It's been one month since my first group studies with Arham, after that we kept talking and meeting in school hours and at times during lunch. We could have met after school as well but I couldn't make excuses often to stay back nor I wanted him to get distracted during his practice and want him to relax after the match. Gunjan started to tease me and him, of course, only to me. I didn't know when from getting annoyed to her jokes I started to like them. I enjoyed his company very much, and I started to develop feelings for him without even me realizing it.

'Nowadays you are smiling a lot' my mother had commented once, was it that obvious?

One of the many things that I liked about him was that he balanced everything well, he managed to not offend me or Nooren and their friends, nevertheless, Nooren was offended. But I was more than happy that he is talking to me.

One more month passed and my feelings only intensified. I started to listen more of romantic songs, my favorite being Pehla nasha...pehla khumar, it is the perfect song to describe my current situation.

I lock my room play the song on my radio and dance around like a loony having a silly smile but a radiant glow on my face. I dance with my top, dupatta, imagining being with him. At nights I sit by the window thinking about him, starry eyed. I imagined myself in many romantic songs, dancing with him in mustard farm, on mountains of Switzerland. This feeling is something that I had never felt for anyone, was this love? I didn't know neither I cared.

We are now good friends, but we didn't share landline numbers as I didn't want my father to find out I am friends with a boy, he is very conservative type.

In class I find myself stealing glances at him and at times when accidently he looks at me too my heart flutters, butterflies soar in my stomach.

When things started to get serious Gunjan landed me back on my feet

'Dude, it is just an innocent teenage crush...it will pass' she says at lunch, I stop munching my noodles and look at her.

'But dude, I know my feeling is intense...it isn't just a crush...I think I love him' I say my tone firm, I am sure of myself and my feelings.

Gunjan shakes her head 'but he doesn't...'

That was it, the realization strikes me. I have been day dreaming of him and building castle in air but I didn't realize that even if my feelings for him is intense but his isn't. Not once did he give me any sort of mixed signals, he had always been my friend and only a friend. I drop my spoon back in my tiffin. This has to stop before it goes out of hand.

After the talk with Gunjan I started to maintain my distance from him. One week passed, I somehow managed to suppress my feelings and also manage to avoid him. First two days it was tough but then I get accustomed. Arham didn't stop pestering me, asking me if he had done something to upset me. He even apologized and at that point I felt guilty.

One day, I am last one remaining in class jolting points after chemistry class, rest went for lunch. Someone slam their hand on my book, I look up and to my bad luck I find Arham standing there. I look away back into my book, he then snatches my book.

'What the hell?' I say trying to sound angry but it came out as a whisper.

'What is wrong with you...' he says holding my hand, my hands are so plump that he will be needing two of his hands to hold me yet he manages to hold me tightly. It doesn't take me much strength to jerk my hand out of grip.

I stand up 'I am not answerable to you' I say, this time my tone was what I intended, stern.

'I need an answer' he says taking a step blocking my way 'like an idiot I have been running behind you...I need to know why you are avoiding me?' he says

'It isn't because of you, you needn't worry' I say, I turn to get my books. He held my hand

'Then why are you avoiding me?' he asks

'Why are you so bothered? I am just a fatso right...you have so many friends and girls ready to fall at your feet...then why me?' I say

I take my books and bag and make my way towards the door

'I thought we were good friends...I thought you were different' he calls from behind me and I freeze.

''I thought we were good friends...I thought you were different''

His words made me guiltier, I turn around and gave him an apologetic look but he seemed angry. He walks and stands few steps in front of me.

'Please tell me what is bothering you? Am I not your friend?' he asks, his expressions softening. I couldn't hold my tears and broke down, I held the wall for support.

'Zahra' he says sounding concerned, he places his hand on my shoulder. Without thinking I lean forward and wrapped my fat arms around his neck and hug him, I wonder if I was choking him but it didn't bother me much.

Being in his arms strangely felt soothing, I had never hugged or was hugged by a boy before. But none of that mattered.

'Are you alright?' I hear him say, I tremble feeling his hand on my back.

'It's not...your...fault...its mine' I sob, my face nuzzled into his neck.

He separates our frames and then held my face in his palms 'You are such a sweet girl, how can anything be your fault?' he says, shaking his head slightly. I feel my skin burn as he gently wipes my tears with his thumb. No one has been so nice to me before; I feel so loved. But sadly I had to remind myself he isn't in love with me.

I sniffle and take a step back

'Arham...I...I... (I take a deep breath and look at him, he is looking at me, patiently waiting for me to go on) I...I...la...la...lov...love...you' I finally say looking at him, I clasp my hand tightly shaking with nervousness.

I just did something I had not even imagined in my dreams, I confessed my love to the most eligible bachelor of our school but worse I made myself vulnerable in front of him. I won't be surprised if he laughs at me, but I don't care, at least he shouldn't break friendship with me. I am happy by loving him, admiring him from far but not so far. Arham takes a step back, I noticed color of his face drain out and my heart fell. I bit my lower lip

'Arham, I am sorry...but I couldn't control my feelings' I say 'please don't be mad at me and just forget everything I said, let us just be friends' I plead him, tears streaming down my cheeks. There is a blank expression on his face. I take a step towards him and extend my hand to hold his but he left. He left, just like that. I am devastated and more tears spill from my eyes.

Next one week things got worse for me, everything took a u turn, now it was me running behind Arham. He kept avoiding me. Many times, when we met at the corridor he used to change his direction and walk the other way.

I kept stealing glances at him but not even once I saw him look at me. He had said I was different, he had said we were friends. Has that friendship fizzled out? Was it so weak?

I return home and cry a river, when my mother asks I reply study pressure. I felt guilty lying to my mom, but I can't tell her the truth.

Gunjan tried hard to make me understand that all was over, I must have freaked out Arham to such an extent that now he doesn't want anything do with me.

One thing I really admired about Arham is that he didn't tell any of what happened between us to his friends else I would have been even bigger joke of the school. He respected me and that made me fall even more harder for him, if that was possible.

I soon came out of my panic and denial mode and understood that now my friendship with Arham is over.

One day as usual I was walking towards the class, my head held low and my books tightly pressed against my chest.

I felt a familiar grip on my hand, I gasp as someone forcefully tug my arm. But I being heavy they couldn't move me. I turn around and my eyes widens, I am pulled into the storeroom, it is on the way to my class.

I find myself staring into the beautiful grey orbs, I missed looking into it so much. I feel nervous yet again.

'Hey' he says sounding little awkward. I didn't reply but simply nod looking at the floor. He looks around and then goes to close the door. Suddenly I started to panic little. I have never been in a closed room with any boy in my life.

There is silence for few seconds, 'I am sorry' he says, his voice low as a whisper. I look up at him, our gaze meets and I find the time stop.

I tremble little as he takes my hand in his, still I couldn't look away from his eyes.

'I shouldn't have ignored you like that. I am sorry' he says, I keep dumbly staring at him. He squeezes my hand gently.

'Actually, you had suddenly confessed your feelings to me...I was numb then and I didn't know how to react...and I stayed away from you to sort out my feelings for you...'

My heart stops as he says the last line. His feelings for me? what feelings? Is it more than friendship? I didn't want to keep my hopes high.

My heart started to race as he slowly caresses back of my palm.

'I have sorted my feelings now' he whispers

I gulp.

'I think...no... I...I love you' he says, he looks away. Him not meeting my eyes should have alarmed me but it didn't, I was lost in him...in that moment.

I take few minutes to soak in what he had just confessed to me; he loves me? a fatso like me? I blink at him still not sure if I am dreaming or all this is real. I look into his eyes and still couldn't make out if he is joking or is being serious?

'But...you have so many...good looking girls...then why a fatso like me?' I say, mustering all the courage that I have. For a millisecond I think I saw guilt in his eyes, but he masked it quickly by smiling.

I fall for his smile once again.

'You are different, you are special. You are my fatso' he says cupping my face in his palms, I inhale sharply not able to move my gaze from his.

We keep staring at each other for few minutes and in these few minutes I had imagined my entire future with him.

'But Zahra, promise me...we can't let anyone know about us...not yet' he says

This statement should have also raised alarm button in my head, perhaps it did, but I am too much in love to care. I nod.

'You really love me?' I ask her again to make sure what I heard is right. He nods his head meeting my eyes for a nanosecond.

If I was on cloud nine before then now I was somewhere else, above the infinite cloud perhaps. Arham Hooda loves me? me? I was flying in air as I walk around the campus, a silly smile plastered on my face.

I keep glancing at him, this time I didn't feel bad that he didn't turn around nor did I feel offended seeing him sitting with Nooren. None of it mattered, he loves me and that is what matters.

One more week passed, my feelings for him intensified even more. I am now 1000% sure I love him and more than happy that my love is being reciprocated. We kept stealing glances at each other, smiling. I discovered I could blush too, my face glowing with his love. We kept meeting secretly in the storeroom. Now I don't even fear getting caught when I lie to my parents and stay back after school.

Also two days after our relationship, I started taking dieting and exercise seriously. I needed the push, and now I got the reason to shed these extra kilos.

We kept hiding our relationship from all, I didn't ask why? Nor did I have any problem as long as he is with me. I haven't even said Gunjan about my "boyfriend".

*

One evening I am sitting in the audience seat waiting patiently for Arham's match to finish. I watch him shamelessly and drooling over him I felt a new sensation inside my stomach and tingly feeling in between my legs. I never felt like this before. Nooren and her gang saw me but ignored me. At first I found it suspicious that they had stopped mocking and taunting me, but then I realized Arham must have asked them not to make fun of me. My respect for him increased thousand time more.

I keep staring at him dreamily. In my mind, I had already imagined our kids. I have made all plans. Arham will go for work and I being dutiful wife, will stay back look after kids and house and when he returns after day's hectic work I will feed him delicious food. I wish I could fast forward time and live the moments I have imagined with him.

Gosh! I love him so much.

I glance at my watch, there is five minutes for the match to end. I quickly take my bag and leave. We will be meeting in 10mins here, in the store room. Our secret meeting place. I feel restless as I wait for him, I keep glancing at my watch. Exactly ten minutes later I hear the door creek open, my heart jumped up in my throat. Arham enters and smiles at me, I smile back. But I couldn't help myself feel like there is something different in his smile. It looks like something is disturbing him.

Arham sits on the table while I stand leaning against the table. There is silence, it's always Arham who starts the conversation. I am the shy one. Two minutes later Arham places his hand over mine and I freeze.

'Zahra' he says softly; I turn to face him. He seemed disturb, not his usual self. I should have asked him but I didn't, I find words lost to me when I am with him.

'We have been in relationship since one week now, right?' he says and I nod shyly.

'Zahra...'he shifts in his seat and holds my hand tight, I smile lowering my gaze.

'we...we...don't...you...think...we...should...you know...ki...kiss?' he says and I start to panic again. I look at him stunned. Kiss?

'If you aren't comfortable then...it's okay' he says, he sounded disappointed and I didn't want to disappoint him.

He is right, we are in a relationship and kissing in natural thing for a couple to do. He retracts his hand but I held his hand tightly.

I look at our joined hands, his is a perfect one while mine is plump. We look totally mismatch couple.

He is a swan while I am a crow, I feel lucky he isn't superficial like others. He loves me irrespective of my shape and size. In this one week of our relationship he had asked for nothing, today he has made one request and I should fulfil that right.

I smile

'We...can...but...I don't know how to?' I say shyly

Arham smiles and places his other hand over mine and I felt my heart flutter

'Even I don't know...but we can learn together' he says and I feel better.

He climbs down the table and held my hand in his. I smile as he kisses the back of my palms, I could feel stomach cartwheeling as he held my face.

My breathing getting erratic as he closes his eyes, tilting his head sideways he leans in moving his face towards mine.

I close my eyes. My palms begin to sweat and heart beat increases. I feel my legs turn into jelly as I feel his hot breath fan my lips. I place my palms over his arms and leans in too.

Soon enough our lips touch and I felt my breath getting snatched away. My lips burn feeling his warm lips over mine.

Soon we are kissing each other passionately, wrapped up together. Initially our kiss was sloppy, it is evident from the way Arham is kissing that it is his first time. I feel so special; I am his first, and he is my first too. In fact, he is the only one for me, and will always be.