It was sort of peaceful, standing out in the field.

The grass was a deep green, stretching over the small hills, interrupted by trees that looked small from so far away.

Luke looked at the 6-foot hole in the ground through tearful eyes as the wooden casket holding his father was lowered into the ground. The priest leading the service had finished his part for now and was waiting for Luke and his brothers to come to the front. They had a part in this service.

   His mum gripped his hand, leading him forward as the siblings had the chance to dump shovels full of dirt into the hole. Ben went first, solemn as he stepped up to the mound of earth, scooping up a bit and tossing it into the hole. He handed the shovel off to Jack who took a moment to say something, probably a quick goodbye before finishing his turn and giving Luke the small shovel. He patted his younger brother's back as Luke disengaged from his mum, moving forward to partake in the ritual.

He didn't want to believe it. It seemed so surreal. He took a moment to look back at the crowd of people, sitting in the metal chairs that had been set up for the service. He hardly knew any of them. Most of the attendees were his parent's current friends from Florida. Only a couple of their close friends from New York had come for the funeral, as it was a far way to travel.

He saw Jack holding Liz up, Ben watching them carefully. He saw his friends in the back row, smiling encouragingly at him, and Ashton standing right behind his family. Ashton nodded, letting him know he could do this. Ashton believed in him.

Luke dug the shovel into the pile of soil that was next to the hole. With a deep breath, he let it fall, along with the tears that he'd done so well holding in all day. He didn't realize he'd dropped the shovel and sunk to the ground until he felt something damp through his pants. He didn't even care he was getting muddy and held his hands over his eyes.

Not even a second later, he felt arms wrap around him, holding him tight. He turned around so he could bury himself in Ashton's chest.

Ashton would always be here for him.

"Lukey, it's all right, buddy," He heard Jack tell him. He could tell his brothers were nearby, probably had come over when he dropped. The crowd was murmuring lowly amongst themselves, but Luke didn't care. They had no idea what it was like.

"Let it out, Sweetheart, it's okay," Ashton told him, kissing the top of his head. "Your dad wouldn't want you feeling alone right now. Let us be here for you,"

Luke sobbed harder at that, clutching onto the rough fabric of Ashton's suit jacket. He felt like if he let go, the ground would swallow him up like it was going to do with his father. He didn't think he could do this anymore. Why did he have to go?

"Take a deep breath, Love, you're not breathing right now," Ashton murmured to him. Luke attempted to comply but even that was too hard and he ended up just coughing and choking. "Tell me a couple of things you can see," he commanded lightly.

Luke attempted to open his eyes and look around. Everything seemed blurry and out of focus, so he rubbed his face on the sleeve of his suit coat and that was better.

"T-t-tree," he stuttered out. Wow, he sounded terrible. And he was holding up the service. He knew they couldn't continue until his panic attack stopped. Why was he always so selfish?

"Hey, good job Doll, keep going. What else?"

"Uh, th-the priest,"

"One more,"

"Grass."

"Okay, good Lu, tell me two things you hear,"

Luke closed his eyes so he could focus on what was going on. He heard the breeze rustling through the field, flipping the programs people were holding. He heard other people in the distance, a dog barking. But he also heard his name, people in the crowd talking. About him.

"People talking...and your heartbeat." Luke had his head pressed to Ashton's chest and his ear right over the mans beating heart. The heart that beat for him, that always wanted the best for everyone else.

"Good. One thing you can touch,"

"You," Luke opened his eyes and lifted his hand to hold Ashton's cheek. "Thank you for calming me down,"

"Forever and always, Luke. I will always be here for you."

"Forever and always." Luke thought it would be difficult to promise an 'always' to someone when the proof that 'always' would eventually end was sitting right in front of him in a wooden box, but that didn't seem to matter right now. He had Ashton, and Ashton would never let him down. He would be there for him whenever Luke needed him. And Luke would be there for him as well.

"Can you get up now, Princess? I'll help you back to your seat if you want,"

"No, can we stay here? We can get up, j-just..."

"Of course, Love, we can do whatever you want."

Ashton got up, holding Luke easily as he stood from his crouched position. He set Luke on the floor but didn't let him go. He held onto Luke's waist, arm, hand—anything to keep touching him. Luke needed that, and maybe so did Ashton. Maybe seeing Luke upset hurt Ashton just as much as actually being hurt upset Luke. Ashton cared so much, it wouldn't surprise Luke to find that out.

"We're good now," Ashton murmured to the priest. Jack and Ben put their hands on Luke's shoulder as the priest finished up whatever blessing he was going to say before and then he ended with a prayer.

"Lu, are you all right?" Ben asked the second he was able to speak.

"No, but it's okay. It's going to take a while, but I have everything I need to get me through it," he leaned back into Ashton's arms and smiled up at his boyfriend. Ashton brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his nose.

"I'm always here for you,"

"Ugh, if this wasn't a funeral I'd be hurling right now," Jack groaned, earning an eye roll from the others standing nearby.

"You're just jealous, Jacky," Luke teased. Ashton put his arms around Luke's waist and rested his chin in the crook of his neck. Luke sighed happily.

"Okay, gross. Ben, let's go talk to Eli, he said he wanted to see us and he won't be so awful,"

Ben chuckled, sending Luke and Ashton a wink as he followed his brother to talk to their cousin.

Ashton turned Luke around so he could look at him, keeping that contact Luke so desperately needed.

"What do you want to do? I can go get the car and we can go back to your mum's house if this is too much. Or we can talk to people, or just stand far away and observe if you still want to be here."

Luke appreciated that Ashton was so attentive to what he might be able to handle.

"Can we stay, but let people come to us? I don't want to leave, but I also don't want to talk to too many people,"

"Of course, Sweetheart. We'll stand off to the side and make the peasants come here if they want. Someone as noble as you shouldn't have to approach the commoners, my sweet, delicate Princess," he kissed Luke's forehead, smiling dopily.

Luke chuckled fondly, his heart happily in love with the man in front of him. Sometimes it hurt when he thought about how wonderful Ashton was to him.

It took about fifteen minutes before someone came over to see Luke and Ashton.

"Hello, Luke? I'm Maggie, I'm one of your mum's friends from church."

"Nice to meet you," he said, smiling kindly back at her.

"I just thought I'd come over and thank you for all that you've done for her."

Luke frowned in confusion.

"She tells me all the time about how you were the one who provided for her and your father whilst you were away. Even though you weren't here, you did more for her than anyone, and she's so grateful. She's such a lovely woman, and I wanted to thank you for helping her so much." The woman smiled. "I'm sure she's so appreciative, but so are we, all of her friends here,"

Luke tried to swallow the lump in his throat. His mum really told everyone what he did for them?

"I'd do everything over again to give her the best life possible,"

"You truly are a wonderful son and person," She looked past him to Ashton, who was standing behind him. "I hope you're treating him right? He's more precious than the queen, and I won't accept anything less for him,"

"Of course, ma'am, I'm aware of who I'm with. I know what he's worth,"

Luke sent Ashton a small glare, but smiled and said goodbye to Maggie. Why did everyone think he was so wonderful? He didn't do that much.

"That was nice," Ashton commented as they were left alone.

"Yeah, I guess." Luke shrugged. He took hold of Ashton's hand, leaning his head on the taller man's shoulder.

A few more people came up to them and thanked Luke for all he'd done for his parents. It made him feel uncomfortable. Why were they being like that? Had his mum told everyone that he stayed with Michael for them?

It was finally time to leave, and Luke was a little relieved. They were having a couple of people over to the house afterward, but just his mum's close friends. Luke didn't have to entertain anyone. He planned on getting out of his suit as quickly as possible and forcing Ashton to take a nap with him. He was sure his boyfriend would happily agree.

They were heading back to the cars, walking across the field. Luke felt like someone was watching him and looked up, glancing around to see no one paying him any mind.

There was something moving by a tree in the distance, he thought he could see a person. They were dressed in dark attire, but that was normal for attending a funeral. It shouldn't feel strange, but something struck Luke as off about it.

"Ash, do you see something by that tree?" Luke asked quietly, nodding toward where he saw someone. Ashton nodded. "Something feels weird to me,"

"I'm sure it's just someone here for someone else, Doll, don't let it upset you."

"But he's looking this way," Luke insisted.

Ashton stopped and looked over.

"Maybe it was someone here for your dad,"

"Why didn't they come over then?"

He shrugged, then continued walking, pulling Luke with him since their hands were connected.

"Maybe they had a falling out and they didn't think they'd be welcome. I'm sure it's nothing, Sweetheart."

If that's what Ashton thought, it was probably true. He was often right about these things. Luke was paranoid, understandably so. He couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine as he looked back before getting in the car, but the figure was gone. He purposefully pushed the encounter from his mind.

"Want to take a nap at home?" Ashton whispered into his ear as they got in the back of Ben's car.

"Yes please, wanna lay on you,"

Ashton smiled.

"Of course, hon. Anything for you,"

***

Y'all, it's been a while. Work has been so busy, I'm trying to find time to be able to write. But here's the next update! I'm very excited about where this book is going, I hope you enjoy it! Hope you're all doing well! 

~ashtonfortherwin