WARNING: ACE BANDAGES ARE DANGEROUS. DON'T DO THAT.

The next few months quickly rolled past. I had no texts from Jessica, not a single word had been spoken between us since our argument. I was afraid I had lost my best friend and I had no one else to speak to. If this was how the rest of my school life would go then I wasn't looking forward to it. Can I reset my life yet? Click Control, alt, delete and be out of here?  

I put on a baggy shirt underneath my school shirt like I usually did because it made me feel slightly better and like my chest wasn't getting any bigger but I knew it was. The baggy shirt was nothing more than a mask to hide the inevitable. I sighed. I needed something better, my chest was no longer as flat as it used to be. 
I crept downstairs. It was 6 am so my dad was not up yet and I didn't want to wake him. I looked through the first aid kit he left in the kitchen and finally found what I was looking for: the ace bandages. I had used it once before because I read something online about them and I didn't see the harm of using them again, just for today and then tomorrow I would have a breather day.  
I've read of the dangers but as long as I didn't do them too tightly I didn't see the issue.
Back upstairs I was faced with my enemy.  There I was, stood in front of that dreaded mirror again. Hating my reflection in the smudged glass as I began to bind my chest with the bandage until my chest was flattened down. I shoved my shirt on over the top and turned to the side to see the good work. I didn't have much cleavage to begin with so the bandages covered them up pretty good. 

At 7 am, my dad was finally up so I joined him for breakfast. 
"How's my little girl this morning?" He chirped as I sat at the dining table with him. It was pretty big and empty without the presence of mum, I could still smell the French toast she used to make wafting through the air but only if I closed my eyes and truly focused. I was used to her not being there but some days I felt a pang in my chest as I thought about what it was like before she'd gone away.
"Um, I'm fine dad..." I mumbled and began to eat my bland cereal.
"You look beautiful." Dad stood up to put his bowl in the sink but before he did he stroked my head. "Just like a princess." 
"Thanks," I chocked out as I felt hot tears forming at my eyes.
I forced them back but pretty soon I had to leave the room, making an excuse I rushed upstairs. I wasn't a princess. I wasn't a tranny either. I was just me. Neither dad nor Jessica could understand that but I wasn't about to let that stop me being me. I pulled on my bandage and taped it into place, it was tighter than it had been the last time I had done it but I could still breath so I didn't care. It made me feel better. 

~

"Hey up flat chest," Jessica spoke the first word I had heard her say in a while. 
"Hey Jess..." I mumbled and begged the teacher to let us in to the classroom but she was no where in sight. "Haven't seen you at dance class in a while." 
Okay, keep it casual. Maybe nothing will go wrong, I tired to reassure myself. 
"Well obvs I changed classes. I didn't want your trannyness rubbing off on me, did I?" She laughed cruelly as I pulled my arms around myself. It was then that her friends joined her, the friends she left me for. 
"Ew, I wouldn't stand so close," one said. 
"What the heck have you shoved down your top?" Another laughed. I hugged myself tighter self consciously.
"No-nothing. Le-leave me alone," I stuttered out. I noticed that not only my voice was shaking but so were my hands.
"Gladly." Jessica pushed into me with so much force that I fell backwards into the wall. I felt the bricks push into my shoulder blades and gasped as I fell to the floor. The pain was immediate but it didn't feel half as bad as the was raging war inside my head and the tumoil going on inside my heart.

I skipped that lesson.
And the next.  
Then it was lunch time. 

I avoided Jessica by going to the library which was empty. I ate my food alone and browsed the endless fiction all around me. There was something calming about being alone. I could forget about myself, I could forget about how everyone saw me. Books helped too because when I read I was that character, not me. I wasn't Becky and I wasn't Dan, I was Percy Jackson or Harry Potter or whatever character was in the book I had chosen. Today, I was Zak Darke Agent 21 and his life was much more of a mess than mine. I could finally forget about my own struggles. If even for an afternoon. 
"Becky? Where were you today?" Or for a minute until the alone time was broken. I turned around and saw my RE teacher. 
"I had a dentist appointment," I lied. What else could I say? I didn't come in because Jessica called me a tranny and pushed me? She'd tell me to stop being stupid and to not let someone like Jessica get in the way of my learning. She was right of course, but I didn't want to hear her say it. 
"Okay, I'll let you off this time." She winked at me but her smirk slowly faded. "Are you feeling okay?" 
"Yeah, miss, I'm fine," I reassured her but I wasn't very convincing. I messed with my hair because it usually calmed my anxiety but it didn't seem to work. 
"If you ever need to talk you know where my room is," she reminded me. 
"Thanks..." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I could go to her but what would the point be? She wouldn't understand. She'd tell me to stop being silly. I was a girl and that's all I would ever be. That's all people would see me as.

About 5 minutes after she'd left, I left myself and made my way to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face to cool down, I held onto the sink and tried to gulp in whatever air I could. My ribs ached and my chest felt heavy. 
"What are you doing in here?" The sudden voice made me look over at the door to see Jessica and her group. 
"Are you feeling okay?" Jessica asked and for a moment I thought she was being nice to me again but that moment was only brief as soon her snide smile appeared back on her face. "Is being in the girls room too much for your tranny brain to handle?" 
"Shut up!" I tried to shout but my voice was hoarse and everything hurt. 
"What was that?" She cupped her hand to her ear and waited for me to say something but my words had become lost. She knocked into me and my body slammed into the sink, it felt like a brick wall.
I pushed past her and made my way down the hallway to the second bathroom on that floor, it was right at the end of the school but I made it there despite the agony rushing through me. I made my bandages looser and breathed in and out quickly. I gulped the air as though it was a glass of water and I was in the midst of the desert.

AN:
IX XXII