6/17/17

"STOP FUSSING MAXINE you look amazing," Hayley yells me from her bedroom as I mess with the loose curls in my hair for the millionth time. We all got ready in her room for the night since she's staying in the master suite and has the biggest bathroom.

Nerves are balled up tightly in my stomach as I curl the same strand of hair over and over again. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not even a real date.

No, that's not true. I do know exactly why my body feels so tense, and why my emotions feel like a live wire as I stand in front of the mirror to see anxiety shine brightly in my dark blue eyes.

And the reason is simple. Colt Hasting.

He wasn't supposed to come along with his brother Cale tonight. In fact he wasn't even invited, but of course he just happened to be hanging around when we spoke of tonight and decided to invite himself. I can still see the humour sparkling in his dark eyes as he turned his gaze to me and winked. My blood boiled and my jaw locked, but I didn't say a word because I didn't want anyone to question the why behind my heated annoyance.

So instead I bit my tongue and now here I'm buzzing with nervous energy at the idea of being around him, and him being around Finn, and me being around Finn. And of course at the idea of talking to Finn. I wasn't lying to my friends when I said I wasn't good at dates.

But a calming breath slips between my freshly painted lips because I know my friends will be by my side the entire time. They won't leave me stranded and grasping for straws. And with them and Cale around I know Colt won't try anything.

At least I hope he won't.

I finally set down the iron and unplug it as I give myself another look over. My fingers itch to reach out and fix something, but I stop myself and take another deep breath knowing it won't help.

My eyes trail down the dress I bought with Hayley's help. It's nothing I would've ever chosen for myself, but she told me if I didn't buy it she would buy it for me. So I swiped my card before she could, and as I look at myself now a confidence that usually reserves itself for when the sky is dark and I'm on stage begins to spill into my veins. Only a little, but it's there, and it's warm and sends a faint flush onto my neck.

The dress is short and fitted with this delicate fabric that I'm scared will rip if I move too quickly. The top reminds me of a  corset with it's sheer fabric and boning, but the cups are lined offering me some semblance of coverage. The skirt starts at my waist and thankfully is lined as well, but the three quarter length sleeves are sheer with a small gather along arm that mimics the gather along my hips.

It's simple yet intricate all at once, and paired with a pair of black strappy heels and a thin gold chain I feel sexy. It's weird to feel that way when I'm not on stage, or hiding behind layers of makeup and expensive lingerie, but a smile tugs at my lips because it doesn't feel wrong.

It feels amazing.

"You look hot!" Hayley shouts from behind me pulling me out of my head.

I whip around from the mirror to see my friend leaning against the doorframe looking as beautiful as ever. Her dark hair is pulled back into a low ponytail and the green dress she has on brings out her eyes. It's silky with a small coulneck and thin straps. She paired the outfit with these amazing iridescent heels that make her legs look amazing.

My cheeks heat at her compliment. "Not compared to you," I tell her honestly. Hayley has always had this effortless beauty about her and it's captivating.

She shakes her head in disbelief. "Sorry, but tonight you win Maxine," she tells me with a raise of her dark eyebrows.

"She's not lying," Grayson's voice slides through the bathroom door before I even see her. "You really do win," she laughs.

She's in a pair of black skinny jeans and a high-neck black lace top with a completely open back. It's understated, sexy, and perfect on her with her curled blonde hair and red lips. Cale won't be able to keep his hands off her, not that he usually can, and tonight will be no exception.

I run my fingers through the edges of my auburn hair. "I don't win," I maintain with an awkward chuckle.

"Finn is going to lose his shit when he sees you," Hayley remarks with a smirk tugging across her face.

"He might pass out," Grayson says nodding along.

I roll my eyes. "Oh god stop it," I groan because the idea of any guy reacting that way to me is so far beyond impossible it's practically laughable. Yes, the dress shows more of me than I usually allow, and I do feel really pretty. But that doesn't mean I believe I am any kind of smoke show especially compared to my best friends.

Hayley steps forward until she's directly in front of me and grabs my hands to hold them in hers.

"Maxine I want you to repeat after me," she starts and I already know where this is going.

I shake my head. "No, no, not this," I beg desperately with wide eyes.

She tosses me a wicked glare letting me know it's happening no matter what I say. "Yes. Yes this," she counters with a smirk.

"Fine," I relent with a heavy sigh.

"I am a badass motherfucking queen," she starts and I instantly bark out an obnoxious laugh at her choice of words. Because I am far from a badass or a queen.

"Really—" I start but Grayson cuts me off not letting me back out.

"Repeat after her," she urges with a stern look passing over her elegant features.

I stop myself from rolling my eyes again and stand up straight. My hands tighten around Hayley's as I work up the courage to not only just say the words, but actually believe them. "I am a badass motherfucking queen," I say though my words don't quite come out as strong as I want them.

She squeezes my hands back as if trying to reassure me. "And I look super freaking hot tonight and I'm going to flirt with a hot guy and have fun with my best friends and take all the shots they hand me with no complaints,"she rambles out too fast for me to catch everything.

"That's a lot..." I mumble under my breath but Hayley shoots me a pointed look so I at least try.

My tongue runs against the inside of my bottom lip. "I look hot tonight...and I'm going to flirt with a guy and have fun with my best friends and take too many shots," I force out trying to remember everything she said.

Hayley leans forward. "I actually said super freaking hot," she comments, correcting me.

My eyes narrow, but before I can say anything Grayson saves me. "Hayley," she drawls simply.

"Fine," she giggles with a shrug before she takes a step back but remains holding onto my hands. "I accept," she announces with a quick squeeze.

"I hate you," I say before sticking my tongue out at her.

"No you don't," she sings before pulling me into a hug.

And she's right I don't. I never could. So I wrap my arms around her and hold her close and let her words wash over me to try and help raise the shaky confidence within me. Why can't I be the sexy confident woman I am when I'm at the club? Deep down I know it's because there I can pretend, but in the harsh light of day it's harder to pretend you are something when you don't believe it wholeheartedly.

We pull apart and the three of us head out of the room and into the kitchen where a bottle of rum is waiting for us on the counter.

We told the guys we would meet them there because we wanted this time to ourselves. Plus I know Hayley is a bit sad about Clayton not coming. She didn't expect him to obviously as he's still working on everything, but I know it still hurts. Especially after Colt decided to tag along. So Grayson decided for the pregame to be about us, and I think it's perfect.

I look down to see three small silver shot glasses filled to the brim and as we lift the glasses and cheers to the night ahead excitement ripples through me. It's unexpected but feels good as I toss back the fruity flavored liquor letting it warm my chest and settle the nerves in my stomach.

Hayley gathers us all together for a selfie before our hair frizzes and we sweat all of our makeup off, and my heart swells in my chest knowing I have the best friends in the world by my side.

Then tell them the truth, my brain whispers causing my smile to falter.

Shame threatens to drown me but instead I take another shot swallowing down the bitter lies I've been feeding my friends.

Later, I promise myself.

* * * * *

As soon as we walk into the club the heat hits us like a ton of bricks and the sticky air clings to my exposed skin.

Colt snagged us a table since he's friends with the manager of the club. We are quickly escorted to the small round booth where Colt and Cale reside with drinks already in their hands.

As soon as we step up Cale is instantly out of the booth and wrapping his arms around Grayson who lets out a breathy giggle and tugs him closer.

I can feel the back of my neck tingle, just like it did that night months ago and I don't have to question who's watching me this time. I already know.

My eyes flicker to Colt to see his eyes lingering on the hem of my dress before lifting to meet mine, and the dark glimmer in them takes me back and sends a chill down my arms. It's shocking and exhilarating all at once.

"Hey Maxine." A warm and kind voice says from behind me, effectively pulling my attention away from Colt where it shouldn't have been in the first place.

I turn on my heels to come face to face with Finn. His dimples are on full display as a boyish grin pulls at his cheeks and he's a cute as ever.

"Hey," I say back a bit too eagerly. He leans in for a hug and I quickly shove away the initial surprise and reciprocate. It's quick, but it's warm and inviting and settles the nerves that once wanted to overflow me.

"I'm glad you decided to come," I tell him honestly before my teeth begin to graze over my bottom lip.

His eyes trail over me making my entire body flush. "I am also," he replies. "You look amazing," he compliments genuinely, making a smile tug across my lips.

Finn is kind and cute and exactly my type. The kind of man who would never hurt me, and if he ever did it wouldn't devastate me. I would be able to recover and move on because he's safe and warm. He's not a risk.

A hand suddenly lands on my lower back shocking me as my breath stutters and my eyes widen.

"Doesn't she?" Colt's deep voice asserts from beside me. I can feel the heat radiating off his body and it's almost too much. Because everything about him is too much. He's not safe, he's dangerous and a shiver spirals down my spine at the thought. "Are you cold?" he asks knowing damn well I'm not and I hate how aware he is of the effect he has on my body.

I step forward, distancing myself from that man who makes my blood boil, so his hand drops from me.

"Thanks," I say to Finn ignoring Colt. "You don't look too bad yourself," I tease back. He's in dark jeans with a button up on and his curly hair looks soft and perfect.

"Drinks?" Hayley's voice calls out from the booth.

It looks like she ordered a round of shots and a few different drinks as well for the table while I was distracted.

Everyone reaches forward and grabs the tall shot glass with sugar on the rim and a lemon slice on top of it. Lemon drops aren't my favorite shot to do, but they do make taking vodka a lot easier.

"To a great night!" Hayley shouts over the loud music. All of our glasses clink together and Finn flashes me a smirk before I down the liquor letting the sugar cushion the blow. I shove the lemon slice between my teeth to let the sour take the sting away. Warmth dances through my veins and blossoms in my chest and I'm most definitely beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol.

"Do you want to dance?" Finn asks from beside me and I can see the nerves in his eyes and it makes my heart beat faster knowing he's just as nervous I am right now.

My eyes flicker over to Hayley and Grayson. Both of them are nodding eagerly with wide eyes at me, but I shoot them a pleading look to not leave me alone yet. Finn is incredibly kind, but it's still new and we've barely spoken and I need my friends to help me out here.

"We should all go and dance?" Grayson proposes understanding my silent please as she tugs on Cale's hand before he can argue. Hayley nods along and we all head down the steps to the level below that separates the booths from the main dance floor.

Finn grabs my hand and it's comfortable and nice and everything I want. Or everything I should want. Because a guy like Finn is exactly the kind of guy I've been dying to meet for the last couple years. But as we go out onto the dance floor and his hands fall to my hips and we all dance together something deep down within me wants more. Craves more.

It doesn't want nice and comfortable anymore. No, it wants hot and new and different and the realization shocks me and I quickly shove it away because that's not who I am.

Grayson and I make sure to include Hayley as we know she won't dance with anyone with Clayton at home and her heart with him.

I try to focus on Hayley or Grayson or Finn as I dance to the fun throwback music that blasts through the speakers and the lights that flash above us in different colors, but I can't. My attention keeps falling back to the man who remained at our table. The man who pisses me off anytime he's around. The man who's so far under my skin he steals my breath away with a single look or unexpected touch.

I try to ignore him but I can't because his gaze is locked on me and it sends a hot electric flash through my body making my cheeks redden and my breath come out erratically.

"You okay?" Finn leans in to whisper in my ear noticing I'm distracted.

I nod feeling guilty but it's jerky and not natural as my eyes once again dart to Colt's to see his eyes still locked on me as he drinks the amber liquor in his glass.

"I need to run to the bathroom," I blurt out not knowing where the lie came from, and a part of me feels ashamed about it. But I just need a breather from the dance floor and from Colt's piercing eyes that set me on fire and unsettle me all at once.

"Do you want me to grab you a drink?" he asks and my heart leaps at the considerate gesture.

I shake my head faintly. "No, have fun," I tell him. "I'll be right back," I promise.

"Do you want me to hold your bag?" he offers and a quick smile lifts the corners of my lips.

"Sure, thanks," I tell him appreciatively as I slip the wristlet free and hand it over.

My feet lead me up the staircase without a second glance behind me, and as I'm about to head for the bathroom the smaller bar off to the side catches my attention. My mouth runs dry and suddenly I need a shot, or five, to ease the storm that's brewing within me.

I walk up to the busy bar and slide into the corner. I lean my elbows against the cool surface and I notice the bartender is all the way on the other side so I know it will be a few minutes before I'm even helped. But I'm not mad. I need the breather from the confusing emotions that are crashing through me.

Suddenly a different kind of heat hits my back. Not the warm sweaty heat of the club. No, it's darker and heavier and makes the hairs on the back of my neck raise.

I can feel him even though he's not touching me, yet, and the scent of his cologne snakes it's way around me taking hold of me and throwing me back to that night. That night that feels like years ago instead of just a handful of months. That night where he wasn't Cale's engaged, older brother and I wasn't shy, meek Maxine.

A chill scatters down my arms even though I feel like I'm overheating because he is touching me now. His body is pressed up against mine. His chest to my back. So close I can feel his breath on the naked skin of my neck and his steady heartbeat through his black button up.

"Can I help you?" A voice says snapping open my eyes. Eyes I hadn't even realized I closed, and my neck instantly flushes and I know I'm red from embarrassment. How could I let myself get so lost in him, even if for just a few minutes. I need to push him away, not sway into him, not let him pull me in or closer to the edge he likes to dance on.

I clear my throat. "Um..." I trail still in a daze as I drop my eyes to the small cocktail menu in front of me. But the words seem like a jumbled mess as I read them and my heart continues to beat wildly.

The bartender gives me an annoyed glare and before I can even blurt out the first thing that comes to mind Colt speaks.

"She'll have a margarita on the rocks, no salt," he answers for me and the fact that he knows my drink of choice does weird things to my chest.

But then irritation takes over. As it always does with him.

The bartender turns away and begins mixing the drink.

"I can order my own drinks," I tell him forcefully though I don't turn to look at him because I'm already feeling overwhelmed by him and I know his ever present smirk will only push me over the edge.

If I thought we were close before it's absolutely nothing compared to now. His arms shootout to cage me into the bar and he lowers his head so that his lips are just shy of brushing my cheek. His hard body presses into mine so I'm wedged between him and the bar. The contrast of the chilled granite and his warm body causes me to tremble and I know he caught it and it only makes me more annoyed at the situation.

Why can't my body remember that I hate him?

"You look like you needed some help," he tells me over the loud music.

"Not from you," I reply with narrowed eyes as I cast my gaze up at him.

A grin tugs across his handsome face as his eyes trail over my face lingering on my lips making them tingle at the idea of his pressed against mine.

The bartender comes back and sets down a glass before me. I go to move for my wristlet before remembering I left it with Finn. I didn't think I was that flustered earlier but here I am as the bartender watches me with an expectant glare.

I open my mouth, but once again I'm cut off by the infuriating man behind me.

"Put it on the Hasting tab," he tells him with ease and the bartender nods and walks away.

My fingers tap against the frosted glass as emotions race through me before lifting the drink to my lips and downing half of it in one full gulp. The drink was poured strong, but the tequila slides down with only a dulled burn that sends a bolt of warmth through me.

I can feel Colt watching me but I refuse to look at him because I hate the way he makes me feel so on edge. I hate the way he's crawled under my skin. I hate the things he makes me want. Things I shouldn't want. Things I never wanted until I let him touch me in a dark room.

My fingers tighten around the glass until my knuckles flash white. I lift up the drink to finish the rest when a touch on my legs stops me.

The softest flutter of a touch grazes the side of my exposed thigh causing goosebumps to raise in their wake.

"What? No, thank you?" he remarks in my ear and I can hear the smirk in his voice.

Anger flashes in my veins and I set my drink down with a loud thud. I reach back and slap his hand away from me with a strong swat before I whip around but once again I'm frozen.

I underestimated our closeness because if I thought he overwhelmed me with his front pressed to my back then he's a goddamn tsunami from the front, crashing and obliterating every thought.

He places the hand the touched me back on the ledge to keep me caged and I have to lean back into the bar to even look him in the eye. His brown hair is curling around his ears from the heat and his dark eyes look wild under the colorful club lights. Red. Green. Blue. Purple. All of them cut across his strong jaw and perfect lips and I find myself leaning into him without warning, but I quickly catch myself and stop myself from making a fool of myself.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment before I flash them open and grab onto his arm forcefully. I drag him towards the hallway of bathrooms. I pull him along until we are past the doors and near what looks like a supply closet. I then shove him away from me.

"You have to stop!" I shout at him as I keep my distance. He already has me on edge and I'm afraid if he gets too close I'll cross a line I promised myself I wouldn't.

Mischief fills his face as he takes a step towards me and the warning signals should be screaming within me to leave, but I don't. "Stop what?" he asks innocently with a tilt of his head.

"You know what Colt," I growl at him as I attempt to keep space between us.

"Why?" he questions once again moving closer as a smirk plays at his lips.

I swallow feeling like I'm about to make a mistake that doesn't feel like quite a mistake. "Because I'm here with someone," I scoff at him as if it isn't already obvious. I won't call it a date because it isn't one, but I'm still here with Finn at the end of the day.

He takes another step forward and my back hits the wall startling me. "Is he supposed to make me jealous?" he asks as he continues towards me making my pulse pound so loudly I'm sure he can hear it too. "Because no need I'm here and the games can end," he teases as the grin on his face spreads so wide it almost takes my breath away with how beautiful it is.

But I stand my ground. "There are no games," I tell him fiercely because it's the truth. I'm not playing any games with someone like him when I know I'll only lose in the end.

Colt doesn't waste another second as he steps up to me and his body is only mere inches away from mine as he leans in close. He places his hands against the wall near my head allowing him to invade my space and set me aflame.

And then what space there was between us evaporates as he leans in until his nose touches mine. His lips barely brush mine, almost like a whisper, a promise of what's to come, and it completely steals my breath making my body burn for more. His eyes remind me of the night sky as they flash down at me before he moves. His nose trails down my cheek and my jaw making my body shake with a deep twisted need for more.

He moves lower then so his nose brushes against my neck breathing me in. Then he decides to pull back just a touch so his hot breath hits me making me want to melt against him. But then his lips press against the curve of where my neck meets my collarbone and I lose my will to fight and my head falls back against the wall with a thud as a low breath escapes me.

"Just drop the idiot and come home with me," he whispers against my overheating skin.

But his words push through the hazy fog that cloud my mind and anger douses me instantly ruining the moment. Because Finn is a nice guy who doesn't deserve this, and I refuse to play Colt's games that I know will only end with me hurt and broken. So I place my hands against his hard chest and shove as hard as I can until he stumbles a few steps backwards obviously not expecting my reaction.

Flames lick my skin as my temper threatens to explode. "I'd never go home with you," I spit at him as I tuck my arms under my chest and stand tall in front of the man who makes me feel weak.

Irritation flashes in his eyes before his head tips back and a dark laugh erupts from him. "You really want to pretend like the past didn't happen?" he pushes and I can see this is no longer a game to him. He's pissed off. Good, I'm mad too.

My spine remains straight as a rod as I stand before him. "Yes," I reply with strength.

He watches me for a moment as if he's waiting for me to give another answer. Waiting for me to tell him I was lying and I want to embrace the darkness of that night. But I don't. I stand tall and I don't give in even though my heart begs me to.

His lips press into a thin line when he realizes I'm not going to give in. "Fine," he grits out before walking away from me.

It shouldn't hurt. Him walking away shouldn't feel like a dagger to the chest but it does. And my nails dig in the flesh of my crossed arms to stop me from reaching out. It's almost shocking how cold I suddenly feel without him nearby, but I take a few minutes of alone time to settle the sharp pain in my racing heart. I know it's for the best, but then why does it hurt so bad?

"Maxine?"

My head snaps to see Grayson walk down the hall towards me. Her long blonde hair that was once down is now pulled up and her cheeks are flushed from the heat of the club.

"What are you doing back here?" she asks as her eyes dart around expecting to see someone with me.

But I'm all alone.

I wet my lips and clear my throat. "I just needed a moment," I tell her and it's not a complete lie but it still burns coming out nonetheless.

"Well come on Finn is going to start thinking you ditched him," she laughs though I can see the dash of worry that swims in her ocean blue eyes.

I nod wordlessly as I step forward to follow her out of the long dimly lit hallway, and as we step back out into the club floor I don't even have to look around because I know he's gone and I should feel happy about it. But I don't.

I just feel confused.