Nitya

Carrying a tray in my hand, I enter Prathamji's room. Stepping inside, I notice he is still asleep, sprawled over the bed.

The room is still decorated with flowers and the smell of jasmines and roses still lingers in the air.

Last night, even though nervous about my wedding night, I had felt calm due to their fragrance. But now, desolateness is all I feel.

After berating me in the kitchen due to pallu sliding from my head, when Maaji brought me outside for the Puja. I apologized to everyone for being careless. Yet, their taunts didn't waver. One harsh statement after the other were shot at me. Only when Namanji interrupted, asking everyone to let it go and focus on the Puja, they all went silent.

That had already dampened my mood, and it nosedived when Prathamji didn't arrive for the Puja.

Few days before my marriage, Maa had told me that the newly-wedded couple should together do the Puja the morning after their wedding, so they can get the blessings for a beautiful start of their married life. But Prathamji didn't come, and no one bothered to call him too.

I wanted to ask about it, but couldn't utter a word. The pallu incident had already made me more nervous than I already was and I also didn't want to hear anymore taunts, lest they thought my ask to be my demand of having my husband present for the prayer.

Did he not come because he is not happy with this marriage? I wonder, glancing at Prathamji's sleeping form.

I don't know how to feel about everything that's happening. The restlessness had been gnawing at my insides ever since the marriage was fixed, but now, I feel anxious and mostly sad.

My interaction with Maaji has made me realized that she is not happy with getting me as her daughter-in-law. I don't know why she has such dislike for me. It's as if she has made up her mind about me not being a good choice as Prathamji's wife.

She didn't give me a chance before deciding that.

Taking a deep breath, I keep the tea tray over the bedside table.

"Prathamji?" I call out softly to wake him, but he doesn't even stir from the sleep.

He seems to be in a deep sleep. His face looks relaxed. His eyes closed with long, dark lashes resting on his cheeks and a hint of smile playing at the corner of his lips. His jet-black hair falling in soft waves across his forehead, partially obscuring his brow.

On its own accord, my hand moves, inching towards Prathamji's face to swipe his hair off his forehead.

I stop it as soon as the thought registers in my mind. Quickly withdrawing my hand, I call him one more time. "Prathamji."

This time he stirs, but still doesn't open his eyes.

Chewing my bottom lip with my teeth, I wonder if I should wake him up.

What if he didn't like me waking him up?

But then, I look at the cup of tea on the tray.

What if he got angry with me due to the tea getting cold?

As I continue gazing at him while wondering what I should do, I notice him slowly opening his eyes.

Sensing my presence, he also looks at me and blinks. Once. Twice.

"You?" He frowns at me.

"Umm, I brought tea for you," I say, pointing to the tray on the bedside table.

Climbing down from the bed, he stretches his limbs, and I suck in a breath as I see his broad shoulders and muscular build getting accentuated by it.

"You don't need to do this. Sudha kaki (aunty) brings me tea every morning. She'll continue doing so."

I remember Shrutiji introducing me to Sudha kaki earlier. She told me kaki has been working in this house for more than ten years. She is employed as the house help, but everyone considers her as a family member.

"Will you feel bad if I bring tea for you every morning?" I ask Prathamji, wanting to know.

After trying and failing to figure out what I should be doing, I have decided it's better to ask Prathamji. I want to ask him not only about the expectations he has from me and the duties he wants me to fulfill as his wife, but also whether or not he is happy with this marriage.

"I didn't say I'll feel bad," he answers.

"But you said Sudha kaki can continue bringing tea for you. That's why I asked. If you'll feel bad with me bringing it, do tell me. So that, if anyone asks me to bring tea for you in the morning, I'll tell them about you explicitly wanting kaki to do it."

I see the corner of his lips twitch, but it doesn't curl into a full smile. So, the twitching can either be because he is stopping himself from smiling, or it could be because he is controlling his anger.

"Do you always ask about everything this clearly?"

I relax hearing his calm voice because it means he is not angry. "It's better to ask and clear things. Doing this, we get to know what the other is thinking and there won't be any misunderstanding too."

He regards me thoughtfully for a few seconds.

"If you want to bring the morning tea for me, you can. I won't feel bad." He gives me a small smile.

It's just a small tilt of his lips, but my breath hitches at how it illuminates his features with a new dimension of charm. His eyes crinkled at the corners, yet his gaze on me intense, as if drawing me to them.

His movement breaks my reverie, and I clear my throat, my face warming as I wonder if Prathamji realized I had been staring at him and appreciating his handsome features.

I watch as he picks up the cup from the tray and takes a sip of the tea. "The tea tastes different today," he says, taking another sip.

"Umm, it's because I made the tea today. After the Puja, Maaji told me to make tea for everyone, so I did. If you don't like it, I ca—"

"No. It's good," he interrupts me. "Tastes different, but good."

I again warm up due to his compliment.

An amused smile curls his lips, leaving me to contemplate if it's because he can see me blushing right now.

"Can I ask you a question?" I hesitantly ask, my fingers nervously twisting the bangles on my hand.

I feel jittery all over, yet I'm thankful on being able to speak without stuttering. It's important not to get overwhelmed due to nervousness because I want to discuss with him about something that has been weighing on my mind since last night.

"Yes. Ask away," he replies, raising an eyebrow with mild curiosity.

My gaze darts around the room, as I gather the courage to ask the question, before it settles back on Prathamji. Then, taking a shaky yet determined breath, I say, "Umm...I wanted to ask... Did you marry me because you wanted to? On your own will?"

My heartbeat accelerates when I see his expression hardening. His eyes narrow slightly, and he takes a slow sip of tea before responding. "Why do you want to know? Is it not enough that we are married?"

No. It's not enough.

I swallow hard, my voice slightly trembling as I reply, "I wanted to know if you are happy with this marriage or not."

"It's better to keep some things within ourselves," he says, and I flinch at the coldness of his voice. The warmth, the smile from earlier was long gone. "It's good that you ask questions. But do know that you might not always get the answers to your questions."

Without another word, he places the teacup back on the tray and heads to the bathroom.

I watch him go, feeling a deep sense of sorrow as I ponder over what he said.

*****

After cleaning all the rooms upstairs as Maaji had instructed me, I descend the stairs to go to the kitchen and make the dinner before Prathamji and Chachaji return from their factory.

Namanji has gone to the city for a few weeks because he had some work there related to the factory, and Shrutiji accompanied him. So, it will only be me preparing dinner for everyone today.

Sudha kaki gave me the list earlier about what to cook for the dinner, and she has also mentioned to me all about the liked and disliked dishes of everyone in the house.

She wanted to help me prepare dinner, but Maaji didn't allow her, citing that she wanted to see how good I am at doing the house chores. That's why she also didn't allow anyone to help me in cleaning the rooms too.

When I reach downstairs, I am pleasantly surprised to see Prathamji sitting in the living room with Maaji.

I was saddened by what he said to me in the morning, but then, I reassured myself, thinking I needed to give it some time. I've been overthinking about everything due to which negative thoughts have started clouding my mind. 

This relationship is as new to Prathamji as it is to me. So, him being closed off about answering my question could be because he too has not figured it out yet. Perhaps, with time, we both will figure it out together and I will get my answer too.

And regarding Maaji not liking me, I'll try my best to win her heart. She might change her mind about me once she gets to know me better.

I give a small smile to Prathamji when he glances at me, but my smile falters when I notice him scowl at me.

"Come to the room with me, Nitya," he says through gritted teeth.

Seeing his jaw ticking in anger, I gulp, unable to understand what I could have done for him to be glaring at me in such a way.

I nod at him, and he walks away to the direction of our room. Before following him, I glance at Maaji, hoping she would tell me something. But she only gazes at me with a smirk on her face.