Warning! Some offensive language! You have been warned.
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I checked over my pack one last time. Satisfied that I had everything to last for a day I headed out of the house into the early dawn air. I inhailed the fresh, damp, clean air of the late spring morning. With a gental smiled I headed off in the direction of the cabin. It was an early Sunday morning and I won't be back untill well past sunset.

On my walk I thought past to the last year. 

One year ago David and Tony died in a car crash. I was in the hospital recovering from my injuries. My best friend moved away from the town we spent all our lives in. I tried to hide from the reality of the truth by hiding in my room all summer. I spent the sunnyest days of the year in the dark of my room.

I sighed sadly at that mamory.

I will be the first to admit I was not nice to my friends and family. I yelled at all of them at least once, but they still stuck around. They stayed through the attitude and aggression. They stayed put when I wanted my space. They were waiting for me with open arms and bright smiles when I came back. They showed me that they were my true friends.

That thought made me smile brightly.

Then the fall came and Ivan came to our town. I was still in a gloomy mood, but just by being here he cheered me up. I forgot that I was sad and missing people when he was around. I'll admit that I developed a small crush on him the first time I saw him. He was so kind and caring right away even though he barely knew me. He was so sweet and shy, but also strong and protective. He sealed his place in the group when he stood up for me against Shikie.

I blushed lightly at the memory. I was thankful that no one else was around to see it.

When the winter came around he showed his loyalty to us, Britt and I. He forever earned his place with us. He earned Britt's respect and loyalty. He gave me his coat to keep me warm and ended up sick the next day because of it. But he didn't care because I wasn't sick. In the winter he didn't steal my heart. I willingly gave it to him, whether he knew it or not.

I remember us going through the forest in winter. It was so beautiful. We sat on a rock near a river and watched the snow sparkle in the sun as we talked about our lives. We listwned to the few remaning birds sing and even once saw Nix. It was after she startled Ivan making him fall into a deep snow bank.

I laughed at the memory.

Early spring and he showed me just how gental he could be by planting those trees with me. He treated each one like it was made of thin glass. He made sure each one was secure and watered. Even going so far as to jog back to the starting table to grab more water for them.

I smiled fondly at that memory.

This past year has been great. Only one thing could make it better, but I'll settle with what I got. Sometimes you just need to be happy with what you already have least you lose it. Like a pick and choose your battles type of thing.

I glanced around and realised that I was already almost to the cabin. I hadn't noticed how far I had gotten while virtues in my own thoughts. I didn't realise it had already been two and a half hours since I started on my trip.

'Thank God no one comes up here or else I would have been the easiest person to get kidnapped just now.' I thought with mild concern. 'I really need to pay better attention.'

I took a seat on a rock near the waterfall. It was covered in a soft dark green moss that provided soft padding. Every once in a while I would like to sit on this spot and enjoy nature. People think I can never be calm or sit still, but in truth I can. I just like to be by my self when I do. It's less distracting and way more peaceful. No one I feel like I have to talk too.

I listened to the sounds of the forest. A light rustle of leaves from a soft brease. The chirping of birds that add soft music to the woodland. The pounding of the waterfall as it hits the pool beneath it. The sound of bugs as they chirp, hum, and buzz to attract a mate or warn off others. It all made up the beautiful symphony of the forest.

I stayed put for a little while longer to watch the forest creatures come and go. I saw Nix with this years batch. A rare set of three fawns. It's too early for me to see what genders they were, so I couldn't name them just yet. They looked like they were born not to long ago. Apon a closer examination I notice that one looked different. It had a shorter neck then the rest. It's body color and shape looked different as well. I studied it for a little while longer before realising it wasn't a white tail deer like the rest. It was a mule deer. Nix had taken on an abandoned fawn as her own.

I sighed quietly, completely content at the moment.

Seeing Nix reminded me if my mom. Raising two kids all on her own with a third one that hangs around at our house more then her own. She does it with extreme difficulty and many hardships, just like Nix who shouldn't be able to care for her children because of her dis coloration that should have made it impossible for her to protect them, and yet, she still does. And just like Nix she does it with all the love she has. Even for one that isn't her own. One that she lovingly took on because she couldn't leave it behind.

Both truly are Super Moms.

After a while they wander back off to the forest. With a final rusle of leaves they disappear into the woods. I sat by the river for a little while longer to enjoy the peace of being all alone. After a few minutes I stand up and stretch. I gave the waterfall one last look as I head off towards the cabin. I look around the forest fondly as I finish the last leg of my hike. Here and there I'll pick a few rather large logs to add to the pile for this winter. Since we barely visited the cabin last winter there was still s decent pile next to the cabin.

Once I reach the place I put the logs on the neatly stacked pile. Next I clean up the area a little bit. Just a few branches that needed to be broken and added to the pile. I walk into the cabin and put my heavy bag down on the coffee table. Next to the things I needed for today were a few items that were ment to stay here. I unpacked a few packs of batteries, some water bottles, a few cans of soda, a couple of cans of ravioli, a jar of peanut butter, a box of crackers, a package plastic utensils, and some candles for when it got dark. I quickly put everything in its place. I pulled out the radio and set it up by the window.

I cranked it up loud enough to be heard from outside. I reached into the very bottom of the back pack and pulled out about a dozen different flower seeds. I started to head outside, but heasitated for a moment. I looked back to my chest. I bit my lips comtenplatedly. I wanted to wear one of my outfits, but I was worried. I had never cross dressed alone before. Britt had always been with me and it made me feel safe. I had someone who would look out for me and keep watch. Someone who would cover for me and distract someone if they some how ever made it up here. But Britt isn't here anymore and if I wanted to continue being who I feel most comfortable as then I need to learn how to do it on my own. I took in a deep breath to steady myself. I decided to put an outfit on after I was done in the garden.

I walked outside and to the patch of land we used as the garden. I was very pleased to see that the yearly flowers and the ones I planted earlier in the spring were doing well. I dug around in the area for a long while adding the new flowers. I pulled weeds and watered the flowers from the near by stream. I payed extra attention to the sunflowers I planted specifically for Ivan. Once I deemed the garden satisfactory I washed the dirt, sweat, and mud off in the creek.

I walk in the cabin just past noon. I guzzled down a water bottle, imeadiently feeling refreshed from the late spring midday heat. I looked down at my chest again. I bit my lip nervously and glanced at the door.

After a long moment of staring at the door I decided to go for it. I nealt in front of the chest and unlocked it. I looked through the contents with giddy excitement. I shuffled through a few outfits before deciding on the outfit. I pulled out the thin blue sweater, blouse skirt, headband, and flats. I looked at the lacey underwear for a moment in contemplation before grabbing it too. As an after thought I grabbed a tube of clear strawberry lip gloss and the mascara. I head to the tiny bathroom out of pure habit to change.

As I put on the outfit the same feeling if freedom and grace washed over me as it always does. I noticed that I fit the outfit much better then I did last time. The sleaves no longer cover my hands and the top of my sleaves fell off my shoulders just the right amount to be cute, but not sluty. The skirt no longer stoped at my knees, instead it was bordering mid thigh, again enough to be cute and not too revealing. The flats fit my feet much better then before. They no longer tried slide off my feet when I walked. I put the head band on and styled my hair in a cute fashion. I applied the make up just enough to accent the look, but not too much to were it's gonna be too hard to remove later. I don't want people to ask why I have smeared make up on my face.

Satisfied with the way I looked I walked out of the bathroom to an upbeat song on the radio. A large grin spread across my face as I felt my hips start to sway to the music. I started to dance around the tiny shack. A giggle erupted from me as I spun around. I hopped, spun, and swayed around the room in pure joy. My eyes where closed, but I knew the place like the back of my hand so I had no fear of bumping into something. After a little spin I threw my hands up and clasped them in the air.

I felt really happy today. Things were great today. Everything about the world melted away. All my insecuritys, fears, and worries left for the time being. Nothing mattered. With my hands still up I swayed my hips, making my skirt go up a little farther than it should, but it still covered the important parts. As the song came to an end I spun around to where the door was. With a happy smile I opened my eyes.

And my blood ran cold.

Standing in front of the door was non other than Ivan himself. I stared wide eyed at an equally shocked Ivan. His mouth was open slightly and he seemed to be frozen to the spot. His eyes where trained soly on me as we stared at each other.

I felt my heart sink as realization set in. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that Ivan is staring at me in female cloths. 'He saw me! Oh god he saw me! Why him of all people?'

"Ivan?" I said softly as a tear fell down my cheek. I took a step back when he didn't respond. I rose my chin in defiance.

"Yea, I'm in a skirt! So what? I like to cross dress! I like being in a skirt! Come on, say something! You think I'm disgusting for this don't you?" I started to panick as more tears fell down my face. He slowly started to approach me. For every step forward he took I took one back. "You think I'm some faggot don't you!? Well I am! I'm gay! And I'm not ashamed of it!" I sobbed out. My back hit the wall, but he still kept coming closer.

"I'm proud of what I am! I don't care if you think I disgusting or a horrible person! Their is nothing wrong with me for it!" He was right in front of me. "Ivan! Say something! Tell me that you think I'm disgusting or...!"

My rant was cut off by a pair of lips on mine. I froze as I whent wide eyed. Only one thought whent through my head and it was that Ivan was kissing me. His hand was caressing my cheek while the other held me close at the waist. Never did I expect this.

When he pulled back I stared up into amthest eyes questionly and confused. I saw gentle fondness staring back at me. He softly wiped away the tears that still fell from my eyes. I didn't move, I was in too much shock.

"Alfred." He said softly making me take in a sharp breath. "I could never think that you are disgusting. You are the most beautiful person in the world to me. It doesn't matter if you are in pants or a skirt, you are beautiful either way. I adore you Alfred. I have since I met you. I would never think such horrible things about you." The softness and sincerity of his words calmed me down.

"So you don't think I'm disgusting or less of a person for this? You don't think their's anything wrong with me?" I asked shackily. My heart was still pounding, but it was slowly calming down.

"If I did, then I wouldn't do this." He said before kissing me again. This time I melted into the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. We continued untill the need for air separated us. When our eyes met again I giggled shyly and looked away. A gental hand brought my face up so my eyes could meet his. "Please. Never denie me from looking into you're beautiful eyes."

I smiled at him and huged him tightly. After my little emotional outburst I was a little tired. He seemed to pick up on it for he led me to the bed. He sat next to me on it, still holding me close. It was soothing to have him hold me close like this.

It was mostly quiet in the cabin. I hadn't noticed untill now, but the batteries in the radio had died during my outburst. Ivan was gently petting my hair as I finished calming down. I finally let out a big sigh as I fully calmed down.

"Their, are you feeling better Fredka?" He asked with a small smile on his face.

"Yea. I am actually." I said as I wiped the last remains of tears off my face.

"Good. I am glad." He hummed. "Does Brittany know?"

"Of course she does." I snorted. "She knows everything. She was there the first time I tried on girl cloths. It's actually this very outfit."

"Really?" He said as he looked it up and down. I bit my lip nervously as he took it in. He looked back up to see the nervous look on my face. He smiled and kissed me again. "I think it looks beautiful on you."

I blushed and looked away. Only Britt has ever called me beautiful. He laughed and pulled me closer. It felt nice to be held like this. I closed my eyes and snuggled into his broad shoulder. All anxiety and fear I had felt just ten minutes ago washed away from my mind. I sighed contently.

"I take this is the reason why you two never let anyone near this place?" He asked.

"Yea, mostly." I said not lifting my head from his chest. "I didn't want anyone to find out. At least not yet. I wanted a place where I can be who I am without being judged."

"So why did you invite me?" He asked.

"I guess I knew deep down that you were okay. Even if my little outburst over there didn't say it." I chuckled. "I think I wanted you to find out."

"Hmm." He hummed. "I'm glade I came up here. I probably never would have seen how pretty you looked with a skirt on otherwise, Da?" He chuckled. I blushed brightly.

"Why are you here? I thought you where spending the day with your sisters?" I looked up at him confused.

"We were, but the beach closed early due to an impending storm. It's supposed to be pretty bad with flash flood warnings. Which is why I'm here. Your mom asked me to come fetch you before it hits." He told me.

I was a little surprised since the weather lady said that their was only supposed to be a small rainshower. I had no idea it worsened. But that's nature I guess. We can study it all we want with our dance machines, but mother nature can drasticaly change without warning in an instant. That's why their are still deadly weather related disasters.

"That does sound bad. Well, I guess I better get changed then." I said standing up.

I moved to walk back to the bathroom when I felt his hand pull my wrist. He pulled me down on him so I was stradling his lap. I looked up at him with a tomato red face when he kissed me again. It took me a second before I melted into the embrace, but when I did I kissed back just a passionately, if not a little clumsy. It was a rather clumsy kiss that showed both of our inexperience, but we enjoyed it all the samr. After a while I reluctantly pulled back and got off. I still have to get dressed before the storm hit and one look out the window showed how dark the sky was already getting.

When I walked out Ivan had my bag prepared for me so we could get going. We walked in silence for a while. It was clear that I was nervous about something, but Ivan didn't ask. I figured that he was waiting for me to speak first. We where half way down the mountain when I finaly got the nerve to ask him a question that's been in my mind since the kiss.

"Hey, Ivan?" I said nervously.

"Da?" He looked down at me with a kind, calming smile.

"That kiss, did it mean that you like me in that way? Are we dating now?" I asked too nervous to make eye contact.

He stopped, which made me stop too. I looked up at him worried. I thought that I asked something wrong and that he was mad. Instead he gently cuped my face with his had so he could look me in the eyes.

"Of course I like you in that way. I have since I first met you. You where the first person to show me kindness in this new land. I was able to see your beauty that lied on the inside as much as the outside that day." He said softly. His thumb made gentle strokes across my face. I leaned into the embrace slightly. "As for the dating you, I would be honered if you would be my boyfriend."

"Da." I said with a giggle. He smiled and leaned in to put a small kiss on my forehead. I was content for a moment before I bit my lip in nervousness.

"Is something else the matter Fredka?" He asked.

"It's just that I don't want to be open about our relation ship yet, okay? I'm worried about how the others will react. Non of them have ever made a comment to anything gay, so I have no clue how any of them would react. And how will my family will react? I'm scared that if I tell them, they may reject me for who I am. And if what will the kids at school say? I know that most would be okay about it, but their are still those who would react badly to it. I don't want that kind of scrutiny on me, or on you. Please don't take this the wrong way. Their is nothing more that I want then for people to see your arm wrapped around my waist and for every one to know that you're taken." I looked up at him worried.

"Do not worry. If you are not ready to let the world know, then I will not tell them. I take it Brittany knows?" He said with a chuckle.

"Naturaly." I giggled. "She says that she knew befor I did."

"She is very clever, so I would not doubt it." He laughed as he pulled me close by the waist. I smiled happily, a bright blush on my face. "You are like episode of Too Cute."

"What ever." I rolled my eyes. "Come on. I would like to get home before the down pour. If it starts hailing we're too far from the cabin to seek shelter."

We rushed down the side if the mountain, making record breaking time. Britt will be upset when she finds out we beat her time of two hours and four minutes by twenty minutes. The while way down we teased each other. I'd blow kisses at him then duck away behind trees. He'd come up from behind me to tickle my sides. We'd flirt, both if us happy to finaly be able to do so, and trying to get as much in before we joined the rest of the town. We acted like a couole of love sick teens that you're see in movies or read about.

At the bottom of the mountain we stopped all flirts and continued to act like we did every day. Maybe we stood together a little closer than normal, it's not like anyone would notice. Maybe we snuck glances at each other a few more times than usual. That could mean anything. He dropped me off at home, but could only stay for a brief moment before he had to rush home. I watched him leave through the window untill he was out if sight.

"You seamed awfully interested in Ivans leave today." Mattie said weirdly.

"Well, it's about too storm super hard. People get a little crazy when things like this happen. I'm worried about him and just want to make sure that he gets home safe." I defendes myself. I was internally panicking, but even I knew I made a convincing argument.

He looked at me suspiciously, but didn't argue further. "I'm making dinner tonight. We're having tatortot casserole."

"Okay. I'll be up in our room." I said as I walked up the stairs. When I got to our room I imeadiently pulled out my phone. I started texting Britt as I flopped down on my bed.

*A*
You'll never guess what happened!

I waited a minutes for her response.

*B*
The zombie apocalypse.

*A*
Better!
Ivan came up to the cabin today while I was cross dressed. I thought he was going to make fun of me and so I broke down crying. You know what he did?

*B*
Dude what? Are you okay! I will kill him if needed.

*A*
Yea, I'm fine. While I was crying and breaking down a little bit he kissed me! He actually kissed me!

*B*
Dude! That's awesome! What happened after?

*A*
Well, I was still a mess so he calmed me down. Mostly with kisses and some cuddles.
He said I looked beautiful in my outfit. I was wearing the blue one. The original.
He said I was pretty.

*B*
That's because you are and he was smart enough to see it. I'm glade this worked out for you. I can asume you two are in a relationship now?

*A*
Yea! We are! He's even understanding about me not wanting to be out yet! This is an amazing day!

*B*
I bet. Lest year sucked for you. This one seams to be going for you. What goes up, must come back down, and vis versa.

*A*
Take a look back at you text.

*B*
last
Whatever.
Eaither. You got a boyfriend!

*A*
Yea I do! I'm so excited.

*B*
I know. You've been pinning after him since the first day of school.
Their's just one thing I'm worried about.

*A*
?

*B*
Natalia.
That girl has an obsession with her brother and no doubt is dangerous. You'll have to go out of your way to make sure she doesn't find out. It will be harder for you to do that come next year. She'll be on your side of the school and no doubt Ivan will want her to sit with you guys

*A*
Yea, she's going to be a problem.
She does have some friends now, so she might not sit with us. But she will be closer to us more frequently.

"Alfred! Dinners done!" I heard my brother call from down stairs.

"Kay! I'll be down there in a minute." I shouted.

"Stop shouting! You both have phones!" Mom yelled.

"Sorry!" We said at the same time. Mom suffered from headachs because of how much she worked.

*A*
Look, I got to go. Dinner's done.
Love you!

*B*
Love ya too.
Remember, with your new relationship comes a new danger. Natalia is crazy and will do anything to keep her brother. She's like me.

I thought about what Britt said as I ate dinner. Natalia will be trouble, but I think we could handle her. It'll be hard, but manageable. Ivan won't do anything to risk this new relationship, so I know he won't tell his sisters. I'm mostly worried they'll get tiped off by how much time we'll be spending together. My own brother seams to be getting suspicious, and he's not obsessed with me.

It'll be hars to keep my secrets, but with a chance at love it'll be worth it. Their's no guarantee we'll work out, but the chance is always worth it. I hope we do though. Over this last school year I had really grown to like him. We have a lot in common, hobbies, interests, dislikes. Even jobs we might be interested in when we grow up. I know high school relationships have the worst chance at working out, but their is still a chance. After all, my cousins parents are high school sweethearts, and they've been together for twenty-three years.

I smiled. Twenty-three years is a ling time.

"What are you smiling about?" Mattie asked teasenly.

"Just thinking about how our Aunt and Uncle have been together for twenty-three years. Do you think we could find someone you spend that long with?" I asked him.

"Well, if you fins the right person then yea. You just gotta find someone who always notices you, cares about you, is there for you when you need them, and someone who can always make you laugh." He said fondly with a distant smile on his face. After a moment he seamed to snap out if his thoughts and blushed. "Well, that's my opinion anyways. Each person is different."

"Yea, I suppose so." I say with a small smile. "I think I would prefer someone somewhat calm and gentle. Defiantly a good cuddle buddy."

"Oh yes, we can't forget a good cuddler." He laughed.

"Well, whatever you two choose, I hope they make you both very happy." Mom said as she ruffled both our hair.

We had a nice evening joking and laughing together. Mom even felt well enough to watch a movie with us. As the evening wound down we prepared for bed. I was making sure my homework was still in my backpack while Mattie was getting dressed.

"Alfie." Mattie said getting my attention.

"Was up?"

"We can trust each other, right? Like, forever." He asked.

"Uh, yea? We trust each other." I said confused.

"I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. We're twins and their is nothing we can't tell each other." He said sincerely.

Guilt twisted my heart as I said "I know that. I know I can trust you. Now lets get to sleep. I have a stupid test in math." I grumbled as I climbed into bed.

"Hahaha. Okay, good night Alfie." He said as he turned off the light.

"Nigh Mattie." I whispered.

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Sorry this is so late. Taking care of my niece is hard and exhausting. Pluse we just had to deal with something horrible.
Anyway, I hope I can update a little more frequently now that the little girl sleeps for four to six hours at a time.