Nitya

Pacing in the room, I glance at the door every few minutes, anticipating Prathamji's return from the factory.

My heart is pounding against my chest like a drum and my stomach is churning with a sickening blend of fear and regret.

Why did I let my temper get the better of me?

I sigh as that question raises in my mind for the nth time since I returned to the room after answering back to Chachiji.

I know she deserved it. But I also know what I said will not be taken lightly. Her taunts and everything else she says to put me down go unnoticed because she is elder to me. But me back answering her will not at all go unnoticed.

After returning to the room, I had expected Maaji and Chachiji to barge in here and shower more taunts and cutting remarks at me, but that did not happen. No one has come here in the last three hours.

And now, it is almost time for Prathamji to return home. I am sure they will tell him about what I did.

Maaji had fabricated lies about me disrespecting with our other relatives the very next day of my marriage when I had not done that. So now, when I have actually disrespected Chachiji, I am sure she will tell everything to Prathamji as soon as he returns home.

I wring my hands together, my fingers cold and clammy, as I imagine his face contorted with anger.

The thought of his rage makes my chest tighten. The memory of that night resurfaces and the fear of facing the same wrath this night is enough to make my legs feel weak.

Unable to keep pacing, I sink to the couch and close my eyes, trying to calm myself.

Maybe if I explain myself calmly, he will understand.

But what if he does not let me explain my side?

I stiffen when I hear the footsteps nearing the room.

Soon, I see him standing at the door. His eyes meet mine, and in that instant, I see the anger clouding his face.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly stand up from the couch, bracing myself for the storm that's about to break.

Prathamji enters the room and slams the door behind him.

His eyes are blazing with fury as he strides toward me, and I can see the muscles in his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"How dare you?" he shouts, his voice echoing through the room. "How dare you misbehave with Chachi and disrespect her?"

Scared due to his loud voice, I take a step back, but he follows, his hands quickly reaching out to clutch my arms.

His grip is bordering on being painful, and I slightly wince, but he does not seem to notice.

"Please, listen to me once," I say, my voice trembling.

"Listen to you?" He snaps. "Is there anything else left for you to say?"

"She provoked me," I say, hissing in pain again due to his tight grip on my arm, but he still does not let go. "She said things that I could no-"

"Enough!" He interrupts, and I flinch at his roaring voice. "I had told you to be an obedient daughter-in-law of this house. I had told you to properly fulfill all your responsibilities toward this household. Hadn't I?"

When I do not say anything, he shakes me slightly. "Hadn't I told you, Nitya?"

"Yes," I reply, my voice barely more than a whisper.

"Respecting your elders in the household also comes within that responsibility. Doesn't it?"

"It does," I agree. "But I just.... I could not take it anymore."

"You could not take it?" He scoffs, his grip tightening on my arm. The pain that shoots in my arm due to it causes tears to prick my eyes, but I blink them away. "What exactly could you not take? Having a roof over your head? Or, the food on the table? Or, the status of being a daughter-in-law of this grand household? Tell me. What exactly were you not satisfied with?"

His words cut deep, each one slicing my heart. I try to pull away, but his grip is like iron.

"Leave me, Prathamji. You are hurting me."

He does not seem to hear me. Or, he heard me but chose to ignore me, because his grip does not loosen even a bit.

"You need to learn your place here," he says, his voice low but stern. "You need to understand how important it is that you respect the elders of this household as well as all our relatives. You will go downstairs right now and apologize to Chachi. And you will do it sincerely. Do you understand?"

Something inside me snaps. The fear, anxiety, and loneliness that have been building inside me for so long suddenly burst forth.

I yank my arms free from his grip and take a step back, my chest heaving with a mixture of anger and angst.

"No, I do not understand," I shout, my voice shaking but resolute. "Because it is you who needs to understand, not me."

Prathamji looks stunned, as if he cannot believe I am speaking back to him.

"What do you mean?" He asks, his voice low but still angry.

"From the moment I stepped inside this house, I have been nothing but respectful to everyone here," I begin, no longer wanting to hide the pain within me. "Even when Maaji and Chachiji kept throwing their biting words at me, I kept mum, never raising my voice or talking back to them. But I am also human, Prathamji, and I have my limits. And today, their taunts finally made me cross that limit."

Tears blur my vision, but I do not care. I let them slide down my face. "Do you have any idea about the things they say to me. They say I am not good enough to be your wife and the daughter-in-law of the house. They even call me damaged goods. They say my family got me married to you hastily because there must be something wrong with me.

"They even taunt me about the food I eat, telling me that I keep stuffing my mouth with the food without doing anything to earn it. Maaji keeps watch at every bite I take. Do you know how humiliating it is? To be reprimanded and taunted each time I eat?"

It's too much suddenly and I take deep breaths to calm myself. The anguish peaks, making it harder to breath, pain bursting within my lungs each time I inhale.

"Main thak chuki hoon. Yeh sab sehte sehte tootne lagi hoon main, aur aise hi chalta raha toh bohot jald puri tarah se bikhar jaungi. Ab aur nahi hota mujhse. Nahi hota."

("I am tired. Tolerating all this, I am starting to break, and if this continues, I will completely shatter. I can't do this anymore. I can't.")

Prathamji stares at me, his mouth slightly open, the anger in his eyes giving way to shock. "I.... I didn't know."

"Pata nahi tha?" I say, my voice breaking. "Aapko Sudha Kaki ne bataya tha ki kaise Maaji ne mujhe din bhar kuch khane nahi diya. Aapne mere gaal pe thappad ka nishaan dekha tha. Aur phir bhi aap keh rahe hai ki aapko pata nahi tha?"

("You didn't know?" I say, my voice breaking. "Sudha Kaki had told you how Maaji kept me starving for the whole day. You had even seen fingerprints on my cheek after she slapped me. And yet.... yet you say that you didn't know?")

I collapse onto the couch, feeling the weight of everything crashing down on me.

"Okay. Let's say you really did not know. Let's say that when you returned from the factory and found out about me misbehaving with Chachiji, you got angry." I look steadily into his stunned eyes. "But didn't you think even once to ask me why I did it? Didn't you think I could also have a reason for doing it?"

Prathamji does not say anything. Only stands in front of me, his face pale as he gazes at me.

"You did not think."

I sigh, shaking my head, trying very hard to control the sobs bubbling within me because I do not want to break down. Not yet.

"What is my fault, Prathamji?" I ask in a low voice. "Please, tell me. What exactly is my fault that I am being treated this way? I feel so cold and lonely every second in this house. There is absolutely no one with whom I can talk. No one to share my pain with. No one on whose shoulder I can cry when everything gets too overwhelming.

"I know Bhaiyya did wrong by forcing you to marry me. Although I know his reason for doing so, it still does not justify what he did. Perhaps that is why I silently accepted it when you told me you will never accept me as your wife. It hurt, yes. But I also understood where you were coming from. Being tied into a relationship you did not want must be suffocating, which is why I decided to keep out of your way.

"I also tried my best to be an obedient daughter in law. I fulfilled all my responsibilities here. Continuously doing the chores from the morning to the night. That too, without anyone helping me. I never complained. Never raised my voice.

"But I can't do it anymore, Prathamji. I can't keep living like this, in a constant state of fear and humiliation.

"You had told me the other day that you won't claim your right on me as my husband because you will never consider me as your wife. So, when Maaji and Chachiji do not consider me as their daughter-in-law, why should I fulfill my responsibility of being a daughter-in-law? When they do not give me the respect I deserve, why should I only be the one to respect them?"

Prathamji stands there, rooted to the spot, the shock of my outburst rendering him speechless. His eyes, wide with surprise, flicker with a mix of emotions—confusion, guilt, perhaps even a dawning realization.