After I checked the guards in charge of the day shift and gave instructions for Erwin and the next shift I came back to the familiar door in front of me. Tristan's door. He told me that nobody would enter without knocking anyway. Let's see if he locked it.

I enter the room and find him in his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Would you mind locking the door?" he asks.

"I thought nobody would enter without knocking anyway."

"You are not nobody, and I thought you feel safer when it's locked," he counters with a smirk. Touché. I go back to lock the door and come to sit down at the edge of the bed, where he lays in.

"I'm Ethan, the butcher. The only thing I fear is you," I return a sad smile.

"You fear the only one, who will never hurt you?" A little smile on his face and he reaches out to caress my hand. I hum. I can totally deal with physical pain, but he is capable of so much more. One word and I'll step out into the sunlight for him. I sigh because that thought means it is not just Tristan, who wants to get some fun.

"Do you really think I would ever hurt you?" he says and drags me out of my thoughts and into his arms. "Come here." I'm surprised and can hear my heartbeat increase.

"I... erm..." I clear my throat before I start again. "Not on purpose, I think..." I try to give him a proper answer.

"What if you stop thinking for a moment?" he presses me against his bare chest.

"Maybe I forget to breathe then..." It slips out of my mouth before I could think twice.

Tristan smirks, "Is it that bad to be here with me?"

I have to grin about my own foolish reactions. How did Lyall put it? I'm acting like a stupid Teenager.

"It's different." I bury my face at his chest.

"So, what? That doesn't mean it's bad." Taking in his scent for a few moments I can't deny it.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry that I caused you extra troubles these days," I whisper.

"You are a fool," he starts and I interrupt him.

"How many centuries did it take you to figure that out?" He shakes his head in disagreement before running his fingers through my hair and placing a kiss on my head. Intuitively I move my face in his direction but stay put as his gentle eyes meet mine.

"You are my fool."

"That's right, but could we agree that not everybody needs to know that?" I remember about his thoughtless approach when Eve brought the news about the newborns.

He kisses me instead of answering and the world is alright again for a moment. "See? It's easy," he says, "It's just Eve, we both know that she suspected that right from the beginning," he keeps on smiling while I frown. She did? I can't remember when I ever gave her any kind of reason to suspect that. The thought works through my mind and I look at Tristan. He did. If it wasn't me, then he gave her hints about his affection?

"Just Eve? You try to ruin me, don't you," I sigh but slip my wounded hand in Tristan's neck.

"Don't worry, Ethan. You in my bed is the one good thing today with all that mess around," he kisses me once again.

"Yes, at least I can be of use that way," I say before moving to get up again and start undressing. I can't stand sleeping in my suit. Tristan watches me silently as I clumsily untie my shoes and unbutton my shirt. Oh, I can't wait for my fingers to grow back!

"Are you sure I should stay here the whole day?" I ask.

"I am. Are you?" he wants to know. I get rid of my shirt and undershirt before I release a bitter laugh.

"It's not about what I want." It never is about what I want. He gets up and wraps his arms around me.

"It is exactly about that," his hands wander down my belly, helping me unbuttoning my pants.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm your moon," I have to smile, "I'm always orbiting around you, but it feels unreal to touch you."

I can feel his breath next to my ear. "Nobody knows what the moon is doing while the sun is shining, and if you believe what they say, I'm out of balance without my moon," his hoarse voice reaches my core, causing goose bumps all over.

"It also means I always have your back, even if you don't see me," I answer. He chuckles.

"What should I ever fear as long as I can be sure about that?"

Me. That would be the appropriate answer but I keep it to myself.

"Did your creator care for you, Tristan?" I ask and he stops his moving hand which just was about to slide into my open pants. "In some way, he did, yes. Times were different back then."

"Who was it?"

"My uncle or at least I thought he was my uncle. He taught me a lot, before and after turning me. You know that I was born as a son of a nobleman, right? Why do you think I ended up in the military? I had too many older brothers. What about you?" he places a kiss on my neck and places pecks of kisses along the collarbone to the shoulder.

"I got turned by a woman," I keep it short.

"So? Who was she?"

I hum. "She didn't care," answering him instead and turning around.

"She tried to fix me," I whisper.

"That would mean you are broken," he frowns and pushes down my pants. It's not that I feel uncomfortable when I'm naked, but I can't prevent a blush.

Who do I try to fool? He cared for me in his bed and I woke up naked, there is nothing he didn't see lately. "Let me show you that you are not." I can see the greed in his eyes and I'm not sure what he means, but let him push me into bed.

His hands trail down from my chest and as he is about to pass my navel I reach out for his wrists to stop him. He looks at me before placing another kiss on my belly. There is obviously no movement in my lap. Maybe there is a chance to make him understand. Taking the lead we roll around and I sit down on his belly. Interesting view; I smirk.

"Why did you want me to become a council member?" I ask him before leaning down to kiss his shoulder. He seems surprised first but then answers.

"Next to the obvious, you mean? I know that you don't mind getting your hands dirty and I know how the beasts are structured. You have that profound... wilderness in you. This will be of use for both sides," he smiles and I bite his collarbone, drinking a few sips.

He moans as I lick my lips after cleaning his wound by licking along. It's about to close again as I start the same he did before and let my hands and kisses trail down.

"I see... you like to see me going wild," scratching along his skin and leaving bloody lines, before licking them clean all over his chest.

"Do you want me," I more of breath onto his skin, placing more kisses next to the scratches, "to get my hands dirty?"

With every wound I cause, I can feel him tensing up a bit more and his body shivers in anticipation.

"Yes, please," he moans and I can feel his body reacting to my touches.

He helps me to get rid of his own pants and I move my index finger along the line of hair that is forming from his navel to his aroused manliness. "We used to call this the lucky road," Tristan mentions and I'm careful not to touch him where he wants me to. I enjoy seeing how he is longing for it.

"I will take a detour, I think."

I move a bit further and bite his inner tight roughly. His moans and movements indicate that he is nearly where I want him to be. I almost feel bad for what I'm about to do as his sweet blood runs down my throat. The intense smell of him between his legs nearly makes me sway away from my plan.

I sit up at his feet and run my thumb along my lower lip, just looking at him. He has closed his eyes and his fingers are trying to find some grip in the bed sheets. A wonderful sight; that wonderful that I can't keep my dirty grin. That's a whole new way of showing a king his place; at least for me. At some point, he realizes that I'm not moving anymore and he looks up to me. "What...?" he starts surprised before clearing his throat.

"Yes?" I ask innocently and he also smirks.

"If you don't finish this, I might get crazy," he wiggles his hip in front of me. That's what it is all about.

I crawl up to face him, placing both of my hands next to his head and moving my lips close to his. Both our eyes are glowing intensely and I know that he is longing for my kiss and touch as he holds my sides.

"Welcome to my world," I say seriously and he smiles.

"You little bastard," he says nearly tenderly. "Do you mind me staying?" he then whispers. I'm stunned. Shouldn't he be mad about me now?

"What is it?" he slips one of his hands on my cheeks as he can see my confusion.

"You are a riddle to me," I finally say after a few more moments.

"Oh, Ethan... Do you trust me?" he wants to know and I hesitantly answer with a nod. His hand pulls me down to place my lips against his and he bites my tongue while moving to sit up. My whole body tenses up as I realize what he is about to do.

"Relax, I got you. I promise you'll like it," he whispers enchantingly while slowly moving me up to sit down on his lap. A new feeling awakens.

I can't help but smile as Tristan sinks down on my chest after he showed me a new way of feeling pleasure. Running my hand over his hair, that surprisingly is still bound together in his neck. He is a bit out of breath and I can still feel my cheeks slightly throbbing from all the blood that rushed through. Tristan's blood in my veins is strong and warm. It feels far better than being drunk.

"That was new," I say silently and cause Tristan to look at my face.

"That was new?" he says surprised and I nod. "You've also never been with a man?" he wants to know and I smirk.

"I never said that I've never been with a woman," He lays his chin at my chest and looks at me.

"That's what you meant when you said you've never been in such a situation?" he wants to know and I nod before I keep on stroking his head and face. "Who would have guessed that I deflower my best friend?" he jokes and I roll my eyes.

"Have you been with the woman that turned you?" he asks softly and I tense up. I can nearly feel my eyes flashing up, not because of anger, but out of pain.

***

She sinks her fangs into my neck and I flinch. "That's your solution?" I ask and try to hold her. She draws back and I'm not sure anymore. My blood runs down her chin and I have to press my hand against the wound.

"You said you have no soul. What do you fear? I basically save you from hell. We will have an eternity to unite," she licks her bloody lips. Her strength is overpowering me and pressing me to the ground. When did she become so strong?

Once more she rams her fangs into my neck and I can't suppress a growl out of pain. Is this the same girl who came to me for months? The same girl that was acting as my nurse and whose smile is so cute? I try to push her away but her grip is holding me like the shackles in my early years did. Damn it.

As she lets up on me I can see her lips pursing. "Don't fight me now, Killian. I won't let you die. You are mine! Tell me that you love me," she says and I tense up.

She is right; she told me it wouldn't be easy. "I love you, Gwen," I whisper and she lets go of my hands to hold my face and kiss me. With her kiss, I can feel my mouth filling up with a metallic tasting liquid. A taste I know very well but the amount is overwhelming. She forces me to swallow it down and I feel like she is suffocating me. After a few more moments she grants me some air and I cough hard.

My stomach is acting up and I feel sick. "Don't you dare to throw up now!" she says before literally choking me. My eyes grow wide. She'll kill me! There is no way I'll come out of this alive. Instead of fighting her once more I try to wrap my arms around her. At least I die with the love of life in my arms.

***

I buried that so deeply, why is it coming up now? I hide my closed eyes with my arm and Tristan starts to move.

"Are you okay?" he asks worriedly and I simply nod, before I am able to get myself together again. "I'm sorry, it's not important," he strokes along my cheek and I'm glad he doesn't want a real answer.

"The important part is that she turned you and gave me the chance to spend so many years with you, and the most important part is that you are here with me now."

I nod once more and start to smirk. "Hey, I made it to the royal mistress! What else could a mother wish for her boy?" Tristan chuckles at my sudden change of mood.

"If I would have wanted a mistress, I'd have looked out for one with less chest hair," he grins and I can't help myself but look down on my chest.

"Is that so?" I question myself. There is nearly no hair anyway.

"Oh, Ethan! That was a joke!" he laughs at my reaction. I wrinkle my forehead.

"I wouldn't make a good mistress anyway. I'm talking too much," I add to his explanation. With a chuckle, he runs his fingers over my chest.

"You are just perfect," he murmurs before he moves up placing a gentle kiss on my jawline. Yes, exactly, perfect, that's how people describe me most of the times. I wrap my arms around Tristan pressing him against me. It's been so long that I hold someone so tight.

"You are my family," I say out loud and Tristan tries to face me but I don't let him move to see me. I have to gulp down the upcoming demons in mind and Tristan seems to understand and he nods in agreement.

"I wish we would never have to get up again," he sighs and I free him. "We can pretend to," I suggest and he snuggles up to me before we both start to drift off into sleep.

***

Where am I? "Gwendolyn? Gwen?" I can hear my own voice echoing in my head and I have the feeling it is about to explode. Everything is so bright and I'm sick to the stomach.

I know that I've been awake before. Every single muscle in my body hurts and my blood is pounding so loud inside my ears that I'm not sure if I'm alone or if she answered.

"Gwen," my voice stops to work and I don't know why I'm so thirsty. I need water. How long have I been here already? There is sunlight outside and my eyes start to tear at the bright blurry sight.

Where the hell am I? Trying to get up it nearly costs all of my stamina to not immediately fall down again. I try to walk outside the little stony cave but as soon as I come closer to the entrance my skin starts to prickle. I resist turning

back and reach my hand outside. Immediately blisters start to form. I fall back on the floor again and drag myself further away from the source of the pain.

Why am I almost blind? Why is everything so loud? A silhouette is forming out of the blurry dust in front of me. A knight with a longsword is looking down on me. Laughing.

"I killed you!" I scream out loud just to curl up in pain the next moment because of the loud noise. What does all this mean? Why am I alone? Why is this happening to me?

Why am I alone again?

***

Another nightmare. I sit upright in Tristan's bed and can see him looking up to me. My heart is pumping and my head spins. I pull my legs up to my chin and lay down my forehead on my knees for a moment.

Holding the back of my head I start to calm. It wasn't that bad in quite a while. "Ethan?" I can hear Tristan whispering and reach out his hand to touch my arm.

I tense up even more. "Don't..." I press out before breathing in and out a few times. I can feel him looking at me and I can't stand it. Pushing down the sheets I get out of bed to slowly start to get dressed.

"Ethan?" Tristan asks once more and I can hear him sit up. 

"All fine. I have a lot to do. Sleep a little more," I advise him.

"You still have nightmares?" he wants to know and I growl silently.

Taking a closer look at my clothes I will need to head back to my room before I start to do anything. My shirt badly needs some ironing and I badly need a cigarette.

Tristan gets up to drag me into his arms without giving me an option to deny it. I take a deep breath before I lean my forehead against his still bare chest and relax a bit.

"I can't go back to sleep," I murmur and he nods.

"Will you tell me?" he asks and I reply by shaking my head. "I wish you would stop hiding from me," he sighs.

"I wish I would have the luxury to don't know either," I answer and he smiles sadly. I take a look into his deep blue eyes and know that he earns something. It doesn't matter what piece of the puzzle.

"I killed my first instructor," I blurt out one of my many secrets and he raises an eyebrow.

"How many did you have?"

"Two," I smirk and he narrows his eyes at me. 

"What happened to the second one?"

"He deflowered me," I grin before he leans down to bite my neck out of nowhere.

"Don't think I'll let you leave now..." he says and his demanding mouth finds my lips and tongue; giving me an idea about his ardent desire.