Dean stared at the package in front of him. Two unopened letters beside it with his phone continuously ringing with Cas' caller ID flashing. He considered blocking him, but didn't have the heart. He liked knowing that Cas still cared. Even four weeks after he left.

He didn't text Cas back, only to tell him whether he was okay or not. That was it. Vague texts once every few days saying, "I'm fine." Or "I'm not okay."

Cas knew what they meant and would send long text messages or voicemails telling Dean how much he loved and cared for him. He kept begging for Dean to read one of the letters, but yet Dean can't bring himself to.

Neither one of them understood or accepted the term "break up." Even Dean, who didn't contact him much, was still completely and utterly in love with him. And that's why he stared at this package and these letters, debating whether to see its contents. It would hurt too much.

Bobby stood in the doorway, watching him. "Dean, you need to go home and I don't mean go back to your mother. Unless, that would help, but I sincerely doubt it. Although, Sam is missing you a hell of a lot; calls everyday asking how you're doing. Anyways, I know you don't talk about Cas, but I heard enough from your mother. You love this Cas fella. I promise you, it'd be better if you went back. You can watch Cas for yourself and take care of him. I'll drive down to your mother and spend some time at the house with her to watch over her. Why don't you try to contact John? Lie and say you'll tell him where Mary is. Either you do and I'll be with her to protect her or you don't and you put a bullet through his skull as self defense. I did it to my old man."

Dean's head shot up suddenly, "You killed your dad?"

Bobby rolled his eyes, "Don't act surprised, boy. He was a mean drunk. Just as bad as your father. They both are monsters, but I'm not scared of mine anymore. He still haunts my nightmares, but at least I know he can never hurt me anymore. I'm not encouraging killing people to you, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to protect the ones you love."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier," Dean questioned.

"Because when I talked to your mom she had agreed this was the safest place for you. She doesn't know I'm telling you to do this now, in fact she would rather John take her than you go back to the town he's in, but we are running out of options. I don't want you depressed and wallowing in self pity. I can guarantee John is hot on the trail of your mother, probably close too, and that's not good. It's not doing any good got you just sitting here and doing nothin'. If you want, I'll even drive out there with you and spend a night or two in a motel until you confront John and I'll come with you when you do. Anything to help you, kid. You've always been like a son to me and I'd do anything to protect my boy."

Dean took a step toward Bobby and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Bobby had always been a better father to him than John ever was.

Tears welled up and one or two trickled down. Bobby patted him hard on the back and pulled away. "You better start packing so we can hit the road."

Dean nodded, "Okay I will. I think I might open these things first."

Bobby suggested, "Or you can open them in the car. Got a long way to go."

Dean agreed with Bobby and ran down the hall to his room. He threw everything in his suitcase and garbage bags as Bobby put them in the Impala for him.

They were on the road by noon. Bobby drove and Dean sat in the passengers side. He used his pocket knife to open one of the letters.

Dear Dean,

The letter in this envelope is the letter I had written to you when I thought you had died. I still don't know how you survived, but I could never be more thankful that you even are alive today. I need you to read it. I want you to know what I felt when I thought you were gone forever. I stood on that bridge, staring down and I contemplated on jumping too. I came home that day and cried for hours. I need you to read this because I don't think I will ever see you again, but god I'm a complete wreck without you. I love you and if you don't feel the same way, then you can just ignore the letter and I'll leave you alone forever. But at least send me a text letting me know you read it. So I know. You never have to see or hear from me again. I'll get the hint...

I will always love you,
Cas

Dean pulled out the second letter and read it's contents carefully.

Dean,

December is the coldest month, I'm starting to see why.. Life without you is so much harder than I make it seem. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than the thought of you in the middle of the night. Oh what I would give to sleep in your arms tonight.. When I wear your sweatshirt, all I breathe in is you... Our love was bittersweet and maybe that's why I drink coffee every morning, even though I hate it or maybe because it was your favorite. But I can still remember the way you looked at me.. I'm left with the thought of what was and what could have been. What if I tried harder? What if I said I loved you more? What if I was better? Would you have stayed? It's not easy trying to let you go. You're everywhere around me. The fading green as the seasons continue to change match the color of your eyes. The wind throughout the day whispers your name, mocking me because it knows you're gone. I cannot endure this pain. It's killing me. Dying sounds more pleasurable than living with a broken heart...A thousand moments I had just taken for granted, mostly because I assumed that there would be a thousand more. You always were and always will be my Dick Pancake. Remember that I love you. Remember that you stole my heart. Remember you are my only escape. Remember that you can keep me forever because I will always be yours. Remember that I loved you from the very first day and I will for the rest of eternity.

Forever Yours,
Your Fucking Cinnamon Apple

Dean held the letter against his face as the tears poured out. When he breathed in, he could smell Cas. He hadn't realized how much he missed his scent.

Bobby asked, "Are you crying? You okay, Dean?"

Dean sniffled a little, "I need to call Cas."

He quickly searched through his contacts and found Fucking Cinnamon Apple and called him. He was shaking and he held the phone to his ear. The phone went straight to voicemail. The beep sang out and Dean left a message, "Cas, I love you. Please don't do anything. I'm coming. I'm coming home. Meet me at the diner at about eight tomorrow morning. I'm on my way now. Driving is going to take awhile, but we are coming as fast as we can. I love you, my fucking cinnamon apple. I saw your letter and I am so very sorry I didn't-"

The machine cut him off. He cussed it out.

Bobby offered, "Do you want me to drop you off at the airport? You'll get there faster and I can drive the rest of the way."

"Are you sure, Bobby?"

"Of course."

Bobby drove off the highway and headed towards the airport.

Bobby pulled up to the front doors as Dean ran out. He had to wait in line to buy a last minute one-way ticket, then waited even longer to actually board. He tapped his foot anxiously waiting for a call. He left 18 voicemails by now.

All he could do was assume the worst has happened to Cas and that made him even more anxious and nauseous.

He was the first to board the plane, desperately trying to get one last call in to explain he'd be there earlier than planned and that he hopes Cas is okay. His foot tapped vigorously against the ground.

He didn't have anything with him besides the letter. He got solace from it.

By the time everyone was seated and the plane was about to fly, his phone rang. Dean quickly went to answer it. Then, the stewardess reprimanded him to turn it off.

Before he turned it off he caught the caller I.D...

John