Caution!

The following contains dark themes. Self loathing and suicide are present in multiple chapters. This story gets lighter as it progress, but be advised that the beginning is rather dark.

Current chapter has depictions of dark thoughts, self-harm, implied violence as well as implied suicide. Please be warned.

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Kim Lee Hyu is tired, yet he was also very happy. No, he wasn't just happy, he was joyous, hope filling his soul in a way it very rarely did in his long, long life.

"Lee Hyu-nim! We did it! We actually did it!" his dearest friend and trusted companion yelled in joy, tears of relief in his hazel brown eyes. No one would have believed that the soft-looking young man was the bloodthirsty berserker of their group. That this strange group of individuals had saved the world. Kim Lee Hyu felt multiple arms reach out to him, warmth surrounding him on all sides as he was hugged by his friends and family.

"Hell yeah!" "That's our team leader for you!" they cheered in happiness as the man in question could only smile.

"We did it" the dark-haired male whispered, tears building up in his soft green eyes.

"We're free," he said as a bubbling laugh escaped his lips.

"Dongsaeng!" "Brat!" he could hear his hyungs cry out in relief running over to them and joining the crushing hug.

Tears of joy escaped the scared man's face as he was held in his loved ones' arms.

His friends laughed, happy tears streaming through their faces and Kim Lee Hyu was sure he was the same. After 100 long years of war, humanity, the entire alliance of the different systems, finally they had won.

Long ago, creatures from the abyss appeared and plagued the world in chaos. It didn't matter what planet it was, what solar system or universe they hid in, those monsters were everywhere. It was a dark world, when suddenly people had awakened, gaining abilities to fight against the abyssal creatures.

When Kim Lee Hyu had been reborn here, he hadn't cared. He thought all he had to do was be a hunter and join the fight against the Abyss. After all, his punishment was just to be good, not to save the world.

Never would he ever have expected to help people, to be genuinely happy to save others. To feel sorrow for the lives that were lost. Alexander Oriel had never expected to love.

Yet here he was, happier than he had ever been.

Alex was once a prince, yet he felt no love.

Kim Lee Hyu was born poor, yet he's never been so loved.

Alex was raised in comfort yet he never learned to trust.

Kim Lee Hyu was raised in violence, yet he's never gained so many trustworthy allies and friends.

The black-haired man doesn't regret being reborn, doesn't grieve for his past life. He was a prince of nothing, but now he is happy.

He found his purpose.

Looking down at his army, he could see people of different sizes, different races, happily rejoicing in unity as the ultimate enemy, was slain by their savior, the one who ended it all, Kim Lee Hyu.

Kim Lee Hyu is sure he's made up for his past crimes, and would be finally granted peace. That he could rest. Surrounded by his loved ones, by the people he trusted and who trusted him back, the 38-year-old man could only smile at his blessings.

Never before has he felt as happy as he did now. Never before has he felt as warm as he did now.

It was too good the be true.

He was happy, content after everything he had to go through when it was all torn away from him.

Holy light shined down on him and he felt it. His body was fading, and by the looks of his friends, he was not going back. He was being returned whether he liked it or not.

"Kim Lee Hyu!" he could hear his name being screamed as his friends tried desperately to save him.

The savior could only scream as he was torn from his loved ones, from his world, from his home.

That day, the world mourned for their lost savior.

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When Kim Lee Hyu woke up, pain coursed through his body, agony eating up his insides like a parasite. He felt hot, so utterly burning hot, it felt like he was being burned alive. A heavy feeling filled his heart as he couldn't feel his legs, couldn't feel his arms. His body was numb, not responding to a single thing he wanted, yet he could feel fire burning through his veins.

It hurt

It hurt in ways that he hadn't felt in a long time. Not a single tear was shed as he felt himself be burned by hellfire. It was agony. Seconds passed and yet it felt like decades had flown by. Fire, in the end, his life always went back to fire.

The dark flames that had rested in his heart so many years ago, burning him slowly. A death he could not avoid. It has returned now, the feeling of eternal agony that came with burning.

So this was it.

Even after becoming a savior, his soul was still deemed a sinner. Condemned to eternal suffering in the depths of hell. How fitting.

In the end, he was still a villain who must suffer, what did he expect.

He closed his eyes as he accepted his faith.

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Dull green eyes stared at the mirror, despair on a small delicate face of a cute young boy. There was a small hint of madness in those dull eyes, a hint of dark hysteria as he stared.

Soft yet dirty white hair framed his dirty face, that although attractive, was hidden under the dirt and grim that covered his body. Full pink lips, long full lashes shakily framing dull eyes, his face was truly pleasing to look at even when he looked like he was on the edge of madness, of despair.

Despair

The perfect word to describe his heart. To describe his situation. Kim Lee Hyu was in hell.

That was the only explanation as to why he had returned to his old body. Why he had returned as Alexander Oriel, the hated prince.

Hasn't he given enough?

Hasn't he redeemed himself of his sins? Hasn't he spent the past 38 years of his life for good? Why?

Why why why why why why wHy why whY wHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

why was he back?

A laugh spilled out of his lips, dark and devoid of humor. He should have expected it. Kim Lee Hyu didn't deserve a happy ending.

He never did.

Kim Lee Hyu didn't know what he expected.

It's been thirteen days since he's returned, ten days since he mourned.

Thirteen days since he lost it all.

He's been staring at his reflection every day, every morning, hoping he would wake up and see his face. His face as Kim Lee Hyu. But all he saw was Alexander's young features. He should find something to eat, he hasn't eaten since he got here. Mana being the only reason he's alive.

But he doesn't. He can't bring himself to care.

Not a single servant has looked for him. Not a single one has looked after him. He is alone in this room.

Kim Lee Hyu has been thinking for a while now. About what to do now that he's returned. Sometimes he wonders if he should have been kinder to his siblings, giving them space instead of clinging to them.

Gain their love and be happy with the ones who should have been family.

Ask for forgiveness for treating them so cruelly when he had thought that was kindness. When he didn't understand how to love.

Other times he thinks about killing them.

It would be so easy.

Their flesh was soft and smooth, not made of deep scales that made killing oh so very difficult. He sometimes wonders how they'd look. Would they beg? Would they cry as he crushed their bones like it was mere sticks on the road?

Oh how his eldest brother would squirm, and Kim Lee Hyu would give him a way out, a bit of false hope. Then he'd crush it.

Would his second or third brother cry and beg like Kim Lee Hyu, no, like Alexander had? It was such a dark thought, killing children who still had their whole life ahead of them, yet Kim Lee Hyu couldn't help but feel the deep scars in his heart ache at the memory of the three princes. As for his sister, as much as she had aided by being an enabler, Kim Lee Hyu would have given her a painless death. She was, after all, too stupid to be blamed.

Kim Lee Hyu would save the best for last. The emperor. How would it feel? To see someone in who looked so much like the woman you love (wasn't it funny that Kim Lee Hyu only looked similar to Alexander's mother after he died?), kill your family? Someone who looked like a loved one, colored in your own coloring, kill your children. Would it give him the same despair Kim Lee Hyu was feeling? Or would it be more?

What a morbid line of thought. No matter how much he had hated them, Alexander had never enjoyed torturing others. Kim Lee Hyu wasn't any different.

Yet it would be easy to get away with it. No one would be able to link it back to him even if they tried.

He found out the hard way that his abilities had returned. When he had been burning alive, the fire in his heart, the illness that had plagued him returning to his body, he had prayed and prayed to be cold, to let the fire cool. He had frozen his veins, nearly dying as the blood froze over and over while burning again and again.

The white-haired boy nearly screamed, nearly yelled, but his lips had been sealed shut as his body gave up on him. Kim Lee Hyu couldn't move, his mana was the only thing letting him move.

Kim Lee Hyu didn't know why his illness has gotten worse, why the fire and now ice kept hurting him so much more than it had ever done, but it must be because he transmigrated back.

With his mana doubled, his illness must have doubled as well.

His thoughts were a puddled mess now, going back and forth from topic to topic. But one thing his mind seemed to never let go of is to escape.

Escaping this hellscape and returning to his family. He wonders how they are, how they're dealing with his disappearance. Are they mourning for him? Have they gone insane? Or are they looking for him as well?

He doubts that they would move on from him so quickly. Kim Lee Hyu knows that they aren't like the scum he had to call family in this life. It would be an insult to their kindness, to their genuine care if he had doubted them, if he thought they'd act like those bastards. Running a hand through his dirty, sticky white hair, he let out a sigh. Truly, he's so pathetic crying over himself like this. Going so crazy, acting so stupid, wasting thirteen precious days that could be used to find a way out.

But how? How does he return? It's not like his world was the one he was born in, this world being his birth world if what those assholes said was correct. It would be so much more easier if it was. If he could just hop right back.

He knows he's desperate, that him acting this way is so humiliating. Yet he can't stop himself. Can't stop acting like a clown. Someone pathetic. Shit, it would be faster if he could just talk to one of those assholes already.

Kim Lee Hyu paused, eyes widening as a marvelous idea gave birth in his mind. His eyes glinted with well-hidden madness as he began to search. Searching, he went through his room like a man on the hunt when he finally found it.

A small dagger he had kept for safekeeping, something he had stolen to feel even a sliver of comfort in this dark and dangerous castle, to protect himself. He had never used it as Alexander, the body he had being too weak thanks to his illness to be of proper use. Now, now it could finally be used for the opposite purpose.

He smiled.

And he plunged.

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Oh my, what is MC doing!?

seems like he's not the most stable as of the moment.

Me and Mc have the same name cause I'm too lazy to think of another name ;D

The current cover is temporary, once my good friend Ren, the original owner of this account is done with the art I commissioned from them then we'll get to see what each character looks like :D

I would give you their social media so you can commission them but they don't actually take commission and only did this for me cause I promised to bake them banana cake once they cost

;)