I don't know what I feel anymore.

Mae

I was sitting on my bed, seeing the sun start to peek through my curtains when I kept thinking over how I snapped at the guys. I always did things I regretted, yet I still did them. I did things in the spur of the moment. That's the kind of person I was.

Did I like it? No.

Would I do it again? As much as I would not like to, I inevitably would. I was a human bounded to doing reckless and impulsive actions. Ones that may or may not result in consequences.

"Why are you bitching and moaning?" Zach snapped as he walked through my open door. I looked at him like he was crazy. I heard footsteps in the kitchen, so I kept my voice low.

"What the hell's your problem?" I asked and sat up.

"I can hear your thoughts from my room."

"And I can hear it from the fridge," James said as he walked in with a mouth full of cereal. The milk spilled a little bit as he said the word 'fridge', making me cringe. How will he ever find a girlfriend when he's like this?

"I thought he was nice and friendly, but I was wrong. He was just playing me, and boy did I play along with his game."

"You were the one walkin' into his trap," James said, putting his dirty bowl on my dresser. "You should clean your dresser — it's hella dusty." He dusted off his hands and cringed his face in disgust.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed the sponge and put some water on it before handing it to James. He sighed, grabbed the sponge, and cleaned off the dust from my dresser. He kept glaring at me with every wipe he swiped.

"If he wouldn't have left two years ago, you would have spoken to him, so don't act like you hate him because let's face it, Mae, you still hope that the Damien from two years ago is the same one that came back," Zach said.

"Slap me in the face why don't you," I said and crossed my arms.

"I did. With the truth," Zach and, and I looked down at my comforter. I hated hearing the truth, but sometimes it was a good thing... I guess.

Stubborn.

"Just let him in," James said and walked out with his bowl and the sponge.

"Ring out the sponge!" Zach shouted.

"I'll think about it!" James shouted back before turning the water on.

"You heard James, let him in." Zach shrugged.

"Aren't you supposed to tell me to stay away from guys because they're guys?"

"I don't care who you date. As long as they're not basketball players, crackheads, or criminals, then I don't care. You've never had a boyfriend, what the hell are you waiting for?"

"Hey!" I whisper, but he didn't say anything; instead, he walked out.

Was I wrong? Was Damien just trying to be friendly? What if I wasn't wrong, and he just wanted to be my friend to get me to trust him and show him my emotions? And this was why I haven't been sleeping these past couple of days because I couldn't stop overthinking.

I overthink my overthinking, and then, I think I should stop thinking, but I don't stop.

"You give me a migraine, and I don't even know what that feels like," James said and made a confused face. "I'm not even sure I know what that is." He fell back on my bed, and his butt smashed my legs.

"I think you've been hit too many times," I joked.

 "So have you," He said, and my heart dropped. Did Zach tell him about Mitch? That would put Zach in the situation too, and Zach hated for people to pity him.

"What?" 

"About the fights, Mae. You know, I've been waiting for you to ask me how I knew about them," he said then proceeded to speak with a high pitch voice. "Oh, James. How did you know I've been fighting? I've been waiting for you to rescue me."

I pushed his shoulder, and he laughed. "I don't sound like that!"

"How would I know? For all I know, you could have a super high pitch voice or a super manly voice, but I'll never know, will I?!" He blurted out the last part. He sighed and covered his face with one of my small pillows. "This smells like dirty hair."

"Did you just come over to my house to insult me?!"

"You're not that hard to insult." His smile a boyish grin. "But like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted... I've known you for about ten years now, so I feel like I get the privilege of asking."

I wasn't sure what he was going to ask, but I gestured out my hand for him to continue. "Go ahead."

"Will I ever hear your voice, Mae?" His voice gentle and soft. It was unusual for James' voice to get so soft. His voice was almost whisper-like.

His facial features appeared sad with a bit of confusion. "I didn't think it bothered you that I didn't speak to you." I was sad that it did.

"Not bothered. I could never be bothered by you... but I would love to hear what you sounded like. It just makes me curious." He shrugged right shoulder. "It wouldn't make me curious if I knew you weren't selectively mute. You speak to Zach, so I know you have a voice. You just don't use it. Thus, making me curious."

"Haven't you ever heard... curiosity killed the cat."

"Yeah, and satisfaction brought it back. I'm pretty sure hearing your voice would be satisfaction? S-satisfying? I don't know, you know what I mean." He shook his head unsure of which word to use, which made me smile.

"I'll tell you what. If I don't speak to you before graduation, I promise to speak to you after we graduate." He sat up, looking at me to see if I was being serious.

"You don't have to." His voice was still soft and gentle, but there was also a hit of excitment as well. He smiled as he stood up. "I was just asking."

"I want to."

"Okay!" He said and ran out. "Mae said she'll speak to me!"

"You better go train, lazy ass!" Zach shouted from his room.

"And what are you doing?!" James asked, so I didn't have to.

"I'm playing video games because I work so hard. I deserve it!" He shouted. "Do you know how tiring it is to be Zachary Anderson, the best player on the- Ow!"

"Excuse you!"

"I was kidding." Zach laughed.

I had two matches today and a race, which had it's downsides. I just wanted to spend my Saturday eating, sleeping, and reapting that cycle. I had to show up for my matches after sundown when they started. I was fighting two different people, which was something I've done before, as were  the people I was fighting.

Since the fighters I was fighting both had a fight before me, I got to watch them and find their weaknesses. I just hoped they had one. I didn't know their names yet or what they look like, but all my opponents were guys today. Sometimes, I did get girl fighter, but that was only sometimes.

Because the viewers didn't know who I was, they called me names of their choosing. The one that stood out from all of them was "The Street King". Haven't they thought that maybe, just maybe, I could be a girl?

I got up, put my workout clothes on, and went to the gym. Once I arrived, I worked out for a short amount of time because I didn't want to get too tired and then headed back home.

 After getting out of the shower, I got dressed and noticed that I still had several hours until the fight, so I laid down but started to fall asleep.

I finally got some sleep until some jackass decided to call me. I looked over at my nightstand, and it was five-thirty in the afternoon. It was about to be sundown.

I reached for my phone, but that one wasn't the one that was ringing. I jumped out of bed and rushed to my dresser.

Taking out my burner phone, the one I used for my jobs, I went to answer it, but there was a knock on the door. I let Zach into my room and put my index finger to my mouth, telling him to not talk, and he nodded, understanding, then I answered the phone.

"And here I thought you were going to keep me waiting." He sounded young. Everyone that dealt with me knew I didn't speak, so he continued. "I want to up the price for today's race. I haven't lost one, and I've been doing this a lot longer than you have. Yes, I may be young, but that's because I started when I was young. I don't intend on losing today. If you don't show up for today's race after you find out the price, then I understand, but you know the price that comes along with forfeiting. Which is fine by me considering I still won't lose. If you do show up, then expect to lose. For today's race, we're playing on my terms. I want to raise the price to fifty grand, and I know you have it 'cause you've gone undefeated until now." He hung up, and I stood there dumbfounded. I couldn't believe the price.

I wouldn't have to give any of the money to someone else, like Razor. Of course, I would share with Zach, but the fifty grand would go straight to me.

I heard of this racer before from my connect. What he was saying was true; he's never lost a race before. Many questions were flooding my mind.

I felt shaking on my shoulder, and it brought me out of my daze. I looked to my right, and Zach was looking at me. "What happened? Who was that?"

"It was the guy that I have to race. I wasn't sure if I could beat him. Even more now that he raised the price." I said and couldn't blink or think. I was just there, standing.

I always had self-doubt when I was about to race or fight. Billy and the guys used to tell me it was a good thing. That it would put me in check and let me know that I'm not completely undefeatable.

"How much did he raise it to? It can't be that much."

"Fifty grand," I whispered.

"Seriously?! Mae, please tell me you're joking!" Zach asked, half excited, half shocked. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

"I'm not." I shook my head. "Zach, I don't know if I can beat him. He's been doing this longer than I have, and he's never lost a race. He's confident enough he'll win that he raised the price to fifty grand. FIFTY GRAND, ZACH!"

"You have to. Forfeiting means they take your car, and I'm not talking about your Camaro."

"I know that! You think I don't know that?!" I snapped, and he put his hands up in surrender. I always snapped when I was under pressure. He knew that, so he would back off sometimes. Sometimes, he would snap back at me, putting me back in my place. "Sorry. I'm just stressed."

"I know, and I'll be there with you like I always am." I nodded my head, and he put out his fist, so we fist bumped. "Are you ready? You have the fights first."

"Let me get dressed." He nodded and walked out. I dressed in my usual clothing, which consisted of a loose hoodie, joggers, my hair up and in a beanie. My identity was important to me because if people found out, they could come after me or worse, they could come after Zach.

It wouldn't be the first time some came after me. The guy that I was fighting had never lost a match... well, that was until me. They came up to me and told me if I didn't lose the match, they would shoot me.

That was the only match Zach wasn't there for because he got a concussion from football, and I needed the money for the hospital bills because Mitch wasn't home.

After the fight, I didn't see the guys that threatened me, and I thought they would have left me alone. A week later, I had another match, and they shot at me. I moved on time, so the bullet just grazed the side of my left shoulder.

The guy was weak; I wasn't sure why he was even a fighter. I had punched him a total of five times until he knocked out.

I walked out of my room and headed to my car. The nervous made my hands shake as I unlocked the car. Once we got in, I drove to my storage to switch cars, and then I sped my way to the warehouse where the fights were being held.

We walked in, and I saw that a fight was starting. They were still standing on the corners preparing. One of them on the corner had features I'd seen before. They seemed familiar, but I knew for a fact I hadn't seen him before.

The boy had black hair, and from where I was standing, his eyes looked grey. He looked young, roughly five-nine, and couldn't have been more than sixteen-years-old. If someone looked hard enough, they could tell he had a light birthmark on his right eye.

The loud ring brought me out of my daze, and the fight started. The other guy had brown hair and dark brown eyes from what I could tell. They were throwing punches, but the one with black hair seemed to be dodging most of them and giving them back in return.

I noticed he put more of his weight on his right leg, and when he tried to put weight on his left leg, he instantly put the weight back on his right leg. By the time I knew it, the guy with brown hair had a broken nose and was passed out. The winner was claimed and people started chanting the name Declan. I was assuming that was his name.

Declan got out of the ring and did the bro-handshake-hug thing that guys did and left before some guys dragged the brown-haired boy off the ring.

Five minutes later, the same boy came back out and got in the ring, and another boy came out to fight him. They prepared in the corner, wrapping their hands. Because people were too close for me to whisper, I pulled out my phone and texted Zach. It was better to text than to sign.

I thought I was supposed to fight different guys. -M

IK I did 2 but it looks like the same guy -Z

I put my phone away when the bell rang, signaling the start of the fight. I watched the boy, but this one didn't have a birthmark on his eye. He had the same features as Declan, but that was the only difference. I watched as they began to fight, and every time Declan number two threw a punch, he took a step.

The other guy didn't notice. That was something I would use to my advantage. He kept stepping and punching the other guy until the guy couldn't take it anymore. People started chanting Dylan, and he had a big smile on his face. He looked over the crowd until he saw me, and his smile faded before smiling again.

I knew he was scared, so I pretended to put my hand on the left side of my chin and popped my neck. I did the same thing with the right side of my neck as well. He left the ring and went to Declan. I assumed they were twins.

The boys started to make their way over to me and Zach. They squared their shoulders and clenched their fists. I knew they were trying to be intimidating, but I knew I could win against them.

I wasn't scared of them; they looked so young. They might have beaten the other guys, but I wasn't going down without a fight. Literally.

They approached us, and we were looking at each other until Declan broke the silence "What's up? I'm Declan, and this is my brother Dylan. What's your name?"

He was looking at me, and my brother while Dylan was squinting his eyes trying to figure out if he could see me. I adjusted my hood and looked down a bit.

"I'm Zach and this-" he pointed to me. "You already know who this is." Declan stretched his hand out to me and tried getting a handshake, but Zach took it instead. "Nice to meet you, man." All while this was happening, Dylan was still trying to see who was under the hood.

"Well, anyway. I'm fighting you first, and Dylan's second."

"We've heard things about you and what you could do, that you've never lost a fight, is that true?" Dylan finally spoke. He already knew it was true. He was just trying to get me to speak, but instead, I nodded, and he smirked. He found something funny. "Well, I guess tonight I'm gonna break that little streak of yours."

I laughed silently while Zach, on the other hand, laughed his ass off. I could tell Dylan didn't seem too happy about that. He reached for my hoodie to take it off, but Zach grabbed his wrist.

"I wouldn't if I were you. There's a reason The King never takes off the hoodie," Zach warned. I told him it was okay to call me 'The King' here because he couldn't exactly call me Mae.

Declan grabbed Zach's wrist, and they were all glaring at each other, but before anything else could happen, the bell rang. The fight between Declan and I was about to start. Declan looked at me and gave a crooked grin before he walked away with Dylan following.

"You got this. I believe in you." Zach's words always gave me motivation. I nodded and went to my corner. Wrapping my wrists, I took a deep breath in, channeling all the anger I had. That's what always helped me.

I channeled everything I went through in the past and used it for something good. Anger. Everything got me so angry: I could feel it in my chest. I looked at Declan, and he tried to look emotionless, but under all that, he was scared.

The bell rang, and we both went to the center. I took a deep breath and saw it. I saw everything I needed to do to win. He threw a punch, but I ducked. I heard people chanting 'King,' and it helped fuel my anger. Couldn't they tell I was a girl?!

I punched him, and he stumbled back. He came at me, but I move my right leg in the back of his right leg and pulled my leg back, making him fall.

I punched him three hard times, and he went unconscious. They announced the winner. They knew better than to touch me, so they didn't raise my arm.

I was breathing heavy as I looked at Dylan, but he was unreadable. I looked at my brother, and he was looking at Dylan with a smile on his face, but I could tell he was trying to read him as well.

I walked back to my corner and got some water. I looked straight as I was drinking and saw someone in the dark corner looking at me.

The first person I thought of was Billy, but the silhouette I was looking at was different. It didn't look like Billy or any of his guys.

I tried to look harder, but the bell rang, so I set my water down and went back to the center of the ring, where Dylan was bouncing on his feet, probably shaking off his fear.

"Trust me when I said I would break your streak, I meant it. I'm a better fight than my brother."

He went for a punch, but he stepped before he punched, so I moved to the right. He moved, ready to punch again, but this time, I threw a punch, and he punched me in the gut.

I backed away, trying to compose myself, when he tried to kick me in the crotch. I blocked it and heard some 'ohs' in the crowd. I grab his foot and twisted it.

If he kicked me there, he could have known I was a girl because when a guy got kcked in the crotch, their reactions were always more intense than a girl's reaction. That still didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell. He fell down, but I still had his foot. He kicked his foot out to me, and it hit my gut.

"Damn... even when I hit you, you still don't make a sound." I was clutching my stomach, so I didn't notice when he punched me until he did. I fell to the floor, kneeling, and I knew he going to reach for me, but I kicked his leg, making him fall back.

I clenched my hand and punched him as hard could, twice, resulting in him groaning. He got my leg, making me fall down. I grabbed my hoodie as I was falling so that it didn't come off.

I got up, and he punched me square in the jaw. I punched him in his stomach several times then on his face three times. He fell, so I punched him as hard as I could, and he blacked out. They announced I was the winner, and I got out of the ring like a bat out of hell.

My vision went black, so I closed my eyes to concentrate on not fainting. I knew it was from being punched too many times. I looked around, but I didn't see Zach. I made my way out the exit and leaned against the wall.

I closed my eyes again; it was harder this time to open them. I put my left hand on my left knee, and the pain flared on my torso. With my eyes closed, I pulled out my phone to check the time, but I couldn't open my eyes. I was going to call my brother, but the darkness kept threatening to take over.

I couldn't fight it. I put the phone back in my pocket and fell to the floor, letting the darkness take over. But, before it fully took over, I saw someone approaching me.

I saw them kneel over me, but I couldn't see their face because it was too blurry. I had let the darkness fully take over with only one thought on mind.

Who was going to discover my identity?