We paid for our items and I practically bolted out of the shop.
"Let's get a coffee... do you like Starbucks?" Mum asked and pointed  towards the coffee shop.
"What teenager doesn't?" I replied.
"I feel like such a white girl going here," she laughed as she rushed ahead to line up behind a pair of teenage girls.
"Good for you." I rolled my eyes.
"What do you want?" She asked as she got her purse out of her bag and scanned the menu.
"Order me whatever, I'll find us a seat," I told her.

It was unbelievably busy in the small coffee shop but I managed to find us a seat at the very back of the store. I was thankful I didn't see anyone from my highschool in there.
I stared out the window and at the busy shopping centre. People milled around with arms filled with bags, all laughing.  Happy families.  Happy people. I felt a bit of jealousy towards them.
"I got you a caramel mac, hope you like it. It's my favourite," mum came back too soon and put the drink down for me.
"Thanks," I mumbled but I was secretly happy she had ordered something I liked.
"So, what's been going on in your life besides... you know?" She said and not so subtly pointed towards my body
"Not much," I replied and took a sip of my drink although it was far too hot to fully drink. It just gave me an excuse to not look at her or speak to her for a few seconds.
"How's dancing going... you're still dancing right?"
"Of course, I'm going there tonight," I replied and began to tap on the edge of the mug.
"I'm glad to hear it." She smiled at me and ripped a pack of the sugar open to pour into her already sugary drink.
"Just so you know me dancing doesn't mean I'm a girl, kay?" I said and her smile wiped off her face, a few granules of sugar missed her mug and sprinkled onto the table.
"I know that." She regained her posture in seconds. She picked up her spoon and began to stir her drink. Never once looking up at me as she kept talking. "But it's still a very feminine sport, you can't let go of your biology that easily." She tapped her spoon against the mug and looked at me.
"A lot of boys are dancing in my classes, does that mean they're fem?" I asked and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well no but..."
"It works the same for me, will you please just get that?" I cut in before she could continue her sentence.
"I'm trying Beck - Dan,  I really am. But it's hard, I left with a daughter and come back to... to you."
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. If I cry now she'll keep saying you're like a girl. Don't cry dammit! I thought to myself in an attempt to control my emotions.
"You think this is easy for me? You left as a mum who would do anything to make me happy and come back as whatever the hell you are now," I snapped at her.
"You cant speak to your mother that way," she spat back at me. Both of our voices were low as to not disturb the happiness of the people around us.
"You lost the right to say that a long time ago," I scoffed.

We stayed silent for a long time, I lost track of how long. My coffee was still steaming with heat when I glanced back at it so it was probably a few minutes but it felt like so much longer. I was staring out the window again. I blew on the glass and drew a smiley face.
"Let's start over... how's that?" My mum finally spoke up.
"Whatever," I mumbled and wiped away the face, leaving nothing but a smudge behind.
"I bought you something that'll go well with your dancing."
"Oh yeah?" I spoke but still didn't look at her. I didn't really care what she had gotten for me.
"Here."
She kept nudging me with the bag until I finally gave in and turned to her. I took the bag off her and peered inside.
"Can you even buy these in Primark?" I asked as I stared at the contents. I would've been mad if I didn't suddenly feel so empty.
"I may have taken a trip to the other shops," she said with a smile.

I looked at the pink leotard and tights as well as the pink tutu before closing the bag. I shoved it back at her and she suddenly looked very confused. 
"Okay... but boys don't wear these," I pointed out.  "And our class don't wear tutus regardless of gender."
"But it suited you so well when you were younger," she defended herself with a weak excuse.
"No it didn't and I won't wear this," I scrunched the top of the bag up as I held it tightly.
"Becky, you're being difficult," my mum tutted at me. Like I was the villain, like I was the one making life hard.
"Stop calling me that!" She jumped, obviously not expecting me to yell. "You probably haven't even thought of me in so long so don't try telling me calling me by my birth name comes natural! That you can't call me anything else!" I snapped and stood up roughly.  The chatter in Starbucks had calmed down and I noticed a few people were looking at me. "Thanks for the lovely day out but I've got to get ready for dance now. Without these," I said quieter and threw the bag on the seat next to me.
"But I drove you here."
"I'll take the bus," I called as I stormed out of the coffee shop.
My so called mum was no better than the bullies at school. No, she was worse. At least the bullies weren't family,  weren't people that had raised me only to turn their back on me.

AN:
Who's hyped for season 7 of the walking dead omg? It airs soon!!
- Rach x