I'm going to rant because #whynot and #IwillexplodeifIdont

Okay so what thy feckery is my life

So a lot of you may not know but I live with my older sister because my mother is unstable and my dad died looonnggg ago

But the problem is I absolutely fricking hate my sisters.

Not to the point where I just can't bare to be around them and wish them the worse, but to the point where almost every night leaves me pissed and anticipating my wedding day so I can be as unconnected to these people much as I want, and me already maybe?¿? (never been checked up lol) being depressed and sometimes suicidal really does not help. It's like I mildly-strongly dislike them a lot of the time

I love my family, I swear I do, but I don't want to be around them like THIS much because like if every night I wish they would dissapear seems pretty unhealthy

And everyone's just telling me how I sHOULD feel is really fucking annoying. "Oh you shouldn't be THAT mad" "Oh you shouldn't be THAT affected" "Oh you should just enjoy everything while your young" "Oh it's not that bad" like aha skr skr you're so wrong rn

I don't care what level of pissed you think I should be because I already AM pissed so what the fuck is that supposed to mean? And I have no idea why people think I should enjoy my life now because woah being young fucking sucks. I may not have as many responsibilities but oh hey my life depends on my level of intelligence as of now and I have zero control over my life. Like as much as I want I can't save up money pick up and leave, the only other option for me is an orphanage which wouldn't be good either and I'd have to do some HELLA work of trying to show why my living arrangements are bad for me now.

So really the only other option I have to escape is to kILLMYSELF which is greatly frowned upon and would land me right in hell so oh hey I'm stuck in a horrible place for my mental health

Like I can't do what the hippies say and remove myself from the bad environment because where the fuck else can I go as a broke 13 year old girl? The fuckin moon?