The whir of the engine could hardly be heard over the thoughts replaying in Luke's mind.

No person under 30 expected his father to be dying. Luke knew his dad had cancer, but he thought they'd been able to manage it, at least for ten more years. He wouldn't have thought something like this would happen seemingly out of the blue.

Now Luke and Ashton were flying to Florida to visit his dying father.

After Luke had passed out the night before at dinner, he woke up in his bed. They'd called an ambulance at the restaurant, but the medics said it wasn't a big issue and he was just in shock, so Ashton waited for him to wake up before taking him home. Luke didn't remember much of the ride back.

They'd ended up talking the entire night about what they should do, how they would manage the bars in their absence, and Luke spent a good two hours talking about some of his favorite memories of his dad at Ashton's request.

Ashton knew in situations like this it was best to think of good times instead of dwelling on the sad things. After sharing his memories, Luke was smiling and happy again for a few moments, which in turn made Ashton feel better. He didn't know what to do to help his partner, but he knew he'd do anything he could to keep that smile on his face.

Luke couldn't stop thinking about what he was going to find upon getting to Florida. Was his dad going to look like himself? Would he be a shell of who he once was? Would he look normal, maybe the cancer was only affecting his insides?

Luke felt someone's hand on his thigh and opened his eyes. He was met with a concerned Ashton, looking worried.

"Lukey, you're tense again. Do you want to talk?"

He shook his head. All he'd done since he found out two days ago was talk, and he was tired of it. He knew he wouldn't be able to rest properly until he got there and saw his dad.

"Caity said it might be better for you to talk," Ashton told him, rubbing circles on his knee over his jeans. Both Ashton and the therapist knew Luke internalized things and kept his thoughts and feelings to himself and knew telling another person helped him process.

He shook his head. Of course Ashton had called his therapist in the morning after he'd gone out with his friends. She came over to their house, which wasn't something she often did, but under these circumstances, she didn't hesitate. They'd talked for two hours on top of him talking to Ashton the entire night before. All he'd been doing since he got the news had been talking. It was helpful, but he just didn't want to now.

"You sure, love? Let me in, what's going on right now?" Ashton put his hand on his arm.

"Ash, please," Luke shut his eyes and sighed, pulling away and leaning his head on the glass window. "I just...can't right now,"

"Oh okay, I-I'm sorry," Ashton let him go and shifted back. "I was just trying to help," He muttered weakly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and then closed it, remembering there was no service in the air.

"Ash..." Luke felt bad. He knew his boyfriend was only trying to help, and he'd been so great, Luke couldn't imagine if he had to go through all this alone, but sometimes he didn't need anything. "Hey," Luke opened his eyes and lifted his hand to Ashton's stubbly cheek, moving so they were looking at each other. "I appreciate you more than you could ever know, you take such good care of me," Luke half smiled, which was all he could muster in the current circumstances.

"I love you, Sweetheart,"

"I love you too."

"But..."

"But what?" Luke cocked his head in confusion. Ashton smiled.

"I don't know, it sounded like you were going to continue on with that,"

"No, no of course not. I do, I love you, Ashy," Luke rushed out, feeling light headed. Ashton didn't think that—

"I know, Cupcake, I know you do. Please don't stop breathing. I'm not doubting that," He was quick to assure the blonde. "I know you love me, you know I love you and nothing will change that. I just meant, was there something else you wanted to tell me? You can always tell me anything."

Luke sighed.

"It's just...I know you're trying to help. And I appreciate it, you know I do. Just sometimes I just feel like you listen a bit too much to what other people are saying I need...instead of what I'm saying,"

Ashton bit his lip, thinking about his boyfriend's words.

"I want to help, I think I latch on a bit too quickly to the first bit of advice I get and run with it. I'm so sorry if I've been trampling your feelings, Love."

"Your intentions were so wonderful," Luke shook his head, "And I love that you want to help. You really do take such good care of me,"

"I'm just as lost as you are, Lu Lu. We're both in uncharted territory, this is new to both of us. As long as we communicate, we can work through anything. I'll do my best to listen to what you need from now on, not what I think you need."

Luke nodded, resting his head on Ashton's shoulder.

"Thanks, babe. And I'll do my best to properly tell you what I need, that way you don't have to keep guessing."

Ashton pushed him off, ignoring Luke's confused look while he played around with the armrest until he figured out how to remove it. He lifted it up so he could shift closer to his boyfriend and open his arms so Luke could comfortably rest in them. He smiled.

"There's that happy boy I've been missing," Ashton wrapped Luke up in his tattooed arms and kissed his forehead. "It's nice to see you smile, Sweetheart."

"I love you so much," Luke whispered.

Ashton hummed, content to hold his baby for a while. They didn't need to speak to communicate, for now they could just be together and be okay.

Luke replayed their conversation over in his mind. Something struck him when Ashton was talking.

So much of his life was wrapped up in what Luke needed. 'Can Ashton say this or will it upset Luke?' 'Can Ashton do this or will it trigger Luke?' Pretty much everything in their lives revolved around what made Luke comfortable, but that wasn't right.

Sure, Luke had gone through some horrible things, and he knew he would need some time to adjust and get back to normal, but he'd made some excellent progress in the year. He was not the only person this affected, maybe he should be thinking more about Ashton and what he needed. There were two people in the relationship, it couldn't only be about Luke.

He felt horrible that he hardly even thought about what Ashton might need. Just because he was so caught up with his own issues didn't mean he could forget that Ashton was a person too.

Ashton shifted in his seat, and Luke looked up. He'd thought Ashton was asleep after their talk a little while ago, but the bright smile proved otherwise.

Ashton smiled down at him, brushing a curly piece of fringe out of his eyes.

"What's wrong, my love?" He muttered upon seeing Luke's torn expression. He'd assumed Luke was sleeping before, but the blonde couldn't keep still, shifting, twisting, his hands twitching. Ashton knew he was having a battle in his mind. He knew Luke well enough to know when something was bothering him.

"What do you do when something's upset you?"

Ashton frowned, looking up at the roof of the plane as he thought.

"I mean, sometimes I go for a run, I listen to music. Talk to you. Why, what's up?"

"No, I just mean...what do you do for you?"

"Like self-care?" Ashton loved that word. Luke nodded.

"Yeah, you spend so much time taking care of me, I'm worried because there's no one looking after you,"

Ashton chuckled, trailing his finger along Luke's jaw.

"You're so sweet," He bent down and kissed his boyfriend before hugging him tighter. "But you don't need to worry about me, I'm all taken care of. I have support from you, Haz and Lou, some of my college friends. It's all good."

"So you're happy then?" He asked in a small voice. That's what Luke was worried about, that Ashton wasn't happy and one day would realize he resented Luke and the life they had.

"Of course I am, you're my happy place. If you're happy, I'm happy."

Luke shook his head, disengaging from Ashton's grip.

"No, you need something outside of me, something else that you can rely on."

"Why," The corner of Ashton's lips turned up as he continued, "Are you planning to leave me?"

Luke scoffed and lightly slapped Ashton's stomach where his head had been resting.

"I'm being serious, Ashton. We've been together for a year, we were sort of friends before that. What did you use to do to keep yourself sane, before we got together?"

Ashton raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you so sure I don't still have something?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Besides me,"

"Yeah, besides you. You're important to me, Sweetheart, but I still have parts of my life that are just mine,"

"Like what?" Luke asked curiously. From his point of view, Ashton's entire life revolved around him and that wasn't healthy for either of them. They should be important to each other, but not the only thing.

"I do yoga and meditate."

"You do?"

"I do!" Ashton booped his nose. "Usually in the morning before my shower, when you're still snuggled up in bed. I go into the living room, play one of those jazz records you always mock, and meditate."

Luke was stunned. There was way more to Ashton than meets the eye.

"That's super cool."

"I agree," he ruffled Luke's hair. "It's how I recharge, it gives me the strength to face the day, helps me sort through my problems, and feel centered."

"Do you do that every day? How come when I wake up sometimes you're snuggling with me in bed?"

He chuckled.

"Sometimes I go back to sleep and join you because you're too cute," he squeezed Luke between his arms, coaxing a laugh from him. "Sometimes I don't get up in the morning, and I just wait to find time during the day. When you go off because you need space, I often do something then."

"Huh."

Ashton nodded.

"See, you don't need to worry about me, Lu Lu. I can take care of myself," he pointed at his chest, "And you at the same time."

"I love you, Ashy,"

"And I love you, my Lukey,"

***

*sighs happily* just some fluffy lashton we've aLl BeEN wAitInG fOr

I would absolutely die to be sitting next to them on a plane 😳

I've been on a roll with chapters, churnin them out like it's no ones business. Watch me lose this focus and not post for another two weeks 🙄

Hope you're all having a good day!! Love you all 🥰

~ashtonfortherwin