Everything was familiar yet strange.

In the darkness, she could see the tiny stars and the distant street lights, a beautiful sight on a peaceful night, but both the beauty and peace was lost on her. Her mind and heart were like the raging river, the rushing waters that beat against the stone pillars of the bridge she stood on; her heart lamenting against the unrelenting regret of her mind.

She had run from the Maheswari Mansion in shame, had raced through the near-empty roads in resentment and rage, 'why did she have to lose everything when she had been on the verge of winning? Swara and Sanskaar safely out of her way and Laksh was so close to being hers, how had she failed? Where had she gone wrong?'

Those were the questions that burned her heart and ones for which she had no answer. It was only when she was close to exhaustion that she stopped running and looked around to see where she was; on the bridge near the temple. She let out a hysterical giggle, it was funny. In the end, she was at the place where it had all started, over six months ago. The place where she had pushed her sister into the river, hoping Swara's death would make her dreams come true. She had taken her sister's place as Laksh's bride but had never been able to claim his heart. And Swara had not died, instead, she had come back, joined forces with Sanskaar in a bid to expose her and the truth behind Swara's supposed disappearance from the Mandap.

She had not given in. She had schemed, manipulated and blackmailed, winning each battle, though they had finally won the war. They had succeeded and she had lost. Lost, in spite of all her cunning planning, even with the unwavering support of her Dadi. She lost despite Laksh and her father believing all her lies. She lost as her schemes unravelled at Sanskaar's determination and Swara's persistence.

Ragini stood at the edge of the bridge, her shame and resentment ebbed as exhaustion filled her and she felt the first flickering of regret, 'maybe she should have confessed to Swara that she had fallen in love with Laksh; maybe she should have just continued to love him from a distance; maybe she should have stopped her nefarious planning when Dida had walked in on her conversation; maybe she should have stepped back when Sanskaar asked her to; maybe she should have held herself back from pushing Swara...'

Each passing regret was fleeting and yet, added a burden on her heart and she collapsed when the full impact of her actions hit her; she was a liar, a cheat, a murderer and a person with questionable morals. Ragini choked out a sob as she realised that she was worse than a common criminal, she was a sinner; having deceived everyone who knew and trusted her. In her blind obsession for Laksh, she had destroyed everything she was and could be, had betrayed every relationship. The cold of the stone bridge seeped into her bones, but the chill that pervaded her heart was greater, and Ragini just sat there, lost in her thoughts.

The piercing beam of the car headlights brought Ragini out of her self pity, someone had found her, it could not be some random stranger passing by. When the car stopped near the temple stairs, her heart missed a beat, she knew that the person could not be Laksh and though for a second she hoped it would be her father, her mind took a couple of seconds to reach the logical conclusion.

It was Sanskaar, the only one who could find her. And he must have done it because her sister would have reached out to him.

Ragini was too fatigued from her internal battle to say a word to Sanskaar, who appeared to be equally relieved that Ragini had followed him to the car in silence.

Misgivings swirled in her head and as Sanskaar drove back to the city, they were a crescendo of anxiety and unwillingness. Forcing down the tears, she risked a glance towards Sanskaar, the stern set of his jaw screaming his unwillingness at having to search her out and take her home.

His displeasure was evident, he must have felt it better if she was left alone, upset that she was getting away without punishment for her crimes. But then Swara being Swara, she would have forced him to go and find her. Most likely, she would have issued an ultimatum to Sanskaar, that if either he or Laksh had no clue about Ragini's whereabouts, she would go out searching for her. Sanskaar would have realised there was no stopping Swara so would have done the only thing guaranteed to make Swara wait; he volunteered to search for Ragini.

There would be no sympathy from him; he had asked her to give up her obsession with Laksh but she had not heeded him. She had gone ahead with her nefarious plans and had gone so far to falsely accuse him of molesting her. A tremble wracked her, the shamelessness of that accusation further adding to the burden of regrets. But Sanskaar might forgive her for that if she had not started out with the attempt to destroy her sister. In Sanskaar's books, that was an irredeemable crime. He would not be interested in either her tears or hysteria, She had schemed and manipulated her way into the mess she was in and if not for Swara's misplaced concern, he would not have spent the night searching for her.

Ragini turned away to look out of the window, the silence in the car was stifling and her regrets were wailing in her heads; she would have liked it Sanskaar said anything, even words of reproach or cold chastisement would be welcome. And though she knew that this silence was what most would feel she deserved, she wanted to shatter it, hoping to muffle some of her thoughts.

Before she could say a word, Sanskaar's mobile rang.

Ragini could not hear what the caller said but Sanskaar's assurance that it was fine and despite the time difference it was not too early, gave her indication that it was an overseas call. And when Sanskaar pulled the car to a halt and got out to carry the conversation, she was grateful for the interruption. It was better that she did not speak. Ragini gazed out of the window, hoping to make out where she was and how long it would be before she was dropped off at home.

She could not face anyone now, their reactions clear to her; Sharmishta would be relieved, the relief evident as she would come forward to hug her. Dida would be standing in a corner making her displeasure audible in loud mumbling. Her Dadi would turn away, anger and shame surrounding her; Ragini almost giggled when she imagined her grandmother taking the high and mighty stance, all that she had done had the tacit approval of her grandmother, but then Parvati Gadodia had always maintained a superior attitude and Ragini, with her infamy, would not be welcome. Her father and grandfather would always toe the line her grandmother drew so their reactions would be a reflection of her grandmother's, though to a lesser extent. But then Swara was the one Ragini did not want to meet, her half-sister would have concern and worry, both evident and genuine and Ragini could not accept that, not when she knew that she deserved neither.

She was sure that none of her current in-laws would even bother about her. And when she thought of her in-laws, she wondered about Laksh; she had no illusions, Laksh had never loved her and most likely, would never have grown to love her, but now he would be desperate to break all relations with her. Most likely, he would start his pursuit of Swara once again, blaming all his decisions on her, while Swara would turn him down. That hurt, a sharp piercing agony, which threaten to drown all that rational thoughts. It was so clear, Laksh wanting to win Swara back, Swara determined that Ragini and Laksh stay married, Sanskaar standing in the background, loving Swara but knowing that she would never accept their bond. The irony hit her, Swara would insist that Laksh honour his wedding vows but would have no qualms about walking out of her marriage. At the contradiction, she burst into hysterical giggles, punctuated by sobs which she could no longer control, she did not care anymore.

All she knew was that she was not going home.

Sanskaar had stopped the car near a dhabha and had stepped out to continue the call. It must be a business-related one, which could mean that it could take some more time, maybe five to ten minutes. That was the window she had to make up her mind; she could walk out or stay and be taken home. A minute was all she needed to decide her course of action. Stepping out of the car, she walked to Sanskaar and interrupted him, "I am sorry but I would like to go to the washroom and have some tea too. Is it fine?"

His reaction was as she anticipated, he apologised to the caller, glared at her and nodded. When she did not move, all he did was to raise an eyebrow. Ragini gulped, this was the gamble she was taking and muttered, "I do not have money..."

Sanskaar did what she hoped he would do. It was a thin sliver of hope, one which she would have thought to be impossible, but it would be easier for her. Maybe the Gods approved of her plan, maybe Sanskaar was too preoccupied with the call and the events of the previous week, maybe fate was playing with her, but Sanskaar simply took his purse out of his pocket and gave it to her, mouthing, "Five minutes."

That was enough for her. As was the amount of money in his purse. 

Fate was definitely on her side. It was theft, but considering what she had done over the past six months, it was a minor crime. And it was more like she was borrowing it, without his knowledge, and this one debt would be the easiest to pay off.  

A week later, Ragini stood on a beach, thousand of kilometres separating her from her home, or rather the place where she had lived all her life. She had run as far as she could, from one end of the country to the other, from the only city she had lived her life to a tiny village she had never even heard of. From a bustling, always awake city to a quiet, sleepy hamlet where everything was new and unknown. It was a place where few could find her, even if they wanted to; she knew she had covered her tracks well. Sanskaar's money had helped as had her meticulous planning, all the cunningness she possessed, she had put to good use; changing clothes, cutting off her hair, acquiring a small baggage. Each change had been minor and subtle, done as she waited for buses while she crisscrossed across the breadth of the country. It would be enough to throw off even the most persistent investigators though she hoped that Sanskaar would get the message that she did not want to be found. Two days into her escape journey, she had mailed him his purse, with a note instead of the money.

Now all that was ahead of her was the sea. The ocean was a swirling darkness at her feet, the harsh waves crashing against the sandy beach, leaving behind frothy shambles. She stayed still, watching the faraway sky break into a streak of fire; it would be sunrise soon.

A faint hint of a smile lit her face as the morning sun slid out of the waters. The water was no longer cold. And she was free from everything, for the first time in her twenty-two years, there was no one to tell her to do anything, no expectations to live for, no dreams to be lost, no love to fight for, no one who knew her.

And it was time to make a choice, . She was truly alone and had nothing to live for. On the other hand, she had no one to die for either. Being alone did have its advantages too.

Ragini smiled as she made up her mind and walked into the waters; she would earn her redemption, irrespective of the price she would pay.

And it is done. This is more like a recap of what had happened, everybody would remember it, I am sure, but I thought it would be appropriate to be known that Ragini is aware of all the travesties she has committed and how long and difficult her road to redemption would be. Do let me know your thoughts.

love,
Nyna