"Where are you taking me?" I asked anxiously as the streets grew darker and I noticed the patch of parked cars was thinning out.
"I wouldn't hurt you, Dan..." He told me gently, noticing my nerves.
"Really?" I scoffed.
"Not purposely anyway," he dropped his head down and stared at the ground for a long moment.
I just wanted to reach out and hold him in my arms until he smiled that smile I used to love so much... The smile I still loved but didn't want to admit I did. Instead of getting closer, I just continued to follow him. We didn't speak anymore after that and I noticed a small field spanning out beyond the street we had arrived on. He went to grab my hand but stopped halfway and instead nodded his head forwards.
"This way," he said as he started walking across the dew-covered grass.
I hesitated at the grass verge as I watched Phil walk further away. Eventually, I convinced myself to follow him. He stopped just before the tree line began. He smiled softly and looked up at the sky.
"Do you ever look at the stars and think that you're so small but also part of something so much bigger?" He asked me softly.
I looked up too and there must've been a million stars up there all looking down on us. I felt a sense of calm wash over me as we stood in the middle of the fields with them twinkling above us. Like there was something up there looking back down at us.
It was near impossible to see the stars from my bedroom window, so it was nice to see them all again. I couldn't remember the last time I had looked up there and seen the glow of a million dots. No matter how many nights you go without seeing them, they're always there. They're always waiting for you to see them again.
"Why are we here?" I asked him and tried not to show my awe.
"Remember when we went Starbucks for the first time after dance?" He asked me as he shuffled his backpack off his back and began to unzip it.
"Yeah?"
"We talked about dates and relationships..." He trailed off and looked up at me like he thought I would comment but I stayed silent. He started to pull something out of the bag. "Anyway, I was thinking about that day... and it made me realise we never did go on any real dates."
"Because our relationship wasn't real," I couldn't help but butt in.
He stopped moving, his hand was on some fabric in the bag but I couldn't make out what it was. There was little light where we were and I hugged my chest as a new chill ran down my neck that wasn't just from the cold night air. Why did I follow him here?
"It was real." He shook his head. "I like you... a lot."
"You wouldn't have dragged me through all that if you did," I whispered.
"I wanted to get away from Alfie and speak to you. The bet seemed like a good way to do that but I'd never see your body as just a way to win a stupid bet that I didn't even care about," his voice was hushed and he didn't look at me. He frowned at the ground before managing to lift his head up. "You don't have to believe me but just let me give you the date you always deserved."
I didn't say anything but I didn't walk away either and that was all the incentive he needed to wrestle a big folded up blanket from his bag. He covered the wet floor with it and sat down, leaving enough space for me. I didn't move.

"I know it's not the perfect date I told you about - there's no sunset or picnic but this was the best I could do..." He looked a little guilty about that.
I thought back to that day in Starbucks. "When the sun is beginning to set we'll find an open space and set out a picnic basket on the grass," I remembered the way he had told me and how I wished he would do something like that for me one day. "The stars will shine on us and we'll just talk all night, about life and our future."
I found myself sitting down on the far edge of the blanket. I pulled at the grass just to give myself something to do other than staring at Phil and thinking about what this date would've been like if none of that shit had happened.
"Why didn't you do this before?" I found myself asking.
"I felt guilty," he admitted and carefully shuffled a little closer to me. "Look, Dan, we weren't fake. I can't express that enough."
"Then why did you feel guilty?"
"Because it was always there, hanging over me. I knew what I'd promised Alfie and just saying it had made me feel gross," he told me. "It didn't matter that I wasn't going to do it. I was worried about you finding out about the bet and thinking it was real. I was worried that if I did see you Alfie would somehow know. I just didn't want you thinking wrongly of me and all this is really stupid but I just... I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to hurt you."
"Oh," I said. I wanted to believe him.

We were quiet for a long time as neither of us knew what to say.
"You had a good game tonight," I ended up telling him.
"Do you forgive me?" He asked and I could hear the pure hope in his voice.
"Enough so that I don't want to punch you in the face," I scoffed and continued to pull at the grass.
Despite my attitude, I felt Phil hug me.
"I'm glad you came tonight," he whispered. His voice was mumbled by my shoulder but I could hear him repeating "Thank you. Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Thank the guys and your mum," I told him flatly.
"What did my mum actually tell you?" He asked me as he pulled his head away from me but still stayed close enough that I could lean down and kiss him in an instant if I wanted to. But I didn't want to... why was I even thinking about kissing him?
"She said you were down or something." I pretended like I hadn't memorised what she had said.
"You could say that," he sniffed and wiped his face. "I've been miserable without you here... I bet you're living it up in London, huh?"
"It's pretty great there," I told him but I didn't feel the words in my heart. I was lying. London is okay but it's not home. Mason is amazing but he's not Phil. "But I miss it here."
"Do you miss me?" He asked and clasped my hands between his and I didn't want him to ever let go. My breath caught in my throat as I felt my hand's tingle like they did the first time he held them. He was so close I could feel his breath against my skin and could see the sparkle of the stars reflecting in his eyes. "Do you think about me because man, Daniel Howell, I think about you so much it hurts."
My head felt dizzy and my heart and body yearned to be closer to him. Tentatively, I placed a hand on his cheek. I felt his fringe laying beneath my fingers, his hair was as soft as I remembered it. His cheek pressed into my palm and he closed his eyes briefly.
"I think about you all the time," I whispered the first true words I had said all night.
He moved so slowly after that. He seemed afraid that he would scare me off if he moved any quicker. He pressed his forehead against mine so his breath tickled my face and his nose pressed against mine. It was wet from obvious tears that were still falling down his face. I moved my hand so it was holding the back of his head and he copied the action, pressing his fingers into my hair. Before I knew what we were doing his lips were on mine. A short one at first but when I didn't pull back he kissed me more. Harsher. He pushed me down onto the blanket and I let him, I wrapped my other arm around his neck and kissed back. I missed this. I missed him.
In between kisses, he started to speak desperately.
"I don't want to lose you, please don't go."
I could feel the tears wetting my own cheeks, or maybe I was crying too.
"Phil..." I managed to say.
Phil stopped kissing me and buried his head into my chest. I sat up on the blanket with him, our legs intertwined as he kneeled over me. I held onto him.
"I know I'm not good enough for you... or anyone really, but especially not you and I fucked this up. I fucked up something that was amazing. I was so stupid. I should've just ditched Alfie instead of pretending to be doing that stupid bet! I wouldn't trust me either, I hate that I did that to you," he sobbed into me. "Please. I want you to know I love you. You make me feel wanted and-and happy. Don't go."
"But I already accepted the scholarship," I said and looked at the ground. I didn't know what else to say. I guess I was just like my mum - better at running away from my problems than facing them.
He pulled back from me, he didn't bother to wipe his eyes so his cheeks glistened.
"I'll go with you, back to London. We can live together somewhere. I can go school and you can go to dance," he told me.
"Phil..." He was willing to give up so much for me, he was willing to move away from his mum who desperately needed him just to be near me. I couldn't let him do that. I could still dance here or in the summer. I didn't have to leave that side of my life behind and I could make it so Phil didn't have to leave his life here behind either. I saw how desperate Phil was for us to make things work. I felt how desperate I was for the same thing.
"No... you're not moving to London. "
"Dan, please don't be mad at me I-"
"No," I cut him off. I wasn't letting him do this.
"Dan..."
"No you're not moving to London," I repeated, "because I'm not leaving either."
"You're- you're not?" He sniffed.
"I don't want to go, Phil," I told him truthfully and looked up at him.
"I want you to stay, Dan," he replied and pulled me into a long, warm hug. His arms wrapped around my body so tightly it was like he was afraid to let go. I was afraid too.
"I want you to stay here so bad," Phil continued. "I want you to stay here... as my boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?" Not partner, boyfriend.
"Boyfriend," he agreed and I kissed him in reply.
"Is that a yes?" He asked when we parted.
"Not boyfriend yet... I still need to know I can trust you," I admitted even though every cell in my body wanted to be with him.
"Friends then?" He asked me.
"Friends," I agreed. "Friends that occasionally kiss."
"And might get together in the future?" He asked and I felt the smile on his lips against my cheek.
The thing is we're not really that different. We've both been abandoned. We've both tried to hide our true selves. We've both clung on to a past we should've let go of. It was time to let go and leap towards the future.
I nodded.

Then we were kissing again and it wasn't as desperate as it had been before. It was subtle and sweet and a kiss that meant I don't want to lose you. A kiss that meant I'm glad you're here with me. A kiss like a dance. A kiss that starts off slow but you know it'll lead on to something amazing. And although the kiss wasn't going to solve everything in our past, it was a good place to start.

AN: That's it! Sorry pals but it's over ;-; I'm going to miss this fic so much, I loved writing it and thanks to everyone who read it! <3 I might add to this with an epilogue in the future but no promises yet. 
This is honestly the longest story I've ever written and I don't think I could've done it without all of your support and love. I'm going to miss all of the comments I got from you all, they really made my day.
I'll be putting up another chapter soon which is where you can vote on what I'll be writing next so check that out ^-^
- Rach x