Darcy frowned at the unfamiliar number calling her, but decided to answer it. She'd had a crappy day at work and needed a distraction.

"Hello?"

"Darcy."

Even through a cell phone, his voice gave her shivers. "Loki! You calling from your cell?"

"I am."

"Sweet! I'll store the number. I'll make your bubble bath picture come up when you call. That'll put a smile on my face every time." She grinned just thinking about it. "So what are you up to? Mischief?"

"Strangely enough, not right now. I did create a minor disruption at Avengers Headquarters earlier, and that was very fun."

"Poor Nick. He lives for your visits."

"He seemed less than excited to see me. I wanted to let you know that I now have an apartment, thanks to Tony and Pepper."

Whoa. "An apartment? Cool. So you have a place that you go home to now? That's freaking awesome!" She laughed, and had a truly stupendous thought. "So what are you wearing?"

"Wearing?" She could hear his confusion.

"Yes Loki. What are you wearing? Describe it."

"Jeans," he said finally. "And a tee shirt. I opted for casual this evening."

"Mmmm....are they tight?"

"They are formfitting. I do not understand your questions."

Darcy curled up on her sofa. "I'm wearing green silk panties. That's it."

She heard his indrawn breath over the phone and smiled in triumph. "Do you often lounge in only your panties?" His voice had deepened a little.

"A lot, yeah. Actually, my skin is a little dry, so right now, I'm rubbing lotion on myself. Gotta keep the girls moisturized, right?"

She smirked at the somewhat strangled noise he made. "I see. You are wearing only panties, and rubbing lotion into your skin?"

"Yep! It kinda gets me all atingle and worked up. Guess what I'm eating right now? A banana split!"

The clatter on the other end could only be the cell phone dropping to the floor, and Darcy did a fist pump. "Loki? Did you just drop the phone?"

"Yes," he admitted in a strained voice. "I have a request for you."

"What is it?" she asked in a very naughty voice.

"I find myself feeling sorry for Steve Rogers. The poor man needs some help getting some boy/girl action to get over his lamentable shyness about sex. Do you know of any young ladies that could help him with this?"

Darcy huffed in frustration. "Really, Loki? I'm trying to have phone sex with you, and you want to talk about hooking the captain up? Or out in this case."

"Phone sex?" he still sounded very confused.

"Yes. That's where two people talk naughty to each other on the phone. Usually, there's self touching involved. I'm touching myself right now. Want to know where?"

The phone clattered to the floor again. When he picked it up, she could hear ragged breathing. "You okay Loki? Starting the party before me?"

"Party?"

"Are you touching yourself?" she asked.

"No."

"Unbutton your jeans."

"What?"

Wow. It was like his first time all over again. This could be fun. "Unbutton and unzipper your jeans, Loki."

There was a long, long pause, but Darcy could hear the hiss he made, and the sound of a zipper being undone. It was probably a relief for him, judging from the hiss he'd made. Loki was just a little excited, albeit confused about what was going on. Too cool.

"Done?"

"Yes. I have unbuttoned and unzippered." His voice was faint.

"Good. Now reach under your shirt and pinch your man-nipples."

"What?"

"Reach under your tee shirt, and pinch your nipples. This is gonna take forever if I have to repeat everything, Loki. Obey without question. Besides, I'm pinching mine."

And there went the phone again. He was going to break it if he kept dropping it. She could hear a bit of fumbling, and then his harsh breathing. "Are you pinching your nipples?

"Wait." She heard it when he did it, the indrawn hiss followed by a shaky breath.

"Oh yeah. Those man-nipples are a little sensitive right now, aren't they?"

"Yes." His voice was very strained, barely audible, and Darcy just reveled in her power.

"Mine too. They're all perky and begging for more right now."

She loved the sounds he made. "Now slide your hand down your stomach to your jeans. Touch yourself. You're a little excited right now, so it won't take much."

He didn't say a word, but obeyed without question. She could hear it in the labored breathing. She wondered if he had ever done anything like this before, but seriously doubted it.

He was close, so she provided some stimulus. "Mmm...guess where I just put my fingers?" She stuck her forefinger into her mouth and then pulled it free with a loud, wet pop.

She heard the phone fall as he lost control. Yeah, she had the power. She liked keeping him off balance. That way he wouldn't get bored and look for another woman. She didn't want that, and years of being a second, third, or last choice had her believing that she was not worthy. That was a difficult feeling to overcome.

While she waited for him to recover (and pick up the phone), Darcy finished her dinner. Not the banana split she had indicated, but takeout she had picked up on the way home. She had been too tired to think of cooking anything. Loki's call had completely perked her up, and she was grateful for the distraction.

She wanted to see his apartment. With Pepper and Tony in the mix, it had to be far better than hers, and knowing where his place was...well it would make things seem more real to her. Because sometimes, this all seemed like a dream, especially the Loki part of it, and she wanted to keep it as real as possible.

She laughed to herself when she heard Loki cursing softly, and then he finally picked up the phone. "You okay, Loki?" she asked, wishing he could see her little smirk.

He said a few more choice words, and then exhaled forcefully. "No, I am not okay. I am completely at your mercy and you continue to take shameless advantage of that fact!"

He sounded more amused than angry. "Hey, I gotta level the playing field somehow, you know? You're a god. If you really wanted to, you could magic me into perpetual need of you, and I'd turn into a drooling sex slave."

"I could do that," he mused. Oops. "I have never had a drooling sex slave. It might be fair trade for the way you completely rule me."

"I rule you?" Darcy asked in a small voice. It was the nicest thing any guy had ever said to her.

"Completely," he confirmed. "I cannot believe you just...you had me...what did I just do?"

Darcy laughed softly. "Stress relief on your own. That's what you do when you're not getting any action."

"Did you do that during your 'dry spell'?" Oh the mischief in his voice!

"A lot," she admitted honestly. "Especially because Jane was getting hammered by Thor once the Bifrost was rebuilt. She was walking around all time with this silly grin. It made me crazy." She remembered his request. "Now what about Rogers? You want me to pimp him out?"

"Pimp him out? I do not know what that means. I want you to find a nice girl who will be gentle with him, and ease him in to sex. The poor man needs stress relief. I can sympathize, because I was in that situation not too long ago."

Darcy smiled. "Yeah, and you totally suggested drunk buddy sex. Which worked out very well." She thought about it. "Natasha would eat him alive, so that's out of the question. But there's a girl I work with who's kinda shy. Sorta like I was. And I think she totally has a crush on Cap, so that would be perfect!"

"Yes. I believe she would have to charm him a little. He still pines for the woman he knew before."

"I'll have to think about this for a little. When can I see your apartment? If Pepper and Tony were involved, it must be nice."

"It is very nice. It has a Jacuzzi."

"Oh wow. I will be your drooling sex slave as long as I get to use the Jacuzzi."

"We will negotiate its use. I do not believe, not for one minute, that you will be my slave. You are far too wicked." Loki uttered a low laugh that sent tingles up her spine. "Pepper has told me that she will be arranging a warming party, so you may see the apartment soon. I see no need for it, as the apartment is warm enough already, but it seems to be a custom."

Darcy stifled her laugh. "Ah. I'll ring Pepper then, see what she has in mind to warm things up."

"It is truly not necessary. The current temperature is quite comfortable, and I am of frost giant blood, after all. The cold does not bother me."

He was so awesome and cute and adorable, Darcy just about melted. "It's customary when someone moves into a new place."

"Whatever is customary, then."

**************************************************************************************************************************************

Pepper arranged parties fast. Darcy was impressed. She had called Tony's woman after hanging up with Loki, and had been stunned to learn that the housewarming party was on for the next day. Pepper was in the middle of sending out notifications to those who would attend. All of the Avengers, basically, and Jane, Pepper, and herself.

Since the housewarming party would be a great place to introduce Cap to the woman she had picked for him, she had almost no time to make plans. Darcy went into work the next day and found the girl, whose name was Sheila. She was quiet, and pretty in that quiet way. Not someone who would immediately catch the eye. And she was super shy around men, like Darcy herself had been.

Darcy thought she remembered hearing stories about a somewhat abusive ex-boyfriend. That was gonna be her hook, to snare the Cap. He was still stuck in the old days, where women were fragile creatures to be protected. An abusive ex would totally bring out the protector side of him, and then Sheila could work her 21st century woman magic to snare him.

But first, she had to talk to the girl. Who blushed madly when Darcy asked her bluntly if she liked the Cap. And finally, finally, stammered out that she did like him, but could never, ever talk to him. Because he was just too perfect and awesome.

Darcy was blunt. "I'm gonna set you up, but it has to look accidental. I need your ex-boyfriend's number."

The girl just kinda gaped at her. "Why?"

"Cuz I'm gonna pay him to harass you, which gives me a good excuse to bring you to a friend's housewarming party, where I can loudly mention why I brought you. Then, I'm gonna have the ex harass you when you leave. But Cap will be leaving with you, so he can protect you. As a side benefit, your ex may get his ass handed to him."

That perked her right up. "But why would the captain want to protect me?"

Darcy smirked. "Because he's totally old school, and thinks that women can't take care of themselves. It's his duty to protect you. He won't be able to resist when he hears how you're being harassed."

"My ex probably won't go along with it."

Darcy snorted. "Sweetie, I'm friends with Tony freaking Stark. I can buy your ex's cooperation, trust me."

The ex was very cooperative, when Darcy named a figure for his help. Her story to him was that she wanted to harass this girl at work who'd pissed her off. The ex was happy to oblige, and agreed to show up where the girl was having lunch (which Darcy would send her to) and harass her there, and then be waiting for her outside Loki's building.

It was a tangled web, but Darcy thought that it would work out well. Rogers wouldn't be able to resist a woman in distress, and with a little nudging, Sheila could totally seduce him. Stark was totally into it, when she texted him about her evil little plan, and happily supplied the cash for the bribe to the ex.

The harassment at lunch went well. Sheila returned looking distressed, and Darcy had a loud discussion with her about the stalker ex. (Just in case anyone questioned the way things went down, of course).

She met with the ex, who was a real asshole, and paid him a small sum, with the promise of the balance after the housewarming stalking incident. She didn't warn him that she was sending an artificially enhanced super soldier to escort his ex-girlfriend home. He deserved a good beating for being that much of an asshole. It was a good thing Loki wasn't around, because the guy was practically drooling over her chest, thinking he could talk her into bed after this was all done. He probably wouldn't enjoy being turned inside out and squeezed, so she wouldn't tell Loki about it.

She had no idea what to get Loki for a housewarming gift, so went with what she knew would work – a bottle of cherry vodka. She swung by Sheila's apartment to help the girl dress in the most innocent, yet enticing, ensemble that the girl had. The overall effect was of someone who was vulnerable. She would totally appeal to Rogers' protective side. Then they were off to the party.

The ex was a little enthusiastic, and popped up in front of Loki's building to harass them going in. Darcy threatened him with her taser and he backed off. She totally couldn't wait for after the party, so Cap could kick his ass.

Darcy wasn't sure if she should be more impressed by Loki's apartment, which was comparable to the hotel room he'd had the other day, or by Pepper's party arranging skills. The woman had hired a caterer! There was awesome food all over the place. It smelled freaking delicious when the door opened at her knock.

Poor Sheila wasn't expecting to be attending a housewarming party for the God of Mischief. She almost bolted when Loki opened the door and invited them in. He still had quite a reputation among S.H.I.E.L.D employees, and apparently, Sheila had somehow missed the fact that Darcy and Loki were an item. Her mouth dropped open when Loki pulled Darcy forward and planted a kiss on her, and then turned to look at Sheila with a raised eyebrow.

"Loki, this is my friend Sheila from work." Darcy saw Rogers, close enough to overhear, and she raised her volume a little. "I brought Sheila with me cuz her stupid ex-boyfriend is totally stalking her. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. Welcome. There is plenty of delicious food and beverages, thanks to Pepper. I have not noticed an increase in temperature yet though."

Too cute. "Patience Loki." Out of the corner of her eye, Darcy noticed Rogers staring at Sheila. Wow. Protector mode engaged already?

Loki totally got her plan. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sheila. I hope that your ex-boyfriend has not overly distressed you."

"He's a complete jerk!" Darcy said loudly. "He tracked her down when she went to lunch, and then he followed her here. I had to threaten him with my taser!"

Oh yeah, that did it. She saw Rogers frown, and a fist clench. Ah, victory.

Loki leaned over to whisper in her ear. "What mischief is this?"

"Darcy flavored mischief," she whispered back. "You asked me to do this, remember?"

"Hmm....Ah yes. After you bewitched me, you did agree to do this."

Darcy beamed up at him. "I bewitched you?"

His expression was rueful. "Constantly."

She bit her lip. "Cool. I'm gonna introduce Sheila to everyone else."

She introduced the poor girl to everyone else at the party. Rogers was very nice to her, and calmly told Darcy that he needed to speak to her then. So after she was finished with introductions, she left Sheila with Jane and Pepper, after shooing Tony and Thor away so the poor girl didn't feel too overwhelmed.

She found Rogers pacing back and forth in agitation. "Hey Cap, you wanted to talk to me? What's shaking, bacon?"

"Hi Darcy. I'm a little concerned about your friend. Her old beau is...stalking her?"

"Yeah....he's a total jerk. He walked away pretty quick when I pulled out the taser though."

"You're strong, plus you have Loki to help protect you. Does this girl have someone to look out for her?"

"No. She doesn't have a brother, and her father doesn't live close by. I'm a little worried about her."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Let me know when she is planning on leaving. Maybe I'll tag along to make sure she gets home safely."

"Awe Steve, that's so sweet of you."

He ducked his head. "It's just the right thing to do."

Plan set into motion, Darcy went looking for Loki. He was talking quietly with Thor and Tony. "It's on," she told him as she joined them.

Loki smirked, turning his head to look at the captain, who was hovering close to Sheila and trying not to look obvious about it. "Well done, Darcy."

Thor looked back and forth between the two of them. "I am officially scared. What are you up to, Darcy?"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Nothing sinister, Thor. Just helping the good captain out."

Thor looked at Rogers, who was standing almost at attention a few steps away from Sheila. "I think that I do not want to know."

"Probably not," Darcy told him.

Sheila apparently decided that she didn't want to stay long, so she came to say goodnight. "I'm gonna go, Darcy. Thanks for bringing me out for a little. It was good to get my mind off things."

She was moving toward the door when Rogers stopped her and spoke softly to her. Then he waved at everyone, and followed Sheila out the door.

"That was masterful," Loki complimented. "And you had so little time to plan."

"I was inspired," Darcy admitted. "Your phone call helped."

"So, when will we know if the plan was a success?" Stark asked.

"You'll be able to see it on his face," Darcy told him. "Steve's not very good at hiding his emotions."

Thor was gonna get whiplash, as fast as he kept looking between them. "You are planning to...oh you are wicked, Darcy." He threw his head back and laughed. "Oh Loki, I think that I truly feel a little sorry for you."

Darcy patted him on the arm. "You shouldn't. It's healthy for him, to always be off balance." She couldn't help it, and she would probably pay for it later, but... "I completely rule him, you know."

She saw Loki's lips twitch as he tried to suppress a smile. His eyes promised mayhem later.

She didn't think the party would break up too early, not with Tony Stark there. But Thor and Jane left fairly early, and Banner not long after that. The poor scientist couldn't even toss back a drink without risking losing control and getting his freak on. Clint and Natasha hung out for a bit, but then decided to go, leaving just Darcy, Tony and Pepper.

Darcy was appreciative. "Pepper – you totally rule with quick party plans. This was awesome."

Loki was still stuck on the warming thing. "It does not appear that the temperature ever increased Pepper. Has something failed?"

Stark slapped his forehead, while Pepper was startled into a laugh. "It's more of an idea of a temperature increase, Loki," she explained. "Your new place has been warmed by the presence of your friends and family."

He looked like a light bulb went off in his head. "Ah." Then he turned to Darcy. "You could have explained that to me."

She laughed softly. "It was so much more fun to watch you checking the thermostat. Don't think I didn't see you doing that."

He curled his lip. "I will have to punish you for that."

Stark jumped as if prodded. "Wow! Pepper, I think that's our cue to leave. You kids have fun."

Darcy had to laugh at the expression on Loki's face. "Might I remind you, minion, that I am centuries old? I am not a 'kid'."

Stark was ushering Pepper toward the door. "In some ways...you still are. And Nicky is totally dead on when he said you're like a horny teenager. I don't want to see it. I still throw up in my throat every time I think about the banana split."

"What about that?" Pepper asked curiously. "What's so wrong with a banana split? I like banana splits."

Darcy had to turn away to try to contain her giggles.

"Really?" Stark sounded intrigued. "Maybe I shouldn't explain it to you then."

"Explain what? Tony?"

Darcy turned around again as the door opened. "Bye guys."

As the door closed behind them, she could hear Pepper. "What about a banana split, Tony?"

She turned to face Loki, and gulped. He was radiating mischief. Plus, he looked really super hot in jeans and a tee shirt. Which reminded her...

"I hope you washed your jeans."

His eyes narrowed. "I warned you that there were consequences to teasing and tempting me, girl." He stalked toward her, while Darcy backed away hastily. Coincidentally toward the bedroom.

"You just wanna break in the new place," she accused, carefully maneuvering through the bedroom door.

"Another custom?" he growled, advancing on her.

Darcy came to a stop as she bumped into the bed. "It is, yeah."

"Whatever is customary, then."

He pinned her down seconds later. "And I did launder my jeans, hellcat."

♾️ ♾️ ♾️

I so wanted this chapter to be a knock-off of the party from Age Of Ultron, but then I kept writing and it turned out like this lol.

But, I hope you guys liked it. And thanks a ton for 500 reads and 150 votes. I'm overwhelmed.

Love,
InfinityHaze ♾️