Assalamu Alaikum! This is my entry for a contest hosted by PopcornSweetcorn

Published: Thursday, October 27th 2016 11:42 am

Have you ever had the feeling of knowing that people have this expectation that you'll do good? Those same people who have a certain perspective of your life always have the most to say about it. Doesn't it get annoying and unbearable? You're always being watched like a hawk and told what to do, but when you try to do it the right way you're told you did it wrong and to repeat. Wrong, repeat. Those are the two words that I've constantly heard throughout my lifetime.

When will it end? When is the time that you stop hearing the complaints and ways to do better and live, because I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm still trying to figure out why me and how to accomplish what is expected of me. There are many ways to fail and to get it right, but even though the two have the same amount of obstacles, they are dramatically different.

They both give you grief, and both are guaranteed to knock you down. But are you going to let that stop you? I didn't, and God knows how many times I've wanted to quit. Every damn day. I wasn't the only one. Everyone thought I would fail and let the struggles overcome me as much as they overwhelmed me. Getting back up wasn't the hardest. Losing everything that meant the world to you in the process is the ultimate test.

I had the opportunity to be happy once upon a time. Everything I ever wanted was made up of a six foot two brunette with eyes bluer than the ocean, and a smile that would bring you to your knees. He was my forever, not this. I can remember the first and last time we saw each other, both times taking my breath away. One line from him had me hooked for life, but another forced me to let go.

Forever is a dream that we can live

The future is in your hands, don't give up such power

I scoff at the word now. If I knew then what I knew now, power would mean as much to me as the weeds growing in between beautiful flowers. What right do they both have in messing up what works? Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and slap the girl I used to be, the naive and scared girl who would do anything for the wrong people, and nothing for the right people. I wish I could go back in time and tell him to stay and that I would give it up, that he was more important than everything that I thought was important.

The crazy thing is that I did try to do that and it would have worked if my brain didn't have a delayed reaction and I wasn't late. If I realized the truth a few months earlier I wouldn't have had my heart broken twice by the same guy and the scowl I put on when seeing happy couples wouldn't happen. Instead I would stay inside and take every lesson and class that was supposedly mandatory and prepare for the biggest change in my life.

Royalty.

My parents, the king and queen, have had high hopes for my life ever since they were told that I would be their only child. The fanciest clothes, tastiest food, and smartest teachers became my life, but much came from being spoiled. As I have mentioned before, high expectations became the price to such luxurious living. I didn't fault my parents for wanting what is best for me, that is a parents job after all. I fault their right hand man and long time friend Howard for influencing my parents to make decisions regarding our country, and more importantly me.

Howard is in my parents ear more than wax, and when my father past away and the future of the country was put into my hands, was Howard's worst day. He was the reason I had to give up on my forever and focus on becoming a formal woman and one day queen. He called all of the shots and would gloat about it to the servants, and due to all the secret tunnels that made up this castle, I heard every word. What hurt the most after my father past was to learn of my mother and Howard's relationship and how much they betrayed him.

Even after that I still love her and will always protect her during my rule. My love for her even became stronger when she suggested I let Howard become what he was to my father, the voice inside his head. It hurt, oh, it hurt, but it wouldn't hurt as much as losing her. I lost one parent, and that is more than enough to let go.

"Miss?"

Turning off my endless thoughts and coming back down to earth, I turned to the voice in question, which happened to be one of my ladies. She stood a few feet away from me with her gaze lowered, practically shaking. Some would think after a lifetime of being served and pampered I would get used to it, but I haven't. My mother chose to choose my ladies when I was younger so that they would be my companions, but somewhere along the line it was made clear that I was the only one who should benefit from them being here, and they were here just to keep me company in our large castle.

The saddest part is that the girl in front of me who has barely hit the age of eighteen and has so much to do with her life can't. Why? Because of me. There is no way in any world that says treating your childhood best friend like dirt is okay.

"Yes, Agatha?" I planted a smile on my face as I spoke, remembering my lessons.

"It's time to get ready for the coronation," She spoke softly, barely sparing me a glance. "May we ready you?"

For so long, and in this moment, I wanted to say so much to her. I wanted to apologize for breaking our friendship because Howard demanded that I not act as the servants, I wanted to say so much. I wanted to beg her to look me in the eye with kindness and hapiness, not fear. I wanted to take turns doing each other's hair and makeup as we often did as children. I wanted my friend back.

But I didn't. Instead I lightly nodded and followed after her to my bath and said nothing, just like I've always done. By the time I was ready for what would be the best moment of my life, I watched as my mother and Howard stood in the hallway speaking heatedly. I almost wished I didn't know what they were talking about, but I do. Like always, me. For a guy who was not afraid to con a king and deceive a country, he was pretty afraid of talking to the future queen about keeping his position.

"Are you ready, dear?" My mother suddenly asked, standing in front of me. She reached up to my head to smooth my crown and hair, a sad smile on her face. "Your father would be proud. This is the moment we have been waiting for. Even Howard knows it."

My mood dropped at the mention of his name and I took a step back, allowing her arms to fall back to her side. She wasn't even surprised by the action, much like she knew why I did it.

"I-I..."

"Don't mumble," She scolded. "You must always speak clearly. Remember?"

"I'll think about it," I said, answering the unspoken question, and she smiled. Until I am crowned queen I don't have the right to make decisions and my mother could do everything for me. But once my crown is on my head I hold all of the cards. Until then, Howard remains where he is as he has been for the last twenty years, at the top. Those doors to my destiny couldn't open sooner.

"I'm happy to hear," She moved forward and kissed the side of my head. "You're making the right choice.

Once she left I stood behind the doors and waited for them to open and change my life. Forever. I could imagine my father standing besides me encouraging me to have courage and move ahead. He always believed in me, and now it was my turn. This is what he wanted and he believed that I could do it, and I believe in his dream. So when those doors opened and my throne was a mere few feet away and my crown was glistening under the light, it was the one moment I decided to believe in someone I never have before: myself.

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