It is winter, and something bad has happened. You're sitting on the front steps trying not to cry. The street is quiet, and when it starts to snow, the world is still beautiful.

I think: How could this happen Peter?

I think: the world has stopped watching us, Peter. They stand, stand cowardly, stand like they're never meant to sit, wearing their 1920's leather Dongola Oxford loafers and pressed suits to be gunned down in tulip fields.

They say: you're the one holding the gun.

I can't help but think I'm swallowing the bullets. I feel them squirming in the pits of my stomach like a tease, a goddamn tease, Peter. A reminder of how I'm doing every-fucking-thing wrong. Eventually, a sinful slow of time, they ruined me. Holes as big as craters were in the wake of flesh, and I was bleeding out on the satin bedsheets from the hotel 2 blocks of our red-bricked, old-fashioned, decaying apartment complex. And I wondered what it would feel like to just die, because surely, surely, it can't be any fucking worse than this.

I remember thinking stupid thoughts; as I'm dying, I'm thinking of what life would feel like if you kissed me, lips on lips, fire on fire, burning, burning, burning, because I was already nothing but ash. A little bit more flame could not hurt. How your hands on my hips would feel, your fingers digging into the dips just below the bone, because you were starving, and sad, and so ostensibly lost. Your feet weren't your own, your hands weren't your own, and when they carded through my hair, I felt the world shift, and you went with it.

You were some crazy anomaly I sifted through every day and every night, and it drove me to damn near insanity. I couldn't have you. We couldn't be. Not because love lacked, but because there was so much of it. Overwhelming, and suddenly, every stolen kiss, every fleeting hug, became an all or nothing enigma. Every pull of your lips tugged something out of me; we're kissing now, now, because we may never kiss again.

I thought I found solace in knowing I could have all of you, while also having none of you, but I realized that peace was a delusion. One of us would always come back bloodier than we left, and it was so scary having to decide whether to let you go or not. Every time I tried, and I tried really fucking hard, you found me trying to forget you. And you made me remember. I hated you for a long while. Hated you for making me see; you wounded so bad my fingers twitched in question to bring you to the hospital, or when I could barely walk because so much blood had secreted I could see stars, and you were lingering over me like a nurse. A nurse in jeans and a goddamn navy Midtown sweater. God did I hate you.

But I loved you even more. God did I love you. It began to feel less like tranquility and more like suffocation, and I was fucking choking. After that, I thought a lot about what it meant to be intimate rather than to be lonely. What it meant to stay rather than run. I was good at running, but I was even better at staying (he was very persuasive).

You were everything to me, Peter, everything, and maybe everything wasn't exactly pragmatic to entrust into a single person, but to me, to me you were my whole world.

My whole damn world.

Andrea Chaparro               Lucia Elena Barrera.
Grief of the Pigs.          7teen.          Libra.

I. The Tragedy of Macbeth, Shakespeare. II. Max Mayfield, Stranger Things. III. Call My Name, Melissa Febos. IV. 1999, Beabadoobee.

Tom Holland               Peter Benjamin Parker.
Manic Man (MM).          7teen.          Virgo.

I. Kit Walker, American Horror Story. II. Dealer, Lana Del Rey. III. Charlie Kelmeckis, The Perks of Being A Wallflower. IV. Permanent Vacation (1980).

Jay Hernandez      Mr. Alvaro Pedro Barrera.
Araceli Valdez      Mrs. Yoana Isabella Barrera.
???       Romona Love (Red Death).
Zendeya Coleman       Michelle Jones-Watson.
Jacob Batalon       Edward 'Ned' Leeds.

Earths Mightiest Hero's      The terrible void.

Diego Luna       Anthony Edward Stark.
Justin Hartley       Clinton Francis Barton.
Dev Patel       Stephen Vincent Strange.
Gratiela Brancusi       Wanda Django Maximoff.
Yuliya Sniger       Natalia Alianovna Romanov.
Kat Mcnamara       Yelena Fyodorovna Belova.
David Castañeda       James Buchanan Barnes.
Pedro Pascal       Peter Jason Quill.
Álvaro Morte       Robert Bruce Banner.
Madison Reyes       America Chavez.
Charlie Cox       Matthew Michael Murdock.
Chris Evans       Steve Grant Rogers.

Keke Palmer       Felicia Sara Hardy.
Reiky de Valk       Harold Nift Osborn.
Logan Lerman       Peter Benjamin Parker.
As Described       Miles Gonzalo Morales.
Tavi Gevinson       Gwendolyn Maxine Stacy.
Mandy Patinkin       Erik Magnus Lehnsherr.
Micheal Chiklis       Wilson Fisk.

Disclaimers,          I do not own the Spider-Man franchise, any of the Marvel movies, plots, or storylines. All credit strictly belongs to Stan Lee and all the producers who helped create Marvel. This book is only for a good read, that includes my own characters. Please support them!

Warnings,          Please note that, if you've ever watched any of the movies, it talks about some extremely triggering topics to some, so please keep that in mind! It vividly includes mentions of abuse, neglect, manipulation, gore, mentions and descriptions of weapons, bodily harm, cursing or foul language, etc.

Credits,          Although edited, the fundamentals of this layout are not mine, they are riotwitch. Please ask her to use it!
&& First paragraph is inspired by a post I saw on pinterest! Credit to them <3
&& Card gif by my love skainatblida.

Authors Note,          The romance between Peter and Lucia will be an ( extreme ) slow burn. I hate quick romances, and I want to focus on Lucia, instead of just Lucia and Peter.
&& Lucia and Peter's trope is best friends to lovers and she fell first but he fell harder. I'm usually not a trope kind of gal but for them, it's an exception.
&& In the description, it won't say AU, but it kinda is. Although this story is not technically an AU, I have kinda labeled it as so because I will not be directly following the movie's dialogue, and will be including my own scenes on Peter's behalf that they did not add to Tom's movies. It's kinda weird to explain but once y'all read, you'll see what I mean ☠️