The next day, I was just well enough to go to school. Which sucked but at least it meant I wouldn't be stuck in the house with my blackmailing so-called mum for the second day in a row.

It was colder than usual. Everywhere I looked I could spot hats that covered ears and saw thick scarves draped around necks - which you could only just see peeking out of the top of coats. I, too, was brandishing my favourite scarf with matching gloves. I wore the same black coat, as usual, the only difference was that it was closed tight around me today. I hugged my chest so no air could get in.
"Slytherin," a voice spoke as I felt someone poking their ice cold fingers between my scarf and neck. I instinctively hit them away. "I would've tagged you as a Gryffindor," Phil continued to say and I self-consciously fiddled with the green and black scarf.
"Pfft, yeah right." I laughed. "I'm the biggest snake."
"Snek," Phil chimed in and poked my scarf into my chest. "You are cute like Draco, though."
"You thought Draco was cute?"
"He was only my first crush. You didn't find him cute?" He looked at me in shock-horror. I wasn't aware he loved Draco so much and suddenly felt I'd committed the worst crime in fictional history. 
"I preferred Harry." I coughed awkwardly.
Phil smiled. "Ah. I suppose you must have a thing for handsome dark haired guys who wear glasses, right?" He slid his fingers through his hair in one slick motion and winked.
"Shut up!" I hit his arm.
"You didn't deny it," he laughed and his tongue peeked out from between his lips.
"It doesn't even work, you're wearing contacts today!" 
"Disappointed?" He teased. "I could draw a scar on my head tomorrow if you'd like. Maybe wear a nice Hogwarts gown, full on cosplay."
"Don't you dare," I warned - although the smile was probably negating the warning tone.
"I probably shouldn't," he said finally and put a hand to my head. "You're getting hot and flustered just thinking about it."
I felt my cheeks heat up even more despite the cold. I hid half my face in my scarf to stop him from noticing.

He took off ahead of me as he made his way through the school gates. When he saw me trailing behind he grabbed my hand and pulled me along. People were looking our way but Phil didn't seem to care. He seemed in his own little world and I was so happy that world included me. A pang of guilt filled my stomach; if I took the scholarship I'd be removing myself from his world. I'd be moving to another place... a place he wouldn't be able to follow me to.

We were early when we got inside so we went to the canteen to hang out before lessons. We sat on a table in the corner - Phil's butt resting on the surface and his feet on the chair.  No teachers were around to tell us to get off and so I joined him and dangled my feet down.  I watched them sway side to side and kicked his chair. He laughed but I only gave him a weak smile back. I couldn't shake this feeling like I was betraying him. I had sat up for hours last night just thinking about the prospects of going to such a school. Thinking about how life changing it could be. How free I would be. A place where no one would know anything about my past.  I'd just be Dan. I didn't think I would actually go but something in the back of my mind kept nagging me. Shouting at me until I paid attention; it was as annoying as an itch on your back that you can't quite reach.
"What's wrong?" Phil asked, tilting his head to one side like a little puppy. 
"Nothing," I said and rubbed my eyes. I ran a hand through my hair, it was reaching the bottom of my neck now and I made a mental note to get it cut. Just another thing whirling around my already overflowing mind. 
"I know when you're lying," he said and lifted his foot off the chair to give my shoe a push.
"I'm just..." Thinking about the fact that my mum wants me to pack up and go to London, but it's alright because even if I go to the audition I might not get in any way. "I just don't feel well. Still." 
"Do you want me to walk you back home?" 
"No... I don't feel that bad."
He studied me for the longest second of my life.
"Well, you sure look it," he finally said in concern.
"Thanks," I laughed. One of those short laughs that stops right after it starts. 
"I- I didn't mean it like that," Phil began but the bell rang and blocked out his rambles. 
"Saved by the bell," I joked and stood up.
I knocked Phil's chair away completely and he jumped off the table. 

We met outside of form and made our way to first lesson together.
Is it odd that my worst lesson had become my favourite? It's Maths and Alfie is there but Phil moved seats so we get to spend an hour together. It's the most comfortable I've ever been in school. I don't even focus on the equations; I focus on Phil's lips and think about when I'll next be able to kiss him, sometimes I look at his pale skin and wonder if in summer they'll be freckles dotted across his face that I can spend the hour counting. Now I wonder if I'll even be here for summer. 
We started to line up outside the classroom. Alfie practically shoved his way between Phil and me so he was in the middle. I looked around him at Phil who was about to join me but Mr Pool stopped him.
"Everyone in," his voice boomed. He wasn't in a good mood today and the only thing Phil could do was walk away from me and into the room. Mr Pool retreated soon after and Alfie stopped. I had to quickly follow suit so my stomach didn't slam into his back. 
Students walked around us and filled the room. Once it was just the two of us he turned to me, I tensed. I felt my knuckles clench together in preparation for whatever Alfie was going to do.
"Sorry for pushing in," he said and for a second he seemed genuine. 
"It's okay," I muttered.
I didn't trust whatever he was doing. I looked around him but he moved his body in the way of my vision.
"No it's not," he said with a small sigh.
I was about to say something when he stepped aside. "Ladies first after all." 
Ladies. My breath hitched in my throat. 
I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to come up with a witty remark but I couldn't think of anything to say. Anything would've been better than just staring at him with a cliché open mouth and wide eyes. I swallowed as I stared at his smug face.
Whatever, I thought but my lips wouldn't move so I didn't say it.

I shoved past him, my bag grazing his side and making him let out a sharp laugh.  I took my seat next to Phil who hadn't even started the task on the board. He gave me a worried look but I just shook my head and started to write the date in my book. My eyes felt sore and heavy and not just because of the lack of sleep I'd had. They stung and it took everything in me to not cry. This was exactly the reason I didn't want to stay.
I always run away when things get rough... I guess I'm just like my mum after all. I shook the thought away. No, I wouldn't leave everyone because of some stupid shitty people in my life. I'm not selfish like she was. 
Phil is usually a comfort but today nothing was settling me. Phil being so close just reminded me how far away he could be. I hated keeping this from him. I hated that I was even thinking about doing it. I knew I couldn't and once I talked it out with Phil it would set me back on the right track. I hoped.

The lesson ended too quickly and I had already decided I would tell Phil about the dance scholarship. No matter what I decided, he had a right to know what was going on in my life. 
"Can I talk to you?" I asked him as we stepped out of Maths. 
"I have a lesson..." He trailed off.
"Yeah, yeah so do I but..." I stopped myself short. "Meet me at break?" 
"No. Lesson can wait." He furrowed his brows together, seeing how serious I had been. "Tell me now, it seems important."
"It isn't... really," I said awkwardly.
"Dan, tell me what's bugging you."
"Okay. Well, um," I began and glanced at the clock anxiously. As it ticked by I became aware that I needed more time to think through my words. I thought that maybe if I stared at the clock long enough it would freeze or give me answers or just do anything that didn't involve me talking to Phil about this.
"My mum told me I could get a scholarship... for a dance school." I sighed and looked away. It was a lot harder to say than I thought it would be. "Phil, actually, this isn't the right time." I went to walk away, regretting that I'd brought it up.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him.
"Isn't that good news?" He asked me. "A scholarship!" 
"It's not that simple," I shook my head. 
"Then explain it to me."
"The dance school... it's in London," I said the word slowly thinking it would make the impact less harsh.
"London?" He bit his lip. 
"Yeah... I know it's so far away and it's only dancing you know? I can't just leave everything here behin-"
"You should go," he interrupted me. "It's a great opportunity."
"Really?"
"Yeah," he smiled. "Anyways, I better get to lesson."
"Sure," my voice sounded weak.
"Thanks for telling me," he said and turned around.
I just watched him walk away.
He seemed so... okay. His walk was the same as usual. His voice had been steady. He seemed almost happy that I could be moving away.
Jessica text came back into my head. Was this about the secret? Was anything between us even real?
Did he even care about me? 

AN: 
AH here it is and it is early! I have assessment week coming up/ visiting a friend in hospital so I kinda wanted to get this out for you lot ^-^ Hope you enjoyed it and I'll be back again soon for the next chapter!
(It's half term on Friday so from then on I'm hoping to be working on this and getting as much as I can done before college begins again.) 
- Rach x