Phil and I were lying in bed together. And by that I mean he was at one end and I was at the other so we were toe to toe.... or toe to chest because of how tall we both are. He had put on some anime but I wasn't really watching it because I couldn't stop thinking about how close we were. If you'd told me I'd be in Phil Lester's house a couple days ago I would've called you crazy but now I was in his bed thinking about whether or not I should start a foot war with him. I've seen people do that on programmes, they pull themselves into a sitting position and place the base of their feet together and push on each other's feet until one person wins. I've never had anyone to do that with before. I still didn't have that person because I discarded the idea before I could fantasize about it too much. Phil would think I was weird. I wouldn't blame him.
I had no idea how to act around people. The only knowledge I had was my friendship with Jessica and that wasn't anything to go by because she wasn't really my friend.
The last sleepover I had had been five years ago, before I told her I was a guy. We would have sleepovers every month before that day and she would paint my nails all different colours (even though I complained) and we'd watch movies like high school musical and mean girls (I didn't complain about that). She wouldn't have a pillow fight with me but I never really tried to start one. She'd probably have just complained I'd messed up her hair or defluffed her pillow.

My stomach growled but I tired to hide it by hugging it tightly.
"Hungry?" Phil asked, he wasn't paying attention to the anime either. He seemed to have only put it on to fill the silence that had descended on us, it was nothing more than background noise.
"No," I lied. If I left my stomach any longer it would start eating itself, it sounded like it was already trying to.
"I am too," he replied like I had told the truth.
He stood up and I looked at him quizzically as he opened the top part of his wardrobe and pulled out a box of something. It was too dark to make out what it was.
"Crunchy nut or cookie crisp?" He asked and shook two boxes in front of me.
"You keep cereal in your wardrobe?" I sat up so I could look at him properly.
"Where else would I keep it?" He asked me like it was a completely normal thing to do. Cereal is meant for the kitchen, not your wardrobe.  My stomach growled again and I stopped caring where he put it, I was just glad he had it.
"You only just thought it was a good idea to tell me?"
"You told me you weren't hungry," he reminded me.
"But still," I stressed, "if you'd have told me you were hungry I might've said something."
"I'm aways hungry for cereal me..." he trailed off with a shrug before lifting the boxes up. "Which one?"
"Cookie crisp."
"Crunchy nut for me then." He smiled and chucked a box my way, it landed just by my knee. "Eat as much as you want."
"Thanks."

We started munching on the cereal straight from the box. I hadn't eaten anything so quickly in my life since I had skipped breakfast and lunch that day so essentially all I'd eaten was half a child's pizza. He put the anime back on and we sat in silence watching it.
I was too tired to read the subtitles so I just watched the characters flash across the screen and admired the animation. After the episode ended, I reached for my phone casually only to see that it was dead.

"Got a phone charger?" I asked Phil. It felt easier to talk to him now then it ever had done.
"Yeah, pass." Phil paused the next episode and I handed him my phone for him to plug in.
The phone lit up and the little charger symbol came on.
"So, do your parents know you're here?" It suddenly felt too quiet without the TV playing and I swallowed nervously.
"No..." I said awkwardly and looked at the frozen title screen.
"Why not?" Phil wondered and I had to stop myself from telling him.
"It's none of your buisness!" I snapped.
"I don't want the police at my door wondering if I've kidnapped you," Phil told me and raised an eyebrow in my direction. I could just see it as the TV light shone onto his face.
"They won't care," I mumbled before I could stop myself.
"They're your parents..." he trailed off and then made a face.
"Does your mum mind me staying over?" I asked, suddenly aware that I hadn't actually heard him ask her.
"Not really. She's happy I have a friend," he told me and messed with the duvet. He shuffled a little on the bed, almost anxiously, and I was suddenly aware of how close he was to me and how little I minded.
"What about your dad?"
"He doesn't care enough to stay over himself," he said bitterly and looked away.
"Where is he?"
"Fuck do I know," Phil scoffed.
"Oh," was all I could think to say.
"Yeah," the anger faded from his face and he looked sullen again.
I wanted to hug him and tell him that I know how it feels for a parent to abandon you and that the pain will get better but I didn't. The truth is, the pain doesn't get better, it just gets easier to deal with but it's always there. Pushing into you and whispering evil taunts in your ear. Pressing against your chest at night so you can barely breath let alone sleep.

I stood up and switched my phone on. It started buzzing non-stop and I had to lift it off the wooden desk so the racket would stop.
"Mr. Popular," Phil commented.
"You would know all about that," I retorted and rolled my eyes.
He huffed but didn't say anything. He let me have that one but I wasn't sure if he'd stay so quiet next time. 
I felt a lump rise in my throat and my stomach pinched as I saw I had a flood of text messages and missed calls.
I checked the texts first and there were way too many to even begin to count from Chris:
Are you okay?
Where are you?
I'll wait for you after school...
Dan?
I'm worried
Fuck
Please reply!
Just let me know you're okay...

There were more and I had similar messages from PJ.
I group messaged them, saying I was sorry for making them worry so much and that I would explain everything tomorrow. I told them I was fine but didn't mention Phil or anything that had happened today.
I had been so selfish. I had only thought of myself, I had been worried about what they would think after they heard what happened with Phil. I never thought they'd be worried about me... I wasn't quite used to that.
I was surprised they could care about me so much.
I've never had a friend worry about me like this. One time, I was ill for an entire week and Jessica never once asked me if I was okay. When I eventually came back to school she didnt even ask where I'd been... she had acted like I'd never left.  
I felt my eyes water over as I read the messages again. 
Is this what it is to have a real friend?

"You okay?" Phil asked me, his voice was comforting. I sniffed and attempted a smile in his direction but I didn't reply. I just turned back to my phone and looked at my missed calls. Again, I had many from Chris and PJ but amongst these I had a voicemail from my dad.
I didn't bother hearing what he had to say. I just sent him a text saying I was okay and locked my phone. I didn't want to hear his voice, I knew it would attempt to convince me to come home and I didn't want to. Not as long as my mum was there.
I can almost imagine it. My dad, panicked about where I was whilst my mum sits on our sofa. Her feet on the coffee table, glass of wine in hand, as she tells my dad to not worry so much.
She was slowly moving herself back into my house and I hated the image of that, it made my skin itch.
Being at Phil Lester's house was much better than going back to her.

AN:
I had to rewrite half of this because wattpad lost my save of it;; sorry it took so long '^^
- Rach