He doesn't understand and he never will. The only thing I will achieve is getting his contempt. Will I? Tristan is a kind man. If he doesn't accept it nobody ever will. Am I ready to find that out? I run both of my hands through my hair only stopping them to hold my neck as I can feel my head spinning a little more.

I know that I owe him an answer but right now it would feel like I'm only following orders. Despite what most think I barely do that. When my actions resemble my orders it mostly is because I don't know better or I trust the person who gave them. I straighten out getting myself together and making a decision.

Slowly but with a clear stare into Tristan's eyes, I walk over to him until our chests nearly touch. He looks down at me agog. I need all my strength to not look away before I let my wounded hand slide into his neck while leaning my head to the side as far as possible. His surprise turns into confusion.

"If you can't wait for me to tell you unneeded information about myself or if you think that I shed blood without a cause, I'll be happy to welcome your punishment. I don't care about the council, you are the only one who I allow to judge me," I point out, without looking away.

Tristan frowns first but then his features soften. "I hate when you know that I would never force you to anything," he runs his fingers over the side of my throat down to my collarbone. I have to grin.

"Tristan?" I say wolfishly pulling on his neck and he also grins before leaning down. His fangs slide into my skin and I moan. Blood. That's something I can handle.

I tighten my grip on his neck. My head spins even faster and my knees weaken. Damn it. Tristan is holding me close and I can feel his heat as he presses me against him. I start to feel lightheaded and can't hold back another releasing moan. Why can't it be always that easy?

Even though, he draws back after a few more moments; looking at me in confusion. "You need to see Doctor Johnson," he finally says and I shake my head.

"I need fresh blood, that's all," but can barely stand alone.

"Ethan, something's wrong," but all I do is to stare at him, trying to stand straight. He bites his wrist but I shake my head and try to get away. I feel so dried out that I have no clue how this would end. I don't want to hurt him.

He seats me at one of the posh armchairs and wipes his face clean before opening the door and commanding one of the guards there to bring some blood. I wish I would just disappear into nothing instead of getting seen by him in this weak state. I lean back and stare at the ceiling.

"There once was a boy asking the Father why there are children with parents and some without," I start and Tristan just sits down in silence listening. I realize that I'm still bleeding and hold my neck.

"The Father nodded his head and explained. 'You know that God is great, but the devil himself tries to defame him. To

achieve this he sends soulless demons into the world. These can only come here through sin; through sin, they are born to become the offspring of all evil.' The boy tried to protest but the Father shut him down. 'God is also able. We need to trust him and follow his rules. People will always sense the demon's presence, it will never be truly loved and it will never be able to truly love. Everything it touches will wilt.' He said he felt it from the first day my godless mother brought me. The only thing a demon can do to escape is to devote its life to God because God is generous," I turn my head to Tristan.

"I didn't devote my life to God." He doesn't answer but I can see that the story sinks in and that he tries to understand. I chuckle. That's ridiculous.

"Whoever that Father was, he sounds like an idiot. Aren't you an orphan? Do you really believe in that story?" he finally asks and my chuckle fades out to a sad smile.

Closing my eyes, I answer, "It's not a matter of belief when you have proof. I have made my peace with it, but you..." I grimace. "You can't say I didn't warn you. Father O'Connor got the glorious duty to turn a demon into a pious man and failed miserably," he waits for me to keep on talking but I think I already said enough.

He reaches out for my hand, softly caressing it. "I don't really understand, Ethan," he confesses and I nod interweaving our fingers.

"I know."

"...but I want to," he murmurs and I nod once again, feeling him squeezing my hand. I sigh. How can I show him without hurting him? Am I selfish to keep him close? Before I can

say anything else he also sighs but then smiles.

"I guess I will need to be patient?" I would never say it but I need him.

I also squeeze his hand now, "If you want us to go down that rabbit hole, then yes." A knock on the door interrupts the look we exchange.

He gets up to open it for Lester. I can hear his voice, "Lord Blackwood, the ordered blood. Please tell Mister Vinge that Lady Blackwood sends her greetings and that she wants to let him know that she has everything under control," I have to grin. Lady Blackwood sends her greetings, hm?

Finally getting the bottle into my hand I hold on looking at Tristan and he smiles. "Go ahead, I don't mind." I uncork it and start to drink without bothering to get a glass. My sore throat feels like cheering me up as I gulp down half of the bottle without even breathing.

"Better?", Tristan asks amused by my hunger and I nod before keeping on drinking until the bottle is empty. "I guess I underestimated your need of blood the last days," he raises an eyebrow. I shrug. It's not that I ever was that kind of vampire with little appetite.

"I know I'm not in the position for that but you need to promise me something," I say seriously.

"Well, tell me and I may agree."

"No matter whom I really killed that night and no matter what really happened, you should not defend me ever. I need you to promise me as my Lord and as my friend to never take a position for me again. I'm here to protect you, not the other way round," I nearly demand and he shakes his head.

"I won't promise that." That's what I figured.

"If you can't separate what's between us and out there, then I have to go now," I get up and I'm happy to feel my feet work properly.

"My Lord," I slightly bow down, before turning to leave.

"Oh Ethan, don't be so dramatic!" Tristan rolls his eyes and holds on my arm.

"I'm sorry, Tristan, but this won't work if I can't rely on that. Let me do my work. Promise me," I would have loved to sound strong at that but I guess it is more pleading. He drags me into his arms.

"Okay. Promise me to make sure it's easy for me to keep that," I nod an answer before getting a piece of cloth to clean my throat and neck.

"Now that we are clear with that, let me see if Erwin has some answers for me. I can't believe it took me nearly two weeks to wake up."

"Let me accompany you. Somebody needs to protect me on the way down anyway," he pokes fun at me but I can't laugh about that. I straighten out. Actually, I thought I could head to my room first just to have a few moments alone but I can't find a real reason to leave without him.

Maybe he just wants to make sure I really visit Erwin. The thought bothers me because it would mean he knows what I was going to do. My look catches his wrist and the small holes that are still healing.

"Tristan?" I point at it and he also looks puzzled.

"Seems like I also would need some more fresh blood," he softly smiles at me, before binding a piece of white cloth around his wrist.

Together we are heading downstairs and I can see some people that are passing by are confused at my appearance. I also feel a bit uncomfortable to be dressed that leisurely. The way the two of us are walking together looks more like he is my guard at the moment; or my nurse. My face reflects my disapproval to that, while I try to keep up the pace with Tristan.

At another turn in an aisle, we meet Celeste. She is walking next to Jacque Grenouille, the Frog, but as her eyes meet mine her face brightens up. "Ethan!", she speaks up happily and hurries to hug me.

I still don't like it, but it's different than her usual approach. She keeps her upper body away from me and only touches my back, gently squeezing but carefully watching to not come too close to my face with hers.

That's new. My reaction didn't change at all: I straighten out and stare down at her coldly. "Celeste," I grant her a moment before I push her away. Jacque and Tristan both look at the scene.

"Monsieur Vinge, I can see you feel better," the Frog comments and I nod. In French, he adds a scold in Celeste's
direction for coming so close to a criminal like me in public.

Tristan shuts him down by reminding him that the council came to the conclusion, that it was a sad accident. Tristan's French is good, better than I remember. Celeste also adds that she is a free woman and I have to hide a smile.

I need to keep pretending I have no clue what they are talking about. I would have loved to add a sarcastic answer that my head seems to have got hit a bit too hard because I only hear French words but I don't want to come across disrespectful with Tristan around in public.

Back to English Celeste expresses how glad she is to see me in a good state of health. I nod once more and add, "You will hear from me soon, Cassy. For tea, maybe?"

She looks at me surprised but accepts the invitation. I guess the French frog also awaits one but I simply stare at him, before the two of them finally leave. This time it's the Frog, who links his arm with Celeste. I think he tries to make me jealous. Oh, if he would only know why I want to meet her!

Tristan looks at me. "Guess you will tell me now, that you also pay her and that is why?" he asks and I look at him confused.

"You know that I do," I answer and he grins.

"I see."

"What?" I want to know and he keeps on grinning.

"Nothing."

Weird; what does he mean? I shake my head for a moment before we enter Erwin's laboratory.

"Lord Blackwood!" Erwin takes a deep bow in front of Tristan before turning to me. "Ethan," he nods.

"Erwin," I answer as a greeting and he continues.

"Sit down. I need some blood from you. How do you feel? Did you already drink? " he starts to get out a palette of little vessels with red liquids.

"I had a bottle of blood, yes," I answer as he puts a needle in my arm to get some blood. I would have given it to him differently but I know better than to argue with him about senseless human routines.

"That will be far too less. I never thought I'll ever say that to you, but you need to drink far more to get back to your full strength," he tells me and Tristan interrupts.

"Does that mean you found out why he had that fever?" Erwin nods.

"I have a hunch, but I'm still not sure," he says and points at the vessels.

"I took enough blood during his regeneration to do some more tests." I frown as I look around.

"Erwin? Did you bleed me out while I was unconscious?" I ask as I catch an open cupboard with more vessels like the one he just took out. They are all filled with blood and the sizes of some of the bottles seem a bit unreal.

"You are a strong boy, you won't suffer from it," he says coldly and I guess Tristan got that something between us is wrong. I simply nod, before the other door to Erwin's study room opens and I can see Henriette there with a cup of tea.

"Doctor Johnson? I think it is ready now," she brings him the cup, before bowing down in front of Tristan and me. What is she doing here? Why is she serving tea to Erwin? I raise an eyebrow. Tristan ignores her.

"Doctor Johnson? Would you be so kind as to fill me in on the details of your treatment for Ethan?"

"Of course, my Lord, I think the bolts he got hit with were poisoned, but without knowing about the exact substance used I was not able to get something effective against it. Especially because I thought it was just that missing arrow piece," he starts to explain and Tristan looks at me getting that I feel confused.

"Before you got the fever we haven't been aware that we missed a piece of the bolt in your head. Doctor Johnson had to open it again."

"My head?" I look at Erwin. He literally was in my head.

"I didn't think of the possibility, to be honest, but when the fever came up instead of the usual healing process, so that was the only thing I could think of." Wow. I can imagine Erwin having fun with me on his silver bier here.

"I would have loved to make sure to take care of your wounds and progress on my own but Misses McDonnelly and Lord Blackwood took over as there were... difficulties."

"What difficulties?" I ask skeptically.

"You didn't heal well first, but then I started phlebotomy and it worked," he stops my arm from bleeding pressing a piece of cloth against it.

"That means someone found a substance that prevents us to heal properly," I exchange looks with Tristan.

"I think you just should make sure to drink enough. Everything else will handle itself, but I'm actually thankful that you gave me the opportunity to accompany the healing of such a wound in general. It's fascinating," he takes a side look at Tristan. I'm sure he would have loved to keep me in the lab on one of the biers to study every little progress the wound made.

"Even though, I would like to know, how is your head? Do you remember everything? Is something different than before?" he asks and I nod.

"I remember enough, but I have a hell of a headache." He nods and stares at me. "What?" I add his look.

"Nothing, I can't help you with that. Hell is not my territory," he says and Tristan raises an eyebrow. I sigh.

"Erwin, what's the matter?" I want to know and he shakes his head. I roll my eyes. As long as Tristan is in the same room he won't speak up. His respect for our Lord takes away all of his personal opinions. I'm surprised he even dared to give me a comment like that.

"Oh, and before I forget about it, with whomever, you had a moment of pleasure in between your waking and the way down here, please tell her she should make sure that the infected blood doesn't cause any troubles in any kind of healing process," he says and I can see Henry heavily blushing.

What? Why does he know? I stare at him.

"Your neck, Ethan. I can see the two little red dots there. Seems like it's healing faster now but not fast enough," he points from my neck to my arm where he just removed the needle.

At the corner of my eyes, I notice Tristan hiding his wrists behind his back. Erwin then starts to explain all about how our body is all depending on blood and the never-ending
circle of how blood seems to control vampires. At some point, I stop listening because he is repeating what we already discussed a lot of times during our card games.

I use the time to take a closer look at Henry and the lab. The little lady looks a bit pale and lost some weight. The bags under her eyes indicate that she didn't sleep a lot or not well. Hopefully, it was not because of me. I shouldn't have taken her with me.

I wonder how her wound is healing and if she managed to get a better stand at the other humans, but I doubt it. All that happened just dragged her deeper into our world. Suppressing

a sigh I try to see what Erwin is working on at the moment and my eyes catch a crossbow.

A crossbow with carvings on it. Carvings. I slip down where I took a seat and Erwin stops to talk as I just walk straight past him to run my fingers along the handle of the crossbow. Those carvings. Why is someone carving a handle of a crossbow? Why is someone carving that kind of symbols on a weapon that is far more modern than where I saw that the first time?

I catch myself lost in thoughts as Tristan seems to repeat my name for more than once now. "Ethan?" he asks and I look at the three of them.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry, if there is nothing else, I would like to excuse myself now," I straighten out but feel worn out.

"Sure, Misses McDonnelly, please make sure that there is nothing he lacks when he heads back to his room," Tristan orders Henriette to come with me. She nods. I can see a little smile on her face, while I would just like to protest. I don't need a babysitter.

"My Lord, I just want to note that I'm not sure how good it is to send a human with Ethan right now," Erwin says concerned and I roll my eyes. Isn't it lovely how one of them is totally over carrying while the other is unnecessarily alarmed about my bloodlust?

Before anybody else can add something Henriette steps next to me and bows. "I feel fully comfortable with complying with our Lord's request. It would be an honor," I shrug at her words, before leaving the room followed by Henry.

At least she knows that I don't feel like having a

conversation. I need blood, but besides that, I need something else far more. Information.

We enter my room and I finally get myself a cigarette before lying down in front of my bed. Henry looks at me.

"Mister Vinge? What are you doing?" she wants to know and I realize that I only keep out of my bed because I got used to her lying there. I grin but don't get up. Smoking with the left hand is not as easy as I thought.

"Sit down, we both know you shouldn't carry around stuff. Didn't I tell you that you are not allowed to use your arm?" I start and she nods while sitting down at one of the chairs.

"Doctor Johnson gave me easy work to keep me busy when I was not allowed to take care of you in Lord Blackwood's rooms," she says silently.

"You know, I maybe have a bit of a lack of memory, but there is one thing I need to know. How come you are alive?" I ask coldly and she looks at me.

"I'm alive because you promised me to live."