless cycle we always lived.

I knew exactly how he felt, how could I not? I had wanted the same thing. I was tired of always feeling scared or sad. I just wanted to be happy. Even when I would hang out with James and Zach, there would be times when I couldn't be happy. It was as if my body couldn't function happiness.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, willingly to try anything. He got up, walking to his dresser, and pulled a prescription bottle out.

"I take these," he said, shaking the bottle. "They're antidepressants. The doctor said it helps with PTSD."

"What are the effects?" I asked, and he chuckled but not in a humorous way. It sounded more miserable.

"Still leaves me screwed in the end. The girl I was dancing with at the party wanted to go home and... you know," he said, nodding once down, insinuating that the girl wanted to have sex. "But I couldn't."

"Why?" I asked. It wasn't awkward talking about sex with him because it wasn't like we were talking about something sexual, we were talking about a mishap that happened with him.

"Well, she was... you know," he said, nodding down once again, insinuating that she was pleasuring him, and I nodded. It was now, getting slightly awkward, but he looked stressed about it, so I listened. "And it felt good, but I just couldn't. It was like my body didn't want to, but I wanted to, and then eventually, I got out of there because I couldn't stay hard."

"And those did that?" I asked, pointing toward the bottle. I had considered taking those myself, but I didn't want to rely on medication to fix me. I had already hated that I was broken and needed fixing in the first place, and I didn't want medication to remind me. I know someone people took those and were happy to live the tiniest bit normal but for me, it wouldn't feel normal. He nodded at my question.

"They work on me though. I started feeling better, happier. Even James noticed, but I don't want to take them if it messes with that part of my life," he said, and I nodded. I would hate that too. He looked at the pill bottle and groaned loudly, throwing the bottle to the wall. It fell to the ground, still closed, and I flinched at his sudden burst of anger. "I shouldn't need to take those! I'm seventeen, I shouldn't have post-traumatic stress!"

"We'll find a different way," I told him, but he shook his head. He was quiet, and I was scared about what he was thinking.

"You the only reason I don't kill myself?" He asked, and my heart dropped. I had never expected him to say that. I had wondered if he thought of that, but I hadn't asked him. I didn't want to put those thoughts into his head in case he hadn't. "Because of everything he put us through. If I had died, it would have felt like he was winning, and he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of watching me give up. My enemy wouldn't win, and it was my choice on whether or not he did."

The cruelest part about what he said was that Mitch would have been satisfied with Zach dying. Mitch would have seen it as one less kid to worry about. That angered me but also made me glad that Zach didn't give up. "So you would have killed yourself?" I asked even though I knew the answer. He shook his head but shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't think so because if I would have, I would have left you with him, alone and that would have been selfish of me," he said, clenching his teeth, and my chest tightened as I realized I was partially to blame for Zach's suffering.

"If it wasn't for me, you could have been free," I told him, nodding at the realization. My nose tinged with pain as my eyes watered. "I made you suffer longer than you would have."

"No, Mae. You have never made me suffer," he assured, strongly and more tears filled my eyes until I blinked, and they fell. He scooted closer and brought me into his arms. I had never flinched with Zach. He was the one person I truly felt safe with and trusted.

I was going to speak when his alarm went off. His alarm always went off thirty minutes before mine because he had to leave for morning football practice. He got up and needed to get dressed, so I started making my way out of his room.

"I have to believe that it won't always be like this. We're strong, Zach. We'll get through this."

"I hope so," he said, sounding defeated as he looked at the ground and a knock on the front door sounded in the silent house.

"I'll get that." I walked to the front door and opened it, seeing James half asleep.

"I'm surprised you're up this early," James grumbled. "Tell Zach we'll be in the car." He said but didn't move in his spot. His eyes started closing again, and he swayed a little. I tapped him on the shoulder, not wanting him to pass out on the floor. "Hey, Mae. Tell Zach we'll be in the car."

I laughed when he repeated what he told me. He smiled when he heard my laugh and sighed loudly as he dragged himself out of the house and back to Brody's car. I closed the door and sat down in the living room, looking at the clock tick by.

I watched in a daze, not thinking and enjoying the silence in my head. I heard Zach come out from his room, holding his duffle bag and backpack, dressed in his practice attire. He looked at me and forced a smile as he started walking out.

"Have a good day," I told him.

"Thank you, you too," he said, still sounding defeated. I thought of the promise I made him and said the only thing I thought would cheer him up.

"I'll pick you up after school, so you can take Alec for a spin," I told him, and he looked at me, waking a little from his sadness.

"You don't have to make me feel better," he said, adjusting his backpack from slipping off his right shoulder. His sadness was still there but less than when we woke up.

"I'm not. Sooner I let you drive, the sooner I don't have to dread it," I teased. "After school." He nodded, a small smile started making its way on his face, and he walked out. After he closed the door, I heard a car door close, and Brody's car drove away. It became silent in the house, and I hated that.

I walked back to my room and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, but I noticed a flash drive sitting next to it. I didn't own any flash drives. I looked around, scared of someone jumping out and attacking me. Someone put that here, they were in my room. I went to my window, but it was unlocked. Hadn't I locked it? My heart started racing, and I locked it before backing up and jumping on the bed, scared that if they were still here, they'd be hiding under the bed.

I braced myself and side jumped off my bed and locked my door. I began to grow scared at the thought of if I had locked myself from the threat or if I had locked myself in with the threat. I slowly lowered on my knees to check under the bed. Placing my hands on the wooden floor, I lowered my head and looked under the bed but no one was there. I checked my closet. No one.

I felt better, so I grabbed the flash drive and connected it to my laptop. There were files that popped up and one was titled to watch first. I looked in the back of me, making sure no one was lurking and then pressed the first file. I relaxed a bit when I noticed they were audio files. My finger hovered over the button to press play, I pressed it quickly.

Damien's voice came from the speaker, and I relaxed as I realized that it wasn't from a threat. I felt dumb for being so paranoid.

"So... I'm giving you this because I'm a coward," he chuckled humorously, and I smiled a bit at his voice. Why was this here? Had he given this to me? "I wanted you to know everything, but I kept going about that in all the wrong ways. I tried to push you away but in doing so, I hurt you. I say cruel things to the people who are hurting me. It's a way of hurting them and getting back at them for hurting me in the first place. I hate that I do that, and I hate myself more that you were one of the people I did it to. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me and maybe one day, enough to see me in person so I can explain everything to you. The other files on here explain some things but not everything. I'd like it if you can listen to them but... it's up to you if you want to."

I jumped up when I heard my alarm go off. I looked around for my phone and it was still on my nightstand. I checked the time, and I only had forty minutes until school. I wanted to hear another one of the audio files, but I wouldn't have time. I debated whether or not to listen to one but realized I was wasting time, so I decided to listen to it after school.

After getting dressed, I closed my laptop and put the flash drive in my backpack for safekeeping. I walked to the window and made sure it was locked then left to school. There was a lot of traffic going to school, so I waited and kept glancing at the time.

I had hated going late to school because the school had a system where if you were tardy even by one minute, you got lunch detention. Some teachers even made you walk back to the office to get a pass if you walked in right after the bell, but there were some cool teachers who didn't care.

The traffic passed, and I pulled in to the school. I groaned when I saw the time, twenty-eight minutes late. Definitely getting lunch detention. My school didn't offer after school detention, but I would have gladly taken that over lunch detention.

After I parked, I got off and took my time walking nice and slow. I was already late might as make the best of it. I heard more cars pulling in, some dropping off, and some parking. I walked into the office and there was a line of students at the attendance section, waiting for detention slips. I waited in line for mine and saw Axel walk out with Daniel and Solan following behind. They didn't see me as they went through the other door.

"PIN number," the attendance lady said. I already had my ID card ready, so I showed it to her, and she wrote it down along with my name. "Lunch detention in the gym." I grabbed my pass and left for my class.

I walked into my class and only a couple of people looked. I glanced at Damien sitting in his seat, but his head was looking down, reading his paper. I walked to my desk and saw Axel sitting next to my seat. I sat down next to him, and my teacher looked at me, motioning her hand side to side to see if got a slip. I raised my hand showing the paper, and she nodded.

"Did you get stuck in the traffic too?" Daniel asked when he turned around, and I nodded.

"It was so bad," I signed, shaking my head at how terrible it was. He smiled, nodding, and turned around. Axel tapped my desk lightly, so I looked at him.

"Are you not mad at us anymore?" He asked with a hopeful face. I looked at the board, ignoring his question. He snapped his finger, loud and crisp, so I looked at him. "Let me explain why I did what I did."

"Go ahead," I told him, but he shook his head.

"There won't be enough time, we only have five minutes left," he said. "We both have lunch detention, so I'll explain after." I nodded and everyone started packing up.

Classes passed extra slowly today, and I had been counting down the seconds until I would find out why Axel set me up. I walked to the gym and found Axel and the guys waiting by the entrance. When I approached them, we walked in together. I handed my slip to the teacher who was waiting by the door and found a seat on the bleachers. Axel sat next to me with Daniel and Solan sitting in front of us.

"Put away your phones, IPads, earbuds, books, homework, nothing should be out. You'll sit in silence for fifteen minutes. If someone talks, I'll add a minute," the teacher said strictly. Daniel took out his earphones and put them in his front pocket.

Everyone settled down and the gym became quiet. The only sounds that were heard were people shuffling in their seats and the air conditioning in the gym. The doors opened to the boys' locker room, and Zach and James walked through.

"Hey, coach," James said and waved. The teacher nodded up once and walked to him.

"How were drills today?" Their coach asked.

"Why aren't they in here?" Daniel asked. "Didn't you come to school together?" He looked at me confused.

"They're football players, they're privileged," Solan scoffed, and I pushed his backpack, and he chuckled quietly. "Sorry."

"They have football practice in the morning," I told them. I glanced at my brother, and he was looking my way as the coach spoke to James.

"Talking about me?" Zach signed, and I smiled. The teacher looked my way but didn't see me in the sea of people sitting around me. "Alright. We're gonna take off, coach."

"Okay. We're running plays after lunch," he said, and the boys nodded. They walked out, and the coach walked back to the chair that was at the center of the gym and sat down.

Daniel held out his fist to Solan, and Solan did the same. They moved their fists up and down three times, playing rock, paper, scissors. Daniel lost and wanted to play again. He kept losing and kept wanting to play again. I had to refrain from laughing several times because Daniel was competitive and wouldn't accept his loss. They played as time passed, and we were let out.

"Explain," I signed to Axel when we walked out. He walked to the benches that were outside the gym and sat down, gesturing for me to do the same. I sat down and looked at him, waiting for him to give me clarity.

"We're into racing, and we've been trying to get a hold of a big racer, so we could win and make our name known, but it's harder to do in a town no one knows you in," Axel started, and I knew that. It was why a lot of racers weren't known. It was also why my name spread so intensely. It was a constant name that appeared and was mentioned by many. "A couple of days before I set up the King-"

"Or James," Daniel corrected, interrupting Axel, and Axel nodded. I hadn't realized James' name was starting to get known so fast. I feared for him and his life. It was a dangerous thing for James to be known as the King. People would come after him.

"I got a note that had the address of where I was racing, and the name of the person I was fighting. I didn't understand why I got that and had no idea if it was true. I asked a guy that has connections to the races to see if what the note was saying was true, and it was," Axel recalled.

"But a couple days passed, and we received another note," Solan started. "This one said what Axel had to do before the race began. Set up the King."

"I got a notification from my bank and fifty thousand dollars was deposited into my account," Axel admitted, and my eyes widened a bit. That was a lot of cash.

"You got paid to set... the King up?" I had hesitated because I had almost exposed myself but was fast enough to catch my almost mistake, and he nodded. "Why would someone pay you to set him up?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask questions because I needed the money," he told me. He hesitated before speaking again. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything," I nodded. A gloomy emotion grew in his eyes, and he took a depth breath in, releasing it at once.

"Out of my siblings, I have twins, like you and Zach," he smiled, and I mirrored his smile. "One of them is ambitious. She has goals and knows what to do to accomplish those. She's an assistant for a veterinarian because she loves animals. She's everything light, a really bubbly and lively person." The way he spoke of his sisters made him happy. But when he stopped speaking of that sister and moved on the next one, his expression grew gloomy once again.

"My other sister, however, is quite the opposite. Ever since our mom passed away, she grew sadder and sadder. She started becoming depressed, and it was hard to talk to her because she wanted to be locked up in her room all day or wanted to be alone. When we walked into a room she was in, she'd walkout. She started losing weight, but I wasn't sure if that was the depression or because she wanted to. Her grades started dropping, and she was always stressed by never being able to catch up, but she stopped stressing because she stopped trying to catch up and stopped doing her work altogether.

"She started doing reckless things and talking back to our dad, but he would let it slide. Me and my brother would get mad at our dad for letting her talk to him like that, but he didn't do anything. Then I noticed her depression start to fade as she was always on her phone; I thought maybe she was getting better. She was but not on her own. She was talking to a guy, and she told me about him when I kept pestering her to tell me. He didn't sound like a good guy. I would know because I knew who he was. I had introduced them but never would have thought he'd be interested in her. Not because she wasn't likable but because she wasn't his type.

"He sounded like he needed to put more effort into his relationship with my sister, but she ignored me when I told her that. I believe she knew at that moment but chose not to see it. She thought I was being an annoying older brother. She settled for him but ended up getting less than what she settled for."

I felt as if the information he was sharing with me was personal, and I wasn't sure if he was telling me because he considered me a friend or because it was important to what he was explaining to me. I felt bad for listening, but I did anyway and listened respectfully.

"They always fought, and she always came home crying after being gone for most of the day. This time around, he didn't help her depression, he added to her misery, and she became worse this time. She went into the medicine cabinet and found some pills. They belonged to my brother because he always had back pain. My dad was over with his coworker, and my sister took the girl's car after consuming the whole bottle of codeine. She wasn't in the right state of mind, and she crashed the car, almost killing herself."

"Axel, I'm so sorry," I shook my head, not knowing what to say. I was at a loss for words. "Are you sure this isn't too personal for me to know? I don't want you to regret it after," I asked him, and he nodded.

"You need to know," Solan said with a sad look. He had listened more intently to the story about Axel's sister, it looked like it had pained him more than it had Daniel. But maybe Daniel didn't show his emotions as much as Solan did.

"She's okay now. My sister went to the hospital and had a huge medical bill, and my dad got a bill for the girl's car. When I saw the amount in my bank, I knew I needed to do whatever to keep that money and help my family. So I set up the King to save my family from debt... but wouldn't you?" He asked, looking intensely into my eyes.

"The King is James, and James is family," I told him, but he shook his head.

"So you wouldn't set up James to save Zach?" Solan asked, looking confused about what I said.

"That's like asking me to betray family for family. You can find another way," I reasoned, and Axel shook his head again.

"If it were one of my siblings who needed saving, and one of my siblings needed to betray me in order to save them, I would want them to. I would want them to do whatever to save each other," he told me, and I saw the point he was trying to make.

"Would you betray James to save Zach?" Daniel asked. I was going to protest that there could be other ways, but he interrupted. "If there were no other ways. You either betray James or turn your back on Zach, on family, on blood. Would you do it?"

"Yeah," I answered without missing a beat. "If there were no other ways to save Zach, I would," I added, and they nodded. I looked at Axel, and he looked hopeful and apologetic.

"So you see my point?" He asked, and I nodded. "I'm sorry, Mae. For setting up James. Can you find it in yourself to see where I'm coming from and forgive me?" He asked, but I didn't need to find a way. I understood where he was coming, and it was hard to be mad at him for wanting to save his family. Family was important, and I would do anything to save Zach, my family.

"Yeah," I told him, and a small smile crept on his face.

"Good, 'cause I have a lot of marvel questions for you, and I'm curious about what your answers are," Daniel said, and we laughed.

"Thor is still better," I signed, and Daniel closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in through his nose, and Solan started laughing.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that," Daniel said, releasing his breath, and we laughed again.

"Mae!" I heard my name being called. I stood and saw James and Zach walking my way. Axel stood and started walking toward James, so I followed quickly after Axel, and he started signing to them before I could sign anything to the guys.

"I was just apologizing to Mae. I would explain it to you which is completely fair-"

"Apologizing for what?" James asked, confused. I made a face to James, trying to hint at what Axel was saying, but James wasn't looking at me. I saw movement from Axel, and I stopped my facial expression, knowing Axel had to of caught me.

"For setting you up," Axel said.

"When?" James asked, furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head back in confusion. I mentally slapped myself in the face at James' ignorance. This was why him playing the King was a terrible idea. I should have never agreed to it. This was my fault.

"When you raced Axel, but it was just a setup," Zach said in a very oblivious tone as if trying to remind James. James' faced form an O with his mouth as his eyebrows raised.

"Ooh yeah, man. Don't worry about it," James said coolly, waving a hand and brushing off Axel. I closed my eyes, putting my head down, and scratching the back of my neck. He was going to blow my cover. I picked my head back up, and Axel was looking at me.

"He's very forgiving," I tried, and Axel nodded slowly but there was a look in his eyes as if he was thinking about something.

"Right," Axel signed, nodding. "Well, I'm still sorry. We gotta go though, we're leaving for lunch. See you around." Axel and the guys smiled at me and left. I started glaring hard at James and a small smile crept on his face at my reaction. He found this humorous!

"You're such a moron, James!" Zach hissed, slapping his own forehead. James' smile slowly faded, and he looked guilty.

"I'm sorry! But you see! This is why you shouldn't have let me play the King," James said. I was infuriated, and he smiled, making me angrier. I pulled on my hair, wanting to yell at him.

"It was your idea!" I signed quickly.

"You think they figured it out?" James asked. He looked worried, and I shrugged because I wasn't sure.

"If they do, you're a dead man," I told James, and he laughed. He lifted his arm, and I flinched a bit. He put his arm around my shoulder, bringing me in.

"Aww, don't be mad at me," he pouted. His eyes widened, sort of sparkling, and my heart clenched a bit at how adorable it was. "Please?" He asked softly, and I sighed, looking up.

"Fine," I gave in, and he smiled. "I'm not mad at you."

"You promise?" He asked. I grew stiff as I remembered my dream this morning, and I nodded trying to focus on James but it became hard as I started zoning out and thinking about my memories.

"Mae," I heard Zach's voice, and he sounded worried. I snapped out of my daze and looked at him.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked, and he shook his head, nothing was wrong. He looked worried for me, and I looked at James. He took his arm off my shoulder and kept glancing between Zach and me.

"You both do that, why?" James asked, skeptically. He kept looking at us and from Zach's worried face, I knew I had the same look.

"I have a stats test next Friday, I'm just stressing over it," I lied, and James shook his head as he smiled. "I wouldn't even be taking stats if I wasn't trying to get into a great four-year college."

"You're such a nerd," he laughed, putting his arm around my shoulder again. "Both of you. You both say that."

"Or, we both care about our grade," Zach offered as an alternative. "Unlike some people."

"Or, I'm just smart and everything clicks so there's no need to stress," James said, and I laughed. We started walking toward the green stalls that had lunch.

"James, you cheat on every test," I told him, and he laughed. We stood in the line of people and waited to get lunch. It was better to get lunch here than the cafeteria.

"It's not cheating," James said, shaking his head. "It's borrowing answers." Zach burst into loud laughter, and I started laughing silently. James was unbelievable. "I'm gonna study for the next test. Swear." We laughed harder, and James smiled as he heard his own lie.

"The only thing you study for is football," I told him, and he nodded proudly.

"Are you nervous?" James asked. "About next Saturday?" Next Saturday was the big fight against Damien and the King—or me.

"Yeah," I told him and grabbed my lunch and entered my PIN number. I paid for my lunch in advance, so I didn't have to pay every time I got lunch.

"I wanna go," he said as he got his lunch and walked with me, and I shook my head. We stopped walking as we waited for Zach to get his lunch.

"You can't that's gonna blow everything," Zach said, and James groaned. We walked to our table and on the way there I saw Damien. He was coming back into the school with his friends. They had left to get lunch. I slowed my walk and hid behind James.

The rest of the day passed quickly, and I was excited to go home and listen to the audio files Damien left. I had two hours before I had to pick up Zach from football practice. I would use that time wisely. I walked into my room, going straight to my laptop and plugging in the flash drive. I pressed play on another file and listened intently.

"I saw you at school today, and you looked beautiful. How can someone as beautiful as you exist in the world?" He asked softly on the file, and my heart began to race. He thought I was beautiful. "Your hazel eyes and the freckles on your nose are the cutest. You're adorable, Mae." His voice sounded happy as if he was smiling, and I felt shy and embarrassed that he was calling me adorable. I laughed as the embarrassment heated my cheeks.

I listened to other files, and my heart began to hurt altogether at how much he had noticed and how much he had cared. Tears fell, and I felt guilty and like a horrible person for not realizing sooner. I had been hoping that he was the same guy from before and although he wasn't, he was a more mature person. A better version of the guy I once knew.

I clicked on another file as tears ran down my face. I kept wiping them, but they fell easily, so I stopped trying. "I know you have secrets...," he hesitated on the audio file, and I looked at the time on the file to see how much time was left, thinking it was over, but he continued. "But so do I. The only thing is, I don't know if you can handle mine. They're terrible; more gruesome than you can fathom. You'll think I'm monstrous, but I hope you don't."

What secrets of his were so bad I would think that? Gruesome? Monstrous? What had he done?

*~*

That following week passed quickly. I woke with a feeling of dread. I had been dreading this day for two weeks. I got up from my bed, dragging myself and dressed in my fighting attire. I closed my eyes, not wanting to live through this day. I didn't want this fight to happen. I didn't want to fight Damien; to hurt him.

"You ready?" Zach asked, and I shook my head. How could I be ready after everything I knew now? Damien cared for me and now I was going to fight him to keep my secrets safe? How was that fair?

We left and arrived at the warehouse. The fight was starting, and I stared in the face of the one person I had never wanted to hurt again. I never wanted this to happen.

***********************************************
A/N: Do you think the fight should happen? Would you like to see it?