"Good morning, mum," I said gruffly the next day. The sun was low in the sky and covered by grey clouds, I knew it would rain at some point today. What was it my English tutor used to always say? Pathetic fallacy. That seemed to be taking place today, I certainly felt as dull as the weather looked.  "Where's dad?"
"He's at work," mum told me simply. She put down her coffee cup too roughly and I could see she had already begun staining it pink with her lipstick... she still wore the same shade after all these years. "Can we talk?"
"We already are..." I stated and put a tea bag into my own mug but mum pointed towards a fresh cup that she had put out on the table for me. I looked at it for a moment before picking it up, it felt strange to have someone with me at breakfast. 
"Properly."
"Fine. What's up?" I sighed and breathed in the heat coming in from the mug as I wrapped my cold hands around the outside for warmth. 
"Do you ever feel like you're still a girl?" She asked me and gave me a hard stare. 
"No," I stated simply and put my mug back down on the table as though pushing that away would be the same as pushing mum away. I didn't want anything she gave me. 
"Becky..." Her voice wasn't sympathetic or gentle, it was rough and exhausted. 
"Dad told you not to call me that," I hissed. I hated that name, I wanted to bleach my ears whenever I heard it. Why would she do that to me? Randomly come home after all these years and mess up everything I had done for myself, mess up everything that made me happy. Call me that name again.
"Well your dad isn't here," she told me.
"I could tell him," I threatened and crossed my arms over my chest. I stood tall as to seem threatening but all I earned from it was a snort. 
"You wouldn't do that, Becky." She shook her head.
"Dan will do that," I emphasised. "I'm a guy, mum, and the sooner you accept that the better!"
"Okay, okay..." she put her hands up to me in surrender whilst shaking her head. "How about we go shopping?"
"This better not be a trick..." I narrowed my eyes at her.
"I haven't seen you in years so let me spend some quality time with you!" She replied.
I found it a bit odd that after everything all she wanted was for me to go shopping with her? Like we were a regular family.

"What's my name?" I asked finally.
"Oh come on don't be silly," mum held her signature sweet smile but her eyes looked hard.
"Say my name and I'll go shopping with you," I reasoned.
"Fine... Dan," she said slowly.
"Was it really that hard?" It was a small victory but it was a victory all the same. It didn't make me any happier but I felt like I could maybe survive a few hours with this women.
"Are you coming shopping or what?" She urged me, sitting forward in her seat.
"Okay, let me have some breakfast first." I shrugged and walked over to the bread bin.
"I made pancakes," she told me.
"Pancakes are for pancake day here in England," I muttered like I didn't have pancakes any other day of the year when it was the exact opposite.  "Although I'm sure you forget the customs when you forget about the country and the people in it."
"Don't be daft, I'm just trying to be nice," she reached for my arm but I pulled away.
"There's a first," I spat.
"Becky! I don't appreciate this nonsense... I mean Dan." She sighed and held the bridge of her nose "Will you please just eat breakfast with me? I'm really trying here."
"Okay," I finally agreed. I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't and she might be trying harder than it appears to accept me. I just had to give her chance even if I hated the thought of doing so.

~

"Primark?" I asked as I stood outside the large white building bustling with people.  
"You used to love coming here!" Mum reminded me and forced me to walk in. I walked past the security guard who gave me a rough glance.
"Yeah, I still do it just wasn't what I had in mind when you said we were going shopping," I explained.
"Stop sulking."
"Fine." I put on my fakest smile. "Shall we look on the second floor?"
"Mens section..." she glanced at the sign and then back to me. She pursed her lips together. "Sure," she finally got out, "I'm going to do some lady shopping that I'm sure you wont be interested in?" She looked at me expectantly.
"Not realy."
"No harm in asking," she told me in an attempt to wave it off. "I'll meet you up there. Pick anything you want out."
I bet she thought letting me get something would make up for all the birthdays and Christmas's she'd missed... she was wrong.

I picked out a Star Wars shirt and a new collared one that I had been eyeing up for a while before moving over to the skinny jeans. If my mum wanted to make it up to me I was going to make it hard on her wallet to do so.
When I approached the jeans I saw a familiar looking boy with deep black hair parted into an emo fringe and wearing a plaid red shirt. I felt my body freeze and my heart jump up my throat. I skillfully avoided him but when I glanced back it hadnt been the guy I had thought it was. It wasn't
Phil at all but some random guy. I felt stupid for my overreaction and suddenly had the urge to leave before I bumped into the real Phil or even Alfie and Jessica. When I first left normal school I got my dad to get stuff for me or shopped online for the longest time in fear I would see her.  
"All done?" A voice behind me made my jump and I turned around to see my mum was back already.
"Yeah, think so," I said and showed her the tops.
"Okay let's go pay for your things."
"Thanks..." I trailed off awkwardly and shuffled behind her as we made our way to the line.
"I've already got my stuff," she said in an attempt to make conversation,  "I'll show you later, okay?"
"Sure," I replied in disinterest.
"I've brought something special for you, I'm sure you'll love it," she told me excitedly but I could already tell that I would not love whatever it is she'd got me.

AN:
This chapter will now be in 2 parts since the first write up was over 2000 words and I don't usually have my chapters that long.
I'll update with that one shortly
- Rach