6/10/17

"ARE YOU SURE you don't want to come?" Grayson asks for the hundredth time with worry etched into her kind face.

"You know you never have to feel like a wheel or whatever with us," Hayley tells me. "I'm not even technically dating anyone. So really I'm third wheeling on Gray and Cale's date and Clayton is fourth wheeling," she explains as she adjusts her purse on her shoulder.

"Thanks guys," I tell them with a small lift of my lips. "But I just want to hang out and chill tonight," I say truthfully before I turn to Hayley. "And you need this night with Clay. It will be good for the two of you," I add with an encouraging smile.

Her throat bobbles as her head drops. "I'm kind of nervous," Hayley admits with a faint blush touching her freckled cheeks.

"You'll have an amazing night," I reassure her without hesitation.

"I'll make sure you do," Grayson adds with a wink to lighten up the mood.

"Thanks," she murmurs before straightening her shoulders. "But I will miss you," she tells me with a pout.

"I'll miss you too," I sigh taking in my two perfect best friends. "You both look amazing tonight though," I add with a wave of my hands at their killer outfits for the night on the town.

Grayson's wearing a powder blue eyelet sundress paired with nude heels. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a stylish ponytail and she's wearing a pair of white hoop earrings. Hayley is in a silky blush jumpsuit with a white lace bralette that peaks out from underneath and white platforms shoes. Her hair is left natural in all it's wavy glory and she's wearing her gold constellation necklace that she never takes off.  

"You think?" Grayson beams before giving us a little twirl.

"Would I lie?" I ask with a raised brow.

"She is the honest one," Hayley says with a tilt of her head.

Her words are so simple yet they cause guilt to slide through me like a ton of bricks. I truly never lie to them when they come to me for advice or my opinion. I always try to be the voice of reason, especially when it comes to their crazy love lives. And yet I lied about an entire aspect of my life when it came to my job at school. I always meant to come forward and share my secret with them, but the ever-crowding fear of judgment took over and held me back from telling my truth.

I shake my head to push away the shame that wants to eat away at me. "Alright you better go before you're late!" I tell them as I start to usher them towards the front door.

"Okay, okay," Grayson relents grabbing her small leather purse from the kitchen counter.

"Are you sure—" Hayley starts once again as her dark eyebrows draw together.

"I'm sure," I cut her off decisively. "I'm going to be fine and you need to stop worrying about me and have fun tonight," I tell her as I continue to shove them forward.

"Fine," she huffs as her eyes tighten at the corner.

"Fine," I tease back before I stick my tongue out at her.

Hayley's nose scrunches in response and she sticks her tongue out at me as well. 

I can't help but let the laughter bubble out from me. "Bye," I sing as soon as they step out the front door. "Have fun!" I call out as they make their way to Grayson's car.

They call out their goodbyes and of course tell me to call or text them if I need anything, which I assure them I won't before I shut the door closed behind me with a lingering click.

I turn around with a sigh as my eyes dart around the empty house. I lean against the door for a second and let my head fall back against the hard surface causing my shoulders to deflate. For the first time in a while I'm completely and utterly alone. I don't have Hayley or Grayson surrounding me and keeping me from the edge that I seem to constantly gravitate towards. The edge I tend to play too close to.

My eyes squeeze shut and I push away the overwhelming anxiety that wants to pull me under at the mere idea of my future. I take a deep breath and focus on the now. Because right now I'm in Florida in the cutest little beach town with my best friends in the entire world. We are enjoying our last summer together before the future takes us and inevitably splits us apart.

I walk towards the kitchen and grab a large plastic bowl and toss a bag of popcorn into the microwave. Once the popcorn is finished I grab it and make my way into the living room. I fall into the couch with a soft thud, and quickly find a movie to watch to that will take my mind off of the future and the constant distress of disappointing my mother.

A loud knock on the door causes a small frown to pull at my lips as confusion winds through me.

Who would be here?

I pause the movie and set the popcorn aside before rising from the couch. I walk over to the door and lean forward to peek through the peephole. A groan instantly flies from my lips at the sight of the last person I want to see right now.

I unlock the door and my hand latches onto the doorknob to yank the door open. My eyes take in the man I can't help but despise. It's been a week since I last saw him at the beach. A week since his little secret was exposed leaving me feeling dirty and in need of twenty showers. But nothing can seem to erase him from my memory. That night continues to haunt my every dream the moment my eyes fall shut.

My eyes narrow with frustration as I place a hand on my hip. "What do you want?" I practically growl.

Colt's dark eyes sparkle as a sneaky smile slithers onto his lips. Without preamble he slides by me and steps through the threshold. He walks into the house with an air of confidence as if I invited him.

He stops in the entryway and turns to face me. "What? We can't hang out?" he asks with a smirk as he knows my answer before I even have to say it.

I shut the door with a slam and try to remain somewhat composed in front of this smug asshole that can't help but get under my skin. "No!" I state with a heated shriek.    

"I thought we were going to be friends," he says reminding me of the agreement we came to after my first night in Easton.

I snort out a dry laugh. "Yeah, well that was before I knew you were engaged," I tell him as my arms cross over my chest.

He lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not engaged anymore," he says once again as if that helps his situation in my eyes. Newsflash, it doesn't.

"Yeah, that doesn't matter much to me," I tell him with bitterness clear in my tone.

He tongues the inside of his cheek before running a large hand through his dark hair. "You were a lot more fun a few months ago," he comments more to himself but doesn't try to hide his words. Because why would he? He's not embarrassed about what happened that night. I know he would easily tell the world what happened between us. Knowing Colt he would probably rent a billboard to announce it to the everyone.

My foot taps against the floor as anger begins to simmer in my veins. "Don't talk about that night," I tell him sharply. How many more times do I need to tell him to knock it off? I'm beginning to think he wants me to slap him, because I'm damn close to my tipping point and he has to know it.

"Why?" he asks as he takes a step forward.  "No one else is around to hear about your dirty little secret," he teases darkly knowing he's on my very last nerve.

My hands fall loudly against my legging clad thighs. "You were engaged Colt!" I shout aggravatedly at him.

He shrugs as if indifferent to my words. "Doesn't change anything," he says.

I shake my head as a harsh chuckle falls from my lips. "It changes everything," I tell him forcefully. "I'm not that kind of person," I add with a touch of unwanted vulnerability touching my words. I would never get involved with someone who had a significant other.

Colt ignores my words and lifts his hand to bring my attention to a navy reusable bag in his hand. I have been so annoyed by his presence I hadn't even noticed he was carrying anything. "I brought food," he tells me motioning to the bag he holds in the air.

"Not hungry," I tell him even though my stomach does twist at the idea of eating something heartier than the popcorn I made.

"Sure," he drawls clearly not believing my words.

"Seriously just go Colt," I plead not in the mood for his antics tonight.

He ignores me and walks towards the open kitchen to set his bag on the counter. I pause at the sight of him as I realize I've never seen him dressed so causal. He's only in a pair of black basketball shorts and an old tattered college hoodie with a small hole at the waistline, and yet he looks just as handsome as the first night I met him. It honestly pisses me off. How can someone be so attractive and so infuriating all at the same time?

"Come on Maxine let's just hang out and watch," he turns around and leans over to see the paused screen in the living room. "She's the Man?" he asks with a hint of uncertainty.

A bolt of shock hits me at his words. "You know that movie?" I question with doubt present in my words.

He pulls out a few to go containers and the smell of Chinese food instantly hits me making my stomach growl. "Amanda Bynes pretending to be a boy? Of course I've seen it," he tells me simply as he makes his way to the cabinets to grab two plates. For someone who I know Grayson isn't too keen on he seems to know his way around her house well enough.

He wordlessly loads each plate up with fried rice and broccoli and what looks like teriyaki chicken. He also puts an egg roll on each plate before turning to face me with full mouthwatering plates of delicious looking food.

My eyes stay focused on the plates of steaming food, and my mouth can't help but water at the food laid out in front of me. "Fine," I sigh as I step forward and snag the plate and fork from his hand. Of course I don't miss the cocky smile that pulls at his perfect lips. "You can stay and watch the movie, but I swear if you bring up that night one more time I will hurt you," I tell him as I point my fork at his chest forcefully.

He leans towards me letting my fork pierce him even more as amusement glitters in his eyes. "I'd like to see you try," he says challenging me.

I grit my teeth together before turning on my heel to head towards the couch. "I'm already regretting this," I grumble though loud enough for him to hear me. 

Colt's footsteps echo from behind me. "I understand," he replies and I can't help but roll my eyes. At least he's aware he's on my last nerve though I know he'll use every bit of it up until I actually do hurt him. And knowing him he'd actually like it.

We both settle into the couch and watch the movie and eat our food in complete silence. I hate to admit it but the food is amazing and completely hits the spot in a way the popcorn I was snacking on before just didn't. Soon enough our plates are empty and sitting on the coffee table before us, and we are both full and relaxed into the comfy cushions of the couch.

One of my all time favorite movies continues on in front of us, but I can't seem to fully focus on it. I don't laugh at the jokes that always make me laugh. I don't quote the lines I always quote with my friends. As the minutes pass my body starts to tense and the food coma I once was in begins to fade into the background. Colt is only a measly few inches from me and his presence alone is a bit overwhelming. He's the definition of too much. He's too handsome, too wicked, and too good with his hands. I swear one could OD on Colt Hasting and probably enjoy it.

The memory of his hands on my back at the beach causes a flush to rise on my neck and my thighs to squeeze together. I can't help the way my knee bounces rapidly in attempts to contain the nervous energy that wants to consume me whole.

"Stop fidgeting," Colt's deep voice commands from beside me.

I freeze at the sound of his dark voice. "Sorry," I breathe keeping my eyes locked ahead.

He shifts and places an arm on the edge of the couch behind me, which only adds the bundle of nerves inside me. I feel like a rubber-band and I'm about to snap from the pressure. "Don't be sorry just stop. You're putting me on edge," he tells me casually as he continues to watch the movie.

And just like that I snap. "Why did you choose me that night?" The words blurt from my lips without explanation and a hand flies to my lips as absolute shock takes over my body. Why would I ask him that? Why do I even care? It's in the past so why even bring it up?

He turns to face me as a bemused smile lifts his cheeks. "I thought that topic was off limits if I wanted to avoid getting my balls chopped off?" he questions as his eyes rake over my makeup free face.

My head falls back against the couch as a groan escapes my parted lips. "I didn't say that!"

"I just assumed that's where you were headed," he shrugs playfully.

I lift my hands and press the heels of my palms into my closed eyes with a shake of my head. "You're right," I concede knowing it was stupid to even bring it up with him. "Never mind," I say as my hands fall to the couch.

"No..." he trails shifting to angle his entire body towards me. "You brought it up so let's talk," he says with a wave of his hand as if to motion for me to continue.

My thumbs rotate as nerves invade every ounce of my body. "I don't know if I want the answer anymore," I tell him quietly and it's the truth. Knowing the reason behind his actions won't change the fact that he was engaged to another woman when he touched me. Won't change the fact that I enjoyed his touch when he was promised to another.

His tongue runs across his bottom lip. "I chose you because the moment I walked into the club that night I couldn't stop watching you," he tells me as his eyes focus intensely on me. "And I touched you because I wanted to," he adds his voice thick and husky.

I push the shiver that wants to travel down my spine away and press my lips together so I can remain focused on the question at hand. "So you just do whatever you want even if it hurts other people," I comment with a raised brow.

His face scrunches and he looks a bit taken back by my harsh words. "I don't hurt people," he tells me.

I scoff. "You cheated on your fiancée," I remind him as if he's already seemed to forget.

He runs a hand over his face with an exasperated sigh. "Maxine..." he breathes as if not sure where to begin. "My relationship with Penelope was complicated," he tells me as if that explains his actions.

My head shakes firmly. "Doesn't matter," I respond unwavering in my stance.

"It does," he grits out as his jaw clenches. "Penelope and I've known each other for years and it was always expected we get married. Her father runs a large construction company up north and after the marriage we would merge the two companies," he explains. Colt's father runs one of the largest engineering and construction companies in the country and him and his brothers (besides Chase) all sit on the board of directors. "It was a planned engagement with no love behind it. It was me doing what I'm suppose to do once again. But it was fine I was use to that role so I went along with it like I always did. We both had already cheated on each other, but we both knew no matter what we would go through with the plan to get married for our fathers' sake. Stay together for as long as we needed and then break it off when needed. But the night of my bachelor party I saw you and I decided to never look back. I knew even if I never saw you again I had to break off the engagement. Because—" his words fizzle out as his nostrils flare and his fists fold.

I sit there frozen to the couch my heart racing a mile a minute as my wide eyes stay glued to the man before me. "Because what?" I push needing him to finish.

His jaw ticks before he finally answers. "Because that night was more exciting than every night put together I ever had with Penelope. It woke me up and I decided I needed to stop being the good little boy my father needed me to be and live my own life," he finishes before settling back into the seat and focusing his gaze on the TV ahead. It's almost as if he's embarrassed he shared so much with me and something about the idea of Colt feeling embarrassment warms my chest.

My eyes trail over his profile slowly burning his features into my mind. My teeth worry my bottom lip as I sit on his words and roll them through my mind. I want to believe him, but all the stories I've been told cloud my thoughts and I can't help but doubt his every word. "From what I've heard you've always lived your own life," I tell him waiting to see his reaction to my words.

He flickers his brown eyes over to me. "Just cause you've heard it doesn't make it true," he points out.

Once again I find it hard to merge the version he's telling me with the many sordid stories of his past I've heard from not only my best friends but from his brothers as well. "So everyone's lying?" I question skeptically.

"Everyone sees what they want to see," he comments but I can see the conflict that rages in his eyes and it surprises me. "Especially when it comes to me."

I wet my lips and pull my legs onto the couch as I continue to watch Colt. My mind is trying to take apart and analyze all this new information and compare it with the past stories that have been hammered into me about this man. "Well I'm still not happy about what happened between us," I express. Because arranged and loveless or not he still cheated and I will never let myself be the reason a relationship ends. Not after what my father put my mother through.

The bright TV screen lights up his face as a smile takes over. "I am," he tells me before letting his eyes trail over every inch of my body making me break out in goosebumps. "Hottest lap dance of my life," he whispers leaning in close to me and baring his bright white teeth. Teeth that I can't help to remember how they felt sinking into my skin when I let him touch me that one dark and twisted night.

I shove my hand against his hard chest to push him away. "Shut up," I rumble. His proximity is making me light headed and I have to fight the way my body responds to his nearness.

Colt lifts a single shoulder. "I'm only telling you the truth," he replies.

My eyes narrow not wanting to fall for the words I know he's used on many women before me. "Well I don't want it," I state honestly.

"Fine the lap dance sucked," he tells me with a roll of his eyes.

I turn back towards the movie realizing we've missed a large chunk. "I hate you," I say under my breath as my arms cross tightly over my chest.

"Sure," he says once again with an easy smirk. He knows he's once again where I hate and he loves. Under my fucking skin.

I huff out an annoyed breath. "Just stop talking and let's watch the movie," I tell him thought I refuse to look at him.

"Fine," he relents relaxing back into the couch.

But my mouth just won't stay shut and once again I'm speaking without thought. "And just so you know nothing is going to happen between us this summer," I state strongly letting him know where I stand in this twisted friendship we seem to have developed.

Colt lifts his hand to point towards the screen suppressing obvious laughter. "I thought you wanted to watch the movie," he teases trying to contain the smile that wants to overtake his handsome face.

I shove at his shoulder this time letting frustration take over. "Shut up," I fume.

"I'm trying," he tells me jokingly.

"I just wanted you to know that cause there will be no funny business going on here," I declare waving a hand between us as I let him know my rules and where we stand for the remainder of this summer.

He gives me an incredulous look. "Funny business?" he questions mocking my choice of words. "Pretty sure there was no laughing when I touched you," he says making my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

My hands curl in my lap until my nails sink into my palms. "Seriously shut—"

But he cuts me off finishing my sentence. "Up I know Maxine."

I let out a pent up breath and watch the rest of the movie in silence with Colt by my side. But I'm barely paying attention because all I can think about is how I truly don't know if I will be able to survive this summer.