REWRITTEN ON 02/24/18 :)
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"Hi, my name's Ann. I suffer with anorexia. The only reason I'm here is because the idiot sitting next to me walked into my life like he owned the place and told me how to live it. So yeah, that's me."

Sitting back down in my chair, I shiver. This is the last place I expected myself to end up at. Hospital? Maybe. Group therapy session full of sick creeps? No. I'm just a junior in high school that skips a few meals, how did I get myself here? As soon as I look over to my left, I know how. Josh Sullivan Maryter. Who even has a name like Sullivan any more? Maybe the school would've ended up sending me here anyways, but it makes me physically sick that he's the reason I'm here. Hatred for everyone at school is my specialty, yet a month ago it was stated by me that I love him. He knows every little detail there is to know about me, from the fact that my main excuse to not eating is that I'm always busy, to the point that I don't actually have any close friends even when I'm supposedly the most popular girl at school. He's the reason I'm here, and me being here with him is the reason I now have a love-hate relationship with his dumb self.

"Uh, hi... I'm Josh. I deal with really bad anxiety and I'm mainly here to help my previously introduced... friend... Ann."

Really, Josh? Was it necessary to mention that I'm the only reason you dragged the two of us here? Never once did I ask to come to some stupid group therapy session to talk about problems that literally no one in their right mind would care about. I'd apologize for being such a burden but it was completely his choice to trick me into joining him on this little adventure. Also, what the hell, man? Last time I checked, normal friends don't kiss each other or constantly hold hands. Maybe the word you were looking for was girlfriend, significant other, or partner. Maybe I screwed that up but can't a guy just tell you when something happens in your relationship. Is that too much to ask for?

As I sit here waiting for everyone else to introduce themselves, I think back. I think back to the times where my problems were only my problems and not someone else's. Care about me all you want but don't expect me to know how to react to that. All I've ever done is pretend to be friendly, when in reality, I hardly like the presence of anyone at school. Most of them try to be popular by getting good grades, yet take extremely easy classes instead of working hard for better results, like yours truly of course. Besides the people copping their way into popularity, the newcomers might be the worst. Going to the same school since first grade in a place with very little change has a lot of advantages, mainly being that I know how to deal with the people and the people know how to deal with me. When newcomers do happen to come though, we end up with people like Josh. People that mess the balance up and change the course of schedule.

Before I know it someone says my name and I'm suddenly whisked out of my thoughts of hatred for Josh. "Ann," the counselor girl looks at me, "would you like to share with us how your anorexia began?" In my mind I scream the answer no, over and over again until everything goes black, in the conversation though, I just nod my head yes and try to imagine the words that are about to come out of my mouth. There's absolutely no way for this to end well. Maybe a flying monkey will burst through the wall and whisk me away from this extremely horrifying situation. Sadly, that doesn't happen fast enough, so I start talking before things get even more awkward.

"It all started the summer before freshman year. My parents wanted my future planned out so life became the process of living for my future transcript. It got so busy that food was a burden. I hated that, and the fact that it's hard to feel successful when you feel like you look terrible just because you're an average weight, so I stopped dealing with food."

It was a quick summary of the past three years of my life, yet it didn't summarize it at all. Sure, I was going for the least amount of detail possible and yes, I achieved that very well, but there's so much missing that in all honesty, it isn't even that true. Maybe I managed to explain what started this terrible thing I've come to live with, but that's just the beginning. So much more has happened because of it, major things in the past three years of my life, my entire high school career, have happened all because of this stupid eating disorder. It's not stupid. It's just my life at this point. Without thinking, I'll skip multiple meals and live off a snack or two throughout the day. Eating an actual meal requires not feeling bad about the fact that eating means gaining weight, it means I have to try and force myself to enjoy it.

Everyone's been talking about me, yet I've been zoned out as can be. When I force myself to pay attention, someone's talking about the risk of slowing your metabolism down as you skip meals or restrict your calorie limit to an insanely low level. This is the conversation you want to have in a therapy session with the anorexic chick? Obviously I'm aware that it isn't a good thing. Doubt it would be considered a disorder if it was a great way to get in shape, but maybe I'm wrong on that. After maybe a whole five minutes, and a long feeling five minutes at that, I decide it doesn't matter, my thought process is a whole lot more interesting than this pointless talk.

In the past I always felt like no one on this planet actually cares about anything else besides the things that impact them. I still feel that way, probably because it's accurate. My own parents didn't care enough to notice that their child was eating less when she was doing a whole lot more. In three years it's never been questioned that the last time I ate a full size meal with them was most likely an incredibly long time ago. How do you not even try to seem like you care about the thing that you created? I wasn't lying when I mentioned that their wish was for me to plan my future out before high school, yet they got me so busy that priorities got mixed around, I find it funny that this is where it's lead to.
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UPDATE WILL BE OUT 03/01/18
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