Migraines

 been having migraines lately 

 I don't know if i'm sick physically 

 or if it's just my madness spilling over into physicality 

i know some that throw distaste at fantasy 

 sitting on their high Mongolian horse 

 I fantasize about them falling off 

 and breaking there necks- 

 that's what fantasy does for me 

 but all the wrong people die, 

 not from a fall; they were already laid low 

 instead they were trampled by the calvary of the same pharisees 

on their high valedictorian horses 

 they're strapped in there saddles, 

 feet crazy-glued into stirrups 

 we'll have to kill them from down here 

 but when i aim, the sun gets in my eye 

 oh how i hate the disgusting light 

 that prevents me from delivering one sided justice 

 even though I know the pressure, the plight 

of being expected to achieve excellence and being ever bright 

 but i was enlightened, by one who mocks me now, 

 chewed my feet out the stirrups, fell bleeding on the ground 

 got stampeded by my cohort 

 they looked back in shock 

 was she really one of us? what is that? 

 and i seek help from my teacher 

 he looks at me in disgust 

 then he tells me how I lost his trust 

 'you went too far, you tried too hard and this is what you get 

 when you change to be someone that even you can't accept 

 i wasn't trying to change you, i just wanted to be heard 

 and now you went and became my every fickle word,'

 i tried too hard, 'tis true, 

 but it was only to please you 

 i'm young, i'm impressionable 

 and i am hungry for acceptance 

 even if it means throwing caution to the wind, along with religion 

 and morals 

 and individuality

 I just needed you to like me, 

 to appreciate me 

 to give me worth 

 to tell me i had substance 

 to want me for a baby sister 

 but it looks like i failed you 

 and myself too 

 and i've gone too far 

 i'm in too deep 

 the prince of air , pulls my feet 

 i'm kicking him, in his face

 i'm not his daughter, it's not funny anymore 

 i don't wanna be a princess. 

 but there's still so much hate, for all the things you simply didn't like 

i over react in spite of the fact 

 that you never really cared about them 

 i'm sorry, if not family, can i just be your friend? 

answer soon, dear brother, cause i'm nearing the end 

 my migraines are getting worse, darkness is devouring me from within 

first mentally 

then physically 

 my existence grows dim 

 the fates are eagerly waiting, scissors in hand 

 to cut that grey string, the epitome of bland