Caution!

The following contains dark themes. Self loathing and suicide are present in multiple chapters. This story gets lighter as it progress, but be advised that the beginning is rather dark.

Current chapter has depictions of implied violence, implied self-harm, implied torture, mentioned suicide attempt, panic and dissociation, and (Kim Lee Hyu's) death. Please be warned.

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The prince couldn't help but stare at Sora with annoyance. The priest continued to give him a patient look, still holding the folded blue cloak.

Although the blond didn't show the entire design of the cloak, Kim Lee Hyu already knew what it looked like. It was a short overlay cloak, ending around the waist to give easy movement for the arms. The fabric, a vibrant soft blue, had golden lining with golden diamond stars at it's the ends. Kim Lee Hyu was familiar with it, for his one of his more nosey priest's had tried to make him wear it instead of abandoning the piece of fabric.

For the cloak was a patients cloak, used when a person had an illness or disease that the Church of Light was currently healing.

It was basically advertising to everyone that he was infact sick, and with how strong the divine healing of the Church of light was, he was most likely terminally sick. Kim Lee Hyu never used it in his past life, even when his arms had started to turn black, the black star on his back nearly covering the front of his body. He knows that the priest that had been healing him at that time was suspicious.

After all, the priest never showed his real face, only ever using a disguise. Yet Kim Lee Hyu can't help but miss the older man a bit.

Ah, he's gotten distracted. Looking down he sees that Sora, or Diland, has already wrapped him in the shameful cloak. Kim Lee Hyu will forever denying the pout that escaped his face. He grumbled as he tried to loosen the cloak.

"Your highness, pouting will not make me remove the cloak" Diland said, readjusting the cloak, gently swatting away Kim Lee Hyu's hands.

He didn't pout, whatsoever.

Kim Lee Hyu didn't feel like fighting the faker today so he didn't argue. Didn't mean he wasn't grumpy at being treated like a patient. Diland held out his hand as Kim Lee Hyu took it.

Some might be wondering what was happening. Under the guidance of the priest, Kim Lee Hyu now had scheduled walks around the new garden. Yes, new garden. In his life as Alexander, he had never had a garden until he was old enough to make his own garden. Diland had attempted to fix the garden, but the man was horrible with plants.

His dad ended up killing all the plants, even the ones that had been planted by a gardener the older man had somehow hired.

Kim Lee Hyu was told that the crown prince had made it after finding out about Kim Lee Hyu's situation. Sora said that his body was still very weak, and was worried that suddenly meeting new people might stress him out emotionally, so the other royal family members were holding off on meeting him.

The green eyed boy rolled his eyes at that memory, like hell the crown prince actually did that. Or that any of the royal family were simply holding back for his health. The princess, he could understand. She was always too soft, too forgiving and too naive. It's in her nature to reach out. In the past, his sister had never known of his existence until her coming of age ceremony. By then, Alexander had been too distrusting to open up to her, so they had never gotten close.

But the princes? Maybe his third brother could potentially feel bad while he's still a teen. But the crown prince of all people? He would never care for him, not when Alexander was living proof of their father's infidelity. Of the pain their mother held.

The garden wasn't the only thing fixed, it seemed his whole palace was busy with changes. The walls have become extravagant, the vases and the furniture seemed new and we'll made. Servants seemed to be legitimately doing their jobs instead of pretending.

His palace seemed like a palace, yet it felt wrong, felt fake. The palace wasn't made from his sweat and tears, wasn't build through shaking hands and blurry eyes.

The walls weren't painted by a father and son, the servants not chosen personally by a caring dad. Furniture wasn't made together by the people, bringing them closer, splinters a simple can to the reward of his hard work. Kim Lee Hyu remembers making the vases, that despite looking horrid, was his and his alone. Held value in it's memories and not it's monetary value. The garden wasn't painstakingly raised by two, one too young and inexperienced, the other having a black thumb.

No, it was rebuilt by guilt. By the guilt of the royal family, by the shame it brought to their reputation. There's a reason Kim Lee Hyu hated nobility.

It was never simple around Noble's, never just white and black around them. They were two faced, masks on top of masks, meant to hide their hideous personalities. Family ment nothing, only a tool to further your wealth, your power. Even the princess had been nothing but a chess piece, ment to appease the common folks minds.

Why else would everyone turn a blind eye to her little adventures outside the palace? No, he Kim Lee Hyu knows how to navigate through the fields of politics. Sora is from the Church of Light, someone the royal family couldn't easily hurt. Not while the church is connected to him.

For while they were the royal family, the Church was closer to God, being of near equal standing as the royal family. The man knows the truth now, knows the neglect and abuse the prince is going through. His lips are free to speak, and easiest way to get him to not talk badly about the family is to be nice to Alexander.

He'll give his torturer props, this is a truly magnificent storyline.

"Ah!" a voice yelped, as a young maid, Lily if he could remember correctly, fell down.

She looked up, realizing who she fell infront of and started going pale. No doubt, she had made a mistake. Kim Lee Hyu knew that illusions weren't the most stable, that's why actors were needed to act as the flesh for the illusion. His torturer will probably be mad at her.

Kim Lee Hyu got closer to her, noting her young features. Even if it was only an illusion, the green eyed boy has always been soft for children. He reached out his hand, a comforting smile on his face.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, trying to calm down her obvious fear.

To be honest, he felt stiff as he reached out his hand, but he ignored it. Lily continued to stare at him, opening and closing her mouth. Hmm, maybe he isn't close enough. He squatted down, his eyes level now closer to hers. Seriously, he shouldn't forget that kids get scared when someone towers over them.

"Let me help you up okay? I'm going to grab your arm" he warned her, not wanting to alarm her with sudden movement.

She still seemed shock, which he ignored. He grabbed her arm with both hands, fuck he was so annoyingly small.

"Your highness!" she exclaimed, her mind finally catching up to her. The maid quickly stood up, careful that she didn't accidentally harm the young prince. He sighed mentally, he seemed to have scared her even in this tiny body. The boy stood up, watching from the corner of his eye as the maid flailed her arms around, looking hesitant and confused.

"G-greetings and g-glory to-" she stuttered out, before Kim Lee Hyu cut her off.

"Are you hurt?" he asked her as she stared at him again. "Wha- I-" she said unintelligibly as she mimicked a fish once again.

"Your highness!!!" he turned around to see Diland and Sora running to him. Ah, he must have disappeared from them again while his mind wandered. The two older men stopped infront of him, fretting over him like two mothers finally seeing their soldier son.

"-what if something happened to you!? You need to take care better care of yourself!" oh Sora was scolding him.

"Sora, can you check her legs? I think I smell blood" Kim Lee Hyu said, ignoring everything he said like a pro. Of course, he did make sure to nod before telling the priest about the maid. He didn't want to make it obvious that he wasn't listening.

If he had turned around, he would have seen Lily's face of surprise and realization. Sora could only sigh, a fond but exasperated look on his face. Diland and Sora shared a look, both mentally talking behind Kim Lee Hyu's back.

"Of course your highness, come with me young lady" Sora said, bowing respectfully to the prince before walking away with the young lady. Diland stood closer to the young prince, holding his hand out once more as the prince took it.

Fake Diland's hand was oddly nice, almost felt like he was really holding his dad's hand. The two continued to walk down the garden, not going too fast and not going too slow.

"Ah! Good morning prince Alexander!" the new gardener who was hired to take care of the garden, Kale, greeted with a bright smile. The man turned to Diland, waving to him. "Morning to you as well sir Diland!"

"A fine morning to you as well, Kale" Kim Lee Hyu replied, a small smile on his face.

Out of all the new changes to this place, Kale was the best one. Even if he was simply ment to be an illusion, nothing more to cause more pain to him, Kim Lee Hyu still liked the man out of the others.

He wasn't weird, didn't treat him like he was made of glass, and best of all, didn't treat him like a child. Diland seemed to like the cheerful man as well, for as polite as he acts. It still feels weird how formal Diland was acting. Sometimes, he forgets Diland is even there or that he's already fed the young boy till he gets out of his thoughts.

"Oh, Father Sora doesn't seem to be around today" Kale noted in confusion, the tall man comically looking around like Sora was somehow hidden behind Kim Lee Hyu.

"Indeed, I asked him to help a maid that had accidentally harmed herself" Kim Lee Hyu replied, watching the expressive man's mouth form an O.

"Ahh, so that's why he isn't hovering over you like a worried mother bear. Hahhaha!" the buff gardener joked.

"Please Kale, do not spread such lies about Father Sora" Diland sternly said. Yet Kim Lee Hyu knew his father well enough that even as an illusion, he could still see that him of mischief in his eyes.

"He's truthfully an overprotective mother dragon, worried for the prince" the brown haired man said, as Kate laughed even more.

"Sora isn't a dragon" Kim Lee Hyu replied.

"Ah, but your highness didn't refute that Father Sora is a complete mother hen"

"Well, you aren't wrong"

Kim Lee Hyu continued to talk with the older man, enjoying the talk. He could see other servants from the corner of his eye, most of them being a little closer than need be. Most likely, they were there to make sure Kim Lee Hyu wasn't doing anything odd. The servants nowadays seemed to watch him a lot, monitoring him just in case he tries to kill himself again. Non the less, he ignored them in favor of talking to Kale.

After some time, fake Diland gently tapped his shoulder, to remind him the time. Has it already been an hour since he went out? How time flies when you aren't bored out of your mind.

"It seems I've reached my time limit, a good day to you, Kale" Kim Lee Hyu said, waving goodbye as he held Diland's hand.

"Farewell to you as well your highness!" Kale said, bowing respectfully before giving a big smile that Kim Lee Hyu hesitantly reciprocated.

Diland gently guided the young prince bag inside, carrying him once the young prince's legs gave out. The walk was rather peaceful, despite how this was ment to be his punishment. Kim Lee Hyu still thought it was odd.

But maybe his torture didn't feel like physically hurting him, only emotionally hurting him. Still, the green eyed boy couldn't help but cherish the peace. He closed his eyes, letting his head rest on the older man's shoulder. Curse this sleepy child body.

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Kim Lee Hyu woke up to darkness and the sound of movement. He got up immediately, eyes darting around out of instinct, yet couldn't find anything. The room was barely lit, so it was difficult to see. Yet he knew someone was here, watching him deep in the shadows. Kim Lee Hyu is a hardened warrior, having fought on a battlefield for years.

He's faced ambush before, knows the feeling, the smell, of an enemy close by. The years on the battlefield, hiding from those monsters, made it difficult to sleep so soundly when he wasn't knocked out into a coma. One couldn't easily kill him, not when his senses was always alert of any potential threats to his life. To his soldiers lives, to the lives of his family.

He knows this isn't simple paranoia.

Kim Lee Hyu is smart, knows why the strange threat is here, why his instincts were going hay wire.

It must be his torturer, for why else would he watch and hide? Why else could he feel such real bloodlust when illusions were unable to do so? The boy knows why the demon is hiding.

After all, Kim Lee Hyu knows how the demons had become afraid of him after what he had done. After who he had slain. They never show him their true form, not if they wanted to remain alive. Green eyes continued to stare into the darkness, knowing that his torturer hid in them. He should feel angry, should feel fear, but he felt only calm at that moment.

He could kill a demon easily, their bodies softer than the near-indestructible scales of the monsters he had killed.

Demons had tough bodies, but it wasn't tough enough. Yet demons were tricky, hiding in illusions, never showing their true forms.

Not when they knew his name, knew his soul. Not when he was a danger to them. Not when he could shred apart their existence. Had he been anyone else, he's sure they wouldn't care, that they would even show their true face to scare the poor soul in his place. But alas, the person here is him, whether they like like it or not.

"I know your there" Kim Lee Hyu stated, having no patience to deal with the demon. He wouldn't let it feel any sense of comfort.

The room stiffened, the smell of surprise lingering in the air. He had shocked the demon. It was a rookie mistake, one that would have gotten it killed had Kim Lee Hyu still been in his bigger, much more healthier, body. Maybe that's why they regressed his age, why they put him in his miserable white haired body.

"Cease all your facades already and get out" he called out, sharpness in his tone.

Despite how he acted, Kim Lee Hyu is actually rather happy this demon was here. For now, he could finally speak to the demon. Get him to drop his stupid roleplaying game and get on with the punishment. It's selfish of him, it's stupid of him to ask his punisher this, but he's gotten sick and tired of its games.

"I know you wish to torturer me, so get on with it and stop pretending," he said, trying to make it seem more like a request than a demand. He doesn't think he managed to do it.

Silence filled the bedroom as the human and demon stayed at a standstill. The room was getting darker, a barely hidden anger excluded from the demon. It didn't bother to hide it's anger. It didn't see him as threat with his body so weak, his mana so low. But then again, Kim Lee Hyu didn't bother to hide his emotions either.

"...is it true that you have been tortured before?" the demon asked instead of responding to his demands.

Kim Lee Hyu could only sigh, annoyance in his heart.

He would normally calmly respond, having the patience to deal with random questions used to respond to his actual questions. A trick for him to forget his original question. Normally, he wouldn't be feeling so much annoyance, so much anger. But normally he wouldn't be in a situation like this.

The bastard has once again ignored him, much like it had when he cried for the end of this horrid reenactment of his darkest of time. How annoying, they had chosen the perfect creature to punish him.

"Of course, I was, now stop delaying and get on with it," Kim Lee Hyu said, rolling his eyes at the annoying demon.

Another round of silence filled the room, as the demon once again fell into silence. Kim Lee Hyu waited for its response, yet it remained quiet. What a dick, at least try to communicate. Tired and annoyed, he began to move, preparing to go back to bed.

He didn't want to deal with this. If it wouldn't listen to him, why should he give it the same dignity? Kim Lee Hyu should have just ignored it the first time.

"Who did it?" the demon suddenly asked, making Kim Lee Hyu pause from tucking himself in.

This stupid demon, first woke him up with it's excessive staring, and now it was asking pointless questions.

"He's dead, I killed him" Kim Lee Hyu replied darkly, in an empty manner.

It was his first actual human kill. For as many monsters and demons as he had destroyed, he had avoided killing humans as much as possible. He couldn't handle the guilt, to be honest. It still left him empty when he thinks about it, still hurt his soul. For even as Alexander, he had never killed a person. Even at his lowest, he hadn't done so.

It fills him with misery every time he thought of his first human kill, and he didn't even bother hiding his emotions. The demon could surely smell it, even if he did hide it. So what's the point in even trying?

"They're gone so don't bother asking him. Make up your own punishment" Kim Lee Hyu added. Because he, unlike the demon, actually communicates.

Something shifts in the darkness, and soon, a man in dark attire came out. It was difficult to see, with the only light in his room being from the covered moonlight from the window. He could not truly see the outfit, nor the face of the demon, but he was surprised to see it so close to him. Hands slowly reach out to him, as if afraid to frighten the boy. The demon was getting closer, and Kim Lee Hyu stayed still. He wanted to kill it, wanted to end the demon. But he knows his limits. Knows that his body was still recovering and couldn't fight at all. Not while his mana was still weak.

He flinched as the demon drew closer. Oddly enough, it had chosen a human disguise, yet again, it was obviously a very serious roleplayer so it must have wanted to continue it's roleplay. The scarred hands gently held his, as if he was something fragile.

"I'm sorry," the demon said, surprising Kim Lee Hyu. Why would it apologize? Odd.

"We have failed to protect you, my prince" the demon whispered, remorse in it's voice. Still roleplaying.

However, it was acting odd, not like how it should be. Yes he realized it was a roleplayer, but even his torturer wouldn't apologize to him. It was almost like, this wasn't his torturer... That this isn't hell... No, his torturer must be trying to manipulate him. Making him dependent on someone. Making him think he's free. Earning his trust, just to break it

(Just like it had so many years ago. People that should have cared for him, should have been his most trustworthy people. It hurt when they betrayed him, when they had given up on him.

Yet he did not blame them. After Diland's death, he had been a horrible person. He didn't blame them, for they had sworn their loyalty to the Alexander who had died the day Diland did. Not the stranger, the villain, who weld their prince's face.)

He isn't as stupid as this demon seemed to think he is. The green-eyed boy knew that his deepest fear is being abandoned. That he would die if his family were to leave him. To abandon him.

Kim Lee Hyu understands tactics, he's experienced them before. Suffered from illusions of his deepest fears. This isn't his first rodeo.

He didn't respond to it. The boy shook in anger. How dare this bastard try to manipulate him? How dare it ignore him, and lie to his face. Demons were such pain, and for once, he missed something from his time as Prince Alexander. At least the demons in that life hadn't been slippery bastards.

"Stop lying, I already know your purpose here" Kim Lee Hyu growled out, yanking his hands away from the demon.

"Stop pretending, why won't you just stop pretending?" he couldn't help but ask out, anger and frustration building up in his body. The anger he had majorly ignored like a pro surfacing back up.

"Your highness-" it tried to say, but Kim Lee Hyu was down with it's bullshit.

"SHUT UP!!!" he yelled, as anger filled his shaking green eyes.

The room tensed, the air seemed to steel up. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. The shadowed man froze in shock, watching the small boy shake in anger, tears streaming down his face.

"Why must you always lie? Why go through this elaborate facade?" he asked, no, demanded from the demon. He sounded like a broken record.

"Just hurt me already! I know how it goes! Stop with all this fake kindness and hurt me already!!" he screamed out, shakily gripping his sheets.

Anger seemed to coarse through his veins, salting old wounds that had never been laid to rest.

"Please, I'm so tired of this..." he couldn't help but say, the tears blurring his vision.

He couldn't help but feel like a crybaby, crying all the time. Maybe it's the stress, or perhaps it's his younger body, but Kim Lee Hyu felt so tired, so weak. Emotions were hard to deal with, crying and breakdowns easier than it had ever been. Much like it had when Kim Lee Hyu had to relive childhood when he was reborn.

For once, he felt like giving up. For once, he felt like dying again. But he couldn't. The demon wouldn't let him. It wouldn't let him die.

Everything was shit, he just wants his family back. He just wants his friends by his side. He wants his brothers, his niece, his sister-in-law. Kim Lee Hyu wanted his black hair again, wanted his scarred but strong body. He wants to be him again.

He doesn't want to be Alexander. Doesn't want to return to a time of his mistakes. Off his regrets. He doesn't want to have to face ghosts of the people he had once wronged so much. Of people, he had hurt so deeply. The memories hurt, he knows that every little thing triggers his mind. Triggers long-buried traumas that he thought he had moved on from.

Remembers the guillotine. Walking up to the stand, his body weak from his time in the dungeon. When the guards had taken their revenge on him. The people looking at him with hate, tomatoes, and other spoiled food thrown his way. Insult after insult was said about the villainous prince. He could remember the sound of birds singing from the distance, the way the air had brought forth a gentle breeze. Looking back on it, the day had been peaceful, a day too good on a death like his.

His eyes opened wide, hands reaching out to his neck, remembering how the blade had chopped it off. His body scrambled back, phantom images of faces that had screamed at him appearing on his face.

Fuck, the screams had been the worst. It had screamed so loud that day. He hadn't even had a clean death. The blade getting stuck, making him live with agony for a few more minutes before the executioner swung his axe down to finish the job. Alexander could remember the way it had felt, the screams that had followed. Oddly enough, he could remember the feeling of fire. His body burned in on itself as his chest finally felt cold.

His death had hurt, of course, it did. It obviously should, it obviously did.

Why was he remembering this? Why was he?-

"-Listen to the sound of my voice, can you hear me?" a voice asked, worry in it. He nodded, unable to respond.

"Good, good... tell me five things you can feel," the voice asked him. Kim Lee Hyu struggled to speak, his body feeling numb. Yet he still tried.

"A-a h-hand" he started, realizing that a hand had been holding his small shaking ones.

"My sh-sheets, m-my clo-clothes" he continued to list, feeling the soft touch of his fabrics. "My h-hair" he said softly, his hair tickling his cheeks.

"My- my- uhm..." he trailed off, not knowing what to list. What to say. He was doing awful, not even able to do simple tasks like this.

"Shhh, it's okay, you've done a wonderful job," the voice said, as he felt something pat his hair soothingly. It felt good, it felt warm.

"Oh my dear prince, I won't hurt you, I could never hurt you" the voice comforted him.

It felt warm. Kim Lee Hyu leaned into the touch, feeling safe for the first time since he's been here.

"I'm sorry for not protecting you properly, I won't ever let it happen again" it promised, and for a while, Kim Lee Hyu could pretend that it was his big brother's voice.

He shuffled closer, reaching out for a hug. Slowly, unsurely, a pair of arms hugged him back, and Kim Lee Hyu felt safe. His brother was so warm.

"I'll protect you, I promise" his brother promised, as Kim Lee Hyu's tears slowly stopped.

Oh, it seemed he had been crying. Well, that was a surprise. Nonetheless, he began to relax, his tears getting smaller as his sobs began to quiet down. The hand patting his head continued to do so, sooting circles rubbing his head in a way that made him feel sleepy.

"It's going to be okay now, rest your eyes my prince" his big brother whispered, as Kim Lee Hyu felt his eyelids dropping. He was tired. It wouldn't hurt to sleep for a bit, right?

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Hello! Finally finished my exams so I finished this chapter :D

If it wasn't obvious, Kim Lee Hyu's body is very sleepy since young kids tire out easily after big emotional outbursts. If he had his older brother, he wouldn't have as many breakdowns as he has now, but as a child it's harder to control your emotions.

Anyways, a big thanks to Ren for helping with the chapters as always. I'll probably edit this properly later, since I can't trust Ren to spell for shit. Like I know I make mistakes, especially since I don't tend to write with a computer, but Ren is god awful at spelling. When I was their beta reader, I had to re-write their sleep deprived sentences that make zero sense.

Anyways! Sorry for the long wait, for that have this longer than normal chapter! I will still take a while to post since this sem is currently going through its 'so busy I can't even cook ramen' time.