Nitya

"How is your foot now?" Prathamji asks me.

"It's fine," I answer him, and turn to walk out of the room.

"One minute, Nitya," he says as I am about to step out. "I need to talk with you."

I turn toward him, hoping he will quickly let me leave because I have lot of works to do today.

Maaji had told me yesterday that Darsh and Dhriti, Chachiji's son and daughter, would be arriving today after completing their studies in London, so I need to prepare special lunch for them. I have been given the list of dishes that they like and I only have a few hours to make them all.

I feel a pinch in my heart when I remember Sudha Kaki. She would have helped me if she were here. But she never came back from the leave she had taken for her daughter's wedding.

When I asked Maaji about it, she told me she let Kaki go after she told the truth to Prathamji about me not being given anything to eat the whole day. She said she did not want a maid who would talk behind her back.

I was stunned by it because when introducing Kaki, they said she was like a member of this family. Yet, at smallest of the inconvenience, she was thrown out.

Somewhere, I felt it was my fault. Because Kaki had been looking out for me, she had been kind to me, and she paid the price by losing her job in the house.

I wonder how she must be doing. If only I would be allowed to go out of the house to check on her.

Perhaps I can go tomorrow? Shall I ask Maaji about it? Or, maybe Prathamji could take me?

The prospect of talking with both of them sends chill through my spine.

I can already hear Maaji taunting me about not wanting to stay in the house and go out to enjoy.

And Prathamji.... well, he might get annoyed and angry if I asked anything from him.

Before that night, I at least talked with him, albeit hesitantly. But now, I am scared to even approach him, let alone say or ask anything. Because I have no idea what can trigger him again. What can cause him to get angry the way he was that night, and the-

"Are you fine?"

Prathamji's voice snaps me out of my reverie and I abruptly step back when I see him standing close to me.

He takes a step toward me, as if to hold my arms, but I instinctively move back, feeling a chill pass through me.

He sighs and withdraws his hand.

"Sit here for a while. I need to talk about something important with you."

The tone of his voice makes me half curious, half fearful.

"Can we talk later, Prathamji? I have lots of works to do today. I need to do Puja, prepare breakfast for everyone, and then start making lunch for Dakshji and Dhritiji. Maaji and Chachiji have said everything must be ready by the time they come home."

He looks like he wants to say something, but then shakes his head and exhales loudly. "Ok, go then. We will talk later, after I return home from the factory."

I nod at him, slightly relieved that he is letting me go for now, but also feeling restless as I wonder what it is that he wants to talk with me about.

*****

"Is everything ready?" Maaji asks me as she enters the kitchen.

"Yes, Maaji. The only thing left is to fry puri."

She walks over to the kitchen counter and eyes all the dishes I have made. "Mind you, there should be no mistakes. My niece and nephew are returning home after a year. I don't want anything to go wrong today."

I nod at her, feeling relieved that everything has been cooked properly. I even tasted all the dishes while cooking them and they taste good.

"You can fry puri later. I will tell you when it's time," Maaji says to me. "Go and wash the clothes now. There are heaps of them in the aangan. I don't know why I need to tell you about the chores every time. It's so tiring."

She huffs, clucking her tongue as if she is disappointed in me.

At times like this, I wonder what it will take to make her accept as her daughter-in-law. But then, I shake my head and let out a wry chuckle as I realize I am thinking about something impossible to happen.

The way she treats me, I feel she will ever only consider me as the maid of the house.

I seem to have silently accepted it too.

After all, what choice do I have?

I sigh, taking a deep breath to lessen the pain that the never-filling void within me brings. The void that has been gaping since the moment Prathamji told me about this marriage being unwanted to me.

As I step out of the kitchen, I wonder if that is the reason behind my withdrawal. The moment he told me about our relationship and I being a burden to him, I stopped expecting anything from him and his family.

I can't exactly leave the house just because my in-laws mistreat me and my husband does not consider me as his wife. That will only bring more shame to me and my parents. Also, I know Babuji will cut all ties with me even if I somehow dared to leave.

Maa won't be able to say anything because she fears Babuji more than she loves me.

And Yash Bhaiyya....

I sigh, blinking away the tears gathering in my eyes. I am more sad than angry for what he did. I do not know what he was thinking while pressurizing Namanji and Prathamji for this alliance. Did he do it because he thought I would be happy here, no matter how the marriage had taken place? Or, did he want to wash his hands off me and the burden of Babuji's ultimatum?

Since I have come to this house, he has neither called me, nor has he come to meet me even once.

A prick in my heart is what I feel when I remember him and my mother. I know Babuji do not care about me, so he must not miss me too. In fact, he must be very happy that I am no longer in his house. But have Maa and Bhaiyya forgotten me too?

Wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes, I sit near the well in the aangan and start washing the clothes. The turmoil within me is ever-rising and I wonder if I will ever get a respite from it. If I will ever feel even a semblance of happiness. Or, will this be my forever now? A life with loneliness and darkness surrounding me, with no hope and no dreams to look forward to?

*****

"Wow, Bhabhi! You have magic in your hands. I have never eaten such delicious food before," Dhritiji says, smiling at me and putting another morsel in her mouth.

I smile back at her, but it falters when I notice miffed expression of Maaji and Chachiji faces.

"There is no need to talk while eating," Chachiji says to Dhritiji. "And why are you being so excited about this bland food? You are eating as if you have been starved for years."

Dhritiji chuckles. "Are you getting jealous because I am praising Bhabhi?" She asks Chachiji. "Also, why are you calling such delectable food bland? I think we need to go to Vaidji and get your taste buds examined."

"Shut it," Chachiji glares at Dhritiji. "I wonder when you will grow up and stop talking back to your elders. Now that you have fulfilled your whim of getting educated and you are already of age too, it is time for you to get married. And this behavior won't do at all. You will learn to be timid and respect your elders."

"Main izzat unki karti hoon jo uske layak hain. Dikhawa karna nahi aata mujhe," Dhritiji counters. "Aur rahi meri shaadi ki baat. Uss mein abhi der hai." She takes a sip of her water.

("I respect those who deserve it," Dhritiji counters. "And regarding my marriage, I am only twenty now. So, there is still time for that.")

"Listen to m—" Chachiji starts to say when Maaji interrupts her.

Let it be, Surekha. She has returned home just now. Let her breathe. We will talk later about everything else," she tells Chachiji and turns to Dhritiji. "Eat properly. How many times do I have to tell you not to drink too much water while eating?"

"Why didn't Daksh come with you? He had said he would also be returning today," Chachaji inquires after a while.

"Yes, that was the plan," Dhritiji replies. "But while returning, Daksh Bhaiyya got a call regarding a project he had been planning to get involved in after coming to the village. So, he went to meet the person he had been talking with about it. He told me he would get home by the evening."

Nodding at her, Maaji turns to look at me. "Go and clean Dhriti's room first, and then clean Daksh's room. Surekha was about to do it, but she has started having back pain. That is why, you go and do it properly. Until then, Dhriti can rest in your room."

"I will do it myself, Taiji," Dhritiji says before I can say anything to Maaji. "There is no need to trouble Bhabhi."

"And there is no need for you to interfere in these matters," Chachiji tells her daughter. "You must be exhausted after a long journey. There is no need to tire yourself more by doing other works. Just go and rest. And anyway, Nitya does not do much around here. It won't kill her to clean two rooms."

I stand there mute as I listen to the conversation, feeling stunned when Chachiji casually says I do nothing around the house.

The pain in my hands and shoulders from washing the heaps of clothes, the exhaustion in my body after doing all the chores since the morning, want to scream and protest. Yet, I remain silent, knowing it won't make any difference whether I screamed or not. If anything, it will only make them taunt me more.

"Why are you still standing here?" Maaji asks me. "Didn't you hear what I said? Go and clean the rooms."

Nodding at her, I turn and head towards Dhritiji's room.

*****

Reaching the room, I pick up the broom and start the cleaning.

As I do the dusting, my mind keeps drifting back to Prathamji. He had said he needed to talk about something important with me.

What could it be about?

Does he want to claim his right as my husband? Is that what this is about?

I had asked him for some time that night and a few days have passed since then. So, he might be thinking I would be ready now.

But I am not.

My stomach churns and fear gnaws at my heart, making it hard to focus at what I was doing.

Shaking my head, I snap myself to present, and move my hands to dust, sweep, and tidy the room, but time and again, my mind strayed, getting trapped in a maze of anxiety and dread as I continue cleaning and waiting for my husband to return home.