Open Your Eyes
Song: kpop soft playlist by My Lady
Lilah stretched, yawning as the bones in her back cracked one by one. She was unbelievably toasty as she picked at her black dress. It was thick and made of wool. Appropriate for the upcoming winter weather. But ill suited for Kiki's apartment which he always kept hot since he couldn't stand the cold in any capacity.
Her feet touched the wooden floor as she rubbed the sleep from her bleary eyes. She tugged out her white bow and dropped it onto the chocolate brown couch. Lilah's feet slipped against the polished floor as her black tights caused her to slide. She kept a steady hand on the eggshell hued walls while tip-toeing out of the messy living room.
She found Kiki in the dining room, hunched over the mahogany table. It was covered in architectural sketches and broken pencils. When Lilah sat beside him she saw his dull pencil sketching the outline of a townhouse.
"Hungry?" Kiki asked. He pushed back the black fringe hanging over his dark brown eyes to see her better. "I can order something now. Should get here by the time you're more awake."
Lilah latched onto his beefy wrist and turned it over, reading the time on his old rolex. Her eyes bulged. "It's almost seven?!"
"You literally said hi and then passed out on my couch." Kiki chuckled, going over a faded line and adding more detail to the brick fireplace. "Figured I'd let you sleep before dinner."
Lilah blushed, embarrassed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sleep that long."
"It's no problem," he replied, tapping on his phone to order their usual from the nearby Korean restaurant. "You looked like you needed it."
Lilah's mind went to Ambrose and the mental anguish she'd been enduring since falsely accusing him. She fiddled with a stray pencil and avoided meeting Kiki's gaze that flickered between her and his phone.
"I've been working a lot."
Kiki snorted and placed his phone face down to give Lilah his full attention. "Aren't we all?"
Lilah lowered her eyes to the landscape and contract designs. Neon bright sticky notes peppered the documents, listing things about construction. There were parks, golf courses, offices, and residential real estate sketches. All of them were still in development.
Lilah had no clue how Kiki handled being a landscape architect with so many projects on his plate and didn't lose his mind. Somehow, her brother always found a way to manage and he never complained either.
Making 140k a year was low compared to their family's usual salaries. But combined with the money he inherited and the real estate investments Kiki made, he was by no means "poor." Even though he'd never confirmed it, Lilah had a sneaking suspicion that he was the wealthiest out of all the kids.
Kiki maintained a lot of connections beyond their circle of old money wealth. He even dabbled in gold and artwork. Invested in the stock market. There was no business or area of art that he didn't have a contact in. Lilah was as impressed as she was befuddled by his tenacity.
Ever since Kiki was eighteen he'd been obsessed with making and saving as much money as he could. He saved and saved and saved. Only using his collected funds to pay life's expenses or buy gifts during holidays and birthdays. Other than that, he saved. Collected. Occasionally spoiled Vincent, then went back to working and investing and saving.
Lilah wondered what the driving force behind all this money hoarding was for but she never asked. She was curious but she never bothered asking because that was the thing about Kiki. If he wanted you to know something about him, then you wouldn't have to ask. You'd already know it.
Kiki's eyes narrowed, watching the internal struggle play out on Lilah's face. A fond smile graced his tired features. He couldn't help but ruffle her hair, ignoring her loud whining as he left his large hand resting on the crown of her head.
"What is it?"
Lilah sighed, shredding a blank sticky note into orange strips. She then relayed the Ambrose disaster and her feelings about the Lonnie situation. When she peeked at Kiki through her lashes she wasn't surprised to see a sour expression clouding his face. Kiki's arms were crossed, creasing his faded brown shirt and accentuating his muscles.
He'd look intimidating if it weren't for the Spider-Man boxers and round glasses that made him look like Harry Potter.
Growing up, Sylvie used to call him Scary Potter because his face was so small and his glasses were too big. Combined with the tragic hair and usual teenager acne, he was very unamused with the teasing.
Lilah always noticed, though, that he never stopped her or any of them from calling him Scary Potter. Not until she died. Then, just like Sylvie, Scary Potter was never talked about again.
Kiki smirked, creating a striking similarity between him and a devious devil. "We could always go have dinner at—"
"No," Lilah interrupted, already knowing where his crafty mind was going. "If we mess up their date then we'll never hear the end of it."
Kiki feigned hurt, attempting to clutch his wounded heart but ended up with a handful of firm pecs instead. Lilah groaned internally. Even her brother had a bigger chest than she did.
"I'm offended that you think so little of me to assume that I'd do something so asshole like." Kiki shook his head, sucking his teeth and playing up the theatrics. "I'm wounded. I really fucking am."
Lilah glared at him, unimpressed. "I'm offended that you've forgotten that we grew up together. Therefore I know exactly what you'd do if we went over there right now. You'd interrogate the hell out of Adrian and do everything you possibly could to drive him away."
Kiki laughed, eyes forming half crescent moons. He offered no words of deniability. All he did was ask, "What, shouldn't we have the chance to get to know our future brother in law better? I see no harm in a little friendly questioning."
Lilah raised a brow at the word friendly but brushed it off nonetheless. "It's not like he's a stranger."
"It's not like he's a friend either," Kiki snapped back.
There was a layer of ire hidden beneath his words not purposefully directed towards her. But she felt the burn regardless. He sighed when the doorbell rang, muttering out an apology before he left to get their food.
The lamp in the living room flickered on, illuminating their small corner in a golden light. They settled on the floor and spread the food out on the wooden coffee table. With her hair tucked behind her ears and a pair of cheap chopsticks in hand, Lilah shoveled hot rice into her mouth. The softness of the forest green rug tickled her legs while she ate the fried chicken wrapped in kimchi. It wasn't until all of the jjajangmyeon and bulgogi were gone did either of them finally speak.
"Can I be honest with you for a moment?"
Kiki munched on a slice of bibimbap, savoring the taste of a foreign home. His eyes had a contemplative gleam to them as he watched his sister drink water in silence. Lilah gulped, swallowing the ice cold lump in her throat and nodded.
"Sure."
"I'm pissed off that Lonnie has to marry Adrian. I think it's bullshit and I wanna punch someone in the face but..." Kiki trailed off and that's when Lilah noticed it. A shred of shame shining through the dark abyss of his guarded eyes. "But a bigger part of me is relieved that it isn't me. That's shitty, right?"
Lilah opened her mouth to reply but then closed it seconds later. She realized then what that familiar inkling of guilt in her chest was. The feeling that took root the day Lonnie told them the truth. That thing that wouldn't go away no matter how hard she ignored it.
Her chest ached and she was ashamed.
Lilah was just as relieved as Kiki was that it hadn't been her to be sacrificed to the wolves. Kiki knew it too. He could see it in every knit of her brows and floundering in her eyes. They were in the same boat.
Angry, upset, and feeling so damn guilty that they could be glad about not having to marry out of duty. Loyalty. Familial obligation.
Kiki leaned backwards, the harsh end of the couch dug into his back as he rubbed his hands on his bare thighs. "So," he changed the subject when the silence became too much, "Cameron broke my tennis racket."
Lilah's dejected expression cleared up, giving way to a hint of surprise. "Really?! When?"
"The day of Lonnie's accident. The funny thing is that I'm not even mad. It actually gives me an excuse to stop playing. I've kinda been getting sick of tennis lately." A good natured chuckle emerged from Kiki. "I told Vincent to tell Ambrose not to pay me back even though he wanted to. That guy... He's really stubborn from what I've heard."
Lilah didn't voice it, but she agreed. Although, stubborn wouldn't be the exact word she'd use if she had her way. A word with ass attached on the end seemed to be more fitting, if anyone asked her.
"He's gonna live with Vincent."
"Apparently."
"And you're ok with that?"
"It's his apartment. He can do what he wants with it," Kiki simply replied. "I just pay the bills."
Lilah frowned, not liking the way that statement sounded. It wasn't that she thought Vincent was using her brother. She knew that was the furthest thing from the truth ever. All someone needed to do was take one look at them while they were together and it was clear as day. The love that lived between them wasn't materialistic. It was...
Soft.
Beautiful and pure. They had the type of love that people envied, herself included.
The only love Lilah had known was wrapped up in the lies of a bet where she was nothing more than territory to be claimed.
"You always think so loud," Kiki said, tapping on her forehead. "What's going on in there, hm?"
Lilah head butted his finger, making him laugh with her childlike antics. "He hates me," she muttered against the warmth of his skin. "Not that I blame him. I mean, I don't exactly like him either, but, it's not like he accused me of a crime I didn't commit, so, yeah..."
Kiki took a moment to collect his thoughts before he came closer so that they sat side by side. Lilah looked up at him questioningly, her eyes barely meeting the height of his shoulders.
"I think he's a good guy with people he cares about. Vincent told me that much, at least," he said, careful of his sister's hurt feelings, as valid as they were. "I also think that he can be cold to people he doesn't give a shit about. And his words are," Kiki hummed, "harsh. I know that much from the one time I've met him."
"After all these years of you and Vincent being together," Lilah's face scrunched up, "you've only met once? Why?"
Kiki nodded. "Work, sleep, take care of Cameron, repeat. That's Ambrose's whole life. The only time Vincent really sees him is late at night and, I don't know, it never felt right to try and insert myself there. I kinda just waited until it could naturally happen. But then one day Vincent said to hell with it and took me to the shop. It was... kinda anticlimactic, if I'm being honest."
"Anticlimactic? What, did you expect him to give you a hug and kiss your cheeks?" she teased, elbowing Kiki in the side and causing a small smile to erase his frown. "Was he mean?"
Because if so, Lilah wouldn't be surprised. Genuine people skills didn't seem to be Ambrose's strong suit.
"Nah. Not mean. He was busy. Focused." Kiki gnawed on his bottom lip, tasting the spice of gochujang on his tongue from the hearty meal they shared. "He cares about Vincent so he indulged him. But I could've been a fly on the wall for all he cared."
Lilah scowled. "That's rude. You're his cousin's boyfriend, not some random guy off the street. He could've been nicer."
"Maybe." Kiki laced his fingers together in his lap. An odd look filled his eyes. Lilah couldn't make sense of it. "But I kinda like it. I like that I'll have to work hard for him to like me. To acknowledge me. I like that he doesn't kiss my ass because I have money. I mean, I know he doesn't exactly like rich people, but still. I like that Ambrose isn't easy to sway."
Her eyes narrowed at the wistful tone in her brother's face. "Why do you wanna try so hard? Just because he's Vincent's cousin doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to win his approval."
"But I do," Kiki argued. His eyes were alive with a bright fire now as he turned to face her completely. "One day, Mrs. Lodovico is gonna retire. When she does her job won't be in jeopardy anymore. Then I can come out and be with Vincent. No more sneaking around. I have a lot of money so if they cut me off then it's fine. I can take care of him. I've built a life for myself outside of our family's connections so it's not like I'd struggle. It would also be nice if one of the most important people in Vincent's life could at least like me if that moment arrives."
"Whoa, wait a minute." Lilah held up a hand, panic filling her chest as Kiki's rambling went on. "Who's cutting you off for coming out? Mom? Don't be ridiculous."
"Lilah, I know you love our family, but please don't be ignorant about this." Kiki sighed, a sliver of frustration filling him at his sister's blind nature. "We live in a conservative, old money, Republican family. Democrats are the party of the people. Republicans are the party of money. You and I know damn well that our family votes in the best interest to protect our money. To continue the legacy. We live based off of tradition and do you know what isn't traditional? Two men getting married and having a family of their own."
"But—"
"Our sister is literally being sold off so that we can create a law firm tycoon." he deadpanned, tone empty and dry. "Are you really thinking that me coming out as gay isn't gonna rock the boat for the family?"
Lilah's mouth clamped shut. She hated the hideous, twisted feeling that swirled in her gut. She loved her family, Kiki was right about that much. She loved them so much that she often overlooked their flaws so that she could keep on loving them.
But Kiki was wrong about one thing and she wasn't ignorant to that.
"Mom would never cut you off," Lilah insisted. "Ever."
"Lilah—"
"No. You're probably right about everyone else, but not about her." Lilah shook her head, adamant and firm in her stance on the matter. "She chose us. She loves us. And if you think for one second that she would cut you out of her life because you're gay and the family has an issue with it then you're stupid. You don't know her as well as you think you do."
"Lilah—"
"She already lost Sylvie," Lilah whispered. Her heart thrummed painfully hard in her ribcage. "She would rather die than lose another one of us again."
Kiki cupped her face, thumbs wiping away the silent tears streaming down her face. Lilah blinked, confused by the blurry film covering her eyes. She didn't even realize she was crying until now.
Lilah sniffled, removing her face from Kiki's gentle hold. She scrubbed her cheeks harshly and blinked away a fresh wave of tears. "I'm sorry," she said in between small hiccups, "I know we don't talk about Sylvie. I didn't mean to bring her up."
Kiki said nothing. He was stumped by everything she'd said and blindsided by the mention of their sister.
We don't talk about Sylvie.
They didn't and, for the life of him, Kiki couldn't remember when that line became so common in their family. He couldn't remember who started it and how it caught on. Or when it evolved to a point where they didn't even have to verbally say it anymore. Because by then it'd become an unspoken rule.
We don't talk about Sylvie.
Kiki clenched his fists, nails digging into his skin. When he let go and the pain was only a faint ache, he looked at Lilah. Her head was bent and her wavy hair hid her damp face from him. The sight of her hunched figure did terrible things to his heart. It made it so that all of his own issues no longer mattered. Not when his little sister looked like that.
Lilah jolted when she felt something nudging her hand. It was Kiki. She sniffed, clutching the hand that was offered to her.
"I didn't mean to make you cry."
"You didn't," she said softly.
Kiki raised her chin so that she was looking at him instead of avoiding his gaze. "I'm scared." He was amused when confusion overtook her sadness, knowing deep down that it was coming. "I know, I know. I don't really let you see me like this."
And it was true. No matter how hard Lilah wracked her brain, she couldn't recall a single memory of Kiki ever showing her fear. He'd always been goofy and sarcastic. Calm and collected when needed. He was a thinker, an observer, a leader. Someone that you could rely on to get you through a storm unscathed.
This was a new side of her brother that she'd never seen before because he was always protecting her from seeing it. Realizing this left her reeling in ways she couldn't even put into words.
"Deep down I know that Mom would choose me. I know she loves me," he said slowly, almost pained to have to say it aloud. "But then I think about Uncle Fred and all that goes to shit."
Lilah cocked her head to the side. "What does that asshole have to do with anything?"
The corners of his mouth curled upwards. He always found it funny when Lilah swore because of how non threatening it sounded. Adorable.
"He doesn't like us—"
"Understatement of the year," she grumbled, kicking her feet at the mere thought of him. "He's annoying and racist and he thinks that we're not even apart of the family and—"
Lilah faltered. Kiki's nervous eyes finally made sense now. She was ashamed to feel her throat tightening because, well, she'd had the same dark thoughts before too.
Uncle Fred was a dick. A dick that knew all too well how to get inside someone's head and use their worst insecurities against them.
Their mother would've ripped Uncle Fred a new asshole if she knew about the things he said to them. She totally would've and she wouldn't have said sorry either. Only, she didn't know because they never told her about the awful things he said. Not once.
They protected her as much as she protected them because they were a family and that's what family did.
"Blood doesn't make a family. Love does. You are my brother and I will always stand by you no matter what. Mom would too." Lilah took a deep breath and tried to give her best smile even though it wavered at the edges. "Plus, me and Caius have always wanted to fight Uncle Fred. Maybe your coming out will finally give us what we want."
"Wow." Kiki snorted and grinned at the mental image of his siblings fighting their uncle. He wondered briefly if it made him a horrible person to be so warmed by the mere thought alone. Probably. "I'm glad I can help you guys out in that department. At least something good will come out of all my constant agonizing."
Lilah beamed. Kiki's conflicted heart warmed at the sight. He slung an arm around his sister, pulling her into a side hug.
"Thanks."
"For what?"
Kiki gave a half shrug, cheeks tinting a faint pink when he said, "Just, for being you." Before Lilah could respond he pulled her to her feet and tossed her discarded heels in her direction. "Come on. I don't have anything sweet so let's go annoy Vincent and eat all of his rocky road ice cream."
Lilah sprang into action, spurned on by the prospect of hanging out with two of her favorite people. Oh, and the chocolate ice cream with marshmallows and nuts was also plenty of incentive. She buzzed like an excited bee while they took the elevator up and—
Kiki smirked, feeling that familiar urge to tease rise within him. He glanced at the bouncing ball of joy next to him and said, "Hey, maybe when we get there, you can help Vincent design Ambrose's room—Ouch!"
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Vote and/or Comment if you enjoyed this part!
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QOTD: What are your thoughts on Kiki's situation? What do you think about the Carmichael family the more you learn about them? Do you believe Ambrose will ever warm up to Kiki like he's hoping?
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