AN: *sees title* *sings: I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGES!*

I sucked in a deep breath as I was unwelcomed into the living room. Funny, isn't it, how a place that you've known your whole life can suddenly hold new feelings? How nothing about it was the same yet not much had actually changed. The wallpapers were suddenly duller, the TV quieter, the seats were probably uncomfortable and cold after not being used in days; not that I sat on them because I barely had time to open the unusually heavy door before my parents were yelling. 
My body already felt beaten. Mental words had stung my brain and hardened my knuckles so often that I barely flinched. I just didn't care. I didn't even look at my mum as she told me how disappointed she was with me but instead, I watched how my dad was reacting. Even he had somehow changed - older, greyer, eye bags darker, jaw clenching slower. He had lost the sparkle in his eyes, it was like the time when our mum first left but worse because she was there to continue sucking the life out of him. He had no fight left in him, he was a silent witness. He stood and watched and never intervened as the anger-filled words were flung my way. 
"How could you do this to us?" She asked.
She paused and left a space where my name should've been but she didn't put it there. She didn't want to use the wrong name in front of my dad, she knew what that would bring and it wouldn't allow her to win anything. That was my mum - analytical, selfish, cost/benefit analysis implanted into her mind. 
"I don't know what you mean," I replied back bluntly. 
"You know exactly what I mean, don't play dumb!" 
"What? So I'm dumb now?"
"That's not what I said but you sure are acting it right now," she replied bitterly.
"This is exactly why I left," I muttered to myself but my mum heard me. I saw her arm move like she was about to swing but instead she placed it on her temple. 
"I don't want to hear anymore," she told me.
"Dad? Are you really not going to say anything!?" I turned to him, hoping he would back me up.
"Your mother is right, we were worried."
"Fine, whatever." Stick up for the bitch who left you... who left us... "Can I go to my room now?" 
"Sure."
"And you'll stay there until further notice," my mum added.
"Good, at least I won't see you," I smiled sweetly and pushed my way past her. 
She stood shocked.
My dad said nothing; neither did she. 
The quiet was nice. It settled well in my stomach and I was thankful the words had ran out. My mothers mouth had no business running this house. She didn't know which floor boards creaked, what each nail mark in the wall once held, she didn't know anything. It wasn't her house... but she was acting like it was until it was barely even mine anymore.

My phone vibrated as I pushed my bedroom door open. I didn't realise how much I wanted it to be Phil messaging me until I saw that it was just an unknown number. A really weird message from an unknown number. 

'He's a curious boy, you know?' 

I stared at the message for a good few minutes before I could even begin to reply. 

'Who is this?' 
'You're loving bestie, Jessie, of course'

No, no, no. That couldn't be right. We hadn't spoken since primary school and I didn't even have my own phone back then so how did she contact me? 

'How did you get my number!? '
'Everything is easy to get once you know the right people, darling ;)'

I had a feeling it was her, it wasn't some fake.
I didn't give her the satisfaction of responding. I left my phone on my bedside table, in the same spot I usually put it. I froze. Everything felt so normal. The bed was made, my clothes pile was in the corner where I had left it, my computer lay shut down and untouched and, yet, nothing felt normal.
I fell face first onto my bed and smelt the fabric. Same smell. Different atmosphere. Why did everything feel so heavy? It was caving my chest in.
I stood up and opened the window, thinking it was maybe the heat although it was winter and it most definitely wasn't hot. This was such a bad idea. Coming back was such a bad idea.
I looked out the window and wondered if I could jump down two floors and still be okay enough to run back to Phil's... probably not, I finally concluded and moved back to my bed. 
My phone vibrated, I ignored it. 
I went back over to my window, my phone vibrated again. 
I tried to read a book, I couldn't get past the first sentence. 
In the end, I gave in and picked my phone up:

One new message from Jessica:
'Loverboy isn't all he seems'
'What?'
'We all have secrets... so what's his?'

I couldn't help but search my brains files and bring forward all the memories I had of Phil since I had met him.
Today's Phil was so sweet and kind and comforting... his eyes sparkled like the ocean on a summers day, his words were soft and light. They held meanings of love. 
The Phil from before was selfish and hurt me. His eyes were uncertain, his words fleeting but everything about him showed hate or, at the least, distaste towards me. Not love... maybe pity? At one point, I would say he pitied me. 
What had brought such a drastic change?
It's because he's not around Alfie anymore, I tried to remind myself but my frantic brain was coming to different conclusions. It was going to all the wrong conclusions. 

I tried to distract myself and clicked away from Jessica's text.
I had a Facebook message from Chris and PJ: 

One new message from Group chat: Banter squad

Chris: 'Danny, Danny, where you at?'
PJ: 'You still at Phils, man?' 
Dan: 'No, I'm at home now...'

I looked around my room for a second as I waited for their reply, it came quicker than expected. 

PJ: 'Oh thank god for that, finally.'
Chris: 'You should've come back to mine smh'
Dan: 'Why did you say that?!'
Chris: 'Because we had fun??? RIGHT???' 
Dan: 'PJ, I was talking to PJ'
PJ: 'Because... well it's *Phil*'
Dan: 'And?'
PJ: 'You have to be more careful around him...'

My hands gripped my phone tighter, my teeth clenched before I could stop it. The anger was flooding my body, filling it like a harsh fire ready to destroy whatever was in its path. I couldn't believe what I was typing but my head was swarming and I wanted the pressure building to go. I was hitting send before I could even think of the consequences. This wasn't how I wanted to tell them... 

Dan: 'I'd appreciate it if you treated my boyfriend nicer!'
Chris: 'Holy shit...' 
PJ: 'Dan...'
PJ: 'Are you sure about this?'
Dan: 'Why can you just be fucking happy for me!?'  
I typed back. Each letter harder and harder until my thumbs ached. My face was flushed, I felt hot and heavy.
Fuck, I didn't even know if we were boyfriends... it was just one date. 

What is Phil Lester doing to me? 
What will Phil Lester do to me?

AN: 
I've been putting the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) face when I reply to potential spoiler comments recently because I don't want to give anything away oops ~ 
(ALSO this story is going to be a lot longer than I first thought so strap in and enjoy the ride. I'm hoping to finish this for March so I can focus on my exams) 
- Rach x