DISCLAIMER: This is another chapter in which I will be using text from the book as the basis of my dialogue. This will continue through the next two chapters, so I apologise. The dialogue is therefore Suzanne Collins’s and not mine. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the chapters.

The next day I decide to go and eat in the cafeteria with everyone else. I figure that if I’ve confronted Katniss and managed to stay calm then I’ll probably be okay. Nevertheless, I’m nervous. It will be the first time I’ve been in such a busy environment in a long time, and with lots of people who will bring back memories I’m not sure I can handle yet. I’m told over and over that I have to ask if I want to sit with Katniss and the others, that I need to respect it if they would rather I sit elsewhere. That hurts a little, but I nod.  I’m assigned two guards to escort me and watch me, and my wrists are locked with handcuffs. The metal pinches at my skin if I wriggle too much, so I try and keep as still as possible.

As I walk into the cafeteria nervously, I slip up to get some food. My tray is balanced awkwardly on my shackled hands, and I focus on trying not to drop it. The food is identical to what I’d be eating anyway; it’s just that now I’m eating with everyone else. Across the room, I spot the other victors and Gale.

I walk over, my guards on my heels.

“Peeta!” Delly exclaims. “It’s nice to see you out…and about.”

I smile, silently thanking her for being so supportive.

“What’s with the fancy bracelets?” Johanna asks, nodding to my handcuffs.

A little while ago, this might have been enough to make me angry, but now I just reply calmly.

“I’m not quite trustworthy yet.” I tell her, half joking half serious. “I can’t even sit here without your permission.”

“Sure he can sit here!” Johanna tells the guards, and pats the seat beside her. I turn round to look at the two men, and they nod. I sit, gently placing my tray down. “Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We’re very familiar with each other’s screams.”

I didn’t know that about us having adjoining cells, but I let it go. Annie, however, presses her hands to her ears firmly. Johanna looks unbothered by the reproachful looks thrown her way.

“What?” Johanna asks, innocently. “My head doctor says I’m not supposed to censor my thoughts. It’s part of my therapy.”

Doing well then, I think, amused.

Finnick whispers to Annie, laying a hand on her shoulder, until she takes her hands away from her ears. Suddenly, the atmosphere around the table seems quiet and rather awkward.

“Annie,” Delly chirps perkily. “Did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing.”

The mention of my family, my childhood, is like a twinge in my chest. I close my eyes briefly, before composing myself and opening my eyes again. Annie is smiling at me wanly from behind Johanna.

“Thank you, Peeta. It was beautiful.”

I smile back at her.

“My pleasure, Annie.” I say gently.

Finnick piles his own tray and Annie’s and balances them on one hand. His other hand holds Annie’s.

“If we’re going to fit in that walk we’d better go. Good seeing you, Peeta.” He says, nodding at me.

I don’t trust Finnick, not really, so I decide to make that very clear.

“You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you.” I say.

I don’t like Annie that way, but I’m suspicious of Finnick.

“Oh, Peeta,” Finnick says, brushing off my nastiness. “Don’t make me sorry I restarted your heart.”

I clench my teeth and look down, fighting waves of oncoming anger, but not before I catch the worried look Finnick flashes me before he leaves with Annie.

“He did save your life, Peeta.” Delly says disapprovingly. “More than once.”

Not for me though, I think bitterly, None of it was for me.

“For her.” I say, nodding at Katniss dismissively. “For the rebellion. Not for me. I don’t owe him anything.”

“Maybe not.” Katniss snaps. “But Mags is dead and you’re still here. That should count for something.”

She hadn’t spoken up until then, and her words are painful. I flinch back like she’s hit me.

“Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don’t seem to, Katniss.” I say maliciously. “I’ve got memories I can’t make sense of, and I don’t think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train for instance.”

Nothing really happened on the train, but I can still hurt her with that. By showing her that sharing many sleepless nights with her, curled up to each other for comfort, didn’t mean anything. Much.

I join Gale and Katniss with a line made in the air with my spoon, awkward with my handcuffs.

“So, are you two officially a couple now or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lovers thing?”

“Still dragging.” Johanna answers and I wince.

Dragging. I said it first but it still feels like a punch in the stomach, sending pain and anger racing through me. My hands knot and splay in anxiety and I fight for control. Gale watches me sceptically.

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.” Gale says.

“What’s that?” I ask, loosening my hand and laying it flat on the table.

“You.” He replies.

“You’ll have to be a little more specific.” I tell him. “What about me?”

I’m curious, suspicious. What is he talking about? What wouldn’t he have believed?

“That they’ve replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself.” Johanna says obliviously.

Gale puts his empty cup down.

“You done?” he asks Katniss.

They seem suddenly in a great hurry to leave, I notice as my mind races. I see them stand up and leave, but I’m only vaguely aware of it. Evil-mutt version of myself? What?

“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice shaking in fear. “Evil-mutt version of myself?”

Johanna nods.

“Yeah. The Capitol mutated you, so you’re a mutt.” She says simply. “Like those jabberjays or tracker jackers or whatever.”

“NO!” I exclaim. “Katniss is the mutt! Not me!”

My guards look over anxiously. Delly sniffs, giving me a look both reprimanding and angry.

“Peeta!” she says angrily. “Don’t talk about Katniss that way. She is our friend. We won’t listen to you talking about her like that. It’s not true.”

I’m not used to seeing Delly so angry, and I duck my head, pretending to concentrate on eating. Really though, I’m just trying to hide the confusion, the terror, that’s bringing tears to my eyes. Katniss isn’t the mutt. I am. And suddenly, I can’t cope anymore.

“I’m the mutt.” I murmur.

“No I’m not.”

“I am.”

“Shut up.”

“Stop it, Peeta.”

Delly comes over to me, bending down beside me.

“Sssh, Peeta.” She soothes. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“I’m a mutt.” I say, paying no attention to her.

“No. I’m NOT!” I yell.

This grabs the guards attention, and Johanna is on her feet.

“Come on.” One of the guards says, and they take me back to my cell, where I continue to argue with myself in a frenzy of fear and confusion.