Sister Jude took a deep breath. Her hand rested on the door latch, resisting the turn. She pressed her wimpled forehead to the cool, hard wood. Already she could hear muffled voices inside. There really were no words to describe how much she truly hated staff meetings.

"Gotta go in there at some point, boss."

She straightened, slightly embarrassed. Caught. "Frank." The security guard stepped up beside her, smiling sympathetically. "I was just uh -"

"Yeah, me too." He gestured to the door. "Hate these things."

"Why do we do this if we all hate it so much?" She hissed.

"Well." Frank considered. He was handsome when he considered. "Thing is, I don't think everybody hates them. I think Mary Eunice actually enjoys them."

Jude tisked. "Mary Eunice enjoys using the industrial can openah."

He chuckled. "The Monsignor seems to like 'em, too."

"He has no clue." Jude shook her head. "I dunno. What can I do to make this more tolerable?"

"I imagine everybody naked."

"Frank!" She swatted him with her day planner. "That's inappropriate!" But she was starting to grin a little.

"You throwing stones, Sistah Jude? Or runnin' a staff meeting? We don't got all day here."

A frustrated sigh. She turned the latch, then paused suddenly. Frank stopped short, barely bumping the nun. She looked over her shoulder at him. "Not a nun, though, Frank. You wouldn't. Not me."

His brows waggled. "Especially you, Sistah." His hand slipped over hers and pushed open the door, catching her reply in her throat.

What seemed to be an intensifying debate halted at their entrance. Frank slid past Jude to his place at the end of the long table, and Jude cleared her throat taking her seat in the middle. "Greetings, all."

"Sister, listen -"

"The Monsignor -"

"Sister Jude -"

"We simply cannot -"

Too many voices assaulted her at once. She held up her hands, stopping the cacophony. Fidgets around the table. Huffs and sighs. "Frank?"

The security guard (who was possibly imagining her naked at the moment) leaned forward with interest. "Yes, Sistah Jude?"

"Would you read the minutes from the last meeting, please?"

"Sister." Father Howard interrupted. "There is a matter of some import that we should address."

"All things in due time, Fathah." Jude had no intention of embroiling herself in whatever rage was...raging before she arrived. Let them simmer a moment. "Frank."

"Ah, yeah." Frank produced his little notebook. He was the minute-keeper of these meetings. Once, Jude remembered, Mary Eunice had called him the minute man and he'd bristled admirably. "Last week, let's see." He flipped a few pages, obviously in no hurry to hurry this meeting. "Here we go. Uh, new shelving units for the kitchens."

"Delivered." Jude nodded. "We assembled them yesterday."

Frank made a note. "We'll uh...shelve that far later then." He winked. Eunice snickered. "State board visits for physician's licenses upcoming?"

"Done." Arthur Arden offered, seeing this would have to be gotten through. "Passed, with a few suggestions regarding the establishment and certain medicines. I've prepared a report." He tapped what was no doubt the report on the table before him.

"I'll review it and touch base with you, Doctah." Jude took the folder.

"Right on. Dr. Arden reporting." Frank jotted again. "Uh more shit here..." He scanned while Jude shook her head. "Oh, here we go. More security and more orderlies. We're doing interviews and submitting our choices for hiring. Right, Carl?"

The surly orderly nodded. "Bout as useful as tits on a boar hog these kids these days."

"Carl." Jude glared. "I'm certain a few suitable candidates can be found?"

"Suitable for kickin' shit, maybe."

"Moving on." Frank spoke, sensing a coming storm. "Last bit here, thank Christ. Holiday schedules."

"Are done." Jude clasped her hands peacefully. I've been as fair and equitable as possible. And I used last year's schedules to distribute appropriately. Extra staff will also give us more opportunity for half shifts so that everyone can have time with families."

"Excellent." Father Howard spoke now. "I'm certain there will be adequate time for everyone to celebrate the reason for the coming season, Sister. Which - if there is nothing further from our previous meeting, Mr. McCann?"

Frank turned a page just to be annoying, scanned importantly. "Nope. That looks like it."

"Speaking of holidays, then." Eunice was quivering with excitement, leaning toward the priest. Jude felt a slow dread descending. Eunice's excitement was rarely a good thing. "Thanksgiving is approaching."

"Mmhm." Jude nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"And..." Timothy looked at Eunice. "I believe our younger sister has a wonderful idea to share."

"No." Jude said. All eyes slid toward her. Arden was already nodding agreement.

"Oh, Sister! Please just -"

"Pumpkins, Eunice."

The little face fell. But not this time. No, Jude would not fall prey to sympathizing with the naive girl. It seemed no one would.

"I got shellshock from that night," Carl whispered.

"I was triggered." Frank spoke with his eyes closed. "I dunno if anybody is up fer another one of yer ideas, little sistah."

"I...should like to take some responsibility for the gourd debacle." Father Howard said, gently patting Eunice's hand. "I believe that evening is an exception to our typical operation, however. And I have faith -" a pointed look at Jude - "that Eunice's new idea is one of great merit, kindness, and ministry."

"What?" Jude asked. "What this time, Eunice? How about we give 'em all special mushrooms and pit them against one another in a big dome far our entertainment? Sound good? Or flag football maybe? Just...out on the lawn? Hope they all come home after the game."

"I like the dome idea." Frank brightened.

"Hell yeah." Carl agreed. "My money's on Big Mike. I once saw him peel back a piece of window grating with his teeth."

"It was a joke!" Jude put said to the sayings. "Well?" She turned fully to Eunice, arms expectant.

"I was just thinking...Thanksgiving dinner." Mary Eunice spoke softly, curbing her usual overreaching enthusiasm. "Because so many of our patients don't have families to share the holiday with. And some of them don't even remember having turkey and dressing and pie. Some of them will die here - alone and afraid - with no mashed potatoes or gravy. No glazed pecans. No happy memories or warm cider. They'll dream empty dreams, no comforts to gentle them in the darkness of their cold cells. No -"

"Holy Mary." Jude's eyes watered. "Stop, Eunice. Far God's sake..." She suddenly felt like a giant asshole. Looking around the table, she could tell she was not alone. She was surrounded by guilt-ridden, giant assholes. "I imagine we can work something out."

"Of course we can." Timothy reassured, smiling at Jude.

Carl was picking at his thumbnail, lips pursed, feeling the giantest of all the assholes all of a sudden. "Ya know...my brother in law. Jeremiah?" No one knew Carl's brother in law Jeremiah, but they were so cowed by their own guilt they all nodded. "He uh...he has a farm. Chickens and turkeys. I could talk to him. About maybe gettin' hold of some gobblers."

Eunice's eyes widened. "Oh, Carl! Could you? That would be lovely!"

"Truly a blessing." Father Howard nodded.

"He does go ta church." Carl reasoned. "I reckon he won't mind helping out some way."

"That is very helpful of you, Carl." Jude said. The silence of culpability in the room was heavy. "I can meet with the cook and plan out a menu. It would be nice far our patients, yar right. And probably any staff that has to be here on Thanksgiving, as well."

"I do love a pumpkin pie," Frank said.

"No pumpkins!" Jude and Arden chorused.

***

Two days later, on Wednesday, a knock sounded on her office door. Jude looked up from the application she was reviewing. "Come in."

"Hey, Sistah."

"Carl." She gestured to the chair across from her desk. "Is all well?"

"Well as can be." The orderly sat. "Had to pull that pinhead out of the damn wall of the library earlier."

"Peppah? How in the world did she get in the wall?

"Wriggled her scraggly ass in there through that little door behind the big metal desk and got stuck. Idiot. All what was stickin' out was her feet. Jeez." He shuddered. "The toes on that freak!"

"Is she alright?"

"Oh, yeah. Just peachy."

"Good."

Jude must have looked expectant. She was. Carl cleared his throat. "So I talked to my brotha in law. Jeremiah?" The nun nodded like she knew Jeremiah. "He says he's more than happy ta donate some turkeys. Apparently there was a damn turkey explosion on the farm this year. Somethin' about the matin' season. I dunno. But anyway yeah. He says we can have as many as we want."

"That's so kind, Carl." And she meant it. It was refreshing to have one thing going normally and...well. "Mary Eunice will be very excited."

"I figured she would." Carl smiled. "She's a real sweetheart."

"Indeed she is."

***

Timothy Howard was also pleased at the news of the turkeys. "Truly wonderful news, Sister." He poured Jude a cup of tea from the service in his office. "How many turkeys do you suppose we need to feed our hungry mouths?"

Jude looked at the paper in her lap. "Well, Fathah. I've spoken to Barbara. The cook?" He nodded like he knew Barbara. "She says one turkey can feed up to ten sparingly, and six or seven generously. That being said, we currently have 122 patients in residence."

"Good heavens. That many?" The priest seemed genuinely shocked.

Jude blinked at him. "Yes, Fathah. That many."

"I see." They sipped their tea. "So..." He was scribbling on a notepad on his desk. "If we crunch the numbers, at least...say 15 turkeys? For patients and staff of course."

"I was thinking the same. Carl already called his brothah in law. Jeremiah?"

"Yes, yes. Jeremiah." He nodded like he knew Jeremiah.

"So hopefully we'll hear from him soon. And I've arranged the rest of the menu here if you'd care to review it." She handed him the paper.

"Mmmm." He moaned through his tea. "This sounds delicious, Sister. Apple pies? Delightful."

"I think so. We've a plethora of potatoes in cold storage so mashed potatoes. And green beans will be coming in from our usual vegetable supplier. I've told Barbara to hold onto leftovah bread for the next week far dressing."

"A fine traditional...American Thanksgiving." He sipped his tea. "You've done a wonderful job of arranging it, Sister."

She sipped her tea. "Thank you, Fathah. I'm going to tell Mary Eunice as soon as the turkeys are verified. I don't want to get her hopes up should anything go awry."

"Of course not. I imagine she will be very excited."

"I'm preparing far a hug."

They sipped their tea.

***

Jude's phone rang around 5 pm as she was wrapping up her office work for the day. "Briarcliff Asylum." She answered tersely. "Administration."

"Hey." A man's voice. "Is this the uh - the head nun in charge?"

She smiled wryly. "Indeed. This is Sistah Jude. I'm in charge everywhere. May I ask who's calling?"

"Yuh, yuh. This is Jeremiah Graham, ovah at Graham's Poultry. I'm uh - I'm Carl's brothah in law."

"Mr. Graham. What a pleasure to finally speak to ya. Carl tells me you've generously offered to donate some turkeys to our establishment?"

"Oh, yuh. Fer sure. How many birds ya want?"

She bit her lips. "Would...would 15 be too many to request? According to our calculations we -"

"Only 15?" Graham interrupted. "Huh. I was really hoping I could send a few more your way there, Sistah."

Her brows rose. "Well, how many did you have in mind, sir?"

"Oh, I got about 40 extra birds here. No way I'm gonna sell 'em all fore the holiday."

"40?!" Jude bolted upright, nearly dropping the phone. "I'm not even certain we have the freezah space far 40 birds!"

"Well, there's always a charitable donation, Sistah." Jeremiah hedged. "I'm sure ya know an orphanage somewhere could maybe benefit?"

He had a valid point. "That's - that's so very generous of you, Mr. Graham."

"Well, it's a win fer both of us seems, Sistah. I got no room fer these gobblahs and sure as hell can't afford ta keep 'em."

"I'm glad we've a mutually beneficial situation then." Jude was pleasantly surprised by this turn of events. "I suppose I could arrange for one of the institution's maintenance trucks to come and pick up the turkeys?"

"Oh, nah nah. I'll have 'em delivered up there in one of our trucks. Less mess fer ya."

"I certainly can't argue with your generosity."

"Good good. How about uh...Tuesday? Too close ta turkey day?"

"Tuesday will be wonderful." Jude flipped open her planner. "About what time should we expect ya?"

"How about 9 that morning?"

"Perfect." She jotted. "There's a service entrance connected to tha kitchens. You can pull up right there and we'll unload."

"Directly into tha kitchen?" He asked.

"Yes. I assure ya we can make room."

"Sounds crazy ta me, Sistah, but...hey. Yer the one with God on yer side. See ya soon."

She hung up, and headed directly to the kitchens. Hopefully Barbara would still be there. At the first floor landing, she saw a familiar habit leaving the common room. "Mary Eunice."

"Sister Jude." Her assistant fell into step beside her. "Is there something you need?"

"I need ya ta come with me to the kitchens." Jude gestured. "Got some details to hammer out that I think you'll be interested in." The spring in the young nun's step was inspiring.

Barbara was indeed still there. She was cleaning up from dinner preparation, hanging her apron when the nuns entered. "Sister Jude. I was just about to head home for the night. What can I do for ya?"

"Turkeys."

"Turkeys?!" Eunice squealed, turning to Jude. "Are we getting turkeys, Sister?"

"40 of 'em." Jude smiled - a rare smile with teeth and all. A real smile.

"40 turkeys!" Barbara scratched her curly grey head while Eunice threw her arms around Jude. "I'm gonna have ta clear out a whole freezer! That's great news, Sister. But wow. We're really gonna be cookin.'"

"God heard my prayers," Eunice murmured into the side of Jude's right breast.

"He sure did, Eunice. And so did Carl's brothah in law. Jeremiah?"

Eunice nodded into Jude's cleavage like she knew Jeremiah.

***

On Monday, Jude paused outside of the staff room door. Again. Her hand rested on the latch, but this time she had something to look forward to. The murmuring voices inside sounded far more pleasant today. She was attempting to maintain her typical stern demeanor, for business purposes of course.

"Gettin' ready to picture everybody naked?"

"Hardly." Frank didn't make her stern demeanor any easier. "I'll leave that up to you."

"I'm gettin' better at it."

"I bet."

She must have been grinning despite her best efforts because Frank was grinning, too. "You look pink cheeked today, Sistah."

"Maybe I have some good news today."

"Are ya sayin' I won't have ta picture ya naked?"

She clicked the latch, turned before opening the door. "I didn't say that, Fank." The guard chuckled as they entered the meeting. "Good morning, everyone."

Good mornings chorused back. A symphony of pleasantry. Even Arden was smiling. "Frank?" Jude sat. "Minutes?"

"Yeah, yeah just a minute. Let's see. Here we go." Jude leaned on her wrist, watching the man fiddle with his notebook. "Not much to follow up on from last week. Except uh..." He glanced at Eunice. "The matter of some Thanksgiving turkeys."

Eunice squealed and Jude gestured to her. "Would you mind filling us all in, Mary Eunice? This is your idea."

"We're getting turkeys!" The diminutive nun beamed. "So we're going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner for all of Briarcliff!"

"What fine news, little sister!" Arden congratulated her. He was the only one who hadn't heard any details yet of the turkeys. "This will be my very first Thanksgiving dinner. I'm looking forward to it."

"Yer first Thanksgiving?" Frank was intrigued. "Where ya from, Doc?"

Father Howard overrode any answer forthcoming. "Any plans on the menu yet, Sister Mary Eunice?"

She grinned. "Apple pies." Lips smacked around the table. "Dressing, of course." A litany of yums and chefs' kisses. "Mashed potatoes and gravy." Someone (Jude wasn't sure who) shouted 'gravy' as if in the bliss of orgasm. "Green beans and some soup."

"Aw soup." Frank steadied himself in his joy. "I love soup. You hide a little food in a bunch of water? Imma find it."

Jude held up a hand to quell the currently breaching delight in the room. "Needless to say this is going to busy up the kitchens far the next few days, so there will be some extra hands in there. Just try to stay out of the way as much as possible. Carl?"

"I don't get in the way, Sistah! I just like the bacon drippin's on my toast and -"

"Not that, Carl." She looked at the orderly squarely. "None of this would be possible if you hadn't spoken to your kind brother in law -"

"Jeremiah," Timothy inserted and they all nodded as if they knew Jeremiah.

"So we give you our sincere appreciation."

"Oh, yeah. No problem. So I can still go get the bacon drippin's in the morning?"

"Yes, that's fine, Carl. Also if you wouldn't mind meeting Jeremiah's delivery truck at the service entrance at 9 in the morning while you eat your toast? You may want to borrow a few other pairs of hands. We're getting 40 turkeys."

"60."

A tick. "What?" Jude leaned forward.

Carl clarified. "I saw Jeremiah at Handy's bar Saturday night and he said we was gettin' 60 turkeys."

"I believe he's mistaken." Jude hoped. "We agreed on 40."

"Oh." A shrug. "Well maybe he was thinking of some othah looney bin run by some othah nun."

Father Howard clapped his hands once. A finality. "Well. What blessings come, come, I say. There are plenty of hungry mouths to feed and if Briarcliff can assist all the better. Right, Sister?"

"Of course, Fathah." Jude was silently imagining Briarcliff genuinely bursting with turkeys. But the priest was right. Theirs was hungry work. If blessings came, they could be passed on. This was going to be a success. She was certain of it.

In Jude's dream that night, a massive turkey stalked the asylum. It was a menacing presence, looming outside of every window as it circled, waddle waddling. Its gobble was a booming echo. She'd looked out her office window directly into its giant black eye when her alarm sounded. "Nyah!" A guttural cry as she sprung up in bed.

6 am. Shift change. Quickly she showered and donned a fresh, clean habit. Tucked her errant curls to the best of her ability and had morning prayers. Rarely was she specific in those prayers, willing to accept however the host saw fit to bless her, but today she prayed genuinely for God to grant a smooth turkey transaction.

At 7: 15 Eunice appeared with her coffee. Jude was watching out her window when the steaming beaker was delivered. "Thank you, Sister."

"Are you excited, Sister Jude?"

"I'm nevah excited." Jude smiled serenely. "But I'm pleased. Will you make morning walk with me?"

"Of course."

She could feel the girl's bristling energy as they left her office. "Eunice. I was thinking to put you in charge of accepting our delivery this morning. Unfortunately I have applications to review and some calls to make."

Full stop on the second floor landing. "Me, Sister?"

Jude looked at her. "Yes, you. I believe yar fully capable. And you'll have Carl and Frank ta help. Plus some extra hands."

Eunice closed her eyes a moment, no doubt mustering her strength. "I'll take care of it, Sister. I'll make you proud."

"You'll be perfect, Eunice."

"Perhaps I can make up for the um...pumpkin disaster."

"Nevah, Eunice."

The kitchens were prepared. Barbara had moved bread-making to an abandoned pantry, and four ovens were prime for baking birds. "I've cleared this cooler." She showed the nuns an empty unit. "And we've used the new shelving to rig a wall in the big freezer."

Jude cocked her head at Eunice, who volleyed swiftly. "This is wonderful, Miss Barbara. Thank you for your hard work." She looked to Jude for approval while Barbara chuckled.

Jude patted Eunice's shoulder. "Good luck, little sister. Frank and Carl will be here soon, so get them assigned to task. I'll be in my office."

Eunice practically saluted the older nun.

She practically despised administrative work. Reviewing applications, calling candidates, arranging interviews, reviewing pay offers... All terribly boring and dogmatic. The Catholic church should have prepared her well for this, but it was such damn drudgery. It didn't help that a steady rain had kicked up a few minutes earlier.

At 9:08 she was rubbing her eyes when a knock came. Earlier than she'd expected, but no alarms were sounding, so she didn't panic. "Come in."

It was Frank. He tipped his cap, "morning, sister," and sauntered to her desk. He wasn't panicking either, so Jude smiled. "Morning, Frank." She gestured to the chair and he sat. He seemed...amused. "Everything alright this morning?"

He opened his mouth to speak, closed it. Opened it again. "I'll give ya three guesses."

Jude took a deep breath. "Frank, really I'm -"

"Oh, come on." He tapped her desk. "It'll be fun."

"Fine." She thought for a second. "The delivery is running late."

"Oh no, no. It's here."

She frowned. "There must have been far less turkeys than expected." Poor Eunice...

"Actually there were more. 63 to be exact."

She'd been somewhat warned of this, so the blow landed softly. "I see. Well, I'll make some calls latah and -"

"Ya got one more guess, Sistah."

A series of blinks. "I thought everything was going smoothly. What am I supposed ta be guessin,' Frank?" He leaned forward, clearly struggling with this particular news. "Fraaaank?"

"Did you um - or Mary Eunice or Carl or anybody really - discuss with this fella -"

"Jeremiah?"

Frank continued, nodding as if he knew Jeremiah. "Did anybody discuss how these turkeys would be delivered?"

"I offered to send a maintenance truck but he promised delivery in a farm vehicle. Why?"

"Did ya discuss how the turkeys might be...prepared?"

"Ya mean cooked?"

"No, I mean...you know. What state they would be in."

She smirked. "Massachusetts?"

"Ahhh!" He pointed at her, laughing. "See, I think some details might have got...missed."

"How detailed could it be, Frank? A truck pulls up full of dead birds, we send a couple burlies in with pitchforks and hurl 'em into a cooler." She shrugged. "Is Eunice doing okay down there?"

"Oh, she's ecstatic."

"Good."

"She's naming 'em as we speak."

A pause. "Name...naming who?"

"The turkeys. After saints, I believe."

Her fingers brushed her lips. "Frank. What are you sayin' right now?"

"I'm sayin' ya got 63 live, feathered, gobblin' turkeys downstairs in the back of a truck and a whole staff of people wonderin' what the hell ta do with 'em."

"Yar fuckin' kiddin' me." He accepted the expletive from nun lips with no surprise because...what else was there to say.

"You wanna take a look?"

"No!" She wailed, dropped her head in her hands. "Christ, this is not what I prayed far."

"Sorry, Sistah."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" She snapped.

"I didn't wanna upset ya!"

"Dammit, Frank!" She growled, rising from her desk. He followed her brisk pace down the stairs. She made no pleasantries. Slammed into the kitchens. The service bay was wide open. Feathers fluttered about. Barbara leaned on a stove, smoking a cigarette. Four orderlies mingled in the doorway, scratching their heads and laughing. Carl leaned out the door, watching something.

Something was Eunice. She was knee deep in turkeys in the back of the truck. Petting them. Coddling them. Jude ignored her for the moment. "Carl!"

"Yeah, Sistah?"

"At any point..." She breathed. "At any fucking point, did you or your brother in law plan to infarm me that these turkeys would be delivered alive?"

Carl shrugged. "I figured that was something you'd discussed with him." He pointed to Eunice and the turkeys. "Look how happy she is!"

Jude slapped his arm. He rubbed at it, ouching. "Look how unhappy I am, Carl! What in the name of all that is holy am I supposed to do with all these turkeys?"

The orderly had no answers. She hadn't expected any really. "Eunice!" She called to her charge. "Come on out of there. Those birds are filthy!"

"Not so much."

Jude turned at the commentary. "Who the hell are you?" She asked the man in coveralls.

"I'm Jeremiah Graham. You must be Sister Jude."

"I'm on the edge right now is what I am, Mr. Graham. Please tell me what possessed you to bring me a load of live turkeys?"

He tilted his cap toward the truck outside. "That's how it's done, ma'am. 'Fraid I ain't outfitted fer butcherin.'"

"Well, I am." Jude pointed behind herself. "And I might start if you don't haul those turkeys outta here before I have anothah debacle on my hands."

"No can do." The farmer shook his head apologetically. "Those were the last of the fall birds. I already converted the farm ovah fer pigs."

"Pigs."

"Pigs." He shrugged. "I can help ya set up a pen real quick. Makes 'em easier ta round up."

"No no no. I don't think you understand. I don't want live turkeys, Mr. Graham. Or a pen. I want dead turkeys ready far ovens."

With the disagreement between farmer and nun continuing, Eunice's plight had gone largely ignored. She'd attempted to leave the truck at her senior's beckoning, but the dense birds, and the slight step up to the service bay made things difficult.

Carl and Frank stepped around the dissenters, reaching out to Eunice. "Come one up, little sistah. We got ya." And they did have her - momentarily. Eunice lost her balance first, feet simply slipping out from underneath her in a puddle of fresh turkey offal. Carl tumbled next, head first into birds, followed by rank who managed to remain upright. Unfortunately this meant he kicked or trampled a few birds.

Jeremiah noticed, physically turning the nun who was still railing him soundly. "Uh ya might got a problem on yar hands, sistah."

She couldn't have prevented it. Firstly, she was too far away. Secondly, it happened so quickly. And thirdly, her usual problem solver was currently absorbed by the problem.

It only took one turkey - the kicked one - to start a chain reaction not unlike the one required to power a nuclear bomb. And the aftermath of said reaction was similar: an explosion of turkeys.

They could fly - only short distances but enough to get distance. And they did fly. Everywhere. Into the yard. Into the kitchens. They screamed when the staff screamed and ran when the staff ran. A few of the aggressive ones were actually giving chase.

"Yep." Graham watched the scene unfolding nonplused. "This is what happens when they get rattled. You got a net?"

"A net?" Jude whirled on the man. "This is an insane asylum! Not a buttahfly sanctuary."

"Actually." Eunice had appeared beside Jude, ass covered in bird shit. She was calmly brushing feathers from her habit. "I believe we have some volleyball nets in the gymnasium. Will those suffice?

"Sounds great." Jeremiah answered. "We'll get 'em rounded up."

"Carl! Frank!" Eunice was surprisingly aggressive in her demands. "Get the troops organized and grab those volleyball nets! Chop chop!" She snapped a finger and the filthy men leapt into action. "Sister Jude?"

"Yes, Eunice?"

"I'll handle the turkeys if you can arrange quick containment for them? We need a little time to fully assess the situation." She was so certain of herself that Jude didn't question. And couldn't have questioned, anyway. Eunice was already leaping into the fray from the service bay.

"Of course, Mary Eunice." Jude thought quick. There was the old greenhouse. It needed some patching in places, but maybe those nets could work for that, too. Or surely there were some boards lying about. She grabbed her keys, made to leave the kitchen, ignoring the flying, crying turkeys and people.

She locked the kitchen door behind her, wanting to contain this madness as much as possible.

"Sister Jude."

"What?" She snapped, turning. "Shit!" A hand clamped over her mouth. "Monsignor! Dr. Arden!"

"Good morning, Sister." Timothy looked concerned. "We were coming to see the turkeys. I've been in touch with St. Mary's and the orphanage at Our Lady of -"

"That's great, Tim, really." Jude cut him off. "Ask 'em if they can come catch turkeys. Now, come help me make a coop in the old greenhouse."

"A - a coop?"

"I'll explain on the way." So she explained hastily as they made their way out the back entrance and across the lawn. Then she sent the dumbfounded duo to the shop to scrounge for boards.

Echoing in the quiet morning air were shouts and gobbles. Those turkeys were everywhere. The lock on the greenhouse was a little rusty. She had to wrestle it. But by the time she got it open, Arden had appeared with Timothy. They were carrying a discarded door between them, piled with some plywood and scrapped sheet metal. "Perfect."

Arden had to help her force open the rusty door. When it gave way, they tumbled inside. Father Howard helped them to their feet. "Sister. I think we should discuss -"

"Latah." She scanned the greenhouse. "All these low broken panes? Cover 'em up. Grab some of the top ones if ya have to." She distributed materials and tackled the largest gap herself. There were some pallets scattered about. She was pushing one against a hole when Arden appeared. He helped her secure it in place with some plant ties he'd found. "What will we do with live turkeys, Sister Jude?"

"I'm open ta suggestions." She brushed dirt from her hands and attempted to straighten her now awry wimple.

"I recommend a swift, mass execution." Father Howard had wrapped up patching and joined their conversation. Arden continued. "I could easily modify a cell in my lab to gas them."

"Gas them?!" Jude was horrified. "That's barbaric, far one thing. And also there's the mattah of people eating these birds!"

"Hmmm." The doctor considered. "Perhaps a drowning?"

Jude covered her face. "Just - just don't tell me. How's that?" She suddenly poked his chest. "And don't ya dare let Eunice even get a whiff of any...turkey murdah plans. Savvy?"

"Very savvy."

"Our little sister is quite sensitive." Timothy offered quietly. He was peering over Jude's shoulder out the greenhouse door. "And speaking of..." A gesture.

Eunice and Graham were rounding the building. Suspended between them was one volleyball net laden with turkeys. Carl and Frank appeared with another. Eunice was grinning, victorious. "Excellent idea!" She called. "We saw you preparing it. It's perfect. In here, men. Can't lose you now." She trotted past the priest and the physician. "Mr. Graham. Why don't you go check on the other teams. I'll get these first loads settled in."

"Sure thing, boss." Graham left with purpose, saluting Carl and Frank. With the second net of birds, the greenhouse became decidedly noisier.

"Yar doing a fine job, Eunice," Jude assured, shouting over the din. The noise grew as they untangled the nets and freed the turkeys.

"Oh, I think it's fine without a knob, Sister." Eunice shouted back. "Turkeys can't open doors anyway."

The birds were bustling about everywhere, tails fanned. The feathers flew as they flapped about. "Come on!" Eunice ushered Jude by the arm. "Let's shut these guys in and get out. There's about to be shit everywhere and it's a bitch of a slip. Trust me."

Brows raised as the little nun passed. Frank winked at Jude as they followed. "My new boss," he whispered.

"Apparently," she hissed back.

"Oh, here comes Seal Team 6." Carl gestured to an approaching group of net wielders.

"Make sure the building is secure and empty of turkeys," Eunice instructed. "I'll supervise installing them in the greenhouse. Dr. Arden?"

"Yes, Sister Mary?"

"Stay with me a moment if you don't mind. We need to discuss arrangements for the birds." Her sweet face appeared a touch grim.

"As you wish, Sister." Arthur caught Jude's eye as he turned away from the others.

Inside, kitchen staff was cleaning. Deeply. Barbara was not at all amused by the turkey situation. And now breakfast was delayed. "I'm sending out some cold rolls, at least. Can't let them starve while they wait."

Jude patted the head cook's shoulder. "Maybe just plan far a big lunch."

"Sister?"

"Yes, Fathah?"

"My office?"

"Yes, Fathah." She followed the priest, resigned to her fate.

"Psst." She glanced back at Frank. "Want me ta pull the fire alarm?"

"No!" She mouthed vehemently, controlling her grin.

In Father Howard's office, they both sat heavily, Sighed, exhausted. Timothy steepled his fingers before his lips. "I have made arrangements for our extra birds to be picked up tomorrow and distributed. If they are dead, that is."

"They will be, Fathah."

"Good. That being said, I...am seeking to understand something."

"It's my fault."

"Pardon?"

"I didn't think to ask about the turkeys, Fathah. I didn't know they would be delivered alive. No one did. But it was up to me to make those arrangements clear."

"I appreciate your willingness to take accountability, Jude. And that answer is part of a whole."

"So what is the whole?"

"How..." He stopped. He seemed to struggle for a moment. "When..." Brows creased. He was thinking very hard. Finally gave up on eloquence. "Why can't we have nice things?"

Jude shrugged. "Maybe we're built on an Indian burial ground?"

It started with a small smile, but in a moment the priest was laughing so hard he had to wipe tears from his eyes. Jude wasn't quite there yet. She watched him gather himself. "My God...there were so many turkeys."

"I was pleased to see Mary Eunice take charge of the situation." Jude attempted to diffuse the situation a bit more.

"She follows your example." Timothy sobered almost completely. "You are doing a fine job of developing her, Jude. Truly."

"Thank you, Fathah." His comment warmed her. "If there's nothing more, I should check in downstairs."

"Of course." He rose with her. She watched him with a raised brow when he began to chuckle. "I'm sorry. It's just...they were everywhere!" Jude rolled her eyes. She could hear him laughing as she walked down the hall.

Arden met her on his way up the stairs. "Sister."

"Doctor. Did Eunice -"

"Electrocution."

"What?"

"It was the little sister's suggestion and I think it's quite brilliant. I'll be preparing the greenhouse momentarily. And Mary Eunice I believe was headed to your office."

"Ah. Thank you." They parted and sure enough, Jude caught Eunice leaving her office. "On my way, Sistah."

"Sorry." Eunice followed her in. "Have a seat."

"Thank you."

They were quiet a moment. "Was the Monsignor very angry?"

"No."

"Thank God." Eunice was able to breathe again. "I didn't want to get you in trouble, Sister."

"I'm nevah in trouble, Eunice. I'm actually very proud of you." Eunice blinked disbelief. "You took charge today, and your ideas were completely effective and efficient."

"I tried to think of what you would do, Sister."

"You did bettah than me, Eunice." Now it was starting to hit. Jude was starting to understand the Monsignor's humor. "There were so many turkeys." She tried to control the laughter but couldn't. "And you were barkin' at everybody." Now Jude was crying too. "Feathers everywhere. And Barbara was so mad."

"She's still mad."

Jude tried to calm. She tugged a handkerchief from her pocket and a feather fell out. "Eunice. Are ya alright about the turkeys...ya know. Being murdered?"

"I'm fine with it." Eunice shrugged. "I mean, if we wanna eat turkey."

"True." Jude waited, seeing Eunice biting her lip so. "But?"

"Well. There was this one turkey."

"Mmhm."

"Bartholomew?" Jude nodded like she knew Bartholomew. "He's just the sweetest."

"Mmhm."

"And I was wondering -"

"You were wondering if you could keep a turkey?"

"Bartholomew."

Jude sighed. "Ask the Monsignor. If he gives his permission, Bartholomew will be yar responsibility."

"Of course, Sister." Admirable that she wasn't bouncing off the walls with excitement.

"Eunice, I owe you an apology. You know I messed up, right? I didn't get the details sorted properly on the turkeys and that's why all this happened."

"Sister. I don't think anyone is to blame. I just don't understand..." A smooth blonde brow creased. "Why can't we have nice things?"

***

Briarcliff smelled delicious. Jude knew it would for the next month. The day had calmed considerably after the turkey incident. Jude was readying for bed, She'd had a lovely bath, said her prayers, and was brushing her hair on the end of her bed when a knock came at her door.

She wrapped a shawl over her gown. It could only be "Frank."

"Sorry, boss. I know it's late."

"It is late. And you've been here all day."

"Oh, I was on my way out! I just wanted ta give ya a final update now that the uh... turkey thing is ovah."

"Come on in."

"No,no I shouldn't." He vacillated, suddenly holding his hat.

"Why not?"

"I ain't comin' ta hang out in a nun's bedroom, Sistah. Not when she's in her nightie."

"What a shame."

He did a double take, rubbed his head. "Geez. Look. Long story short -"

"I prefer 'em long." She leaned in her open door frame.

"Holy..." Frank smirked. Leveled with her. "Turkeys are done and dusted. All spoken for. The extras get picked up tomorrow and...you know ours are already gettin' baked'." He paused, waited for her to take the bait. Purposefully, she avoided. "I uh...gave Eunice a key. We put a lock on the greenhouse for -"

"Bartholomew." They spoke the name together, smiling.

"So uh. Yeah." He nodded, awkwardly shifting. "That's it. I'll let ya get ta bed now."

"See you tomorrow?" She asked softly.

"No. But Thursday. I wouldn't miss Thanksgiving at Briarcliff fer all the tea in China."

"You shouldn't." She smiled. "We're gonna have a lot of turkey."

"Hell." The guard leaned on the opposite side of her door, starting to shake with laughter. "It was so many fuckin' turkeys." The tears came for both of them. "And Eunice like my boot camp drill sergeant."

Jude slapped his arm, laughing so hard she could barely talk. "Did you - did you hear Arden say he was gonna build a fuckin' turkey gas chambah?"

"Holy shit what's wrong with that guy?" Frank pulled his handkerchief to wipe at his eyes. A feather fluttered out of it, and set the two laughing again. In fact they were laughing so hard they barely heard the raucous gobble echo down the hall.

But they did. Stopped breathing and leaned further into the corridor. "Did ya hear that?" Jude whispered.

"Yeah..." They listened. But after only a few seconds, Frank was cracking up again. "Now we're gonna have turkey induced hallucinations and shit."

Jude snorted. "At least it's bettah than the pumpkins."

***

"Shhhh." Eunice leaned over the edge of her bathtub. "I'm not going to tell you again, Bartholomew. You have to be quiet if you want to sleep inside. If they catch us, they'll make you go out."

The turkey - a large white gobbler - nuzzled Eunice's hand, clucking lowly. "That's better," she said. "Use your inside voice."

She leaned back into the warm water. It was nice to relax and close her eyes. Quite a day it had been. She started to smile. "Jesus Christ, that was a lot of turkeys." The smile turned to laughter. The laughter turned to tears. Bartholomew gobbled again.